Why is it that being Bisexual is such a curse?

[DragOneON]

Honestly?

Gay men dismiss you. Straight men think you're a freak. I'm wondering why I spent so many years arguing for the rights of gays to marry and delivering meals to aids sufferers if I wasn't a part of the community?

And yet the gay community, by and large, dismisses us? Politely, it's disheartening. Impolitely, it's a disgrace.

I wonder why it is that gay is genetic, but Bi isn't? Do you think we just choose it? We just have loose morals? We want to play both sides and leave a mess in our wake? REALLY ?

Please hear me and what I'm saying.Not how I present it.

Coming out for me has meant that I have to justify my sexuality to every gay AND hetero. ENDLESSLY.

I'm not trying to start an argument. I'd just like to know why bisexuals are treated so differently.


It really is disheartening. If i don't belong with them, and I don't belong with you, where do I fit?

It hurts.

 

[Screwdriver4]

because people are bigoted, small-minded and ignorant

 

[DragOneON]

because people are bigoted, small-minded and ignorant

Thanks for at least answering. I know those labels apply across all genders/ orientations.


It does, however, make me sad to hear those same labels again

 

[FlaMan]

I speak for myself and no one else on this...And I only speak of the few bi-sexuals that I know...most of them are on the Down low and dont want their wives or girlfriends to know and thats where I have the problem..Its called cheating...And cheating is wrong on so many levels...But if you are open about it then I dont have a problem with it..I cant get close to some of my bi friends because i watch them trying to get another man and I know their wives and all I can think of is what a sorry person they are to be cheating like that. This is not directed at you in any way since I dont know you..its just how I feel!

 

[NineOfClubs]

I still hold to the notion that in the future everyone will be bi-sexual.

Nothing wrong with it.

In fact, I find bi-sexuals to be more attractive than gays...

 

[FlaMan]

Also..Why the need to fit in ?If you are happy with your life and everything in it you must be doing something right! You really dont have to answer to anyone about the way you live your life but you... I am a gaay man but I do not fit into any category of the gay life..and I am very happy in life!

 

[glasvegas]

So far, I find people generally more accepted you if you're bisexual. You still like girls. They see you as 'the occasional gay' which they said is not disgusting as gays. Well, that is what my friend said.

 

[Spiff]

From a serious dating perspective, I always want to avoid bisexuals because it would seem to me they have twice the risk of cheating on you. They simply have potentially more temptations than a strictly gay or straight person. For anyone looking for a fling this does not matter, but it is likely a big challenge to find a bisexual that is willing to have a monogamous sexual relationship. Asking them to commit to just one sex is probably asking more than they are really capable of, speaking longterm of course.

 

[anchihiro]

I guess because of the negative stigma of other bisexuals that give people a bad name.

1) Bi guys that marry a woman then cheat throughout the years with guys.

2) Bi guys that cheat.

3) Gay guys that in a cowardly way say they are bi (even though they know they're not) as a stepping stone to fully coming out, like softening the blow.

4)Bi guys that can be in love with women. But just use men for sex.

5) Bi guys that are only a little bi, so don't reciprocate in bed, i.e. no kissing, and not wanting to suck your dick, but expecting you to suck theirs.

6) Straight and gay people having some stupid misconception that being bi is 50/50 right down the middle. For everyone.

7) Straight and gay people insecure that their bisexual partner will cheat with the opposite sex, because they can't fulfil all their sexual desires.

8) Straight and gay people not knowing where they stand with a bi person because being bi is something different to all bisexuals. Where as being straight or gay is wrongly percieved as simply black and white, and familiar.

 

[Rolyo85]

Sorry for being a little rude, but first of all, you fight for gay marriage and deliver meals to AIDS sufferers because we deserve equality and because people who have AIDS suffer. That's kind of the point of causes and charities - you do them selflessly or it defeats the purpose.


Now to your question. There are a few things that make people a little distrustful of bi-sexuals. The first is that in more than 50% of the times they are not bi. They are homosexuals using the term "bi" as a stepping stone for coming out. Also, as a firm believer in the Kinsey scale, to me only a perfect 3 is bi. Being a 2 makes you straight, and being a 4 makes you gay. So actual bisexuals are not that easy to meet (I only know one or two), and therefore people have a skewed idea of what being bi means.


Then there is the problem with lifestyle. You see, when you're gay, if you decide to be out your entire life changes forever. If you're bi, however, you can just play straight, and never really come out at all. That is offensive to a lot of homosexuals (not to me personally), and it does kind of make you a liar. And of course there is the crushed ego of being dumped for the opposite gender. Which is an equal danger to both gays and straights as far as dating a bisexual is concerned.


I am just explaining though. I have never had an issue with that sexuality. Personally, I think that gays need to come down off the high horse a lot of the times, and remember how it felt being persecuted, hated and frowned upon for what you are. I think we owe everyone a free pass when it comes to who they like...

 

[DragOneON]

Sorry for being a little rude, but first of all, you fight for gay marriage and deliver meals to AIDS sufferers because we deserve equality and because people who have AIDS suffer. That's kind of the point of causes and charities - you do them selflessly or it defeats the purpose.


Now to your question. There are a few things that make people a little distrustful of bi-sexuals. The first is that in more than 50% of the times they are not bi. They are homosexuals using the term "bi" as a stepping stone for coming out. Also, as a firm believer in the Kinsey scale, to me only a perfect 3 is bi. Being a 2 makes you straight, and being a 4 makes you gay. So actual bisexuals are not that easy to meet (I only know one or two), and therefore people have a skewed idea of what being bi means.


