Work...

[Yutisfairness]

Ok, I have been having a lot of trouble at jobs recently because of my sexuality, I'm not open about being Gay, but apparently its pretty obvious to people because at every job I've ever had (6) over the past 3 years (I'm 18 ) I've been harrassed consistantly by managers or other co-workers and I've learned that going to higher ups doesn't do anything - In fact It makes things works most of the time.

At my current Job as a Waiter I've heard several co-workers call me faggot amongst themselves and even sometimes in front of me, I believe that It has also affected my tips, for example just this night I worked 4 hours and only made 8 dollars in tips (mind you I'm new *3 weeks) but I've never messed up an order I'm smiley to everyone and I mean everyone and I'm always quick on refills.

I've been nice to everyone I work with, One person (he's not the manager but he's high on the totem pole) refused to let me have any tables and made me do his job and told me "I don't like your kind" this in front of the manager who didn't say anything.

I've had so much trouble at my jobs because of my sexuality and It has ruined them all for me. I'm trying to be really nice to everyone and I am! I just wish that I could be treated like every other human being, I didn't choose to be gay. Everyday of my life I wish I can be "normal".

I'm entering college in the fall and one day hope to be a doctor; but, I'm beginning to believe that I can't get away from all this harrassment and hatred. I'm rambling now I know, I just want to know how other people deal with this and if anyone else has experienced this.

- Yutis

 

[gsdx]

That is discrimination and harassment. Are there no agencies you can appeal to?

 

[Yutisfairness]

I wish, here in Michigan it's completely legal to harrass someone based on their sexual orientation. My dad's a lawyer and he was helping me with when it happened at my first job (which ment I had to leave) Honestly I don't know what to do, I havent come out to my parents and I know that no matter where I go I'm going to be harressed. I tried telling them I had a Girlfriend but they said "yeah, right." I can't leave this job, I have to pay for college and I need it.

 

[gsdx]

Wish I could help more, but I'm Canadian and don't really know the laws and agencies down there. We have some people who know about these things, though, so you should find the help you're looking for.

 

[gsdx]

^^ Good advice, that. Prove to them that they can't manage without you.

 

[bj____]

I agree that you should keep doing a damn good job, meanwhile get a resume together and post it on Monster and Hot Jobs and look for employment somewhere else that clearly states they are an equal opportunity employer. Even if the state of Michigan doesn't have laws against sexual discrimination some companies take it upon themselves to guarantee a safe working environment for all of their staff.

 

[Riverrick]

It makes me angry to read your post. That shouldn't be happening in this day and age, but of course it does. I'm frankly surprised that management isn't stepping in and stopping it. Its in the employer's best interest to provide a healthy working environment for their employees, thus keeping them happy and energized to work hard.

What pisses me off the most is how they expect that they can get away with it. It would never occur to them to expect any repercussions from this.

College should treat you better and I don't think you'll have any problems in medicine. There are gay medical student and physician organizations that could help you out if you did.

I don't have any good advice but I might be willing to come up there and beat the shit out of your coworkers.

Good luck to you!

 

[martin6]

I think you need to get out of that job and find another one. I'm a waiter too, in rural Florida no less, but I've never experienced any sort of harassment because of my sexuality. I'm really sorry it's happening to you.

 

[Lube]

I wish, here in Michigan it's completely legal to harrass someone based on their sexual orientation. My dad's a lawyer and he was helping me with when it happened at my first job (which ment I had to leave) Honestly I don't know what to do, I havent come out to my parents and I know that no matter where I go I'm going to be harressed. I tried telling them I had a Girlfriend but they said "yeah, right." I can't leave this job, I have to pay for college and I need it.

Are you in Da UP?

What you're describing sounds like it's a very small town.

This would be relatively rarer in a large city. Believe me, it's not like this everywhere. There are lots of places in the US where people couldn't give a rat's ass what your sexuality is.

