Why do so many bisexual men refuse to identify as such?

[Kulindahr]

Why would someone identify as something that isn't real?

 

[Kulindahr]

My "prejudices" are based on the perfectly valid notion that labels (or rather, adjectives), are abstract concepts that provide very general information regarding a particular aspect of the human experience, while leaving plenty of room for further elaboration. For instance, we can take the word "Christian" and see how, within Christianity, many people have widely differing beliefs and live religion in a completely different way - often even within the same community. Thus, a general term allows us to know very basic things about the people grouped by said adjective, while letting people explain the way in which they experience things.

The same happens with descriptive terms linked to sexuality - people can explain and let others understand. However, claiming to be above labels just because you are not comfortable with the judgements that certain communities (and yourself), might make when they hear certain words, is both cowardly and ridiculous.

Moreover, the men that you mention were splitting hairs, especially because what they describe are not things that most people engage in or see in their daily lives - thus, they are not part of most people's ordinary sexual experience. Stating that the wide range of variations in sexual responses to specific stimuli isolate one from the rest of a community is both inaccurate and inappropriate. These people find certain things more or less appealing, but that doesn't make them any more or less heterosexual, just as would happen to both gay and bisexual individuals.

You don't need to fit into a rigid mold in order to be something, as it's your general emotions and sexual responses place you within a category, not whether you find very specific sexual acts appealing or not.

So we should just all classify as sexual and forget about it.

 

[Kulindahr]

Whenever I meet one someone claiming to be 'bi'—

— I ask them 'When was the last time you had sex? What did you do it with?

So your position is that there's no such thing as gay or hetero or anything, just who you were with last?

Interesting.

 

[ibill1]

Oh boy! How'd I miss this one. Any who...

I'm going through a bit of something at home, so my current opinion may differ slightly from in the past or in the future, but here it is...

I believe that we are all born sexual. Not homosexual or heterosexual, just sexual. I think heteros are created just as much as homosexuals are, by either what is/isn't done to/for you at a certain stage of mental development. There is no gay gene, and there is no straight gene either. And yes, I believe that sexuality is fluid and can change. It sure as hell did for me. But American society is almost bipolar in that if you aren't this, then you must be that, no in-betweens. The religious right doesn't help much (though we know lots of clergy are sucking dick behind closed doors too) with their bible thumping; and gays have had to fight for their rights tooth and nail for so long that, someone who appears to have no struggles and a foot in both worlds (bisexuals), is looked upon with resentment. So, us poor bisexuals are left in the middle, being despised by both sides. That's why I think some bisexuals don't come out of hiding.

I disagree here. I was born homo, no doubt about it. I had a wonderful childhood and nothing was done to me or for me that made me a Mo. I had loving parents and received attention and love from both of them as did my 4 brothers. I was never molested or treated in any way that would or could have steered me towards being a homo. Since I was about 8 I knew I wanted to spend all my time with boys. As I got older I realized I had nothing in common with women except my exclusive attraction to men. I have everything in common with other men and absolutely nothing with women. Women don't want to spend the weekend with me watching football all day long, drinking beer, and scratching ourselves. They won't go camping with me, or help me work on my truck. I won't go shopping with them and have no clue about fashion or much else. Don't misunderstand, I like women, I would just rather spend my time with men and they don't ask me what am I thinking about right now or whats wrong simply because I don't feel like talking. Steve and I hang all day around the house and barely say anything to each other. Hug and kiss as we passed each other throughout the day but no need to talk.

One of my brothers was bi and he was very content in that role. He married twice but always played around with guys on the side. My oldest brother was also gay. I believe we are born the way we are, what we do with it and how we except that fact is an entirely different matter. I think it is terribly wrong how people treat the bi-sexual guys out there. Two of my fuck buddies are bi and I know they love their female partners just as much as they love screwing around with me on occasionsl.

 

[pat grimshaw]

So your position is that there's no such thing as gay or hetero or anything, just who you were with last?

Interesting.

No. I didn't mention guys who claim to be gay or hetero, only those guys who believe that they're 'bi'. Would you have an interesting answer to my question?

 

[jmadaf]

The same reason for homophobia, anything sexual with your own sex, you are not a real man. There was a time where if you admitted to masterbating then you were called faggot, or queer not normal, so we have come that far, it just take time, most of society has no patience that's why the bashing.

 

[Adrusek81]

So we should just all classify as sexual and forget about it.

Yes. Let's make pointless vague statements and call ourselves just human, until the time that someone decides to challenge that "label" because they are far too special and unique (or conflicted and self-hating), to be able to tolerate being described by such an offensive and limiting word, which doesn't reflect the scope of their experience.

Ummmm...no.

I hate labels and I love being queer. I just don't find a need to define who I am moreso than not being straight (for the record, I'm out as "gay" to folks, but my sexuality is more complex than that). The problem is that gay people constantly tell me "I'm not 'really' gay" because I like women. Or because I'm attracted to f2m trans men. Or blah blah blah.

I am very proud of who I am, I simply am over a world with a constant need to file individuality into a box. No everyone with an aversion of labels is afraid to embrace their same sex attraction.

And "queer" isn't a label in itself? Individuality is fitted into concepts, rather than boxes, which provide very valid information about what we see, live through and feel, and leave A LOT of room for further elaboration. While I understand that some people might express themselves about your sexuality in a disparaging way because you are bisexual, self-identifying as gay because it is easier doesn't make you any different from what you are.

Moral values and adjectives are two different things. People might judge, but we should not forget that prejudice is a matter of individuality. Language in and of itself is extremely useful to communicate and divulge the complexities of the human experience. I'm glad that you are happy with yourself, but this relativist approach to language and sexuality is absurd. You are not claiming anything other than the fact that being bisexual is something too difficult and cumbersome to openly be and, as a consequence, it should be denied through linguistic manipulation. Which is a pity, in my opinion.

 

[pat grimshaw]

So we should just all classify as sexual and forget about it.

Yes. And you'll no longer feel you have to advertise yourself here as "Bi".