Why Do Some White Guys Not Like Me?

[Blatino]

I've read the OP's posts along with the replies of others. I dont think he NEEDS therapy but it wouldnt hurt. Being African American I can completely understand what the OP is going through. Personally, I grew up with mainly white guys in northeast georgia and was initially attracted to them. Although as I got older, moved to the city, and met more guys of different backgrounds,ethnicities,etc. I got to know them and have come to find I have no preference when it comes to race. A lot, certainly not all, of white guys dont understand how rigid race is in our society. Whenever we try to voice our concern it may come off as we have issues with our race or we're just trying to play the race card when neither may be true.

but of course that's all just my opinion.

 

[strosbuff88]

Yeah I pretty much of feel like I'm being ganged up on, but whatever. In between the trash there is some good advice and answers to my questions.

"Ignorance is bliss."

 

[strosbuff88]

I'm not fighting with him.. I'm just shining a light for others who may not spend as much time as I do in this particular forum. I take this particular forum very seriously.. the people here care very deeply about the posters and really dedicate time and energy to lending a helping hand. So when someone keeps posting these sob stories and "woe is me"..taking advantage of the time and efforts of others with no intention of trying to improve or accept help, I feel like I need to call out BS where I see it.

I very much appreciate your perspective, thoughts and opinions Lucky7. Let that be known. You're making an effort, out of your self-described "heartfelt advice." It's a choice that must be made. You made the choice to voice your concern for this individual and that particular individual must make a choice on whether or not to heed what is being directed towards him.

I should tell you as well as others reading this now I am disturbed at this original poster's behavior. You can shave, style and alter who you are to seek appeal from another, but for me the substance, character, personality and individuality describe someone and make that appeal.

To the person that commented that at the age of nineteen we might not be matured or developed, I do disagree. I've heard it before, I'm "old" for my age. It speaks to who I am and I appreciate the experiences I've had and wonder about what lies ahead. He has a whole lot more growing up to do!

It's possible someone here may wonder about my authenticity. Well, it should be assured that I am a curious guy having not once experienced either the emotional or physical affection or appreciation of another guy. What I am doing here now is observing, attempting to understand.

Regardless of opinions I'm thankful for the replies to this thread.

 

[xcasex]

Everyone here always gangs up on me for any reason they can find. I'm not sure if it's because I'm shedding light on racism in the gay community or some other reason.

I think I need to weigh in on this topic. I have friends of all ethnicities, and I see in the gay community it is SO much easier for them to date than it is for myself. I'm all for interracial dating, not to say that's all I do, but in the black gay dating community, is is RARE that I see interracial dating. I've also heard that "you're cute for a Black guy" bullshit, which is so retarded. It's also rare that I date a guy who isn't looking for the 15 inch King Kong Dick muscle bound dark skin bald thug, because I am ever the opposite. The media has a huge impact on what people look for in who they want, which is unfair because everyone isn't represented to the fullest. It sucks that most of them time, when I see Black men in any kind of gay publication, we either look like I mentioned above, or we're portrayed as super effeminate. I am neither, so since it's hard for me to be labeled, it's harder for me to date. People by nature fear what they don't understand. My best friend is white, moderately attractive, tall, a bit overweight, among other things (his good qualities outweigh his bad though lol), I'm black, attractive, down to earth, intelligent, talented, and funny, yet all these Asian men we both go after IMMEDIATELY swoon over him just because he's White. It's obnoxious.

 

[Officialposter]

Travisman I respect your opinion, but please let people of color advise him as we have more experience on this issue. You encouraging him to continue to admire white men is not the answer. You are giviing the poster everything they want to hear. That everything is alright, and that he will find a white guy

Lucky is right, if a person HAS A HISTORY and says they will only date white yet they themselves are ethnic then they still HAVE TO FIND THEMSELVES(come to terms and love themselves). It doesn't matter how many white men he sleeps with he will be unhappy because he doesn't appreicate the lushiness of his precious skin and features. When he discovers this he will no longer give weigh to these white men, and he will think he is better than them when they make a comment like that. This poster serioulsy needs to find undiscriminate love for the rich velvet softness of the skin of himself and asian, latin, and black guys... it's amazing..

he is only 19? I suspect that he will break free of what thas been drilled in his mind, in his mid twenties. I think right now he probably won't believe me, and think otherwise but he SHOULD grow to love the different features and not JUST THE WHITE RACE.

