wisdom for a 1st timer

[SilverRRCloud]

Hey Exploring

Welcome to the JUB



Enjoy the friendship of your fellow. Enjoy the ride and make even better friends. Bid your time and act only, if you have good and irrevocably sound reasons to do so.

Being that you don't have those at the moment, focus on the issues that are more at hand.

If you want to 'explore' as the word says, how about chatting up someone online from the town you are going to visit on business?

Or how about tapping into the local gay resources, so you know precisely where to go out in the evening?

Just a thought, you know?

SC

 

[dte]

Welcome to the forum ...... apart from noting your "happily married" tag, the issue that you raise within a professional environment is not all that uncommon. Irrespective of your sexuality, I would not recommend any daliance with your colleague. Apart from the fear of rejection, there is the likelihood of guilt and the effect on your working relationship should any encounter become later soured.

The fact that you are on an impending trip makes you excited because it gives you the freedom to explore and deviate from your regular domestic routine, so to speak. It also creates an opportunity that is legitimate in taking you away from your spouse without further explanation.

Having had crushes on work colleages in the past myself, and likewise had advances from fellow colleagues myself, I would not recommend it.

 

[EricCage]

Just use this time to get closer to him as a friend. I remember sharing hotel rooms with coworkers on several different occaisions while on business trips around the islands. It always brings us closer together (not in the way you're thinking though). Many times, however, things return to the way they were when we return to the office.

 

[dodo2761]

I was married- please see 'was'- I needed to make the leap and started seeing guys- I am no longer married- it would be very foolish to do or say anything with this guy, unless you really know for sure or he makes a move on you.
If you need any support or want a chat dont be afraid to get in touch again

 

[sixthson]

You all seem to be making sense.

It just crushes me to think about jacking off in the hotel shower with him 10 feet away in the bed! I'll probably not be able to sleep those 2 nights just wondering and wishing!

Maybe he'll open the door and I can walk in!

Rather than thinking about him being 10 feet away, you could think of your faithful wife, happy marriage and children at home?? Just a thought.

Other than that, I have no advice on how you can cheat on your family.

 

[Ninja108]

Sorry but cheating is cheating. Whethever your feelings are, you're married and sleeping with another is cheating. Forget this guy and be faithful to your wife

 

[KennyD]

FFWD and T-Zero have said it all ..and others are echoing their sentiments .... and I agree .... CHEATING is CHEATING , no matter how ya' try to color it or cclean it up .
IF, However you want to be a Cheat .. take some porns along , a bottle of good liquor, and lay back on your bed in just your underwear with the porn in ... and do what comes naturally ... see how he reacts and go from there ...

 

[dodo2761]

Rather than thinking about him being 10 feet away, you could think of your faithful wife, happy marriage and children at home?? Just a thought.

Other than that, I have no advice on how you can cheat on your family.

This I am afraid is rather unfair.
I got married and I only cheated once right toward the end- but some of you guys who havent gotten into getting married for whatever reason cannot even guess at how hard it is to be married and be gay.

 

[Kyanimal]

O.K. I'm probably going to get "pounded" for this ... but ... still ...

Sex with Guys does not have to be an Emotional "thing"! It can be more "Sport" than "Love". If having sex with a Guy does not compromise your Love for your Wife, thereby not posing a threat to your marriage, is it really that much of a "Serious" thing? Would mere wrestling with another Guy be considered "cheating"? And if that wrestling might progess to sexual entanglements, does that mean it's something "more" all of a sudden?

If your answer is "Yes" ... stop right there! More is at stake than "just" a roll in the hay! But if you truly feel it is something that can be "left of vacation", that is "the trip", then I would advise the following ... (with grave reservations, which only You can evalutate)

If you truly want to have some "Fun" with this Guy, the best way to go about it is to make yourself as "available" to him as possible. Don't hesitate to "strip down" as often as may be considered "Natural" to do so. Like before showering, or getting ready for bed, or "whatever". Don't fear the possiblitly of "popping a woody", because it's just a "Natural" thing to do. Let him see ALL of You as often as possible. But, the entire time, no matter if you get a "stiffy", of not, treating it as "no big deal".

