Why is this so hard?

[JB3]

About a month ago, me and my boyfriend of a year broke up. This was our second break-up, but for very different reasons than the first. Basically, I was ready to commit to something more, and he wasn't. He's 19, still in college, and isn't ready for something that serious. (for obvious reasons) So basically, it was mutual. We were both upset, of course, but not as much as last time since we know that the reason was legitimate.

The problem I'm having is that it is now a month later and I'm actually having MORE trouble now than I did back then. I find myself getting extremely jealous when he says he's hanging out with other guys, and I just can't seem to shake my feelings. I know a month isn't that long, but I shouldn't be regressing like I am. I just feel sort of lost right now, and I don't know what to think.

 

[HunterM]

Don't contact him for about 3 months or so. Start seeing other guys yourself. Make new friends. Keep yourself busy socially.

 

[Seasoned]

I'm not a fan of staying friends because it always seems as if one person moves faster ahead than the other. You need activity that doesn't involve him and there's no reason either of you need to be monitoring the other's activities other than to make you crazy. Letting go can be difficult, but here it is so necessary for maintaining mental well-being. Good luck to you.

 

[KaraBulut]

Given the history of breaking up and getting back together, it would probably be better to put some space between the two of you so that you can move on.

Spend more time with your other friends. Get involved in things that you enjoy doing but haven't had time for because you were in a relationship. Meet people. Enjoy life.

 

[greyhorse]

Good luck JB. I know it is hard especially if you live close and see him around. You may never lose your feelings of love for him but you will be able to manage it eventually and move on with your life. The necessary thing is to find or busy yourself with an important interest that will take you mind away from it at least for some of the time. Hope all works out for you. Cheers, G oo

 

[Georgiadude]

you need to stop having contact with him. Sorry for this analogy but it's like picking the scab off of a healing wound. You keep opening yourself to all of those old feelings. The hope that maybe down the road it will work out again or why is he spending time with him when he could be with me. You need some distance and time to let the wounds heal. Maybe down the road you could be friends with him but for now cut the strings. I know it's not easy and it hurts but it's going to keep hurting if you don't.

Steven.

 

[techie70]

I have to agree with Georgiadude. It is incredibly difficult to remain friends immediately after a breakup. Especially if you see your ex moving on but you haven't. Try to get back out there. Hang with your friends. Time adds perspective.

 

[maxpowr9]

This is why I never do the "let's be friends" with ex-es. For some people it can definitely work but for many, there are too many emotions tied up with the relationship for it to be healthy. There is only one ex I still remain friends with but it was a mutual breakup and it was a friends "let's try dating but was horrible" relationship.

Yah it has hard to initially get over someone. I still am struggling a bit over my recent breakup but my friends are trying to keep me in line.

 

[chance1]

Sorry to hear

You miss him and apparently he is moving on quicker than you

Good advice above - try to avoid contact as it stings too much to hear of his normalcy

Sounds trite but ..... Time will help

Stay busy - allow yourself to feel the loss cuz that's what it is

It hasn't been that long

You're ok - and you're gonna be ok

Hang in JB