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Why does it seem gay men just want sex!? AHH!

TroyBoiFromVA

TroyBoiFromVA

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Well, I have only been "openly" gay for about 3 months now. The only men I find are just looking for hook ups, or pretend they want something more but honestly only want a hook up. So many people tell me i'm wasting my time trying to find a long term thing. They tell me to just "go with the flow". I cant do it! :(. I don't even really know what i'm asking here, just venting I guess!
 
Because you're 19.

Generally, younger guys and those fresh from the closet are mainly interested in "sowing their wild oats". Or, to put it a bit more modernly, getting their freak on. They got a dick and ass, and they're interested to see how they both work now that they're active in the guy-on-guy scene.

Some guys stay in that zone for the rest of their lives, but they appear to be in the minority. It seems most gays eventually start putting away their inner freak, and start looking to do something a bit more long-term.

Where are you looking for guys? There are good places to go for dates, and there are good places to go for sex. Quite often, these are completely different places. :)

Lex
 
Yeah, I try my hardest to avoid the 18-23 y/o crowd for that.. and other reasons! I do not find much difference with guys a few years older either though.
 
Most people in that age group, regardless of sexual orientation are sex fiends.
 
Lol, I feel like I'm in the same exact position. All the people I end up meeting seem all into sex or a short-term relationship. No one around my age seems to be interested in the long-term. Even though I live in a city with a sizable gay community, its feels like I'm the only one interested in a serious relation (well, you also have the 40+ year olds but they don't really count).

I really think I know what you're going through; I feel as though I'll be living single for the rest of my life. Guess I'll just say what my friends tell me "Its gonna be all right, there's someone out there waiting for you." Cheesy but edible. XD
 
yeah, I want a long term thing too. hard to find. Soilwork always says to go find a group that enjoys doing something you like and you are likely to find someone good for a long term relationshi or at least friends. good advice. I think also long term relationship people are attracted to people who have other goals besides a long term relationship, if that makes sense. like: "wow he is really good at: helping old people/ personal finance/ identifying post modern art" seems to suggest you are willing to put some time into something other than getting your knob wet.
 
its just because you're 19, things gonna get more interesting while you're growing up, I could say it's just a matter of time, though you can look for what you want and, who knows? maybe you get it.
 
Oh yeah, I know what you mean. It's an uphill battle. Its very hard to find a young guy who wants something more than sex.

But im 19 as well, so I guess I can take the older crowds advice, too. I guess we just have to be patient.

I wish you the best in your search.
 
There is a phrase to describe this. "Looking for love in all the wrong places." It is quite rare to find love/LTR online.

Anyways, I do agree with what a lot of people say above though. However, this isn't just a 'gay' problem. It's a life stage issue. People are in college now trying to figure out what they want to do with the rest of their lives. People don't really want to be tied down to a relationship as they want go out and experience the world around them. Eventually, once people find some sort of direction in their life, they may want to settle down. Sure, there are a few guys who may want to be in a relationship now, but don't hold your breath. I say go out and experience the world and see what it has to offer you.

There are a decent amount of gay guys that want "more than sex" you just have to look in the right places.
 
I'm convinced that searching for (i.e., trying to find) a long term relationship is not the best way to go about getting one. With regard to these sorts of things, there's definitely such a thing as trying too hard. Moreover, at 19 most people don't really know what they want anyways. The gay guys who know and admit they're looking just for sex are even a rarity really.

Focus less on finding a boyfriend. Having one isn't going to solve all your problems or make you a more complete person. Focus on becoming a better, more interesting person. Meet new people. Make friends with the kind of people whose company you enjoy. Work on your eduction. Travel. Take up new hobbies/activities.
 
I completely agree with drhladnjak. Spend time on other interesting things and make more friends. Just keep your eyes open, there are people looking for more than just sex. My current bf and I are both 21 when we met, and although it has only been 3 months or so, we are both aiming for a "long-term". And I can tell you that sex is not the most important part of our relationship so far, at least from my perspective.
 