 

[bankside]

silvirain,
usually these threads work better when people talk with you rather than about you. But at least if they talk about you it is better than talking about each other.

I think you can get this thread back on the rails by discussing the ideas people have offered, whether you agree with them or not, and why. What seems to fit or not. Don't just say thank you to one or two people and ignore the rest. Sometimes it helps to actually talk with people you disagree with. Anyway that's my advice for this thread, and for life, actually.

Oh and one more thing, since your thread is about you but also about white guys, i do not think you should only listen to people of colour. That's only part of the story.

 

[Officialposter]

Don't get me wrong, I welcome all posters on this subject matter, but the moment when cauasians start telling him that nothing is wrong with him, and it is okay to admire cauasians is the moment where it crosses the line and is disrespectful to everything not only him, but what all people of color have worked and been through, that is the moment I kindly ask cauasians to take a backseat and let more mature people of color advise him. We are talking about someones life here, it's not a game. It must start within himself, he has to find the goodness that god choose to color his drawing in per say. Once he loves himself, he will realize he is better than those who discriminate on the basis of race. There is a such thing as what we prefer, but that is not his issue. CLEARLY.

if he chooses to not fix this, then he will be unhappy, angry, or dead. If he takes the word of cauasians in here whom aren't telling him str8 up that he has to fix himself, but nothing is wrong the situation is even more pathetic.. listen to wise ones such as lucky who is trying to tell him to basically START AT HOME, and then the rest will fall into place. If he were of sound being, he would not post these threads, because of a white man turned him down, he would be confident enugh to think, 'ok, it's your lost, i'm a good person' and keep it moving.

 

[AreYouON21]

Hey I'm not trying to pick on you or anything but..

I can't help but think like this after seeing the title of the thread.
Why does it have to be white guys? what about other races?

People have preferences. You probably prefer white guys and I can relate to that.

My ex was Arab and he always felt like he wasn't attractive in my eyes. He felt insecure about it because he knew I generally prefer white guys. Sometimes I wish he didn't know... because I really liked him but his insecurities made him treat me badly.

My point is.. if a person doesn't like you for your skin color, don't waste your time on them. Looks only get you so far... once you reach a certain age, you won't look as good as you used to. You gotta find someone who find you beautifully past the skin. I'm Asian and if someone doesn't find Asian's attractive, I'll move along...

I think it's also a good thing not to tell people about your preference.. I don't know who I will end up with next or what skin colour my husband will be. But if they're not white, I wouldn't want them to think that I don't find them as attractive.

And that picture of yours ... you look great. I would be very confident with that look!

One last thing. I can't stand hearing phrases like "you look good for a _____". They may think that's a compliment, but they just insulted everyone else of that ethnicity. If someone says that to you, you should stay away from them!

 

[Officialposter]

As hard as it is, I highly encourage for him to realize what he sees everyday, on the news, at the movies and t.v. and try to re-program that anything not white isn't good. He is subject to this and doesn't realize he has accepted what he has been feed, and called it what he prefers. He needs to free himself of that

 

[Officialposter]

Travis when I said 'WE ARE ALL THE SAME' that was coming from my own self loving lips. A person that can see a bubble on a white boy and say, he got a bubble, i would hit it, and say the exact same thing with any other race which this poster can't do. You told him he can admire who he wants(he is admiring only white men) You can like white men, but you must also have a hold on yourself and realize that those same features on a white guy would be dateable on another race. What you are failing to realize is that he is caught in the trap of the white is better media in his head and is refusing to recognize this, but it's his life and i'm sure he is more likely to believe you and disregard folks that tell him that he needs to look inside cause you are mixed and i suspect he is damaged and unwilling to fix it

 

[MorrisseyX]

I sense some self loathing from the OP. I don't think people should attack the OP because his feelings are genuine and these are his feelings. I suggest the OP read a book by a black gay academic Dwight McBride and the book is called "Why I Hate Ambercrombie & Fitch". He can get this book at the local public library. McBride talks a lot about the internalized racism SOME gay black men experience.