However, let Him decide if he's going to make a "move", or not! Let it be HIS decision! Just "chill". Be "You". And let things fall the way they may!

It's your Choice, all things considered! But, you should let it be His preferrence if anything is going to go "beyond".

Either way ... Good Luck!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[inlovewithanton]

This I am afraid is rather unfair.
I got married and I only cheated once right toward the end- but some of you guys who havent gotten into getting married for whatever reason cannot even guess at how hard it is to be married and be gay.

It shouldnt be hard at all. It should be real easy. DON'T DO IT! If you knew you were gay when you got married, it's just not fair to the girl you married. She thinks she's entering into a life long partnership, when in actuality its a sham. Sure you guys might be really good friends, and have some great kids in the mean time, but think about the emotional and trust issues she'll have when she finds out the truth. And they always find out.
And then you post about unfair. I guess we have different definitions of what unfair is.

 

[Croynan]

Do you suppose your exploring includes posting a post that may not have any validity to it?​

And if it does and if you have any children, they you should cancel making the trip with your "friend" and go it alone. Just remember you are "playing with their well being" so screw your "fun and games" and pay attention to them.

eM.​

 

[slobone]

Situations with guys who know you at work are always tricky. I would advise treating it like a cat and mouse game, or a ping pong game if you will.

In other words, don't make any sudden moves. Just lob a gentle one across the net and see if he hits it back. Ask him about his wife. Then if the conversation gets a little more friendly, say something like "did you have a lot of sexual experience before you got married?".

See, now the word sex is in the conversation but not in a compromising way. The next step is to steer the conversation into more explicit territory, but still only talking about women. If he seems to enjoy this, you know he's at least got an interest.

Then you could go to sexual fantasies, pornography, etc. Then take a deep breath and say "I hope you don't think this was weird, but I saw this really hot video with two guys and a girl." Then "Did you ever fantasize about anything like that?"

This is all in the car, not in the motel. But the next step takes place in the motel. If it's one that has dirty movies on TV, that's the way to go. Otherwise, say something like, "If you wake up in the middle of the night and hear a weird noise, it's just me beating off after that hot conversation we had today." If he says, "Don't worry, I'll be doing the same thing", take the big plunge, laugh and say, "Great, mind if I watch?"

Notice that the key thing about this method is that you only take one small step at a time. If at any point he gets frosty and changes the subject, oh well, at least you gave it the old college try. But if he's interested, he'll play the game right back at you. And the further you get, the better jackoff material you'll have for later.

You can also accelerate things if he starts jumping one step ahead of you.

Damn, stories about married men getting it on with each other always give me a boner. Guess I better adjourn to another forum...

 

[Stezee]

You're happily married yet ready to have an affair with someone else, male or female it doesn't matter. Take your wife into consideration first.

 

[sixthson]

No insults intended here, but I do find it curious that the gay world seems to be about jumping from one guy to another, glory holes, bars, etc and yet I'm getting lectured pretty strongly about being faithful. Truly - no accusations here - just observations.

My heart still pounds to think about being in that hotel room for two nights with him!!!

I can assure you I have never jumped from one guy to another nor have I visited the places you mentioned.

Why don't you admit it, it was not wisdom you wanted in dealing with your urges, but you fully expected that gay men on a gay website would give you their approval and blessing to go ahead and do what you wanted, consequences be damned (and that includes your wife's feelings). Well, you got the approval you wanted from some and not others.

You've painted the gay community with a pretty broad and black brush here. You are guilty of another condemnation of us and that is this: just because we are gay men, you assume we approve of any and all kinds of perversion and infidelity.

Why don't you be honest with yourself and admit you will do whatever you can comfortably get away with? If it doesn't rock the boat at home or in your business reputation, you're going to do it. Perhaps you should give some thoughts to your own personal integrity as a man.

 

[KennyD]

I too, have NEVER jumped from one guy to another ... Don't believe in it . Since I was about 21 ; have ONLY been in one on one relationships ! No f'n glory holes, one night stands, pick ups, back allys etc as infered by Mr. Cheat ....

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Exploring,

This'll probably seem harsh....

The only thing thats important here and in life is honesty.

Firstly with yourself.

Then your family.

Its time you did some serious soul searching and really thinking about what your life holds for you and those around you.

