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Why Do Some White Guys Not Like Me?

G

Greendragon

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yeah but your age, body type, etc will also disqualify you with certain guys no matter what you look like. I think it's a shame to rule out whole ethnicities but you can't be forced to like something you don't. And there are white guys out there who ONLY or especially like black guys so it's not like you won't still have lots of opportunity....
 
"You're hot for a black guy"

has never been said to me before. Ever. Yet I hear it constantly from these stories. Are these all stories from the bowels of Mississippi?

If someone ever said that to me......... That is the time that I smile, gather myself, and walk away.

No one has time for that.

You will find a guy that loves you, and your skin tone either won't even calculate or will simply be part of the package that makes you incredible.

Just be happy these men let themselves be known now so you don't have to find out 6 months later they are douchenozzles.
 
DigitalFudge said:
"You're hot for a black guy"

has never been said to me before. Ever. Yet I hear it constantly from these stories. Are these all stories from the bowels of Mississippi?
Click to expand...

I've heard that before- in places like nyc and boston, no less. It's a weird thing to say to a person- defining the person simply based on the physical instead of their character, and using that definition as a basis for a potential relationship.

But I know what the OP is talking about, and have definitely heard it before from white guys. I've also heard it from other ethnicities- asian, hispanic, mid-eastern. The only difference is that with other ethnicities tend not to use race as a disqualification, where as white men do. Example- with whites- I have experienced that they say, he's hot(or smart, etc) but black, and thus disqualified. With the other ethnicities, its more of a 'oh he's hot smart and black.. Race doesn't carry much weight.

So it can be gestured that this disqualification is culturally based and prevalent in the US-based white community. Again, this is something that I've noticed.

I back this up by the fact that the Europeans that I have met and had relationships with have tended to take the 'he's cute, smart, etc and black' stance, instead of using race as a disqualification. So, their qualifications for dating are not based on race, but instead, I believe it's a US cultural bias that uses race as a qualifier.

But I choose not to let it get me down- I know my value, and I know what the small minded individuals that practice race-biased dating techniques are missing when they disqualify the 'but he's black' guy.

So I think that Digitalfudge got it right when he said that you'll find a guy that will love you regardless of your skin color. You should hold tight to a guy like that.

Also, silverrain, I dont know where you are, but if you're into white guys, maybe you should give a European/canadian guy a chance. I've found them to be a lot more open and available, kind and honest than my white bros here in the states. I've actually dated more European guys than US white guys (strange since I'm american), and they've been really hot, smart, and a lot of fun.

good luck out there man.
 
loki81 said:
I wouldn't obsess on it too hard... gay or straight, I've seen statistics that indicate most people prefer to date within their own race.

not being someone's type is something I try not to dwell on too much.
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But is it really simply a preference or is polobro onto something? I often wonder...note, I am not being argumentative. I'm musing "aloud."

I'm a wiry, somewhat hairy, masculine black dude. I have a fairly strong preference for stocky/solid, hairy, masculine white guys but not every man I've been in a relationship with has fit those criteria (and since I don't enjoy casual sex with randoms of any type I can't speak from that perspective). But if you asked me to point out guys who didn't fit those criteria who were hot, I easily could in just about any category you can think of save the morbidly obese and possibly the hyper-feminine.

I don't generally (although I do have my limits...see above) automatically and systematically disqualify someone as a potential partner before getting to know them because they weren't solid, hairy, masculine and/or white. Unless I'm misreading, I think that's what the OP is festering about. I can relate to how he feels and it sucks at times but there isn't anything any of us can do to change it. I guess it's the same thing for them as it is for me about someone who's four times my body weight or who is, for all intents and purposes, a woman with a penis...:twisted:

Never devote needless amounts of energy to give power to situations or people you can't positively influence. It's wasteful. [-X
 
Silvirain said:
I do. But this is a very frequent theme I run across and I'm trying to figure out why so many white guys are uncomfortable dating a black guy ](*,) They're already gay so I'm pretty sure us being a couple would look less than socially acceptable I highly doubt if being with a black guy would make people react any worse.
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Why??

prej·u·dice   
[prej-uh-dis] Show IPA
noun, verb, -diced, -dic·ing.
–noun
1.
an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason.
2.
any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.
3.
unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of a hostile nature, regarding a racial, religious, or national group.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/prejudice


Prejudice is an illogical act, and so it can't be defeated thru sane argument. Maybe we should be asking how we do/will react to those who exhibit this frequent theme in dating as well as why this is happening.............
 
I think it's a comfort thing. Humans, throughout history, have grouped themselves into countries and continents. It's just the way things are but if I were you, I wouldn't sweat it. Nobody is everybody's type and serious dating is TOUGH on most people, gay straight fat short tall etc.. There's a reason people are at bars or clubs and it's because they don't have anyone special in their lives. So everybody has dating issues. If you absolutely must have a white guy then just find one who is into black guys.
 
thanol said:
Just wondering, would you date a black guy?
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I was wondering this too. It's funny how a lot times when you see a black person complaining about how white guys wont date them b/c they're black, they don't like other black guys themselves,
 
Silvirain said:
I asked a guy my age on tumblr this and he said:


I can’t say that I would never date a black guy, because I don’t know. My tastes might change in the future, or something. I don’t know.