According to McBride, he says that some gay black men want to assimilate into the white gay culture.

I think the OP has issues he needs to be honest with himself about perhaps write a journal entry or something or see a therapist?

I am a gay black man myself and I will not lie of course I've had sex with white men. However, I grew up and realized that there too many attractive, intelligent, black gay men and other men of colour out there!

I question why does it matter so much to him to have white guys attracted to him? What is so special about white men? I have to ask this question.

I understand people have sexual preferences and stuff BUT there are other men out there besides white guys. Just my personal opinion. I think some gay men of colour get so caught up with the white gay image of beauty that they miss out and so many good looking men of colour out there.

 

[Officialposter]

Silvirain my friend, focus on the positive... i notice you focus on the white men who don't like you, and even in this post you are focusing on a few neg comments. There are a lot of good advice in here yet you over look it, kinda how you prolly overlook many good men and see the those who aren't worthy of your time. These white men who don't like you cause your black are not worthy of your time, you are better than them.

 

[Officialposter]

Meanwhile, the white guys are sitting back having a good laugh about how all the colored guys are constantly whining because we can't get with them. I hate how threads like this must make us appear...

Exactly, I'm almost to the point whereby I'm not believing the post starters are black , but they are flamers who are looking to make the white race look good.

In the future, I hope mods take that into consideration that we may have some flamers, and that is why I made a thread White men love black guys, and of course that wasn't taken in to well as I expected, but I was completey tired and believed that whites were starting these threads claiming to be black to make them look bad..

It's not even believeable anymore

 

[Lostlover]

Exactly, I'm almost to the point whereby I'm not believing the post starters are black , but they are flamers who are looking to make the white race look good.

In the future, I hope mods take that into consideration that we may have some flamers, and that is why I made a thread White men love black guys, and of course that wasn't taken in to well as I expected, but I was completey tired and believed that whites were starting these threads claiming to be black to make them look bad..

It's not even believeable anymore

Blue dragon or whatever the hell his name is does stuff like this. He always says stuff about black people and it has flown under the radar. I also noticed that another poster in here casually refers to Obama as the "N word" and talks about him eating watermelon and grits. When I mentioned it after about 5 times to a mod, the mod told me he was banned for it. This wasn't the case. This loser was banned for having multiple aliases on the site.

Note: I didn't report this poster to get him banned. I mentioned it in passing about the selective modding.

 

[Officialposter]

Yeah, i agree with lost, these posts need to be locked or deleted in the future.. its just flaming

 

[hotatlboi]

I have no problem believing that some people might not want to date him because of his color.

My response: so what? He needs to learn to get over it even if that is the case.

If he wants to prefer white guys, I have no problem with that, but he needs to afford others the choice to be able to do that too.

There's plenty of white guys who have no problem with black guys, like me. He should look for those people instead of whining about people doing the same thing he is.

 

[strosbuff88]

I never tried to make this thread about me, it's not my fault people are still obsessed with me. I was hoping to get answers from white men who are perfectly fine hooking up with a black guy but not dating one.

...so, to satisfy you this one "white man" will give you the answer it is your seeking.

is it right that you describe yourself as 'manipulative?' i seem to recall that word from your previous threads as others have mentioned, despite their disappearance. i credit you now because whether consciously or subconsciously you've been doing that to ALL of us. give us all some strings and play us as the marionette's you have settled on those posting within this thread to become.

there are opinions that are malicious, no doubt about that. you might even for a moment believe that i am one of their author's, but all i'm doing is offering my opinion and i am not attempting to be crude or offensive. to the comment someone made that i contradict myself, believe what you want... but for the original author, you certainly contradict yourself far too much.

you claim you're looking for a good gentlemen, but are you to convince yourself that is the intent of the majority of users that have joined the sites you mentioned previously?

you just seem to determine your as well as others worth simply by appearance. my opinion of this is this is very much immature. i don't know what other to write than that because i feel that sums it all up.

other than that you are at the age of nineteen, just a few years older here but this is a time when you should be making choices... determining who it is you want to be and become. if you have other opportunities available to you, why not explore them? guys aren't plentiful around you? think about taking your major with you elsewhere...

