Why Do Women Have Issues With Bisexual Men?

[Krakenbwool]

I know that this is a gay forum, so I'm likely not going to get any first-hand answers, but I'll still take a shot.

As a woman, I cannot fathom being hurt or threatened by my man being bisexual.

I know it's a religious thing for some, but I've grown up as a pretty open person, so there goes that hang-up. It could be a health thing for others (as I'm guessing that many women still naively assume that "gay sex = HIV/AIDs") but I'm aware that gay men generally are a lot more condom-conscious than straights.

Even if I married a guy that ended up coming out as GAY, I wouldn't be offended, because I'd know that it it has nothing to do with me as a woman. I'd be angrier if my man cheated on me with another woman than with another man. If it was another woman, it would imply that somehow he felt that I have some shortcomings as a woman, but in the same vein, I know that I could never be comparable to another man.

Personally, I think that it is very unfair that bisexual women are glorified (and fetishized) by men, but bisexual men are ostracized by women. Women blame bisexual men for being sneaky, lying sluts, but fail to realize that the reason that most men are on the DL in the first place is because of their girlfriend's/wive's unaccepting attitudes.

So what do you guys (and girls, because I know there are some out there) think?

 

[joey69nwi]

I have noticed that only some of the older women have an issue with it. It tends to be the younger they are the more open they are. I think they see it as a way to get 2 or more cocks in the room for them.

My wife would divorce me in a minute if she knew I was getting cock, but I think she would be equally as pissed at the tail that I pulled in on the road.

Joe

 

[sfcfml]

Wow, did I need that. Thanks.

You are completely right that it has nothing to do with you as a woman. It has to do with us as (bi) men, and the fact that we are more complex than many women (but perhaps not you) would like to admit or can even see. For many (but OK maybe not all) of us, it is more than trolling for a cum dump in a hotel room. The complexities of social-physical-emotional attraction are alternatively fascinating and frustrating for bi men (who come in many flavors), and I can only imagine for the women who love them.

To the degree we are able, men and women need to acknowledge it, and ideally celebrate it, though I doubt that will ever happen. And of course there is the segment of black-and-white thinkers who believes that bisexuality does not even exist.

 

[AngelFromAbove]

Well, for some women, it's an issue of competition. Some women can handle the fact that they would only have to "compete" with other women, but adding men to the mix means that there are more options for the men.

In addition, there's still a stigma regarding same-sex attractions, especially between men. For some women, religious or not, knowing that their male partner has an inclination towards another male or has had sex with another male weakens, degrades, or taints him.

 

[Krakenbwool]

Well, for some women, it's an issue of competition. Some women can handle the fact that they would only have to "compete" with other women, but adding men to the mix means that there are more options for the men.

In addition, there's still a stigma regarding same-sex attractions, especially between men. For some women, religious or not, knowing that their male partner has an inclination towards another male or has had sex with another male weakens, degrades, or taints him.

I never get why women feel that other men are competition for them when it comes to bisexuals. It's like trying to determine whether calcium or protein is better for the body. They each have their own incomporable merits. Women provide *ahem* things that men can't and vice-versa.

Also, I don't feel that a guy having sex with another guy makes him less of a man. It's not like people call Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox "less of a woman" for calling themselves bisexual. I know it's there, but I don't see why there has to be that double standard for men. It's unfair that there is such fluidity to what is defined as appropriate for women, but there is ridiculous rigidity for what defines a "man."

 

[sfcfml]

Geez, Krakenbwool and stacyphierce, both of you are making me HOT! Love it!!

 

[Nomenclature]

From my experience: The first people I ever came out to were girls, and I told them I was bi*. They were supportive, but later argued with me that they didn't like the "bi" thing, because they didn't know how to classify me; They didn't know if they were supposed to let their guard down and treat me as their "gay best friend", or if they should keep their guard up and treat me as a guy who finds them attractive and wants to sleep with them.


*While i've still never had sex with a woman, there are the rare few girls i'd maybe experiment with. I greatly prefer men and would feel happier growing old with a guy, but I would probably consider having sex with women if it felt good.

 

[Hello-Good-Bi]

I'm not really out to that many people and you've stated a few of the reasons why. I often feel like I really am not accepted or belong anywhere. *sigh*

Thank you for the thread.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I never get why women feel that other men are competition for them when it comes to bisexuals.

Are you being serious?

It's not about a physical need, I don't think, surely it's the emotional need. You say women and men provide different things, sure, but would you mind your man playing around with other women while you were away because he had a need which you couldn't fulfil because you were miles away? If it were just a physical need then surely all relationships would be open ones.

I'd always thought that women wouldn't go for bi guys purely because the guy might find an emotional need in a man once they tried it, and especially if he was playing the field while with a woman. (I hope this all makes sense - I can't string my thoughts out coherently today).

Also, I don't feel that a guy having sex with another guy makes him less of a man. It's unfair that there is such fluidity to what is defined as appropriate for women, but there is ridiculous rigidity for what defines a "man."

I think this is because men have made up the rules for years. Thus, alpha-males who are anti-gay/bi have said loudly and frequently that we are less of a man than they are and the general feeling has caught on amongst everyone else.

-d-

 

[Krakenbwool]

Are you being serious?

