Why Do Some White Guys Not Like Me?

[aijalon18]

The OP def needs to work out his own race issues. How can he expect anyone of any race to like/love him when he clearly has issues accepting his own race? It struck me during one of his subsequent posts that he said he didnt even look black. Then he posts a picture of himself where he DEFINITELY looks like a black guy to me. His hair looks straight but he looks black. And then he talks about "improving his looks", which I'm guessing means making himself look less black.

This whole thread just makes me sad. Not b/c white guys wont date him. But b/c he clearly seeks the validation of white people finding him attractive as the indicator of his self-worth.

 

[pat grimshaw]

I could ask the very same question. I've been asking it for a while. I doubt I'll find an answer here.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

People are trying to throw this back on me. Let me rephrase my question. If a white guy is attracted to me why won't he date me?

Are you attractive mentally?

Because I'm reading through the posts, and i'm not seeing that you are. So you may be pretty, but you seem to have issues that, lets be honest, don't make you relationship material.

That could be a start. I could go into why you're seeking so much validation from just white men in general, but this is a non-flame zone. My powers are diminished, but not useless.

 

[Telstra]

People are trying to throw this back on me. Let me rephrase my question. If a white guy is attracted to me why won't he date me?

That is a tough question.
Maybe you haven't found the right one yet? Not too many people do.

Just look at the population. Where are the same sex couples ?
Most are single !!!

 

[JayQueer]

People are trying to throw this back on me. Let me rephrase my question. If a white guy is attracted to me why won't he date me?

He probably won't date you because you come off looking self-absorbed & not authentic to who you truly are.

I was one of the few people who took your side earlier (see my post above). But now, I'm starting to agree with the majority of the posters here.

You DIDN'T answer, and keep on avoiding the question (asked repeatedly) -- ARE YOU OPEN TO POSSIBLY DATING A BLACK PERSON?

Your avoidance of answering that question speaks volumes. From your photo -- your hairstyle and appearance comes off looking like a Black man trying too hard to look "White." I'm guessing you probably think that if you act as "White" as possible, all of the White gay guys will flock to you.

Also from your picture of your face & hair, you appear like a gay man who clearly takes care of his appearance. And yet, you wonder "...no matter how hard I work to improve my appearance I am never going to appeal to the gay community."

I know many gay men who don't even look half as good as you, but they don't whine & complain all day about it. And I'm guessing you would never give the time of day to those guys, or any gay man who isn't up to your standards.........which apparently means -- really good looking, and White.

I'm a compassionate & empathetic -- but I'm also a "tell it like it is" kind of person. I don't appreciate B.S. or narcissistic, self-absorbed people.

 

[Telstra]

He probably won't date you because you come off looking self-absorbed & not authentic to who you truly are.

I was one of the few people who took your side earlier (see my post above). But now, I'm starting to agree with the majority of the posters here.

You DIDN'T answer, and keep on avoiding the question (asked repeatedly) -- ARE YOU OPEN TO POSSIBLY DATING A BLACK PERSON?

Your avoidance of answering that question speaks volumes. From your photo -- your hairstyle and appearance comes off looking like a Black man trying too hard to look "White." I'm guessing you probably think that if you act as "White" as possible, all of the White gay guys will flock to you.

Also from your picture of your face & hair, you appear like a gay man who clearly takes care of his appearance. And yet, you wonder "...no matter how hard I work to improve my appearance I am never going to appeal to the gay community."

I know many gay men who don't even look half as good as you, but they don't whine & complain all day about it. And I'm guessing you would never give the time of day to those guys, or any gay man who isn't up to your standards.........which apparently means -- really good looking, and White.

I'm a compassionate & empathetic -- but I'm also a "tell it like it is" kind of person. I don't appreciate B.S. or narcissistic, self-absorbed people.

The photo look so smooth and professional.
Maybe too professional for people ?

 

[rebelde33]

Maybe he would want to date SOME black guys? I know I'm not attracted to many but one out of a crowd could intrigue me enough to want to date him.

As for the "liking a race more than another", a friend of mine is white and does not like white guys AT ALL. She'd rather date Mexicans or blacks or any other race.

 

[Telstra]

Maybe he would want to date SOME black guys? I know I'm not attracted to many but one out of a crowd could intrigue me enough to want to date him.

As for the "liking a race more than another", a friend of mine is white and does not like white guys AT ALL. She'd rather date Mexicans or blacks or any other race.

There must be a childhood reason.

 

[Lostlover]

White people spend billions of dollars every year to get a tan. So, there is something about it we like. Then on the other hand, some guys are assholes. Just move on. There are plenty of white guys who are into black guys. I am one of them.