Unfortunately, I don't see much difference in guys when they do get older. I still find that all they want is sex. Don't bother looking for anyone. Just go out and make some gay friends. The gay boyfriend may come along with the more gay friends you have. Joining groups is a great idea, but I'm not sure if it's the greatest place to get a boyfriend. If you know each other for a while, then I suppose it's fine...But if you start dating a guy that you just met in a new group, you run the risk of alienating yourself if it doesn't work out between the two of you.
 
Yeah, I have been working on the 'gay friends' thing a bit lately. I know this is probably going to sound absolutely horrible... but I just find it hard to be friends with other gay guys such as myself. I don't know what it is.. I don't know if its be being in some sort of twisted denial or what. I <3 my fag hags.
 
ohhhh troi boy!!! I wonder the same!!! I also want a long term relationship.. it seems that nowadays everybody wants sex express
 
lher6425 said:
LOL. In fact it is not just gay men that want sex at that age. It's men at that age. Straight men want it as bad, just not with guys. So don't feel bad.
Click to expand...

totally agree.

it's not just a "gay men" thing...never has been and never will be. it's a "most men" thing
 
Hey TroyBoiFromVA,

Mate I hope this thread gives you hope that you'll find what you are looking for... I count at least 5 guys here your age or less all saying the same thing...

Whatever you do dont change or stop looking or compromise on what you want. Be strong, stick to your values and instincts... because those are the things that make you you. Those are the things that make all of you guys valuable, special and unique.

To want the things you do is a sign of maturity and respect for yourself... and others. It doesnt mean you dont want fun in your life it just means you want love and happiness... the way you feel comfortable with. All good things, things to be proud of, and to stick with.

You will find someone mate, thats a given. Theres no magic formula as to how or when... but thats what makes it special... the surprise of it.

Just life your life... be open to chances and possibilities in everything you do... school, work, play. Keep your eyes open and dont be afraid to tell people how you feel. I cant stress that enough... just be open and aware of the world around you... no matter where you are or what you are doing.

Gay guys dont go anywhere different to straight guys in the real world... we all eat, drive, sleep, work... In the real world we are everywhere... we just have to take the time to notice each other. Its a bit of an art form mate, but with time you'll master it!

And trust me, before you know it you'll be in the arms of someone who feels exactly the same way as you do.
 
TroyBoiFromVA said:
Yeah, I have been working on the 'gay friends' thing a bit lately. I know this is probably going to sound absolutely horrible... but I just find it hard to be friends with other gay guys such as myself. I don't know what it is.. I don't know if its be being in some sort of twisted denial or what. I <3 my fag hags.
Click to expand...

I think there are two factors here.

First, think about how many straight girls are in your town/your country/the world and how many of them are close friends of yours. It's a pretty small fraction and you have no reason to expect it to be much different with gay men. There are lots of gay men out there and frankly the overwhelming majority of them will never be an acquaintance of yours, let alone good friends. You have to find people you get along with who you share some interests with.

Second, it's very common for younger gay men to have a lot of female friends. I think part of it is that many gay adolescents and teens don't feel like they fit in with other men while growing up. They may feel like they have more in common with women. At the same time, people in that same age group tend to be awkward around those they find attractive. Teenage straight boys tend to hang out with other teenage straight boys because although they like girls, there's a lot of awkwardness going on wrt attraction and development of gender roles at that age. For gay men, those same feelings are going to happen with other men, which means women are the safe crowd to hang out with instead.

You just don't see female friends as much among gay men as they get older. Yes, there are always some outstanding fruit flies out there who will party with and support their boys, but they just become fewer and farther between. Past a certain age, it's just more common for gay men to become friends with and interact socially with other gay men. At the same time, the fruit flies tend to also drift apart by getting husbands and boyfriends who take up more of their time too.
 
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