Why doesn't he want to talk about it?

[saymyname]

the guy's been pretty open about the fact that he's not looking for a relationship, but you seem to be bringing a lot of drama to the table -- at least that's what I take away from reading your posts. it would make sense if he was pulling away because of it; at least, that's how I reacted when I started to get the feeling like my one FB wanted more from me than I was willing to give him.

I wouldn't get too invested in a relationship with a guy who's been clear about not wanting a relationship... if he's seeing other people, you should too. maybe you'll find someone who does want a relationship; if nothing else, it would take the pressure off of this guy who may see you as being overly invested in him.

I understand where you're coming from, but I think you're giving him a little bit too much credit. He hasn't been that open - about anything. He said that in the beginning, yes (which is why I started that first thread), but, as I mentioned, then it started to feel differently with him texting me often and just how the situation felt in general. I didn't bring that drama to the table on purpose and I told him that - he's the one who had a bitchy reply and then wouldn't explain anything, insisting we'd "talk about it later". Don't get me wrong, I am worried that I came on too strong with caring so much about the situation, but we weren't just hanging out to fuck either. He's a really sweet guy sometimes and in person there was some of that kind of other tension. I could date other guys if I wanted to... maybe I will, it's just that I'm kind of just interested in him right now. But please don't put it all on me - it doesn't sound like he knows exactly what he wants from me either.

 

[altlover85]

I understand where you're coming from, but I think you're giving him a little bit too much credit. He hasn't been that open - about anything. He said that in the beginning, yes (which is why I started that first thread), but, as I mentioned, then it started to feel differently with him texting me often and just how the situation felt in general. I didn't bring that drama to the table on purpose and I told him that - he's the one who had a bitchy reply and then wouldn't explain anything, insisting we'd "talk about it later". Don't get me wrong, I am worried that I came on too strong with caring so much about the situation, but we weren't just hanging out to fuck either. He's a really sweet guy sometimes and in person there was some of that kind of other tension. I could date other guys if I wanted to... maybe I will, it's just that I'm kind of just interested in him right now. But please don't put it all on me - it doesn't sound like he knows exactly what he wants from me either.

Unfortunately, at the end of the day all you know for sure is what he's said to you. If you think his feelings have changed, it would be best to ask him whenever he gets back in touch with you.

I had a guy that I liked and hung out with, but we never became boyfriends. We hung out and took trips and spent weekends together, but at the end of the day nothing progressed beyond that. It didn't help that I was in my last semester of college and was going to graduate. I think he knew that the relationship wouldn't last past my graduation date since I didn't have a job in his town.

But guess what? I never knew for sure because we never talked about it.

If there's something you want to know, you have to ask. You can't simply go by how things feel. And as I've said before, that's easier said than done.

 

[saymyname]

Unfortunately, at the end of the day all you know for sure is what he's said to you. If you think his feelings have changed, it would be best to ask him whenever he gets back in touch with you.

I had a guy that I liked and hung out with, but we never became boyfriends. We hung out and took trips and spent weekends together, but at the end of the day nothing progressed beyond that. It didn't help that I was in my last semester of college and was going to graduate. I think he knew that the relationship wouldn't last past my graduation date since I didn't have a job in his town.

But guess what? I never knew for sure because we never talked about it.

If there's something you want to know, you have to ask. You can't simply go by how things feel. And as I've said before, that's easier said than done.

I think that's very true, thank you. I just want things to back to how they were for a little while before bringing anything heavier up. He had every opportunity to politely tell me to go away, to cut ties, and he didn't, and agreed it'd be cool to hang out as long as we don't get on the incident subject. I'm just sick of waiting, but I know there isn't much else I can do, it's not like texting him again would help at all. It really sucks to meet an otherwise good guy like this who seems like he's just damaged goods over his ex - god knows how many guys I did this to during my "I lost the love of my life stage" - now I know how they feel.

 

[Seasoned]

You say he doesn't like drama, but that's what he is giving you over this. He's embarassed that you found out about whatever current drama he's in. This could be his post break up reaction. If he's not willing to talk about it I'd advise you to stay away. If he's rebound shopping you'd be better off without him.

 

[saymyname]

Ok so here's the situation.

I was talking with a friend about it and he was really honest and just told me it doesn't sound good and that I should just text him and if he doesn't answer than just ask him if he wants to fuck, to see how he'd react to a very basic thing like that. It was a good idea.

So, I've been seeing the guy in question on Grindr for the past few days and he never said anything to me. Last night was 5 days that we didn't talk. I do not/did not know why.

So I texted him, and this is how it went.

