Wings of A Butterfly

[inthecloset]

Not a lot of response to this chapter :/

 

[pe_gay89]

Awesome chapter, ITC. I'm glad Mike took it so well.

 

[sheep]

Great writing as usual. You touched my heart with Mad World
...All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places,
Worn out face-e-es.
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere,
going nowhe-e-ere...

I had a musical boy sing to me and play piano. This is the song I identified with him. Wish I knew what happened to him.

 

[LilVirgin]

okay this story is just amazing, the writing is excellent, characters are hot (well in my imagination)... i love how Aaron used to be this sarcastic jerk in the beginning and can turn into a sweet lover... thanks to Lukas!!

can't wait to read more inthecloset... and the Mad World part caught me a tear in my eye!! (yeah i'm that weak)... between since you mentioned the band Paramore i had to look to them and have to say there really great!! i never knew them before or listened to them thanks to you i have a new favourite band...

 

[inthecloset]

Well hey there everyone!

So I've been working on the next chapter for a while now and I have to say it's going to be really good. I expect to be done within the week as long as I can keep myself from thinking too much about my next story

Just wanted to give you guys a little update and give the story a bump in case some people missed the last chapter.

Much Love,
- ITC

 

[looseliam]

Thanks for the update sweetie. We can hardly wait =]

 

[DonQuixote]

ITC,
Sorry it's taken me so long to get back here!

I started a few times, but kept getting sidetracked/was tired.
And, once I reset the "new post" bold indicator, with my feeble brain, well, I messed up.

This was a wonderful chapter. The love all around.
Carly's great news.

I do hope Aaron comes to share the memories he has of his mom with Lucas - they won't fade away, and Lucas will be able to know his mom a little bit more - as well as Aaron a whole lot more. Memories are so much better when you can share them with a close friend/confidant.

Thanks so much for continuing your wonderful love story, ITC.

I think Craiger did a great job hilighting all of the emotions and feelings from the story.

 

[marqau]

Hi ITC, I've been lurking here reading your story and have just caught up. I am so impressed and moved. I have shed so many tears. Thank you.

 

[ellipsis]

Waww..
I just finished reading all the chapters..
At first I thought the story will be a bit boring like the other story that the writer wrote (sorry no offence), but I was wrong. This story is amazing..
I'm waiting for next chapters
I'm sure there is still a bit long way to end this story

Thank you for sharing !

 

[inthecloset]

I'm trying to finish the next chapter but it's pretty hard at the moment. I just got a second job so everything's just kinda "raaaawr" right now. I'll get around to it sometime this week though, I promise.

Much Love,
- ITC

 

[2M0A1T1T]

Wow great story just spent the last three days reading the graduation story and this one . Love the heart to heart stuff don't get me wrong the sex stuff is awesome too but ya gotta love a story with love and drama. Just knew the dad was gonna come back and cause trouble but too bad he couldn't stay and be family to Aaron but at least he has Lukas . Can't wait for the update

 

[inthecloset]

Hey there everyone. So after a long period of adjusting to my new schedule and my new life here, I finally got around to writing (and re-writing) the next chapter. I do apologize for making you wait between chapters, and I promise not to do it again. Next chapter will be done by next Friday as my friends are going back to school this week and I won't have as many distractions from my writing. I hope you all like this chapter though... I worked really hard on it to try and eliminate the anticlimactic feeling it gave me after the first draft. Enjoy!
​

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Thirty-One:
Midnight Train

When I woke up that Saturday morning, with the sunlight peeking through the closed blinds and the fan blades on the ceiling pushing the cool air down onto my skin, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness. It was my last day with Lucas. In just a few short hours, we would be packing up the last of his things to be shipped to his new apartment in Los Angeles. He hadn’t woken up yet; the impact of the night before probably took it out of him.

Cherilyn and I treated everyone to a night out at Lucas’s favorite restaurant as a sort of going away party for him. Carly took pictures, Cherilyn tried her hardest not to cry, and Jonathan, Henry, Mike, Sean, Lucas and I spent the night horsing around and making jokes because we didn’t know how else to vent the awkward sadness that came with a member of our unusual and dysfunctional family leaving. I put on a smile the entire night until we got home.

