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Why do they always end up ass*****

N

new86

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Dear Zak,
I do not have the experience to tell you a real opinion...
it is already happened to me, but thet after the first time I met someone, not after several weeks. The question is: are you already fell in love with him? Or was it just a new boy with whom you stayed well together?

Because if it is the case that he's avoiding you, you should take the bull by the horn and move away to new people. It is really sad, but you don't need to suffer because you can't see someone you care.

You could write him saying that you don't have problems if he does not want you anymore, but say that he just has to be clear. I always say that, because I can understand people changing their mind or not liking me... just say it, I am not offended, and I like being able to do the same. Some people are just scared to say the truth, so I encourage them. Try this before throwing all away. Then... decide.

Remember that: trust is the first thing in any kind of relationship.

Good luck!
Shy
 
Wish I could be more encouraging but..sheesh, what a dick. Although I am one to fly by the seat of my pants as far as scheduling goes, I do disappear for a day of two at a time. but a month of excuses? At least it is better to find out now than later. Which reminds me, I had better call John. lol.

Keep trying, at least you are available for the right one. I would like to have better advice but I was just wiped out myself. We will get through it.
 
First of all, they arent all ass*****, many are, but just keep looking. It took me a while, but I've found someone who isnt, so there is someone out there for you.
Now, my personal opinion would be to forget him. I know it might be hard, but I've had my share of "I'll get back to you" types and they arent worth it. You'll spend all your time planning things only to be changed at the last minute (he knew something was happening, but didnt bother to tell you until the last minute right?) I had this happen with a nice weekend getaway after I booked everything only to be told, sorry cant go now, less than a week before we were to leave. It wasnt work related and the excuse he came up with was very lame. Also had one guy who went home to Ohio for a week and forgot me for two months. Sorry, not interested once he decided to call back. Some guys can be jerks and like to play games (dont know why unless its a control thing), but there are many guys out there who wont treat you like this so why settle? I say cut your losses and move on before you invest any more time and effort into a relationship that doesnt appear to be give/give. Good luck.
 
Unfortunately, he's dumping you in a very passive-aggressive way. What a heel. You deserve better. There are better, and more mature, guys out there and I'm sure you'll find one. You just have to wonder what some people are thinking when they act like such jerks.

Good luck. Let us know how you're doing. (*8*)
 
Yes, he is waiting for you to dump him. So give him the cue and move on with your life. I am sorry this happened to you because I understand how it feels to suddenly get ignored and wonder, "Well, what did I do?" You did nothing wrong. Some people are emotionally shallow and unable to maturly express what they want. :/
 
Firstly, I do feel sorry for you, for all this BS that you have to go through!

If he is trying to dump you as some as suggested, I think he is doing it in one of the most cowardly way any guy could possibly do.

The ball is definitely in his court but if you think that you need closure to this from him, I would suggest you lay it on the table and talk to him. Just ask blankly "are we over?". Don't take excuses for an answer , only Yes or No.

I am sure you still have feelings for him and I am sure that he might still have some too. I doubt you will get over him overnight, but you need to start somewhere. Finding out from him what the hell is going on, will definitely be your first step. Good luck.
 
Unfortunately, this way of dumping somebody (by treating them badly enough that they start to dislike and then dump you) is all too common. Time to move on. If there was still something there, he'd have already called you on his own weeks ago.
 
Sorry to say, timeto move on, I think his actions make it clear that it is over. Time to start looking again, and don't worry there are good ones out there, they are just harder to find. Good Luck.
 
Jb18 had a nice post and I concur.
I am sorry your being treated this way also, because it sounds like
you are a great guy and a repsectful bf that many guys would like
to have by them. So go find another person that would appreciate
your attention.
He is just a spineless coward that is trying to string you along
until you get tired of it, so that he doesn't have to come right out
and say it. You're wasting this time on him...spend it on someone else.
 
Nothing more to add really. The writing's on the wall. Sorry for your loss.
 
I have to agree with the majority here. Cut your losses and move on.

When I'm faced with a situation like this, and fortunately it's only happened maybe once or twice, I ask myself a few questions:

  1. Was I being myself when we were together?
  2. Was I honest in my feelings and dealings with him?
  3. Have I always treated him the way that I want to be treated?
If I can answer yes to all of the above, and find through observation that he could not, then I give myself some time to nurse my wounds, and move on.

It could be something as simple as "scheduling" conflicts. Some people really are too busy to be bothered with a relationship. (Which means that he shouldn't have bothered!)

What's really BS is that he sure seems to have enough time for everyone else.

That should be your first clue right there.

You deserve better.

Move on with your head held high!

(*8*)
 
He is giving you a preview of what life will be like with him. Are you ready to accept him on his terms, because I guarantee you, he is NOT going to change.

