...are only interested in hooking up and don't care about dating? [...] the last couple of guys i've gone out with are not interested at all in dating. all they wanted was to mess around.
Maybe they just don't want to date
you.
he is not a happy man. I don't know if hes unhappy because of he's looking for companionship from an anonymous cock or vice versa, but in the end it doesn't matter. I think hes looking for happiness and he's getting Blowjobs.
It's all part of the isolation we are falling into as technology progresses... we get in the habit of doing a
lot of things while those things don't really
touch us. Hooking up isn't much different from
World of Warcraft... lots of fun, kills a lot of time, but doesn't involve dealing deeply with people, nor does it ultimately
mean anything. When you stop playing, it's over.
As far as I'm concerned, hooking up is just a very elaborate form of masturbation: the other person is only there to turn you on and rub you the right way; the person therefore doesn't matter
as a person. And so you don't have to get involved in anything that you can't control or turn on and off at will. You're still safe in your little bubble of self-involvement where nobody can hurt you and nobody can make a scene and nobody can make you feel anything.
And there's nothing wrong with that, in and of itself. If you're in a place in your life where you really can't deal with a relationship, then hooking up is a nice pastime. But being self-contained is not human nature: we need
connection...hooking up cannot be a long-term thing. But so many people become addicted to hookups, the excitement and the frequency, that it goes on and on... and that's when it starts destroying them.
It sounds like your friend is on the way to a sexual addiction (if he's not already there); a pastime becomes an addiction when it's not doing for you what you want it to, it's making you unhappy, and it's destabilizing the rest of your life.
But it's very common for people to look for love in the wrong places. And I think a lot of that comes from not knowing what you really want, what you
need to make yourself happy. A lot of times we
think we're going after what we want, when what we're really going after is something that we were
led to believe would make us happy. And I think anonymous sex is one of those things: sold to us through porn, which many of us can't distinguish from reality...again with the media/technology matrix.
Returning to the origin of this discussion, though, meeting people seriously online is an arduous experience, since most of the time you are going to find people who just want to hook up... especially on free sites. If you want to meet real people, you have to go outside and do it in person.
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