The two of us walked through the door and headed toward the bedroom. As I walked behind him, I watched every movement of his. I counted every step, noticed every muscle as it moved with his legs, and committed anything I could to memory. When we walked into the room, he turned toward me, grabbed my hands and pulled me onto the bed with him. For a while, we just lay there not saying a single word. His chest rose and fell slowly as his breathing began to weaken. He was almost asleep when I nudged him to move into a proper position on the bed.

I tried to fall asleep, but it was more difficult than ever. I couldn’t stand the thought that the next time I fell asleep; I wouldn’t have Lucas by my side. I didn’t want to face that yet. It was probably about two in the morning before I finally felt myself drift off. I remember dreaming about cookies and a flying toaster, but the rest started getting fuzzy even moments after waking up. I just lay there, watching his face as his lips twitched from the dream he was having.

I put my hand up to the side of his face, barely touching it as I was afraid to wake him and allow this day to begin. With a pain in my heart, I leaned forward and kissed his soft lips. His eyes cracked open as I felt him start to kiss back. I didn’t even mind his morning breath because I didn’t want this kiss to end. I didn’t want him to leave me... but it was too late to say anything now. With a grin on his face as our kiss broke apart, his hand went up to the side of my face and his thumb rubbed my cheek.

I reached up to his forehead and slid my fingers through his hair. I leaned in to kiss him again, just to feel the spark that came with it go through my lips all the way to my toes. Once the kiss was broken, we were both sitting up and staring into each other’s eyes. He took a deep sigh and moved to stand up, but I pulled him back into the bed.

“Aaron,” he said with a grin, “We have to finish packing.”
“No,” I said, “Five more minutes.”
“Babe,” he said, “I know you want to stall, but I just can't right now.”
“I know,” I said, “I just didn't think it would come so fast.”
“Well then, the next six months should just fly by,” he said smiling.

I knew it was a forced smile though. He was afraid, I could tell. He didn't want to leave any more than I wanted him to and it was obvious he could sense it from me. So, as Lucas is so accustomed to, he put on a brave face in order to seem strong to keep me from falling apart. I couldn't decide if I hated it or loved it that he was always putting me first. The only way I could respond to him was to gently wrap my arms around his neck and give him a very loving embrace.

“I love you, too,” he whispered.

When I finally let go, the two of us climbed out of bed and changed into loose, comfortable clothing and finished packing up the boxes he was going to have over-nighted to his new apartment. It was a long process, and every now and then I had to force back some tears while packing away his t-shirts. When I came across the beanie baby I got him for Christmas, he took it and gently kissed my cheek as he packed it in his carry-on bags.

“I want to have this tonight,” he said with that same forced smile.
“Why do you have to be so cute?” I asked.
“It's easier to get stuff from you that way,” he said with a genuine grin.
“I'm gonna miss that smile,” I said wrapping my arms around him.

After a few minutes he took a deep sigh and pulled me off of him. With a stern look, he grasped at my eyes with his own.

“Aaron,” he said, “I love you, but if I don't put a stop to this, pretty soon you're gonna say you'll miss my gas, or my knuckle cracking, or even my nail-biting habits. And I know how much that annoys you.”
“Sorry,” I said.
“Are you sure you're gonna be okay with this?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said hesitantly, “I'll be fine, I promise.”

I could tell he knew I was lying, but both of us kept the facade in place in order to try to make the other happy. Looking back on that now, I can see how silly it really was. But at the time, I didn't want him to think me a selfish person. I didn't want to demand that he give up everything he's ever worked for just because we wanted to stay together. I did everything I could in my mind to justify making him go, but the reason I chose wasn't the real reason.

I have to admit, I was never afraid of us turning into my parents. We were so much different than they were less than a year into our relationship and we had pretty much proven to each other that we were in this thing together for good. My real concern about making him leave, was that I somehow felt I needed to prove something, prove that I was capable of being on my own again; that I wasn't tied down or dependent on Lucas.