I agree. You're dealing with scum that writes off anyone based on race. Seriously, why spend your time on someone so small minded?

And to put it more succinctly, why waste your time on someone that thinks like that? You'd be giving him too much time. Sounds like white trash. You're giving white trash too much power. Mexicans here use slurs for whites, "gringos." Why would I get my feelings hurt by someone that doesn't like white people?

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Regardless of the OP's personal issues (which, I agree that he should work on), I still think the initial subject he raised was valid and worth discussing in its own right without any subversion. It's a very common experience that a lot of non-white guys can relate to (whether or not they share the OP's faults). Further insight into that would be nice. Just sayin'.

It's not anything I can relate to at all, being black.

If someone doesn't like me because of my skin color, my mohawk, my music, my style, my upbringing, my lack of an accent, whatever... I move on. I don't dwell, I don't seek acceptance, and I certainly don't change who I am to fit into some tight little box to make me more desirable to someone that didn't like me to begin with.

So no, you won't get me relating here. Sorry.

 

[Big Mo]

Okay I've been trying not to think about this and just ignore it. I understand that everyone has their own preferences but it confuses me. Guys ask me what my ethnicity is and I'm like black. Then they're like I thought you were latin, asian etc. And then they're like your hot for a black guy. I just feel like I don't even get a chance with some guys and it seems so unfair because I know that I'm somewhat attractive, but no matter how good I look my skin tone immediately disqualifies me with no chance at all. Like it's so frustrating to know that no matter how much you do to enhance your appearance your skin tone will always disqualify you with certain guys.

Clearly, you are suffering from self-loathing. When you learn to love yourself wholly the opinions of others will not matter. Searching for self-worth and validation from other people is an unproductive pursuit that will leave you an empty, unfulfilled shell of a man. Not everyone is going to want you, love you, or even like you no matter how much you want, love or like them. Let it go. It will drive you crazy if you don't.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

I said a lot, not all. If you can't relate, then good for you, but that doesn't change the fact that others can.

And I reinforced that. Don't see your need to be snide in reply.

 

[KLTboy]

I honestly think several people answered the OP to the best of their abilities, and their words were adequate--if not final.

A lot of this simply does come down to preference, with some prejudice thrown in, coupled with the fact that white gay men can afford to be more picky--as they are the majority in this 'community'.

There's not much rocket science or over-analyzing to be done on the matter.

I can say that from my experience (and I have dated and slept with a fair number of white men), for some white guys...black men are good enough to sleep with--but they wouldn't have a relationship with us. To some...we are only good enough to be their friends, while others won't even give us the time of day period.

That goes back to what I was saying about preference, prejudice, and being picky. Those categories are what you, OP, have been coming into contact with...you've probably ran into a lot of prejudiced gay white men. Yes, gay men can be bigots as well.

What many of us here are trying to tell you is that you can't let it get you down and define who you are. You have to have the confidence to know that even though there may be a lot of guys who won't give you the time of day because of your race, you still look good, and that doesn't make you less of a person. Hell, there are plenty of good looking men I see on a regular basis (black, white, asian, etc.) who wouldn't look at me twice--but that's alright--because I know I'm not everyone's speed. And yes, some of those men would not like me because I'm black. *shrugs* I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. Fuck 'em.

You need to find that self confidence, be proud of who you are, and stop grovelling over WHITE guys who are turning you down. I know from experience that there are plenty of them who practically worship black men. You just have to find the right ones...considering how...serious it seems to to you.

Having a preference for white guys is fine, but don't put yourself out there as if you have to live up to their standards or have their validation for your existence. That's pitiful and pathetic...and I'm sure you don't want to be associated with either of those terms.

BEAUTIFUL post!

 

[FirstPlace]

Thanks @Huntneo for my answer. Like I have no trouble getting a guy as long he doesn't have a problem with the fact that on paper I'm black. I've never actually hooked up, or tried to hookup with a non-white male.

So you are exclusively into white guys? What happens if an attractive black guy asks you out? You can't be upset that white guys turn you down, if you don't date black guys yourself. That would only mean that you have the same understanding as the guys that turn you because of your skin. Then that would make it pointless for you to question the matter, if this is the case then you could find your own answer within? get it?

That picture a few posts ago....is that you!!??? you're beautiful lol. You've got to be mixed with something...right?(maybe you mentioned it before and i missed it but i can't read all these posts) I'm black and i don't know any fully black guys that look like that, It's the hair specifically.

