Why Gay?

[jockboy01]

You know, people say this all the time but the truth is that your sexuality will probably be the biggest part of your identity the rest of your life. It has colored my entire life whether I wanted it to or not. So, good luck with that.

Gosh, I hope this isn't true (I know, we rarely disagree Riverrick). It is a definitely a part of who I am. But if I were to rank my "identities" it wouldn't fall in first place I guarantee. A good friend of mine once told me that he thought for me it would probably rank around ninth. Probably not that low, but not in the top three probably. Right now, it kind of is an important part of my life. But overall, in terms of who I am, it's there for sure, but not the overriding theme... and I hope it never is. Not because I'm ashamed of it (I'm not any more). But because there is so much more to life and a person than their sexuality.

As to the label gay.... I kind of agree that you associate it with all bad things. There are some great things to link with being gay and I think once you make that link, the label won't be so bad.

 

[drhladnjak]

"Gay" is fine with me. I don't like the German word for it - "Schwul"... it sounds really weird.

For years, I couldn't keep schwul (gay) and schwül (muggy or sultry) straight in my head.

I still remember this time the clerk at a Hamburg hotel asked me "Sind Sie gay?" before giving me all sorts of gay tourist information for my next stop (Berlin). I found it very amusing at the time that she used "gay" when there's a perfectly good German word--"schwul". Not being a native speaker, I'm not sure how it sounds weird, but I imagine it might sound old-fashioned to young people today.

 

[Soilwork]

well, sorry, but I think you're being silly.

And I'll tell you this right now..

Any man worth having is going to run for the hills when you tell him "I'm not gay, I just like men." If the guy I'm interested in is SO hung up on what people who aren't even gay think the definition of "gay" should be, he's got more issues than I'm willing to deal with.

 

[Andross]

For years, I couldn't keep schwul (gay) and schwül (muggy or sultry) straight in my head.

I still remember this time the clerk at a Hamburg hotel asked me "Sind Sie gay?" before giving me all sorts of gay tourist information for my next stop (Berlin). I found it very amusing at the time that she used "gay" when there's a perfectly good German word--"schwul". Not being a native speaker, I'm not sure how it sounds weird, but I imagine it might sound old-fashioned to young people today.

It is old-fashioned for young people today. We prefer "gay" aswell - it has a more inclusive meaning to it (i.e. it includes everyone, gay men and lesbians) unlike the German word "schwul" which is used for gay men and "lesbisch" for lesbian women. Plus - somehow English words are trendy... at least if used in moderation.

 

[hermanding]

please don't let these words exert so much control. that's the way others do their manipulation. you know what you feel and what you want. i just can't find any negativity in myself over the word 'gay'.
ding

 

[jockboy01]

the majority of people in this world use it to mean something negative.

I disagree. It definitely is regionally dependant but I think the majority of people don't associate gay with negative so much as with men liking men. Those who associate gay with being negative do so b/c they they associate men liking men as negative. So ditching the term gay doesn't help your cause with these people anyway.

And there is a huge difference between gay and living a gay lifestyle. I'm gay, but I'm FAR from living a gay lifestyle.

And I have to agree with SW... any guy who says he's not gay but just likes guys does not accept his sexuality in my mind. I have a friend like this and I would never date him because of it.

 

[J-23]

No matter what group you fall into, there will always be a large number of people who are ignorant enough to judge you for it. Stereotypes will always be associated with your ethnicity, your religion, your level of wealth, your style of dress, your political affiliations, your physical appearance, etc. Not just your sexuality.

What you have to decide is what road you want to take. You could take the easy way out by distancing yourself from these groups to which you rightfully belong... Or you can take a stand and make a difference by breaking the negative stereotypes, proving that there's diversity among every group, and showing people that their prejudices are wrong.

 

[Soilwork]

I'm gay, but I'm FAR from living a gay lifestyle.

wait... how is your life different from mine.. or any less gay?

I mean, you and I went dancing at a gay bar with porn stars and rubbed up against some of the guys we met there on the dance floor (ok, I did most of the rubbing, but you were RIGHT in there with me).

You even called me "miss thing."

(ok, that last part is a lie... sorry)

 

[Pringle]

Although I tend to agree being gay doesn't make up my WHOLE life it does make up a part of it and so the name stands. You can't start re-naming something because it has been used in a derogatory manner. Bloody hell if I did that I wouldn't be able to tell people I am an accountant!

If you take offence to it then it is you that has the problem with the term, not the person using it, because if they are using it as an insult then they obviously don't know what a gay life style is about - you do - so why be offended?

Surely better to demonstrate that "bath houses etc" aren't necessarily typical for ALL gay men rather than denounce the title.

I'm not saying people should bounce off the ceiling publically announcing their sexual preference to those who don't want to listen but if people continue to take the term as a "put down" then it will continue to be used as such - Playground politics I'm afraid.

 

[Rick18]

The meaning of any word is determined by those who use it. Whether or not you use it to mean something positive does not eliminate the fact that the majority of people in this world use it to mean something negative.

I have no use for a word whose popular definition does not represent me and no desire for the connotations of the popularized "gay lifestyle" to be associated with me.

I am a very independent person, comfortable in my sexuality and pursing romance with other men. To me, "gay" no longer means just that, so I don't use it.

This is my first post on here, but I read this thread and felt I had to comment on it. You say you don't like to identify as gay because of the images the word stirs up in someone else's mind. You do realize that simply telling those same people that you are a guy that likes other guys will do the exact same thing, don't you? It's not the word they associate with steamrooms and bath houses, it's the fact that you like the same sex.