But as of now, I really don’t find black guys attractive in a dating way, so as of right now. No I wouldn’t.
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Am I the only one who finds this to be a somewhat dichotomous statement? The first part of his statement I have no problem with. It seems to be an honest answer, even if I don't totally understand the reasoning behind it primarily because of how he started it. Now, that could just be his way of not coming off as a racist. Who knows really?

But the second statement, about not finding black guys "attractive in a dating way" I'd personally need some clarification on. Oh, so it's OK to fuck your brains out but you don't want to be seen in public with me otherwise? Those are the kind of people I'd consider running over with my truck if I could get away with it. :grrr:

rjmrjm21 said:
I think it's a comfort thing. Humans, throughout history, have grouped themselves into countries and continents. It's just the way things are but if I were you, I wouldn't sweat it. Nobody is everybody's type and serious dating is TOUGH on most people, gay straight fat short tall etc.. There's a reason people are at bars or clubs and it's because they don't have anyone special in their lives. So everybody has dating issues. If you absolutely must have a white guy then just find one who is into black guys.
Click to expand...

This I can largely see/agree with even if the fundamental premise of it goes against my personal upbringing (and hence, the source of my personal disconnect). I was raised to group by common thought and feeling, not race however. My family is largely mutli-racial so I was never raised in an environment that was exclusive to individuals with different skin colors. Needless to say, leaving my home town to move to the DC area was quite shocking. If you think that's ironic, would you believe that I was raised in the south? :eek:

aijalon18 said:
I was wondering this too. It's funny how a lot times when you see a black person complaining about how white guys wont date them b/c they're black, they don't like other black guys themselves,
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I think it's more of a "I can't believe I'm not even being given a chance" thought process...at least that's how I look at it. I mean, think about how that sounds..."white guys won't date them because they're black." That makes it seem like that is the only influencing factor in the assessment. It's akin to saying everything else that you are doesn't matter...

Let's assume that you encountered the perfect guy but didn't know his race or nationality for whatever reason. Say, for instance, you'd been talking online or whatever for months but had never met for some reason. He's smart, compassionate, honest, sensual, funny...nearly everything you want in a man internally. Ok, so you finally meet him face to face and despite all of this, you reject him strictly and simply because he's black. It's not that you find him physically unattractive/repulsive (this is a key point in this scenario). You don't. You may even think he's hot as hell. But he's black therefore, he isn't "relationship material." Really? I could insert race/nationality, including white, in that scenario and I get the same end result...

:confused: WTF :confused:

They don't say good men are hard to find for no reason. Why limit yourself? Sure I have my preferences, but I'm not an idiot. A great guy is a great guy...his color, creed or nationality does [should] not change that.|

Oh well. Honestly, Silvirain...it's their loss ultimately even if it feels like your loss now.
 
What if it's not because your black, Maybe they just plain dont like you.

I try to look at it like this

Think about how many people on a daily basis you see that you have NO sexual attractions to (male or female), for whatever reason your not into them. I would say the majority of the people we come in contact with, we have no sexual feelings for. So isn't it a little reasonable that someone else just plain isnt into you. It's okay, its normal
On to the next one
 
The original poster has a good point. I think it's hard to understand where he's coming from if you ARE White (Caucasian). Whereas, gay guys who are non-White are more likely to understand his point-of-view.

I'm Indian-American (my parents are from India), so I totally understand how it feels it feels like to be gay & NOT White.

In communities in Europe & North America where gay people are visible -- White gay guys are the overwhelming majority & the most visible. When you are the majority race of the gay community, you can afford to be picky -- as in saying "I will only date White guys." When you are non-White & gay, you can't afford to be as picky in your dating preferences.

As for some other statistics, over 90% of same-sex marriages in the U.S. are between two people who are both White. If you go onto online dating websites such as Match.com, you will notice that over half of the White gay men's profiles list that they are only interested in dating other "White/Caucasian men". I even read somewhere that gay white men's profiles on dating websites (like match.com) have many more page views than profiles belonging to gay men of color. I'm not surprised.

As for the remark about whether Black guys would be open to dating other Black guys, I can't directly comment as I'm not Black.

However, I am of Indian descent so I CAN say that I would be perfectly comfortable dating gay men who are Asian, Latino, Middle Eastern or Black. My only two main restrictions are that 1) they need to be masculine, and 2) they need to be clean-cut & conservative in their appearance (i.e. no hippies, no long haired "rockers", no "thugs", or no "homies"). It's just my preference, but it's not based on anything racial.

So, basically, to the OP...........I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. It's not just you.

To all White gay guys out there -- open yourselves up to dating us gay guys who aren't White. And to all of the gay men of color -- don't be set on only dating White guys. There are great gay men of color out there too.
 
White people spend billions of dollars every year to get a tan. So, there is something about it we like. Then on the other hand, some guys are assholes. Just move on. There are plenty of white guys who are into black guys. I am one of them. :kiss:
 
I guess its a black on black phobia, Asian on Asian phobia.

Its not your fault.
Blame on the entertainment industry brainwashing what is beauty since birth !!!
 
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