You do have one option, you could lie to the guys you are interested in, if it bothers you that much, but then that would mean your whole relationship would be in vain. I just wanted to put that out there but i wouldn't advise it...You need a guy that can take you for who you are.

 

[bankside]

One of the most attractive things about masculinity is the kind of self-assurance you can't get from sitting in front of the mirror for an hour each day to tweeze eyebrows, moisturize, and work in the hair products.

I swear if more women just rolled out of the shower and got on with their lives, I'd probably be bi. Because I just can't relate to all the preening and worrying about appearance, and making themselves look ridiculous to conform to some idea of beauty.

A guy of any ethnicity who did that would not hold my attention for 5 minutes. I don't equate masculinity with being a slob, but I do equate it with being low-maintenance. And I think a lot of other men do too.

As a white gay guy growing up in Canada, I really didn't give a damn about someone's ethnic heritage, except sometimes when it might provide something else to enjoy. i.e. if a guy is taller than me, I'll enjoy our height difference. If a guy has bigger nipples than me I'd find that fascinating too. Or a hairier chest. Or a smoother chest. If a guy has a different skin colour than me, it's only one more thing to enjoy about a person who I connect with because of what we have in common.

I find it hard to believe that a white guy could be physically attracted to and aroused by someone, like their personality, enjoy spending time together, connect on interests and career paths and all the rest, and then go "but he's black. no thanks." Seriously? I know there has to be someone that stupid out there but seriously??? If anyone has ever dated someone that dumb then I'm sorry your time was wasted, but damn, you dodged a bullet. A dumb bullet.

 

[Officialposter]

I honestly think the OP means well, and seems like a very nice guy. I will offer a solution. It's important that you recognize why you date white men. It's LARGELY Media/hollywood driven, you see it every day on t.v. magazines, even the whites gets the best jobs. Many places will have you believe other races are bottom of food chain, REALIZE this fact, and you can fix this situation by knowledge and being confident in yourself. I am truly trying to help this poster out so foregive me in advance to the whites.

1. Educate yourself on being ethnic- Did you KNOW Jesus was not white with blue eyes (he probably was black or middle eastern) a.k.a he had the melanin in his skin which has many benefits. Blacks have the most variations in their gene's, and thus every race is thought to have come from them blacks have the dominate gene...there is much more but moving along

2. Love your skin- Your picture is amazing, your skin glows and is so soft.(Probably all over, and you probably have nice full features a BIG DICK, OR BUBBLE BUTT full lips HELLO). A white guy flat out told me, blacks have better bodies.... SO love your skin

3. Jerk off 2 and admire black guys. Hello you have the better body love your black men, and engage with them. Pay more attention to black guys...

4. Don't admire white guys so much. You have only dated white men (so they obviously like someething about you and aren't that hard to get)

5. I challenge you to get a latino black or asian or middle eastern. I think you will see that inside WE are the same as whites...

i REPEAT THE LAST line for the whites who are probably offended by now. WE ARE ALL THE SAME. I think this poster just needs to embrace himself and don't be afraid to love this sexy sellf and he won't evengive a second thought to the white guys who are missing out

 

[hotatlboi]

If a white guy is attracted to me why won't he date me?

I've never actually hooked up, or tried to hookup with a non-white male.

So, it's ok for you to only be into white guys, but it's not ok for other anyone else to have the same preference?

 

[Seasoned]

Are you confusing liking you with wanting sex with you?

 

[Officialposter]

responding to travis.. i won't do all the quoting stuff..

I am trying to provide answers for this individual, and help him.
It is a known fact that manipulation has an impact on the way people view what's beautiful and what's not. I will go further and say that is the root of his problem due to the fact that he only dates white men. I made the dramatic jesus statement to try to get a grip on him, and get him know that people with melanin are beautiful and righteous too. Yes jerking off to black porn is a good way for him to start, and him dating whites isn't the problem here. There is a bigger problem, that you may not understand

 

[strosbuff88]

The poster needs therapy... let me preface what I will say with that.

He often receives very good advice but only listens to or even acknowledges what he wants to hear. He's a materialistic, shallow and vindictive kid. He deleted his previous account here under a similar (if not the same name) and i'm not sure his previous threads are still around.

He has been desperately seeking the approval of guys he thinks are "hot" although he wouldnt give non-"hot" guys the time of day.
Now he's just trying to pin being rejected on his race.. something he can't control, saying things like the only reason someone would never hook up with him is because he is black... yea right. Don't be fooled by his sob story. I'm sure the reasons guys have turned him down are a lot more than his race.

Thank you!