When I came out, my father seemed to think (and still does to some degree) that I was just choosing to be gay and live a gay lifestyle. Instead of running away to hide behind another label of "same sex oriented" or the like, I just lived my life like I did before I came out. I don't hang out in bars or clubs cruising for sex or doing much of anything that this supposed "gay lifestyle" entails. Do you know why? Being gay means nothing more than being attracted to the same sex. All the bars and steamrooms that people imagine have to do with the people involved in those activities, it just happens to be that they're gay, not the other way around.

If people want to judge me on being gay, they're going to do it no matter what label I use. I finally decided that if someone has a problem with it, that's their problem, not mine.

Soilwork :
Any man worth having is going to run for the hills when you tell him "I'm not gay, I just like men." If the guy I'm interested in is SO hung up on what people who aren't even gay think the definition of "gay" should be, he's got more issues than I'm willing to deal with.

This has so much truth in it.

 

[jockboy01]

wait... how is your life different from mine.. or any less gay?

Surely you jest! Haha. Our lives are quite different in so many ways. And my life is far less gay than yours.... not saying that is a good or bad thing, just the way it is.

I didn't say I don't occasionally venture into the "gay lifestyle" world. And yes, I can be a dance floor slut.... but it doesn't leave the dance floor.

You even called me "miss thing."

haha, at first I was like "what!?!?, that is SO not me!" LOL

 

[Soilwork]

How is my life more gay?

I mean.. yeah, ok, most of my friends are gay and I live in West Hollywood and I work for a gay porn company and ride with a gay motorcycle club and tag team guys with my gay little brother.

oh.. ok.

got it.

 

[Soilwork]

And I say you should ALWAYS have a little dance floor slut in you. I mean, even at the bank while waiting in line.

You know... it helps pass the time.

 

[M4P]

wait... how is your life different from mine.. or any less gay?

I mean, you and I went dancing at a gay bar with porn stars and rubbed up against some of the guys we met there on the dance floor (ok, I did most of the rubbing, but you were RIGHT in there with me).

Oh if only I could have been a fly on that wall!

 

[amyleeisjesus]

re: soilwork: I want you to fly me out to Hollywood so you can break me in. You're amusing <3. I'll PM you my portfolio or something.

I have also heard it used in the street being shouted as a derogatory term (instead of the usual "faggots", a guy yelled out "you fuckin "gays" or similar).

You should've yelled back something equally ridiculous such as, "you fuckin' straight!" I mean wtf?

 

[jockboy01]

And I say you should ALWAYS have a little dance floor slut in you. I mean, even at the bank while waiting in line.

haha, now that would be a site!! I tend to keep those thoughts in my head at the bank... or most other public, non-club places. It allows the locals to live in ignorant bliss.

 

[mexamor]

I agree with you on labels but I don't like the term same sex attraction, in fact I like it less as it canotes something that is passing, rather than what we are. Why not just man love or homosexual? Or nothing at all?

 

[Spensed]

Many gay guys go through developing stages of homophobia and self-acceptance reflected in the "labels" they chose to apply to themselves....I'm straight....I'm bisexual....I don't want to define myself with a label....I'm gay.

"Gay" like love is such a loosely defined term that it means different things to different people, but the element of same sex attraction is usually an unescapable part of it.

Accepting a gay "label" doesn't make any one less or more manly and doesn't mean you have to be like every other gay guy out there.

However, rejecting the gay "label", when you are sexually attracted to men, is like a black guy trying to pretend he's white or a white guy trying to pretend he's black. It's only a matter of time before the truth catches up with you.

 

[GayMIBoy69]

I would've thought "lover" simplifies the relationship to, uh, love?

Whatever the dictionary definition of the word "lover" is, it still leads to the connotation of sex. It can be argued that any word which means "gay" (gay, queer, faggot, lover, etc.) leads the mind to sex first and then the actual relationship. I just have a heavy disdain for "lover" when it refers to two people in a relationship.

If you're doing a one night stand or have a regular person you fuck around with who you're NOT in a romantic relationship with, then you have a fuck buddy. If you have a romantic relationship with a person, then they are your boyfriend, girlfriend...I'll even take partner.

When I hear the word "lover" in relation to two people, I don't think of a romantic love; I think of a person or people who can't grow the balls to admit they are having sex. Gay or straight, it doesn't matter. In the end, it still distills the relationship down to sex.

 

[luminum]

Homosexuality and being ;gay' isn't about the active persuit of guys, anymore than heterosexual or 'straight' is about the active persuit of one sex for the opposite sex. It just means that one is attracted (passively and aggressively) toward the same sex.

And ys, it defines you. You're not a homosexual when you're dating a guy, you're a homosexual all of the time, when youw atch movies, go shopping, hang out with your friends.

There seems to be some bizaare disparity between how sexuality is represented for homosexuals and how it's represented for heterosexuals. Straight men watch movies and think, that gurl is attractive/unattractive. Gay men do the same. It's subconscious and conscious.

Thus, your sexuality defines you, just as your religion defines you, or your level of education, your economic background. It factors into the choices you make and the way you think. It doesn't override you, but just because you're not having sex with a guy, doesn't mean that your sexuality isn't factoring into your daily life. It's nothing to be afraid of. Saying that your sexuality defines you is only common sense and it's not the same as saying that your sexuality is all that you are.