It's not about a physical need, I don't think, surely it's the emotional need. You say women and men provide different things, sure, but would you mind your man playing around with other women while you were away because he had a need which you couldn't fulfil because you were miles away? If it were just a physical need then surely all relationships would be open ones.

I'd always thought that women wouldn't go for bi guys purely because the guy might find an emotional need in a man once they tried it, and especially if he was playing the field while with a woman. (I hope this all makes sense - I can't string my thoughts out coherently today).

I'm not a bisexual man, so I won't claim to know anything personally, but from the accounts that I've read on this board and a few other places, it seems that physical needs do play a large role in bi men choosing to cheat on their wives. Of course you're right that I should have considered the emotional aspect as well. But then I still don't see why women are more threatened by men getting emotionally attached to other men than they are that men may get emotionally attached to other women.

And if a man truly DOES find out that he emotionally prefers men over women, he's not going to change, so isn't it better to let the cat out of the bag earlier on rather than wait until marriage and a few kids later when it has greater consequences? I know that many women would rather live in blissful ignorance of their men's DL ways or, if they find out, try to force them to change, but I believe trying to suppress that aspect of nature causes more problems in the long run. While I believe that monogamy is an admirable thing, I don't feel that the possessive attitude that many women have towards their husbands brings any real merit to the relationship.

 

[blackbeltninja]

But then I still don't see why women are more threatened by men getting emotionally attached to other men than they are that men may get emotionally attached to other women.

I've always assumed they're threatened that someone else, either gender, might make off with their man. And I suppose there is that horror-factor of "my ex-bf/husband is actually gay" which I can see being a terrifying prospect for a woman.

And if a man truly DOES find out that he emotionally prefers men over women, he's not going to change, so isn't it better to let the cat out of the bag earlier on rather than wait until marriage and a few kids later when it has greater consequences?

Agreed.

While I believe that monogamy is an admirable thing, I don't feel that the possessive attitude that many women have towards their husbands brings any real merit to the relationship.

I dunno. I'm a big believer in monogamy, probably because my errant father was not and I know what that can do to people. I suspect there is an element of worry that if the lady doesn't put her foot down she might be complicit in her man's philandering!

-d-

 

[talesofabyssjade]

Interesting................

Very Interesting............

 

[Rex]

Well, for some women, it's an issue of competition. Some women can handle the fact that they would only have to "compete" with other women, but adding men to the mix means that there are more options for the men.

In addition, there's still a stigma regarding same-sex attractions, especially between men. For some women, religious or not, knowing that their male partner has an inclination towards another male or has had sex with another male weakens, degrades, or taints him.

I think this is it right here, but some women are cool with it. The ideal situation would be to have a woman who is bisexual herself. Then we could have all sots of fun together.

 

[Darkflower]

Hi Krakenbwool.

Mainly I'm posting to say hello, since most perspectives on the question at hand seem to have been posited already.

I wrote a big long post in reply to this thread, but it all boils down to this: I'm a monogamist in the context of relationships, and a person of integrity. Is he? If yes, then let's rock. If not, then let's not. It's no different than my expectations for dating a straight guy.

Once we get past that, probably the fact of my man being bi would induce me to be nearly feral in my desire to fuck the shit out of him daily. Hopefully in the m2m scenario, he'd be a bottom, because when it comes to makin' love to the booty, I top only.

 

[MisterMajestic]

Women blame bisexual men for being sneaky, lying sluts, but fail to realize that the reason that most men are on the DL in the first place is because of their girlfriend's/wive's unaccepting attitudes.

See...This is where I'm different than your average Bi-guy...I've dated Men & Women but not at the same time..I've never dated a woman and slept with a Guy on the side and vice-versa...I'm VERY picky about who I date and if I want that person to be a part of my Life...

So I stay "focused' on the individual I'm dating at the time...Don't confuse what i'm saying..I'm single and a "Booty-Call is a Booty-Call is a Booty-Call"...But when it comes to dating and commitment I give the person all of me and I "Love Hard"...

So I don't consider myself the typical "DL" Guy simply because I'm single and I'm not in a committed relationship with anyone. If I start dating a FANTASTIC woman tomorrow I know I'm at a place in my Life where I could tell her about my History sleeping with Men..She would have to decide whether or not to continue the friendship/relationship and if she can trust me and my promise of commitment...


Let me tell all of you something...I'm 33yrs old...My Clock or whatever you call it is ticking and about BUSTED....I would rather be married to a wonderful woman that I Love, that loves me back and be Happy the rest of my Life VS talking with Guys that really don't know what they want...

I will NEVER look like Denzel or Brad Pitt...Most Gay Men have this "fantasy" guy they're waiting for or they're not over their Ex-lover(s)....Most Bi-Men prefer to have that one Guy they can get with to "feed' their cravings for same sex intimacy...

I've been in Love with women and I know how real it feels to be loved Back....My experience with Gay & Bi Men is that they've gone through so many bad relationships they don't know how to Love back and I see it in their actions...In the Long run..Gay & Bi-Men would not be able to give me what I need in a lifetime commitment..The one thing I know about most women is that they honor "commitment" and you'll have a wife for Life if you're being the husband that she needs you to be...