If this is not acceptable, then walk away and don't look back. There are plenty of guys out there who are decent and won't put you through these games.

zakgump79 said:
Well I have an update, I called him Monday and left a message going over my concerns, yes I know I should have talked to him in person, but I did it anyways. Amazing enough he called mon, and tues but he didnt leave a message and when I called back he didnt pick up. So weds he calls at lunch I was busy and then after work, finally we were able to talk. He couldn't understand why I was upset with him as he tried to explain away his lack of contact, out with his brother one night, the next day being all hung over, and the day after sick from something he ate. Then goes on to say thathe never said he wouldnt be able to see me for two weeks, but just that he was going to be busy, even though those were the exact words he used when he friend came in from out east and he didnt have time for me, and that infact he was going to invite me down for the weekend (some revelation, nothing was ever mentioned of this before).

I don't know if he truly can't see it from my point of view and truly can't understand of if he is that insensitive to someone elses needs. Either way I tried to be somewhat upbeat but it seemed like he was being a little distant on the phone.

To me the whole thing stinks, I really do care for him, but I don't think the feelings are mutual ](*,) it sucks too because i've put more effort into it and trying new things and putting myself out there, and it doesnt feel like he validates my feelings (now i'm really starting to sound like some of the girls out there).

He said he'd call me again today so we'll see whats what, i'm willing to give it one last go and if I don't feel any different it's time to move on, at least I know that i've done everything I can.
Click to expand...
 
Well, it is entirely possible that emotionally this guy is a dumb as a bag of hammers.

Maybe he's just self-absorbed.

Maybe he's playing games.

Maybe he's been busy.

I just find it interesting that he seems to have more time for everyone else, than he does for you. A couple of phone calls during the week to "touch-base." Return the calls. Make time for lunch, drinks, or an "introduction" to his guests, something.

When I'm dating someone, I honestly don't have time to see them everyday, nor do I expect them to have time either, but I do go out of my way to let them know that I'm thinking about them.

You've made your case. Maybe the two of you just have communication issues. I've had that problem before.

From what you've shared it doesn't sound like you're over reacting.

So, I'm happy to hear that.

It sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on things.

Once again, good luck, and keep us posted!

(*8*)
 
zakgump79 said:
I don't know if he truly can't see it from my point of view and truly can't understand of if he is that insensitive to someone elses needs. Either way I tried to be somewhat upbeat but it seemed like he was being a little distant on the phone.
Click to expand...

Some people are just in their own little worlds. Dont take it personal, sometimes it just happens that they dont "think" about anything and how it affects the other person.

To me the whole thing stinks, I really do care for him, but I don't think the feelings are mutual ](*,) it sucks too because i've put more effort into it and trying new things and putting myself out there, and it doesnt feel like he validates my feelings
Click to expand...

Hang in there. Its all part of the learning process. Take in all the signs, words, feelings and if things dont work out just remember them as warning signs for the next time. Hopefully it will work out and maybe a little talking will get things into perspective from his point of view as well. Keep us updated.
 
reading this... I realize what potential bf's will probably think about me. This guy sounds totally like me. And if it were me, it wouldn't be that I wasn't interested, but rather that I really had a busy life. I know it's pathetic and you should make time for the other person etc, but I just never can seem to make it happen (maybe that's why I don't have a bf too, who knows). But I do this with friends all of the time and the ones who know me, know this is me and they're fine with it and attribute to me just being well, me. Others have taken offense and taken it personally... and I've never understood that.

And yes, I have friends that are like me this way too, but I can't fault them for doing the same stuff I pull. It's kind of a "roll with the punches" lifestyle. Some do better at it than others.
 
God Knows, I have been clocking 12-14 hr working days, weekends included for years now. I have been on the go and awy from my home(s) for more than 200-220 days or even more a year. It has never been easy.

Yet, I have never had a problem in including my BF in most of my activities one way or the other. Neither of us has ever had it easy in that respect but we always planned well together and we always got together and did stuff together.

There is even now, full transparency. I know, where he is and he knows, where I am and all. And no one, no one is that busy as to be unable to send a text and say, 'dude, I am in deep shitload of work here, but I am thinking of you and we'll get together as promised.'

Two words: move on.

SC
 
ah, confession time. i've pulled this shit before. and honestly, i think was conflicted about how i felt about him, but unable to sit down and articulate it with him fearing that he would leave me after feeling that i did not feel the same for him, and i would end up alone again. turned out, i did like him a lot and we were together for a year after until he moved away. hope this helps.
 
ok, just to clarify, i didnt dissapear for a week/month at a time, but i did distance myself for a couple of days sometimes when i felt unsure. only in the earlier weeks of the r-ship though.
 
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