You just need to go to school somewhere else.

 

[Yutisfairness]

I promise I'm not trolling, and I live in a city that's quite wealthy outside Detroit so it surprises me, I'm only 18 so I can't really go anywhere and my college is like 20minutes away. I don't know what to do really, My resume is screwed up already with 6 jobs in 3 years (I liked one of them a lot sadly They told me I was "too flamboyant" for their company and reduced their hours) *truth be told this is only a rumor I overheard so it may or may not be true* I have to keep this job...

And just to add- Michigan is extremely Liberal yet we've banned same-sex marriage and shot down equal rights for LGBT serveral times... Ironic....

 

[Riverrick]

It sounds as if some of your natural gay characteristics are getting you in trouble, and that's just sad. We should all be able to just be ourselves.

Have you contacted Detroits GLBT Center http://www.goaffirmations.org/site/PageServer?pagename=homepage to see if they can help you in any way? Either by giving advice or by helping you to find a gay friendly job?

I wouldn't worry about the your job resume. You're in school and these are just jobs to earn money from. They're not going to matter in the future, especially if you go into medicine.

 

[valis23]

Yeah, don't lose any sleep over the resume. I am a little surprised to hear of a gay waiter catching hell. It's not like you're the first. A question: How was your father helping you with discrimination at your first job when you haven't come out to your parents?

About the best advice I can think of is what's already been said. If you're going to be a faggot, be the best damn faggot you can be. Push yourself to excel. If your co-workers are petty little shits -which sounds entirely likely- it won't make them like you, but it'll allow you to hold your head high and take pride in yourself. Never underestimate the value of being proud of yourself.

 

[Yutisfairness]

Well, when I was being harrassed I told him about it, He's like are you gay? I'm like no and then it went from there. Either my parents are oblivious/guillible or just humoring me.... I have another question.... What do you do when someone calls you faggot? do you just ignore it and walk away? do you confront them? If so how?

 

[Yutisfairness]

t.t Yeah, I was lazy.

 

[valis23]

Well, when I was being harrassed I told him about it, He's like are you gay? I'm like no and then it went from there. Either my parents are oblivious/guillible or just humoring me.... I have another question.... What do you do when someone calls you faggot? do you just ignore it and walk away? do you confront them? If so how?

Can't say I've ever been called faggot -or anything else along those lines- but everyone has derogatory comments tossed their way at some point for whatever reason. If it's true, I usually smile, confirm it, and wait for their response. If you live your life to be the best person you can be and someone says something about you which happens to be true, but they throw it out thinking they can harm you, you just accept it. If you're striving to be the best person you can be, and part of that person is gay, why deny it if someone calls you a faggot? Smile, say "Do you have a problem with me being gay?" or something to that effect, and watch them make a fool of themselves.

Oh, and your parents know.

 

[Yutisfairness]

I remember just last night at work one girl turned to the other when i tried to get her attention (i was literally standing right next to them) and says "The faggot wants something." and that made me so mad and upset at the same time... I need to find a state that prohibits said discrimination.

 

[BINOWGAYLATER]

eeo laws and anti discrimination laws are FEDERAL LAWS -- not STATE laws -- Discrimination and harassment is illegal and so is creating a hostile work environment - making comments, etc.
Trouble is it's a long hard process to sue an employer, and you have to document everything -- comments made, by whom, date and time -- in a calendar preferably, and if co-workers or management are creating a hostile work environment then you can go to BIG BOSS and at least threaten to sue if they don't put a stop to the harrassment.
If you're as 'out' as you say you appear to be -- they knew or suspected it when they hired you -- so they really shouldn't be looking to fire you for 'complaining"
although many states are employment at will states and you can be "let go" at any time for any reason - and that means that they don't have to give a reason other than "your services are no longer required" !!

