Why Does He Ignore Me?

[FloridaBoi]

Hey Quanchi,

Those kind of guys arnt worth your time, I went thru the same thing about 2 months ago, I met this guy that seemed really sweet, he called me, we would chat online for hours and hours me and his friend even became best friends and then suddenly one day he wouldnt answer my calls and he blocked my screen name online so I went to his friend whom I had met and asked him what was going on and turned out he had a boyfriend and he was playing us both he even turned the friend I met by him against me, but anyways what im trying to say is those kind of people use you for a good time and then drop you when the heat gets turned up... Maybe this isnt the case for you but if I were you I wouldnt put to much into it and I would try to move on...

Best of luck buddy!

-Matthew

 

[G-Lexington]

Lex

 

[hothead]

It's like I tell my female students when they're having this kind of trouble with boys: "Guys are pond scum."

 

[Jeimuzu]

A friend did the same to me. I know he's still alive and kicking, but he just pretends I don't exist. There was no reason, and this came after years of friendship. By years, I mean altogether... seven, ish. We made friends in primary school, I moved, we lost touch, we got to secondary school, we made friends again, late '05 he began to pretend I didn't exist. He moved and didn't tell me. The prick.

 

[Shepherd 2]

Maybe he is willing to have you join a crowd of so called friends and is in to no one in particular but likes to string a group along. Is that really friendship, or does it resemble what you expected from him. Lose him!

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Maybe it's just something I need to get over. All I want to know is why.

This is something I hear a lot. "I just what to know what happened." "I need a sense of closure." A lot of the time, though, him no longer contacting you IS your "closure". Sometimes, we don't get things explained to us, and presumably, this is one of those things. Just let it go, and move on. You've met other guys, some of whom (presumably) ARE interested in maintaining contact with you. Those are the ones to focus on.

Lex

 

[morgaes]

Quanchi. I don't know you, at all. But, from what I've seen from your blogs and posts, you're a really decent guy, and anyone would be lucky to date a guy like you (in fact, my dream boyfriend would be someone similar to you). If this guy doesn't give you any interest, don't sweat it, because you deserve someone that gives you the attention you need. So, don't worry, because if he's ignoring you, it's not your problem, he's missing out on *you*!

 

[unclaimedblessing]

Sorry for your pain, but you are asking a question.
Do you think you might have come accross too needy on your first date?
On a first date both individuals are usually testing the waters.
Many guys are looking for an enjoyable, but casual relationship.
If he sensed you wanted a lot more than he did, he could have distanced himself despite liking you.

 

[loppyears]

Lots of guys out there do this. I'm only young and even I know this! All you can really do is move on and hope the next one won't do it. He isn't worth your time or effort if he doesn't have the decency to reply back. Whatever happened to the decent guy anyway? I think there extinct.

 

[Jeimuzu]

I think you worried him a bit - it was going faster than he'd like, and the only way he could see to stop it was just to cut it off completely. Harsh, but it works, I guess.

I'd just find someone else if I were you. Maybe you guys'll catch up a few months down the line.

 

[StlKj]

Okay just to touch on the subject again, I wanted to share the very last email he sent me. This is why I'm so confused about it and think that maybe a friendship can work. I didn't edit the email, I just cut out his name:

hey
due to circumstances beyond my control, our communication is limited( work)i'm sorry for leading you to think that there could be more then there was going to be. i wanted to be friends and you are already in bed..that is way too fast. i know you are young and inexperienced, but not all of us jump into bed with the first young thing that jumps at us.plus the idea of being your first bothers me a lot. i will try to be available for questions, and i see you are using JUB to the utmost, but i think you are going to be fine, brian. settle into your life as a gay person, before commiting to a relationship..enjoy it..relish it.. you are only young once.

To me, that sounds like a closure email. While you haven't identified him in this thread, you've certainly told the story in such a way that people are basically calling him a liar and a jerk already. And with some of the other posts you've made on here, Quanchi, there could be some hesitancy on his part because he sees how publicly you've made the details of your sexual and relationship exploration since meeting him, and perhaps he doesn't really want to be a part of that. I'm not saying you would publicly expose him, nor am I saying that your talking about such things on here is bad--just that maybe he's not comfortable with that.

Someone saying "I would just rather be friends" doesn't exactly mean they will become your friend. For many it just means they don't want to be more than friends. They're not saying they plan to hang out with you, keep emailing you, etc. The intent with that sentence often is not to keep the relationship going in in one form, but to let the person know that it won't be continuing in the form a relationship. It often means, "I'm not interested in dating you, and this is the nicest way I can say that." It IS closure for them.

You're going to be hard-pressed to find someone who is nice but who will also say things like "Well, the reason I don't want to date you is because your nose is too big/I didn't like talking with you/you're too needy/you don't make enough money/I didn't like the way you ate your soup." When pressed, many people, hetero or homo, don't want to make a scene, cause hurt feelings, or deal with someone who might become defensive or even belligerent after being told why they've been moved to the "friend zone." (They might also not want to appear shallow or odd if the reason for not dating you really is as stupid as not liking the way you eat your soup.)

As a young man who is just now really getting into dating others, you may see this happen time and again from others, and you may even find yourself doing it to someone as well. When this happens, don't use up your energy and time sitting around lamenting the loss and wondering what went wrong, what you did, what you could have done, etc. That is wasting your time, and it will often send you into a spiral of doubt and uncertainty. Don't seek closure from others--make your own closure, and move on.