We packed in near silence for a while until Carly and Mike showed up to help us load the boxes in the car. We were going to go together to mail the boxes after we dropped Lucas off at the train station. Carly insisted that she come with me because she was convinced I would need moral support after he left. I resisted, but I was secretly grateful that she was so pushy about it. I hate to admit it, but the girl really knows me.

It was around 1:30 by the time everything was finished and packed. Lucas didn't have to be at the train station until 5:00, and his train didn't leave until 5:45. Henry, Jonathan, Cherilyn, Travis, Sean, and Lucas's family would be meeting us at the train station to say their goodbyes and good-lucks, so it was just Carly, Mike, Lucas, and I for another few hours. The four of us sat around in our nearly empty apartment and started talking. The wedding was a month and a half away, and Carly was surprisingly relaxed about it and managed to stay off the topic.

“So, Aaron,” she said, “What are you going to do this summer?”
“Well,” I said, “I actually went back and got that job I applied for last fall.”
“Oh, really?” she asked, “What was it again?”
“I'm going to be the assistant for the local Advice Columnist.”
“Right,” she said, “That's exciting. I hear he's really good.”
“Don't pretend you don't have his articles arranged in a journal,” Mike said glaring at her.
“Shut up, Mike,” she said.

We all gave a small laugh at them. Lucas had barely spoken all afternoon and I... well I was just trying to keep myself under control. There were so many things I wanted to say to him before he left, things that I felt couldn't wait until he came back the following weekend, or until I drove up to check out his apartment the weekend afterward. They were little things that kept bugging me and almost jumped out of my throat a few times before I caught them, because I knew if I said them he wouldn't go.

I played with his fingers as our hands entangled each other and just stared at his face. His beautiful hazel eyes beneath golden eyebrows shone out with pure and unadulterated amazement. I don't know what made me happier, the fact that he had an amazing ability to stay angry at no one and love everyone with every bit of energy, or the fact that he did all of it unconsciously, as if no one had ever hurt him before.

* * *

Lucas was silent the entire thirty minutes it took us to get to the station. His face was stone solid, afraid to show any emotion. Except for his eyes of course; I could see how conflicted he was inside with every reverberation in his eyes. Every shift, everything they looked at, and everything they reflected gave away all that was in his mind. He was struggling; every scene we passed that he tried to commit to memory gave that away.

Carly and Mike were already there and getting out of their cab as we pulled up. Mike helped him with his luggage in the trunk while I pulled his carry-ons from the backseat. The pocket of his backpack was open halfway and through the zipper, I could see the beanie baby tag. I was a master at holding back my emotions at this point and tried my best to compartmentalize, but the entire situation was getting to me. In the past four years, I hadn't known attachment like this.

A part of me was angry with Lucas. I couldn't stand the fact that I was so close to someone I didn't even know a year ago. He just walked into my life and tore down my defenses so he could get close to me, and now I couldn't imagine my life without him. Part of me wanted to be mad at him, just so I had a way to vent my frustrations.

Carly must have sensed it because she took Lucas by the arm and walked him over to the counter to exchange his printed out vouchers for tickets. Mike and I grabbed all the bags and met him by the benches near the tracks. His family finally arrived by 5:05 and they said all their goodbyes and congratulations since they wouldn't have the chance to see him again until Thanksgiving. As they were walking away, Kyle gently put his hand on my shoulder, as if to try and comfort me without words.

It was getting closer now; I could sense it in the air. The train was speeding down the tracks in our direction to come pick up Lucas and a dozen other travelers and take them away to their destinations. I didn't know or care where the other people were going, but I knew how the people they were leaving behind felt. Or perhaps they were returning to those people after they had already left them.

Lucas let go of my hand and went up to Cherilyn who was holding onto Sean. The two of them went around the corner where none of us could hear them. The rest of us stay silent for a little while. When Cherilyn returned dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief, the rest of us took notice. Lucas came back around the corner and took Sean next. The others and I gave Cherilyn a questioning look to which she responded with a catch in her throat.