 

[alley]

I am sorry but if you're serving tables for four hours and only get eight dollars in tips that is not the fault of the management or your co-workers---maybe your not that great a waiter. And the problem that they have with you may not stem from your being gay at all---that "your kind" comment could because may they don't like lazy people--don't know --but I have had many employees in the food service industry and the ones who worked well I bent over backwards to make happy---the ones who were not good--I either cut their hours or fired them. If this is happening at multiple jobs maybe you need to look at yourself and see why this occurring.

 

[cocktales]

Yut.....

WELCOME to JUB, the BEST damn place on the WWW for Gays!

First of all, the BEST damn servers on the planet are usually GAY!!!

If you are getting harassed for being gay, perhaps you should just come out to the owner/other staff, etc....

I mean, damn, it surely canNOT get any worse can it???

OK, now that I've scared you shitless with becoming totally OUT at work, you "CAN DO IT"!

NO one should be treated the way you are apparently being treated at your work-place!

The employer "has to" make the work-place a safe place for ALL employees regardless of their race, sex, or sexual orientation.....that's the law and I am certain your Dad knows it and can go to the employer and insist that you are treated fairly by the other employees or else!!!!

I know, I know, that will probably make it hostile there; but dammit it already is....so, what are they gonna do, become hostile! NOT, for they already are!

OK, make use of your Dad's occupation.........and oh, btw, you should/must come OUT to them, for your parents already know it; but they do NOT want to make you nervous/upset by insisting that you are Gay....

Please, they sound like great parents, so why not use them for your help!

So, if the job doesn't work out there, believe you me, there are still some great restaurants that need great servers....

Now, you MUST be that great server I/we talked about in the beginning....you MUST become the BEST waiter that restaurant has, and that means NOT messing up orders and be that smiling, helpful waiter to the guests and believe you me....the tips will improve and you will become the top tip getter there and the fucked up other servers will be so jealous of the "gay server" who has it ALL together!!!

It's gonna take some real good guts (BALLS) on your part to be able to look these fuckers in the eye and tell them in NO certain terms that you're only there for the job to help supplement your income for school, etc and you don't want any guff from them; but if that's what it takes, watch out bitches.... for I can give it as well as you can....lol

NOW, since you're gettin shit all over anyway.....now's the time to suck-it-up and make this work! If you continue goin from job to job, being discriminated by people, then it will continue to be the same old shit, job after job....

SO now make this job the end of the line for the discrimination and BS that the servers are givin you.....Remember we talked about your Dad earlier, use him to go to the owner/manager/whatever and insist that you be treated with dignity/respect....have your Dad ask him "IF" you are indeed a good employee.....make the owner/manager realize that you are a good employee and it's best that he protect you for it's for HIS own good too!!!

Sorry 'bout the LONG post; but NOW is the time to make this crap stop and allow you to be treated like a good employee should.....perhaps then the manager/owner will be having some talks with the other employees for being a harassment in the job place..... (tell your Dad the whole truth about who (use the names) so that your Dad can make the owner/manager totally aware of who the culprits are! (....and if the manager/owner is one of them....name him/her too)!

NOW, put your "human armor" on and prepare for battle-royal and either make this job a good one......

Good luck my friend!!!

 

[Riverrick]

I remember just last night at work one girl turned to the other when i tried to get her attention (i was literally standing right next to them) and says "The faggot wants something." and that made me so mad and upset at the same time... I need to find a state that prohibits said discrimination.

Well, this is beyond harrassment. Its verbal abuse just short of slapping you in the face. I don't see how you are going to be able to stay there. If this is being allowed, then I'm not so sure that coming out to the management will solve the problem.

I respect and understand what the other Jubbers are saying about being the best employee you can but I don't agree with doing it in the face of such flagrant abuse. You're going to end up depressed and with no ego at all.


You know, another good resource is Lamba Legal Defense and Education Fund, the gay legal defense organization. They usually work for free and are responsible for some landmark cases in the United States. At least consider talking to them about your situation. http://www.lambdalegal.org/