 

[Andreus]

you have to kiss alot of frogs before you find the prince in the pond

just move on and tryto have fond memories

 

[GL]

Okay just to touch on the subject again, I wanted to share the very last email he sent me. This is why I'm so confused about it and think that maybe a friendship can work. I didn't edit the email, I just cut out his name:

hey
due to circumstances beyond my control, our communication is limited( work)i'm sorry for leading you to think that there could be more then there was going to be. i wanted to be friends and you are already in bed..that is way too fast. i know you are young and inexperienced, but not all of us jump into bed with the first young thing that jumps at us.plus the idea of being your first bothers me a lot. i will try to be available for questions, and i see you are using JUB to the utmost, but i think you are going to be fine, brian. settle into your life as a gay person, before commiting to a relationship..enjoy it..relish it.. you are only young once.

although you were the recipient of said e-mail, i think it is very poor form to publicly reveal what the other person undoutably intended to be a personal, one-on-one conversation.

has it occurred to you that he may not want anything to do with you because of your penchant for airing all of your 'escapades?'

i would be mortified to know that someone i was dating or sleeping around with was detailing every instance to the whole world by way of jub. but that's just me...

 

[StlKj]

although you were the recipient of said e-mail, i think it is very poor form to publicly reveal what the other person undoutably intended to be a personal, one-on-one conversation.

has it occurred to you that he may not want anything to do with you because of your penchant for airing all of your 'escapades?'

i would be mortified to know that someone i was dating or sleeping around with was detailing every instance to the whole world by way of jub. but that's just me...

No, GL, it's not just you. I wondered the same thing.

 

[baxter23]

Hey Quanchi,
you`re getting a lot off answers, mostly good ones, i see....
why not take a trip to a partyplace ? (cyprys, rhodos,turkey,spain)....
that`s another tip, get out, go on a "party-charter" as it`s called in europe.
it`s going too make you a lot more happy in a week or 2, and when you return,
you will look back at your "problems" in a perspective, wondering what the hell...
life is for living, not worrying... ( yeah, I know,spelling, i`m scandinavian.. )
U should stop thinking about him ! Think off all the rest, if someone stop messaging or e-mailing you, it doesn`t matter, there`s millions off guys out there.
someone is looking for you ! I promise !!

Take care !

 

[Comrad]

You sound like a desperate stalker. Maybe he is busy, maybe he is not interested anymore. If i have someone text me, or leave me a message im not going to leave them hanging for long. If i have someone text me or message me and i don't answer, that usually means im not interested and i no longer want to speak to you. Take a hint bro, hes not interested anymore, and if he is im sure he got your text/message/phone call/video message/air plan signal/phone tap/smoke signal .

 

[Comrad]

There inlies the problem.

When you attempt to achieve closure by ignoring the other party involved, you are giving them options in their head. Maybe he's busy, maybe he can't get to the phone right now, maybe his net went down, etc.

What happened to men being men, and just saying "look, i'm really not into you romantically or even sexually, i think we were moving too fast, but we could be friends if you're willing to be that."?

Shit. You're causing unneded pain and stress, not only on that guy, but on yourself! I mean, i don't wanna get a text every two weeks from a guy i'm not into because i'm too cowardly to say that, and instead keep going "why won't that guy catch the hint?". Its much easier to cut someone off at the knees than to give them a leg to stand on.

Maybe the guy is a cryer, maybe he breaks down and dose weird things in the process of you telling them. There are plenty of reasons for you not to tell them face to face . Maybe he just dosen't know how to word these things. Its not just about being an ass and "tell him off", its about what works best for you.
Some people get the message, and some obviously don't. People need to learn how to stop pushing up on people and allow them to breath. As i said before, if a person cant find the time to at lest reply to your text message then they don't have any room for you in their life.

 

[new86]

Ohhh boy it happened to me so many times!

For further interest or just for sex.

I met some people, went for a coffee and then the question "do you think we'll see again?" The answer was "yes". The reality was "no".

It happened also BEFORE meeting. Often.
One guy (he was totally hot and muscular as i like them) told me more than once how hot I was, how he liked me and yaddayadda... then he delayed a meeting because he had a dinner, another time because he was sick (uhm....). Last time we were supposed to meet and go at his place. Two hours before he sent me a message saying "Sorry, I am in couple from some time and I wanna end this thing but have to wait". Ok, understandable it it was true. But before he had told me he was single. So I called to say it was OK (i believed to this in this moment). He did not answer to my call, to my sms and on messenger. He WAS online. He continuesly got online and offline, so he surely was at the screen.

Then I spoke to a friend about this. Well, guys, believe it or not... the same time he was supposed to be with me, he was asking my friend for sex!!! And he gave his number... well not the same he gave to me!
My friend wasn't very interested, but anyway the guy never answered to him, too.

He had been very stupid, because he told me his real name (last and first), exacly where he lives, where he works... it would be fun for me and my friend go to his home and waiting for him... HAHAHA but I am not so cruel!

Please guys comment on this. I'd be happy to hear your comments!

 

[new86]

JY STAR i love you!
You told exactly what I WANT happens with guys.

You like me? ok! You don't? TELL ME.
I will cry and then i'll be happy to be sure of what you think.

And please, don't pull my leg. Don't say how hot and beautiful I am, knowing you are exactly my type (even for fun/sex) and then go away without explanations.

Do I ask too much?

 

[RicanDAB]

Quanchi, this usually happens when there's a breakoff with the person who takes one's virginity. You almost feel like the link has to remain forever. Best thing to do is let him go. He's told you (verbally and with silence) in so many ways that he's not interested in going further.

Refocus your energy allowing yourself to find someone who will wanna be with you