“He wants to say goodbye to us alone,” he said.
“Why?” I asked.
“I guess to make it as emotional as possible,” she said with a forced grin.

I sighed and nodded, knowing what was about to happen to each and every one of us. Sean came back around and Lucas grabbed Jonathan next. Even Sean looked like he had been ripped apart inside despite only being in Lucas's life for a couple of months. I later found out that Lucas told him how the way he treated Cherilyn and how happy he made her made Lucas care more about Sean than any of us realized. But that was just Lucas. I was never amazed by how much that boy could love.

When Carly came back and Lucas took Mike, she came over to me and hugged me. I never found out what he said to her, and every time I asked her, she got too emotional to speak. I could only imagine what he wanted to say to me, but I was determined to maintain control of myself. I didn't want to say the things that were going through my mind at the time, because I knew it would screw everything up between us. After Mike, it was Henry, and after Henry came Jonathan. Mike returned obviously burying his tears and keeping his emotions inside like a well-trained man.

And then, the moment came. Jonathan came around the corner, dragging his feet as he tried to man up like Mike and keep his eyes from flooding, but was obviously losing the battle. I knew it was my turn, and when I saw his warm and loving gaze appear around the corner, my heart almost shattered. He didn't move from his position by the wall, and I could barely move from where I was standing. His eyes searched mine and mine tried so hard to tell him everything I was thinking until I finally found the strength to move.

I got closer to him, one step at a time, but it seemed to be the longest walk I've ever taken. He disappeared behind the corner and reappeared when I reached it. He had his back turned, as if trying to gather strength for himself. All I could do was stand there and wait for him to start talking. I was afraid touching him might break him completely. Then, he turned toward me, his eyes full of tears.

“Aaron,” he half-whispered, “I can't figure out how to say goodbye to you. It's silly though; because I'm gonna see you in a few days. It's just... when I think about not seeing you every day, not falling asleep with you every night, and not waking up next to you every morning... it makes me not want to go. And I can't tell you how much I love you. There's just no way to show you, and there's no way to say it. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, and I need you to know that.”
“Luke,” I said after a deep sigh, “You don't have to say anything. I know. I know what you're trying to say and I know how hard it is. I don't want to say it either.”
“I love you,” he choked out.

He pulled me close to him and I felt tear drops on my shoulder. His arms squeezed me so tight I thought he'd never let go... and I squeezed him just as tightly back. The train was approaching now; we could hear it as the whistle went off in the distance. We didn't want to let go of each other though because we knew letting go meant he had to leave.

“I have to,” he whispered in my ear.
“I know,” I said.
“I love you,” he said again.
“I know that too,” I said, “And you know I love you.”
“I do,” he said.

Despite how badly we wanted to hold on, and despite how tightly clung we were, the two of us detached. Eyes sopping wet and noses running, we stared at each other for a moment. Each of us tried to force a smile to reassure the other and we hugged one more time with a soft, but passionate kiss to say goodbye. He whispered, “I'll call you when I get there,” before he let go of me.

When he pulled away from me, part of me went with him. I stood there watching as he approached the train and stepped through the doors. I watched as he stuffed his luggage into a compartment by the doors and took one last look towards me before he disappeared from the opening and went to find his seat. A few moments later, the doors shut and the train started moving. Before I knew it, he was gone.

Carly walked up to me, Henry, Jonathan, Sean and Cherilyn having already left. She put her hand on my back and tried to get me to move.

“I'm such an idiot,” I said.

She took me in her arms and I started crying on her shoulder. We sat down on the nearby bench as I fell apart in her embrace. It was about a half hour before either of us said anything again. Eventually my crying started dying down as my mind calmed itself and my stomach started butting into the scene. I could tell Carly was starving and we still had to take Lucas's boxes down to the UPS store.

We made our way back to the car. I slid into the passenger seat while Mike got in the back seat and Carly took the keys and drove the three blocks to the UPS store. Time around me seemed to speed up as lights from oncoming traffic appeared to streak by and the cars around me were passing as if the car wasn’t moving at all. It felt like hours before we finally pulled into the parking lot. Mike and I got out and started unloading the boxes in silence.