The reality is that this time will simply be the first. If you go ahead with your decision to experiment or explore it will simply open the gates to you wanting and desiring more of the same.

We cant control who we are or our fantasies, sexual identities and who we fall for. But we can control our decisions and our ability to lie to those who love us and care for us.

Look back at your life and ask yourself...have I been honest to myself and my family? And answer honestly. Dont be afraid or scared to admit that you lied...hell most of us have about this (being attracted to guys) at some stage or another. But if you find that the answer is yes then its time to make it right.

You are going to open the floodgates here....there will be consequences to your actions. If nothing else respect your wife and family...and be honest.

Your comment about gay guys bed hopping is true and very real. Some guys are sluts. But very few are married. Very few who are like this swore to be faithful. Sleeping around can be the norm but for most thats what they do...nothing more nothing less.

That wasnt you. That wasnt the choice you made. Its time to think about those around you that you stand to hurt. And its also time to think about yourself...and your future.

Is it one full of lies anger and hurt? Or one of honesty and truth. The choice is yours...

 

[Stezee]

No insults intended here, but I do find it curious that the gay world seems to be about jumping from one guy to another, glory holes, bars, etc and yet I'm getting lectured pretty strongly about being faithful. Truly - no accusations here - just observations.

My heart still pounds to think about being in that hotel room for two nights with him!!!

I wouldn't say something unless it harmed your wife. You want us to endorse an affair on the grounds that this is a gay community, the majority of us will not. The only thing that sets us aside from anyone else is that we prefer the same gender or multiple genders like yourself. It's ridiculous to assume that we have no sense of what are actions can consequence in.

As someone said you need to sort it out, being "curious" isn't grounds for the breaking of promises you made to your wife. Sleeping with somone is adultery and if she doesn't mind i would have no problem. I hazard an assumption that she would be heartbroken if she found out you had been sleeping with somone else. Just because that someone else is male doesn't make anything any better. If you have commitment issues talk to her about it. Don't jump on some guy.

 

[Something Else]

As many have articulated already, you really need time to reflect and invite introspection into your life about the actions you're considering. And the life-altering consequences those actions will have--being that the eye of your desire is ALSO a married man, no less.

What tallguy eloquently stated in his post, you should take careful heed to.

And the brillaint questions posed by T Zero at some point needs to be addressed and answered HONESTLY by yourself.

Why you got married in the first place? What does that marriage mean to you? Do you want to remain in a closed relationship? Which is more important, fantasies or acting out the fantasies?

Because I don't believe in deception, lies and infidelity in ANY form of relationship; I am judgemental when it comes to those things, self-admittedly. As I believe, if you know what you want, then sharing yourself ENTIRELY with the one you love is mandatory. There isn't a good reason to lie about yourself and your desires to those that you genuinely love. Of course, I'm not in a "happily married" relationship--so what do I know about these things being that i'm single.

 

[mpdan]

The wisdom I would give is don't let the little head start thinking for the big head. Your fantasy is very real, and far from abnormal - so enjoy it, but jerk off in the shower and go back to the business of your business trip. I wouldn't ask if your mutual-acquaintance-gay-colleague ever made a pass, that could also be construed as unprofessional.

Back in my corporate geek days I've been on many business trips and I know there is a fine line between work and play. (I once was instructed by a boss to pick up the costs of drinks and lap dances for both of us as well as many other colleagues at a gentleman's club because it was my boss who was responsible for signing my expense voucher) And if the relationship with this guy is closer to a more even line of business and friendship - Slobone certainly has some good ideas to break the ice.

As a newbie you might have more relationship questions down the road, but in this thread you only asked for input regarding your upcoming business trip, and no-one should sit in judgement of your actions until they walk a mile in your shoes. Those that do should fear the skeletons in their own closets.

In my experience I believe the religious right may feel that the gay lifestyle is all about jumping from one guy to the next gloryhole, but I don't believe that to be entirely true. Sure it happens, but infidelity and indiscretion also happens frequently in the straight world, and in the Bible for that matter.

