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Why would he do this?

I've experienced a similar situation once too, and can testify to having some of the same feelings you are right now. You will move on, and believe me you won't let something like this happen again.

It is terrible that there are guys that do this to people, but remember that homosexuals are in the minority. It's best to seek out guys that already know they are gay, and admit it. Too much trouble tends to come along with those guys that aren't ready to face their gay feelings, despite their actions saying differently. They are the ones that are going to put on a show for their straight friends no matter what they do behind closed doors, or when they think no one is looking.
 
Well, I have seen him since. We talked. It was a pleasant chat. He told me that he didn't know what I was talking about me telling him how I felt. But, he does. He's not being honest with me. Why would he be dishonest? Is this a coping mechanism? He said I was a nice guy he was into women. I don't know, I'm just confused by all of this. It seems manipulative. Right? Am I being manipulated? is he closeted? Does it sound like it? Did I fall in love with a closeted gay guy and I know this and that's why I am so confused?
 
gymrat100 said:
Well, I have seen him since. We talked. It was a pleasant chat. He told me that he didn't know what I was talking about me telling him how I felt. But, he does. He's not being honest with me. Why would he be dishonest? Is this a coping mechanism? He said I was a nice guy he was into women. I don't know, I'm just confused by all of this. It seems manipulative. Right? Am I being manipulated? is he closeted? Does it sound like it? Did I fall in love with a closeted gay guy and I know this and that's why I am so confused?
Click to expand...

Forget about him and accept that you probably won't find the answers you are looking for.
 
gymrat100 said:
Well, I have seen him since. We talked. It was a pleasant chat. He told me that he didn't know what I was talking about me telling him how I felt. But, he does. He's not being honest with me. Why would he be dishonest? Is this a coping mechanism? He said I was a nice guy he was into women. I don't know, I'm just confused by all of this. It seems manipulative. Right? Am I being manipulated? is he closeted? Does it sound like it? Did I fall in love with a closeted gay guy and I know this and that's why I am so confused?
Click to expand...

At this point, it doesn't matter whether he's gay or not. He's crazy AND an asshole. You certainly don't want to date a hatemonger like that.

You asked earlier what happens to guys like that. I'll tell you what happens. They live sad and lonely lives going through their own personal hell, all while pretending to like women, leading a woman on, having kids with her and marrying her, and then FINALLY realizing he's actually gay at 60 years old and breaking his wife's heart.

By the way, what are these 'places' you keep referring to where all the guys who hang out there are bisexual? I've never heard of anything like that.
 
Mindblast...the gym. I'm ashamed of myself that I liked this kind if guy. I'm really ashamed. It's no one's fault but mine. He probably calls me a faggot and all that to his friends. Yeah, they hit on women all the time, but have sex with guys I am hearing about. There is a lot if that at my gym...married men hooking up with guys. You know the more I learn about this guy, the more I realize that he was probably cruising me and not interested in me the person at all and I confused the two. Oh well...
 
Objectively, you were just involved with a bad group of people. Closet bisexuals who are self-loathing liars are no friends to be a part of. Find a new group of accepting gay friends who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
 
Do you have friends outside of the gym that you can turn to? If not, perhaps now is the time to find some openly gay friends. Odd that these bisexual guys would not stick up for you when this guy is calling you faggot. I would be pissed if it happened to someone I knew.

Oh and you will get over him. Give yourself patience and keep yourself busy so your mind is somewhere else.
 
I was with a bad group. Thank you so much for your kind words, just_believe.

I do have many openly gay friends. But, you know the gym, from what I am learning is cruise spot for men who are closeted and have wives or girlfriends, and so they meet other guys there for sex. It's rampant at my gym but I ignore it. It happens at most "straight" gyms. Gay gyms you get very little
cruising. But, there are no gay gyms where I live.

I am getting over him. Thank you vidarr.
 
Vidarr they all run with the same group. They would never defend me. They are into women, remember?
 
Wow at my gym nobody ever talks to anyone else unless they came there together. Maybe it's an Alberta thing, I don't know. Every gym I've been here is like that. The most words you'll ever hear out of someone else there are "how many sets do you have left?".

And certainly no picking up goes on there, at least not that I've seen. I've seen guys check me out but only briefly.
 
First. I'm sorry this happened and welcome to JUB and I wish I could give you a big hug. You need one.

Now. For the love of God....stop blaming yourself. YOU did nothing wrong. NOTHING. You keep asking what it say's about you and how you could let this happen. Your looking at this the wrong way. HE is the one that is messed up. He's got serious issues and some day will get what is coming to him. Like someone said Karma has a nasty way of working these things out. You have to stop blaming yourself. You thought you had a great friend and someone that meant more to you than anything. He probably has done this to other people and you just happened to be an easy target. He's afraid others will find out his secret and when you opened up to him he freaked because he doesn't want others thinking he's gay. The old guilt by association. He's hiding and is afraid to admit the truth so he diverted the attention and "outed" you thus making it look like he's straight. It happens to guys all the time.

Never have any contact with him again. If he approaches you, walk away. Dont look at him, don't talk to him, don't have anything to do with him EVER. Work on your self esteem. Get some counseling if you can. It really will help. Most of all stop blaming yourself. You were nothing but a friend to him and that's how he repays you? What does this say about you? It say's your a very nice guy and a true friend. You can't help that he's a giant homo that is afraid to come out or be seen with someone gay. That's his problem. Not yours.

Hope your able to see that you did nothing wrong and didn't ask for this to happen. Turn it into something positive. Your better off without him in your life and are a stronger person than he is.

Best regards

Steven.
 
First Georgiadude, I love your pic. Secondly, I would a huge hug for your words. Thank you.

I agree with you, and I see it too, but this guy took all of my confidence. And, with the recent situation if him "honestly having no idea what I was talking about" I feel insignificant. But, I am feeling better. It's odd when somebody takes away who you are and how you see yourself. I feel differently. I hope this feeling goes away and I can feel myself again.

I'm upset mainly at myself because of his homophobia. Which has seemed to escalate since I told him how I felt. People make comments about him liking men and he'll have some phobic comment. Or if he looks "gay" he says he looks like a "homo". I don't know, it's strange. He's a weight lifter and he has shirtless pics of himself - lol. I just feel how did I get myself in this mess? I must have been very desperate.
 
Do you think he is an abusive kind of guy? I hate to say this about him, I don't want to think that of him. But is he like an emotional manipulator?
 
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