After everything was paid for and the car was empty, Carly dropped Mike off at the dorms and came home with me. She raided my fridge as I sat on the couch and let the emptiness of the apartment set in. I couldn’t understand why I let him go, but I knew why I couldn’t ask him to stay. There was a part of me that was still afraid… still vulnerable after all this time.

“Where’s that head of yours?” Carly asked from the kitchen.
“Nowhere,” I said.
“Come on,” she said as she rounded the countertop and sat next to me on the couch.
“I’m just thinking,” I said.
“About?” she asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said.
“If it matters to you, it matters.”

I kept my thoughts to myself for a moment, trying to organize them in my own head. Yes, I had broken down just after he left, but it was almost like I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I almost forgot Carly was there until she spoke up.

“Why did you say you were an idiot?” she asked.
“Huh?”
“When he left, you said you were such an idiot,” she said.
“Oh,” I said, “That… uhh…”
“You wanted to tell him to stay didn’t you?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Why didn’t you?” she asked.
“Because I knew he would if I asked,” I said.
“Would that have been so bad?”
“No but,” I said, “I wanted him to stay because he wanted to stay, not because I wanted him to.”
“Aaron,” she said taking my hand in hers, “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but that’s bullshit.”
“I know,” I said.

More time passed. Somewhere during the silence between us, the TV was turned on. I don't know when I fell asleep, but I know I didn't fall asleep in my own bed. I may have woken up there, but I didn't fall asleep there. I don't think it would have been humanly possible for me to sleep in that bed unless someone put me there already unconscious. I didn't fall asleep feeling any better than I had the entire day and woke up several times during the night wanting to roll over and grab onto someone that wasn't there anymore.

I barely even realized that the sun was up after having woken up for the fifth time. It wasn't nightmares keeping me awake though. I kept waking up feeling like I was in a completely different place. I couldn't get used to the emptiness of the room enough to have a restful sleep. But, every time I woke up all I wanted to do was lay there for the rest of my life. The only thing that actually got me to get out of bed was the dull sense of hunger and the pressure of a full bladder.

When I stepped out into the hallway, I was enveloped with the smell of bacon and sausage being cooked in the kitchen. As I approached the end of the hallway, I could see Carly standing at the stove. I doubt she had left at all during the night. I must not have looked very attractive because her expression was pained when she noticed me in the hallway.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said softly.

I pulled myself together and sat down at the table while Carly scooped some eggs and sausages onto a plate and set it down in front of me.

“Did you sleep okay?” she asked.
“Not really,” I said.
“I'm sorry hun,” she said.
“Did you stay all night?” I asked.
“Of course,” she said, “Mike came by about an hour after you finally crashed.”
“I hope he's not mad at me.”
“No,” she said, “I explained it to him. He understands.”

She was taking the dishes back to the sink when she passed the answering machine.

“Oh,” she said, “You have some messages.”
“Play them,” I said.

I heard her fingernail hit the button and the automated voice telling me I had two new messages. The first was from a couple hours ago about a doctor's appointment I had in a week, and when it finished, I put my head in my hands and my elbows on the table... until the second message played.

“Hi,” Lucas's voice said over the machine.
“It’s me...” he said.

I lifted my head up and looked over at the phone as it sat in its charger on the end table.

“I just got on the train and I just couldn’t help but feel like I should have said more,” he said, “I feel like I left without saying the most important thing. I spent all week trying to decide what to say to you… but when it finally came I couldn’t say anything I wanted to.”

He was crying.

“I'm sorry for leaving,” he said, “I need you to know that every ounce of me didn’t want to. I need you to know that I love you.”

His deep breath sent a shockwave down my spine. Suddenly I felt guilty for pushing him into doing this when neither of us wanted him to, and both of us would give anything to change what was happening. Suddenly, I felt like the world’s biggest douche.