When I worked at a gay campground last summer we had one common denominator: we were all gay. We also have vastly different viewpoints spanning the gambit from politics to fetishes. I often had to put my own personal opinions to the side and remind the twink that the bear had every right to be in the pool, or that one must ask first if others wish to participate in watersports - and that no means no! Really, it was no different than kindergarten - just in a different context. The net-net was to create a relaxed atmosphere where gays could enjoy the company of other gays - and it worked, since reservations were booked solid throughout the summer.

My observations on married guys is that they do seem to create an allure to many gay guys. But then hey! I convinced myself I was a straight man for 40 some years - but when I was single I couldn't get a girl to go out with me and bam! as soon I got married women used to hit on me all the time - at least one embarrassing episode a year! So at the campground the "true" married guys seemed to just show up on a day pass, head to the playground area to get their rocks off, then head for the exit. The perms and weekenders seemed to have a sixth sense - and word that a married guy (or perceived married guy) was on campus would spread like wildfire. There were also a smaller number of guys who would blatantly state that they were married - showing wedding rings, etc. I'm not sure if these guys were really truthful, or just role playing, or what. I'm a little off topic with my last paragraph here - I guess my point is that there are many similarities between the straight and gay world - but from my experience it is the gay population that takes the extra initiative to push the envelope and take chances in business, in the arts, in sexuality, and the pursuit of enjoyment. Please- lets not start condemning each other.

 

[luminum]

Sweetheaert, it's clear that you;re getting some good advice, but it just isn't the advice that you want to hear.

You may want us to tell you that life's a free-for-all, and that you should go and fuck your brains out.

But let me tell you:

1) Even if the gay community was all about "glory hole hopping", I would wager a guess that those men in an ideal sense would be unattached and single, not in committed relationships, closed relationships, or married. But unfortunately, the gay community is not all about sleeping around, you just got the wrong impression that it was. Even if the gay community was about promiscuity, hardly any of it is about infedility. No one likes to be cheated on.

2) To reiterate the advice given to you before, you're married. You even describe yourself as 'happily' married. But it seems to me by your original post that you do not have the freedom in your marriage to explore your sexuality as you would like to. Maybe you're bi. Does your wife know that? If so, does she mind you indulging in your homosexual feelings? If you can answer 'no' to those two questions, then objectively: you're cheating on your wife. If that seems in any way wrong to you, then don't do it.

3) Maybe you're gay and you're trapped in your heterosexual marriage. It may seem like it's easiest to cheat on your wife and indulge your gay urges, but here's the thing: You're married. You entered an emotional contract of fidelity. Your wife trusts you and hopefully you trust her.

It may seem scary, but to do the right thing, you may need to end your relationship with her. If you're gay and you don't love her fully like a straight man or bi man would and should in a marriage, then you owe it to her to be honest and to end it. No one deserves to unknowingly live a lie for someone else.

If you're gay and you want to be out and gay and fulfilled, then you'll have ot make sacrifices. Those sacrifices may be your 'loving family'. It doesn't mean your kids will stop loving you or that your (ex) wife will hate you, but it does mean that if anything, things will change. But is being yourself and doing what you want (within the degree of the law) and living your life worth it? I would say so. Especially because it liberates others with the truth.

And best of all, if you're out and you've cut your ties and obligations to your untruthful contracts, then you're free to go out and get as much gay sex as you want. You can have as many one-night stands as you want and you're also free to go out and find a committed and happy relationship with a man and you guys can have all the gay sex between you as you like.

But if you're bi and you do in fact love your wife in all ways, but want to explore your homosexual side, then either...

a) You tell her the truth and ask her if she would mind you fulfilling a part of your sexuality with a man (so long as you always maintain the love and honesty of your marriage) and she gives you permission.

or

b) you don't tell her (or she refuses to accept a proposal of an open relationship/marriage) and you don't cheat because cheating invalidates the honesty and commitment you made to her.

I'm sorry if it's not what you want to here, but that's the way many of us see it.

There's no harm in jerking off 10 feet away to the thoughts of your business partner. Those are your thoughts, no one else's and that's a whole other situation (about being honest with yourself and others). But taking that ste to engage another in a sexual or emotional relationship is a disservice to the happy marriage you have with yoru wife and the one that he has with his if he chooses to participate.

If your wife went out and slept with another man or with a woman, would it be any less cheating to you than what you would be doing to her?