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dexyboi86

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...well, maybe.

I was sitting and talking with this guy. Some others were popping in and out, too. He was pretty cute, and we talked (in a public setting) for like, an hour. :D

He triggered my gaydar big time. A lady friend of mine said that she feels he was definately gay, and that he was actually checking me out when I looked away to speak with someone else. She and I both agree he was flirting with me. :gogirl:

So, now what do I do? I am closeted, and the situation I know him from is one that I want to not let know that I am bi. ](*,)

The lady friend said that I "did not take his signals, and didn't put out any of my own."

A guy actually flirted with me in person! Yay!!! But now I am scared.

Advice goes in that little box at the bottom of the page. :help:
 
I'm sensing a theme with posts here in CO&R recently. If I could summarize them (somewhat haphazardly), they would be:

"What do I say to a guy to let him know I'm gay and interested in him, but in such a way that if he isn't gay, everything will be OK?"

Answer - no such thing.

Basically, all you can do is keep talking to him, and hope one of you - either on accident or on purpose - says something that hints that you're/he's a homosexual, and hope the other one picks up on it and sends the same signal back. In other words, it's going to be a situation where there's a lot of "what did THAT mean?"/"Was he looking down there?"/"Does THAT mean he's interested?" In short, it's gonna be clumsy.

Lex
 
Just ask him to hang out one-on-one somewhere (coffee, drinks, dinner, something like that). If he's interest he'll probably know what you're getting at and take it as a sign that you are too. If he's not, he'll either reject the offer (and therefore you can move on) or you can just go hang out as friends. Either way, you're not going to find out anything if you don't actually try to make a real move.
 
Well, I know (99%) he is gay or bi. That is not the issue.

I want to flirt back, but I am afaid of how our dynamic will work...especially with my need (and don't debate this here please) to stay closeted for now.
 
Well, unfortunately there's just no way to let a guy know that you're interested without also letting them know you're interested in guys (for obvious reasons). So, it's just a matter of whether you think it's worth it to risk your secret getting out to be able to pursue this. And only you can really make that call since none of us know any details of the situation or of your specific relationship with this guy.
 
If you aren't prepared to take a risk, then you should probably try to get over the situation. If you think that it is worth it, then go ahead. BUT, and you already know this, you wont be 100% safe anymore.

I would hope that he is a decent person and if you did get to know each other would be kind enough to respect your wishes to stay closeted. Which leads to the little topic also appearing recently as a relationship with someone who isn't out. Obviously he is interested in you so hopefully he wont be bothered if you end up dating and you remain hidden.


It really comes down to how much this is worth to you. Take a chance?

As for the flirting back, you are in a good spot, he's the one who started the flirting, it's much easier to respond than make the first move, just keep a good eye contact. Guys don't normally hold eye contact for long periods, that I have always believed, is a good tell. with a smile of course:D good luck
 
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