Why do some gays put up with SO much sh!t just to stay in a relationship??

[refujiunderground]

i find it funny how people who were in the closet some point in their lives are now bashing people that are in their situation. the irony. all of a sudden, i hate myself because i'm in the closet. so what about yourself when you were in the closet? did you forget your experience where you're looking down on me when you were there too? get over yourselves. once again, keep showing how self centered you are though thinking it's all about you. this is why i said what i said. you expect a bunch of guys to understand when they've been there basically going like "i came out the closet. i went through hell. fuck you and your struggle". no, fuck you.

as if you guys have any solutions or are helping people that have issues with being gay. i don't see any of you reach out to closeted men so don't start talking shit.

to me, it's not even about dating. it's about showing some respect and courtesy to other people's situations especially if you've been there yourself. you wanted everybody to show you some mercy and pity but you can't do the same shit to the next person who needs all the help they can get. pathetic.

 

[refujiunderground]

Wow, kinda defensive there, sport.





Wow, I don't even know where to start. I'd suggest cutting back on the judging, though for your own sake.

-d-

you're right about me judging but i don't appreciate men that were in the closet once upon a time looking down on me and other men who are not where you're at right now. that's the wrong way to look at it.

 

[sixthson]

refuji, you have to understand for those of us who are out, the closet represents nothing positive. Only negatives. It's a place of shame, fear, loneliness and secrecy. Being out means you don't have to hide or look over your shoulder all the time. It's easier to breath and be yourself instead of being what others think you should be.
This does not mean anyone is trying to force you out before you are ready. At least not most of us, because most of us are not militant.
Hopefully, one day when you are financially indepenent and away from those you know will reject you, you can come out. Then you will understand. Again, most of us understand where you are coming from, now you need to extend it to us.

 

[DigitalFudge]

The fuck is my name coming up in these threads? Since when do I not do relationships?

 

[transient]

Sorry if I hit a raw nerve on the closet issue.

I guess I'm talking about relationships between adults...

THIS TOPIC COULDN'T HAVE GONE ANYWHERE BETTER.

I understood exactly what you meant when you originally posted the thread and as I kept reading it turned into "THE closet" issue.

One issue, I feel that is never talked about much in the gay community or at least not with my friends. I have so many gay friends who only have an interest in guys who are bi or who are still in the closet. It drives me nuts because the dynamic is so just weird and the relationship that arises has so much potential to be chaotic and damaging !!! However the reverse is just as bad!! When closeted gay/bi men chase gay men for sex and develop relationships where the intimacy is controlled by one or the other.

Here's how I can relate to this - I have to explain!

I've been talking to a guy for three years who dated or more like "CAUSUALY FUCKED" his best friend who is closeted - but somehow still kind out. However they only had sex when they would both get really drunk. That's how the relationship kept going until their feelings got involved and things started to changed. I figure things started to change as the sex got better!

ANOTHER DOWN PLAYED ISSUE in both gay and heterosexual relationships.... I won't start that rant. As I was mentioning the sex getting better - the emotions were heightening at the same time. However the closet case was not capable of being as intimate as the guy I' am talking to because he wasn't willing to confront his sexuality for my friend. Despite them being in a relationship without the label ( this pisses me off). This in itself causes all kinds of resentment and bitterness. However they kept at it. The relationship just worse and worse. They started getting in fights every time they saw each other and sometimes would get abusive. When I say abusive I mean fist fights... really bad verbal attacks and jumping out of moving cars. This went on for three years.

My friend is pretty damaged. He is so damaged that he doesn't even know how trust or be in a relationship without feeling the need to recoil and disappear from everyone. He's now supper insecure and has developed a really bad marriage with sarcasm.


Just had to get this out. Sorry for the bad grammar I typed this really fast. Hopefully everyone follows.
I'm Off to work.

 

[blackbeltninja]

you're right about me judging but i don't appreciate men that were in the closet once upon a time looking down on me and other men who are not where you're at right now. that's the wrong way to look at it.

No.

The wrong way to look at it is to assume that every out guy who falls for a closeted guy is on some huge power trip (or whichever tangent you dragged your train of thought down in the preceding rant) or is "pretty damn desperate." Simply writing off other relationships - subtle and complex entities - by dragging them down to your own perceived lowest common denominator is simply asking for trouble.

I'm tempted to suggest that you get some experience under your belt before mouthing off like some authority on this (and every other) subject, but that would simply be bitchy on my part.

-d-

 

[refujiunderground]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

yeah with that said, i want to date someone or have relations with a guy that is closeted like me or is willing to accept my closeted ass.

and when i come out the closet, i'm throwing a fucking party and i plan on getting into as much asses as possible with my grass snake.

 

[HunterM]

Love this quote

i plan on getting into as much asses as possible with my grass snake.

Speaking of asses

 

[HunterM]

On paper, gay men might not have those expectations, but how many gay men model their lives after what's already been working for straight people and "nuclear families"? Honestly, I spend a great deal of time wishing that gay men would use the fact that we're different to open to throwing away dated rules, but it doesn't work like that. The baggage that comes with millennia of traditional expectations are simply borrowed and translated into a "gay" version by a lot of gay men--many still putting the same pressure on themselves out of a need for normalcy.

^ Quoted for truth!

Hey, I don't know you. Wanna fuck like bunnies?

 

[Adrock-JD]

Hope trumps experience. It's God's joke on the human race. - Oscar Wilde

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

shit da goin rate fa most lands planet

since males world ova keep pump it out face

maybe sum folk female or male got a likes sumthang wot folk outside it no get figa cause it not thir relationship

so say fa " gay" folk on da back of15 19th ans 20th ans 21st centurys amazin anyone eva got ask question

there go

no forgat shop shop shop

thankyou

 

[Butter My Biscuits]

The only reason why I stayed in mine as long as I did is because I didn't want to be alone.

 

[PreTTy PeTe]

what can i can but I`m going to read the thread but i think this says it all

 

[mikey3000]

The one thing I've learned about some guys in the closet, SOME, not all, is that they are liars. They grow so used to telling lies that it carries into every aspect of their life, personal, professional, romantic. They make it almost make it impossible for themselves to ever come out. I know quite a few closeted guys who will never come out, and that is so sad. I had one adult experience under my belt before I decided to come out, and I'm still not totally out, but I'm out to those who matter, especially my wife. I think my Ma and my kids know too. I don't flaunt it but I defend gay rights at every oppourtunity and say that it's not GAY rights, but EQUAL rights.

Now when is a good time for one to come out of the closet? What are the reasons for someone to stay in the closet?

 

[blackbeltninja]

and when i come out the closet, i'm throwing a fucking party and i plan on getting into as much asses as possible with my grass snake.

Metaphorically, I hope, since as you pointed out in the sexing someone you've known less than 30 minutes, you don't think with your dick and good riddance to anyone who does. Right?

-d-