 

[Seasoned]

There is way too much back and forth with this thread. Give advice if you like and move on. Once advice or an answer is posted let it alone. This is a no flame zone. Please re-read the guidelines for this forum.

If you think it is necessary to challenge the OP do it respectfully. The guy is not on a witness stand.

 

[rareboy]

My advice to the OP is to stop thinking that it is only race based.

I hooked up with guys of different races and we had no interest in dating one another..........for a 100 other reasons than the colour of our skins.

In your case, maybe you're too fem or butch or short or tall or dull or exciting or skinny or heavy or submissive or dominant or who knows.

Maybe you should stop using any one possible reason as the 'go to' excuse and take a look at yourself as the whole package.

One day, who knows but that the perfect guy won't just trip across yo and who knows what colour he might be?

So relax.

I get the idea that you need to get out there and get a broader experience.

 

[BlackMamba47]

Hello Silver. Hopefully I can give some pertinent advice, as being a black guy myself, I have dealt with what you have said plenty of times during my short time as an out gay guy.

I believe I'm very fortunate to look the way I do. I have gotten nothing but compliments about my appearance, every I go. I've been called beautiful countless times, really attractive, sexy, handsome, all of the physical compliments there are. And they have come from people of all ethnicities, all nationalities, both genders.

However, I have not let the fact that my appearance has been complimented on cloud my knowledge and realization of the fact that for many of those people, I'd be nothing more than the exotic lay of the day. For even more of those people, I'd be akin to a museum piece "look but don't touch">

For an even smaller sub-set, I wouldn't even be invited in the house, solely because of my skin color and where most of the ethnic heritage is from (I'm also part Seminole and Irish, but African dominates my ethnic lineage). And you know what? That's fine. My family told me from a young age that there'd be times when I'd be treated differently solely because of how I look. With that discrimination, you have to take the bad with the good.

We forget that discrimination is not a wholly negative thing. I'm sure we can all point to times when we've gotten something, or have been able to do something, because we were discriminated FOR, not against. A guy takes us out on a date, pays for everything. Why? He found us attractive, he discriminated FOR us because of our appearance. We do it all the time, but the word discrimination has a pejorative connotation so we use other times to describe what we do, how we act.

From your initial post, I can understand why you'd be upset. I've been in that position countless times. That being said, I think you might have been too hasty to blame race for the reason the guy never called you back. You don't know what might have come up in his life. He might have lost his job, a family member, or met a guy who whisked him away on a jet plane. Those are all uncertainties, just as your race being the factor is.

Maybe he drove off, thought about the date, and just said to himself things didn't mesh. Yes, he kissed you. Yes, he paid for stuff. Yes, he gave off the impression that he was interested in further things. But guess what, you have no idea of his mind-frame before, during, and especially after he dropped you off, and you probably wont. That happens to us all: black, white, purple with spots, short, tall, ugly, sexy. Sometimes, things just happen with the other person, and it's not because of anything about us or we've done, the issue is with them.

Now, onto the race issue. Something I've noticed is that the perception of who constitutes a "black person" in the physical sense is very different because a black person and other ethnicities. I saw your picture, and to me, you're look is not typical of most black people. I would guess you'd have some Latin in you, or (like almost all non-African black people) European heritage. However, for other ethnicities, their conception of a black person is much different than our own, and I've realized this.

No matter how hard you try, no matter how you think, the way that the non-black ethnicities see and view you is going to be that way REGARDLESS of how you think of yourself. You especially have to understand seeing as how you have not done anything with a non-white guy. To put it into a metaphor, you can't go to a Klan meeting and be mad they discriminate and view black people differently.

You'll be ok. This is just one guy in a long list of guys who will be in your life. Like I told my dear friend who was going through a breakup. "Think of all of the guys you have met during the course of your life. Thousands of them, and thousands more will follow. Most of those guys didn't enter your life, a few did, and even a smaller few made an impact. Your ex made an impact, both good and bad. But guess what? In the long line of guys you'll meet, straight or gay, he was just another guy. Yes, you spent a bit more time with him than most, but at the end of the day, you'll meet thousands more"

Look at things under that prism, and a lot of the emotional anguish you put yourself through will go away, I'm sure of it.