“I don’t blame you, because you were right when you said I needed to do this…”

As if that absolves me of blaming myself…

“I do need to do this…” he said, “I just can’t… I can’t…”

His crying took over for a few seconds causing him to leave his sentence unfinished. When phone hung up the room was flooded with a silence that was ear shattering. My eyes started filling with tears again and Carly was hesitantly moving towards me.

“I want him back so much...” I whispered.

I pushed my left thumb and forefinger against my closed eyes, as if trying to stop myself from crying again, but I was failing badly. I didn't even notice that the door was still open from when Carly grabbed the mail, and there was a figure standing outside.

“I'm here,” he said.

I jumped up like lightning when I heard his voice. His beautiful voice that would put angels to shame caressed my ears when it rang from his throat. He took a step inside and the light poured over him and brightened his watery, hazel colored eyes. My own eyes filled with tears as I couldn't believe the sight in front of me, but I knew he was really there by the look on Carly's face.

“Luke,” I whispered, “H-how? Why?”
“I got there and realized that this job just wasn’t that important to me,” he said, “So I bought a ticket home immediately.”

I couldn't say anything else. I ran forward, jumping over the back of the couch, and slammed into him wrapping my arms around his back. I nearly knocked him off his feet, but was squeezing him so tightly that I kept him from falling over. My lips instantly found his and locked against them. We stood there in each other’s arms for a while.

“I could never leave you,” he said.
“Good,” I said.

It didn’t take long for word to spread that Lucas had come back. Within a couple hours, everyone in our circle had been informed.

* * *

Everyone ended up back at our place that night. It turned from a small Chinese food dinner between a few friends to a full on Welcome Back party... even though he technically never left. When everything was over and done with and the party had died completely, it was down to Cherilyn, Sean, Carly, Mike, Jonathan, Henry, Lucas and I. The others slowly started to leave and as Carly and Mike were getting ready to go, she came up to Lucas.

“So, uhm,” she said, “you're here for good right?”
“Yeah,” he said giggling, “Why?”
“Well, I was wondering,” she said, “Do you want to be my maid of honor?”
“Seriously?” he asked.
“Well, yeah,” she said, “Mike already snagged Aaron from me.”
“Sure,” he said, “I'd love to!”
“Awesome!” she squealed on her way out the door, “I'll call you tomorrow, there's still so much that needs to be done!”

We shut the door behind them and hugged again.

“What did I just get myself into?” Lucas asked.
“Nothing I envy you for,” I said, “But I'm glad you're back.”
“Me too, babe,” he said, “Me too.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me back toward the bedroom. He pulled me into him when we reached the door and kissed me. His hand slid behind my head to pull my face into his while his other hand embraced my back and forced our chests together. He kicked the ajar door open and pulled me inside, where sweat soon drenched our bodies as we showed each other just how much we missed each other in the day we were apart.

​

 

[Kyanimal]

Outstanding, ITC! And, now, no longer apart, and firmly back together! Awesomely Intense story, Dude!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[sheep]

Great writing. Gut wrenching emotion.

 

[DonQuixote]

ITC,
This was intense. Powerful. As Sheep said, Gut Wrenching Emotion.

Very well done.

 

[Craiger]

I have to agree with all the above posts, ITC. The emotions and intensity were extremely powerful and expertly written. Also, somewhat of a relief to know that Lucas returned on his own volition which truly shows his love for Aaron. Tears weren't shed only by those in the story.....

Craiger

 

[inthecloset]

Thanks everyone for the comments, I'm working on the next chapter now and just wanted to give this thread a bump to make sure everyone got a chance to see the update. I should have it done by next weekend depending on how distracted I get/how much homework I get.

 

[littletosay]

Very moving. Beautifully written. Thanks for the update, ITC

 

[inthecloset]

Working on the next chapter tonight. I don't know when I'll get around to finishing it. I've been dragging my feet because I realized how close the ending really is and I don't want it to be finished yet

I'm going to try my best to give my editor something by tomorrow night and be able to tell you guys when it's going to be done.

Thank you all for being such loyal readers and I apologize for how long it's been taking me to update.

Much love,
- ITC

 

[looseliam]

yay =]



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