Then there is the problem with lifestyle. You see, when you're gay, if you decide to be out your entire life changes forever. If you're bi, however, you can just play straight, and never really come out at all. That is offensive to a lot of homosexuals (not to me personally), and it does kind of make you a liar. And of course there is the crushed ego of being dumped for the opposite gender. Which is an equal danger to both gays and straights as far as dating a bisexual is concerned.


I am just explaining though. I have never had an issue with that sexuality. Personally, I think that gays need to come down off the high horse a lot of the times, and remember how it felt being persecuted, hated and frowned upon for what you are. I think we owe everyone a free pass when it comes to who they like...

Clairifcation then - I'm probably as close to a 3 on the kinsey scale as you could ask for.

I'm out, to family and friends. I don't go screaming it from the rooftops, I also don't make any attempt to hide it if the subject comes up.

I'm married - My wife knows I'm bi, and is totally ok with it. I've never cheated on her. We have an open marriage, so take that for what it's worth. If I wanted to date a guy, she'd be ok with it.

The only reason I'm not with a guy is because I met my wife first. I could easily be in a relationship with a man. And yes, I love to kiss and cuddle and everything else with another man.


I'm no more likely to cheat on you than any boyfriend. There's a difference in seeing an attractive looking woman walking down the street and thinking of her shape, and "what if". It doesn't mean I whip out my cock and chase it. That goes for anyone.

The only difference between me and you (figuratively), is that I find both sexes equally attractive for different reasons. I flutter at Sal on MadMen, but I also think Kate Beckinsale is hot.

My morals and how I approach the meaning of monogamy are no different just because I'm bisexual.

And yes, I got what you are saying. I do volunteer because it's the spirit of the gift to do so. I don't do it for applause. I do it because it's right, and because I want to be part of "the community".

Sadly, tell most gay men that you're bi, and you get the stink eye. It is what it is. I have feelings just like anyone. They don't hurt any less when they get stepped on by people so willing to judge by a label.

It's doubly worse coming from men who know how it feels and should know better.

 

[Rolyo85]

I agree with you. I'm just saying there are valid reasons. It is not right, but then again, what is?

Still, I think you generalize. I have a LOT of gay friends, and I have never heard any of them having an issue with bisexuals, except for one case of a guy who was a little insecure about being able to satisfy his bf who is bi.

 

[DragOneON]

and for the record, my marriage is open because my wife asked for it. not me. her sex drive is about 50 times mine. I have no problem with it because she's a wonderful woman and deserves to have her needs met.

While I have carte blanche to do the same, I have yet to do so. We've been married ten years.

 

[DragOneON]

I agree with you. I'm just saying there are valid reasons. It is not right, but then again, what is?

Still, I think you generalize. I have a LOT of gay friends, and I have never heard any of them having an issue with bisexuals, except for one case of a guy who was a little insecure about being able to satisfy his bf who is bi.

I apologize Roly, I wasn't going after you personally. I'm just down

 

[Spiff]

and for the record, my marriage is open because my wife asked for it. not me.

So monogamy is not important to you. Not alot of people who are wanting a relationship is like that.

 

[DragOneON]

So monogamy is not important to you. Not alot of people who are wanting a relationship is like that.

As far as my wife is concerned, no, it isn't.

I have no doubts about her love for me, nor does she about me.

Sex does not equal love. That's just our opinion.

i don't go running around chasing both genders for a good time. There are gays with open relationships, just as there are straights with open relationships. My marriage is the way it is despite my sexuality. Not because of it.

 

[slnattak]

I've always accepted you.

the problem is that bisexual men would always 'one up' me on how better, faster, cooler, smarter and stronger than they were, because they were more straighter. They always were smug about it "Come on man don't you like pussy too"

A little but not really enough to call myself bisexual...

And almost always, without exception, they felt kick-ass and cool about their straight side, and they felt ashamed and pathetic about their gay side. And in the end would always choose her over me.

That's why gay men don't like bisexual men a lot. Can you really blame us? We have feelings and hearts too!!!

 

[MoltenRock III]

I pretty much agree with everything Rolyo said. Additionally, in every case Ive come across the bi guy is already in a LTR relationship / marriage with a woman, so a guy on the side will always and only be just that; a side interest. Never have I met a bi guy in a LTR / marriage with a guy looking for a girl on the side.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Also, when you say you don't scream it from the rooftops, maybe you should. That's what it took for us gays to start to gain acceptance. Once coworkers, casual friends, and family know a bisexual openly the faster your cause will be met.

 

[slnattak]

Additionally, in every case Ive come across the bi guy is already in a LTR relationship / marriage with a woman, so a guy on the side will always and only be just that; a side interest. Never have I met a bi guy in a LTR / marriage with a guy looking for a girl on the side.

Exactly. And that's true for closeted gay men too, who aren't bisexual, but are just hiding.

No wonder gay men don't even like each other, I mean we're treating each other as soulless fuck toys, and using women for our emotional and romantic needs. And the ones that aren't are all narcissistic public figures who are more into 14-year-old boys anyway. *Rolls eyes* You can't be in a relationship with them, because they are in a relationship with their own image.

I guess in a way this is common though, to a straight woman most men are assholes until they meet 'the one.'