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Why is it so easy for some people?

L

Looking4Fun2009

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I was just wondering, how come relationships seem to be so easy for some people, like, I've seen guys manage to hook up and then end up becoming boyfriends and seem very happy, but, I've never had a boyfriend, I'm 23 and it really depresses me. Admittedly, I haven't been out for that long, and I can be shy, especially when it comes to the LGBT scene, but, I'd just like to be able to meet someone, and have the types of relationships everyone else seems to have.

Any tips you have on improving confidence would really be great.
 
Sometimes the more we want something the harder it is to get. I thunk we come across desperate. A person who seems to enjoy life is a more attractive person.

Practice some of the qualities you see in people you like. Soon that behavior will change you. It feels ackward and forced at first, but it's necessary if you wish to make changes.
 
Smile.

Compromise.

Listen.

Laugh.

Compromise.

Give.
 
I've spoken to, or hooked up with guys who came across as EXTREMELY pushy, forceful and desperate. They would literally not take "No" for an answer, and INSISTED that they come pick me up, have sex with me right away and start seriously dating me. . .after only talking to me online for only a few minutes, or one day!

A relationship should NEVER, EVER be forced; that's just creepy. It should be something that naturally happens between two people.

Try to find someone you naturally connect with, don't force anything and just be yourself. It will happen when the time is right, whether it's the first person you go out with or the 99th. Take your time and find the person who's right for you. . .someone who will love you as much as you love them.
 
Don't judge yourself by what you see around you, there are plenty of facades out there. You are only 23, it will happen, you will know. I was fortunate to fall in love at first sight at 17. The moment I saw him I knew, thank god he did too. How is that possible for two 17 year old boys in the 70's? I don't know but it did. Put yourself in situations to meet guys if you can. I'm going to assume you have never been in love.

When this day comes it will be like the mysteries of the universe have been revealed to you, at least it was for me. I know there can be heartaches along the way but since it appears that you long for a relationship it would seem that you will work on finding that perfect boy for you. It is a magical and wonderful thing and you will eventually find this happiness if you truly want it. Don't harbor the notion that it's easy for these people and not for you. You just haven't found the guy that will mean everything to you, and you to him, but you will, keep the faith.
 
I'm gonna pull a byron katie on you.

You don't have a relationship because you don't need one. How do you know you don't need one? Because you don't have one. Bingo, reality. When you really need one, it will happen organically on it's own. It will be very natural. I've known relationships, even straight ones where it seems like everything is working out then they break up after so many years and it ends in bitter disaster. Do you really want that? 50% of marriages end in divorce. Most people who enter relationships are telling themselves LIES and it's not going to end well, they are trying to create a good social mask instead of the person they're truly meant to be with.

This very serious and epic thing, trusting somebody else with your feelings doesn't come by easily cause most people aren't gonna do it, so therefore you just have to be very confident yourself first. And then, somebody will just upgrade you. You've heard this advice countless times already before, but that's just how it works! The more you like YOU, the more who you'll really meant to be with will make itself clear. Your boyfriend shouldn't be your therapist or your fixer-upper. It doesn't work that way, and it's condescending and insulting to your feelings.

I don't think it's attractive to try and change yourself so other people will like you. I think you just gotta do whatever it takes to get self-confident, and stay that way, and then who're meant to be with will be more clear.
 
Get to know yourself as much as possible. You're probably very smart. Like most smart guys, you're going to bloom later in life. One of my friends didn't found the right relationship until he was 50! 50! But of course, he's very happy now, and well-adjusted, because he found his soulmate.

Take your time with all this. This is your HEART we're talking about here. Do you really want to give it to just anybody, just because a relationship is NICE TO HAVE. Of course not. Get to know people very slowly, try them on for size, test them out, and remember you're always in the driver's seat! I feel enthusiastic about you, cause I feel you're almost there, you just need that extra push of upliftment and empowerment.

Continue to explore yourself sexually and find out what YOU like.
 
Also you have to know that the grass isnt always greener. Im not saying that relationships arent wonderful its just that guys who are in relationship may seem happy go lucky on the outside with their partner/lover but on the inside they could possibly be dealing with issues.
 
Im kinda the same as you. Im 21 and have only been in ONE relationship, and it was long distance. I have fallen in love with 2 guys, 1 was we were too young and he had issues, the other was mutual (even wrote about it here) but he left and was kinda indenial, then then confessed he was gay and then moved out of the city, lol. *SIGH* I hate internet dating, its so cold, unemotional and just boring. Im kinda like u, i guess. But i have hope for both of us :) we are still young and have everything ahead.
 
Looking4Fun2009 said:
Any tips you have on improving confidence would really be great.
Click to expand...

For most people, confidence requires practice. You get better at relationships and dealing with people through putting yourself out there and learning.

First thing, make yourself the best guy you can be - it's a lot easier to be confident if you know you have a lot to offer.

Whatever kind of guy you think you might want - turn yourself into someone who attracts that kind of guy.

Confidence starts with yourself.
 
Also another thing, you're four years away from being a kid, and while I'm sure that seems an eternity to you, you have a lot of time.

Not that it matters, but a little perspective, I wouldn't consider you old enough to date, not because you're you, but because you're too young.

Don't waste your youth on angst - you only get one shot at it. If you have no relationship now, have fun until you find one. Things will happen organically if you let them - and you have plenty of time to find forever.

I'm a firm believer in experience, start piling yours on, even if it's just having a good time.
 
On the other side of the fence, I rushed into a relationship at age 18 and I wish I had had time to figure things out and see what qualities I really want in a partner... and to really investigate all the facets of what I am attracted to. Don't force it or try too hard or it won't end up right.
 
It appears to be easy for some guys because a lot of the time they have low to no standards. I use to ask myself this same question, why it seems so easy for others and not me, until I realized that you never know what's going on in someone's relationship. I noticed, especially online, that a lot of people both gay and straight who are in relationships are cheating. I had a guy with a baby seat in the back of his car and a wedding band on try and pick me up as I was riding my bike down the street. And that's just one example...I have dozens on top of dozens.

Noticing how hard it is for guys to be monogamous in the area in which I live has made me hold off on finding someone until I move. I live in a place that has a huge gay population, thus men have tons of options. Nearly every couple is in an open-relationship because to have it any other way is asking for trouble. It's sad, but I refuse to think it's the same everywhere.
 
^People are people, no matter where you are.
 
It's common for people in your situations to look at potentials boyfriends and think "I want one of those". Like they're products on a shelf. But that's not really how it works. Because it's a two-way street here. Yeah, you want him to be a good boyfriend to you, but you need to be a good boyfriend to HIM. I found if you try to focus more on that aspect - "am I a potentially good partner? how can I be a better boyfriend?" - then things tend to fall into place quicker (and better).

Lex
 
modernaire said:
True enough. But geography, cultural conditions, etc. also play their part.
Click to expand...
Yes, but just don't get your hopes too high, that's all. (*8*)

And Lex has marvelous advice, as always.
 
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