Me: Hey man how's it going? (no reply, an hour later)
Me: Wanna fuck?
Him: (a minute later) Not tonight sorry sexy
Me: Haha okay. What're you up to? Going out?
Me: You want to fuck soon? I miss your hot ass man!
Him: Lol. I'm not going out tonight I'm with some friends now.

Then I sent one more text but he was with friends, so no big deal.

Anyways, so it's interesting that he wouldn't reply to something like "how are you" but when I went on the level he's looking for, sex, he replies. So this explains why he didn't want to talk about any of the drama cause it's too much for someone just looking for sex. So I guess we're just fucking, and that's it. Maybe if we keep fucking for a month or something, eventually I'll ask him if it could ever be anything more. So he's obviously a player. Eventually I want to find out if he's doing this because this is how he is or if he's just healing from his ex.

I like that he replied with "sexy" cause ever since we started having sex he didn't say things like that. I met another guy in his 30's last night, 34, and he's in an open relationship... so maybe I'll see him a little... but I wanted to go with older guys cause I thought they were more mature, but they just want me for sex too!

 

[altlover85]

Anyways, so it's interesting that he wouldn't reply to something like "how are you" but when I went on the level he's looking for, sex, he replies. So this explains why he didn't want to talk about any of the drama cause it's too much for someone just looking for sex. So I guess we're just fucking, and that's it. Maybe if we keep fucking for a month or something, eventually I'll ask him if it could ever be anything more. So he's obviously a player. Eventually I want to find out if he's doing this because this is how he is or if he's just healing from his ex.

I bolded some things that I wanted to address. This might be a little harsh, but hopefully it will get you to think about some things.

You know he's in it just for the sex, but you want to wait a month to see if it will be something more? He's had time where he could have moved this to a deeper level, but he's currently chosen not to.

Will he decide to get serious? Who knows?

Why he is acting the way he is? Who knows?

Why wait around for him?

Clearly you feel something for him and he's not where you are in terms of feelings.

I like that he replied with "sexy" cause ever since we started having sex he didn't say things like that. I met another guy in his 30's last night, 34, and he's in an open relationship... so maybe I'll see him a little... but I wanted to go with older guys cause I thought they were more mature, but they just want me for sex too!

Yes, from that one picture I saw that you posted I can see why guys would be attracted to you. But no matter what the age, if they are just in it for sex and you want more than that, they aren't the guy for you.

There's guys that will be serious about you and into you for more than just sex both younger, older, and the same age as you out there. If that's truly what you want to find, you'll find it. It'll just take some work.

 

[MorrisseyX]

Hello OP I think you need to leave the guy alone I have read the posts and it seems like he is just not that into you. You should not take it personally but of course we are all human. If you are feeling hurt those feelings are valid. However, I think you should leave the man alone and try to meet someone else. He has been very clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you. I think you just have to accept this.

 

[saymyname]

alt - I know, I know he's had time, but remember, there's also the issue that he's all heart broken over his ex. When I say I'll give him time to see if it evolves, that's what I mean - see if he can get over his ex or not while I know him. Also, now that I know that that is all he wants at the moment, I can pull my feelings out and approach this more with my head than my heart. I feel really different about the entire situation now. I've decided I'll still date other guys etc. Treat him how he treats me, basically, and if it's still going after a while then maybe ask why it's like that.

Morissey - Thanks for your reply but I think you're talking out of your ass. He hasn't been clear about shit. Avoiding talking about things is not being "clear". Saying you'll talk about it and then later saying you'd rather not but still want to hang out is not "clear". I know he doesn't want a relationship, that's obvious at this point, but there's a difference between not being into someone that way just because and not being into someone that way because you're still emotionally recovering from your last relationship. Maybe you should go back and read the posts again, we're "into each other" in the sense that we still want to hang out but it's too soon (for him I guess) to talk about anything more.

 

[HunterM]

You gotta learn to read non-verbal queues, manerism, inaction, etc. Not everyone is going to spell out everything. We are all humans; we are all different. This is reality.

 

[Cardenio]

alt - I know, I know he's had time, but remember, there's also the issue that he's all heart broken over his ex. When I say I'll give him time to see if it evolves, that's what I mean - see if he can get over his ex or not while I know him. Also, now that I know that that is all he wants at the moment, I can pull my feelings out and approach this more with my head than my heart. I feel really different about the entire situation now. I've decided I'll still date other guys etc. Treat him how he treats me, basically, and if it's still going after a while then maybe ask why it's like that.

Seems like after reassessing the situation you have come up with a pretty solid plan, so I'll say the only thing that remains to be said: good luck!

 

[rjmrjm21]

He's definitely playing you. Maybe you're just attracted to that? Since when do people ignore those that they are interested in?