Would you consider a woman homophobic if she refuses to date bisexual men?

[asadoyayunta]

^ damn...didn't realize that bi guys have this affliction that makes fidelity impossible.

BUT if you continue to label yourself bisexual when you are in a monogamous relationship with a woman then YOU are labelling yourself as potentially interested in sex with another person. Of course straight and gay men are just as likely to stray but their sexual orientation is basically satisfied by the partner they are with. As a bisexual in a monogamous relationship you are having to supress or deny a basic component of your sexual orientation and that cannot be healthy.

 

[BeMused]

BUT if you continue to label yourself bisexual when you are in a monogamous relationship with a woman then YOU are labelling yourself as potentially interested in sex with another person. Of course straight and gay men are just as likely to stray but their sexual orientation is basically satisfied by the partner they are with. As a bisexual in a monogamous relationship you are having to supress or deny a basic component of your sexual orientation and that cannot be healthy.

I've said this before, and I'll simply repost.

I mean you could ask the logical question, "if you're in love with someone, and you know they're the one you want to be with, and the only sticking point with them is what you call your sexuality, why not just say you're straight/gay and the old attraction is gone? After all you don't need to keep your options open by being bi if you're ready to settle."

Good question. That would certainly be easier. But does a straight man say to a women he's going to marry "I couldn't possibly have any sexual feelings towards other women anymore" or the same with a gay men? I don't think people do. Because it's obvious bullshit. You're attracted to the type of people you're attracted to. Just because you're committed doesn't mean those attractions go away, you just ignore them because YOU LOVE YOUR PARTNER. It SHOULDN'T have to be any different for bisexuals. If I love someone, let's say it's a man, I would HOPE that by the time we're in a fully committed, serious relationship, he wouldn't be constantly worrying I'd run off with a woman, anymore than he'd be concerned I would run off with another man.

You can say that "well they're denying themselves part of their sexual attraction, so something is bound to go wrong due to that suppression" but I don't see that necessarily being the case, or at least not unique to bisexuals.

 

[asadoyayunta]

You can say that "well they're denying themselves part of their sexual attraction, so something is bound to go wrong due to that suppression" but I don't see that necessarily being the case, or at least not unique to bisexuals.

OK, I'll try not to generalise here, but this is my own personal experience. Having called myself bisexual in my youth I eventually settled down and married a woman I loved. But, however much I may have loved her (and our children), I could not supress my sexual desire for men and began, like many many married men to find an outlet for those desires in risky casual encounters in public places. Ultimately, I could no longer deal with the deceit and guilt and confessed all. Needless to say the fallout was pretty traumatic.
So, would I consider a woman homophobic for refusing to date a bisexual...No, I would tell her to run like hell!

 

[BeMused]

I would just have to ask lots of questions. Were you honest about you bisexuality when you were with your wife? Do you still have sexual feelings towards women? Did you ever? Is it your belief then, that bisexuals cannot have a healthy relationship?

 

[asadoyayunta]

I would just have to ask lots of questions. Were you honest about you bisexuality when you were with your wife? Do you still have sexual feelings towards women? Did you ever? Is it your belief then, that bisexuals cannot have a healthy relationship?

1. I was in a relationship with a man when she met me.
2. No
3. Yes
4. I would question their ability to have a life long monogamous relationship. But then I don't now think that is a realistic or healthy goal for anyone.

 

[BeMused]

1. I was in a relationship with a man when she met me.
2. No
3. Yes
4. I would question their ability to have a life long monogamous relationship. But then I don't now think that is a realistic or healthy goal for anyone.

Yea, I'd say that everyone is complicated. Everyone has their own sexuality. There's not sort of bisexual.

I would just say, given your answer to question four, why would you tell someone to run from a bisexual as opposed to just saying "don't try to have a monogamous relationship with anyone"?

 

[asadoyayunta]

Yea, I'd say that everyone is complicated. Everyone has their own sexuality. There's not sort of bisexual.

I would just say, given your answer to question four, why would you tell someone to run from a bisexual as opposed to just saying "don't try to have a monogamous relationship with anyone"?

Because if a woman wants a monogamous long term relationship, she stands a better chance of success with a guy who defines himself as straight.

 

[BeMused]

Because if a woman wants a monogamous long term relationship, she stands a better chance of success with a guy who defines himself as straight.

Really? I think for every story about husbands cheating on wives with men there are a thousand stories about men cheating on their wives with women...

 

[Semirhage666]

Even if his feelings for her are genuine and he is committed to their relationship...eventually, considering how "bi" he is, he is going to get an itch for dick or will inadvertanly find himself in a situation where playing around with another man becomes an option.

Exactly. Same situation but reversed if the bi guy is dating a man. I wouldn't be able to date a bi guy.

 

[Semirhage666]

I'd consider calling her moronic. Assuming her logic is that a bisexual will cheat on her with a guy, she's just as likely to be cheated on by a straight guy with a female mistress.

No, I'd say the likelihood of a bi guy cheating is higher, seeing as there is an entire set of genitalia he is interested in that he is not getting in the relationship for him to be enticed by.

 

[BeMused]

No, I'd say the likelihood of a bi guy cheating is higher, seeing as there is an entire set of genitalia he is interested in that he is not getting in the relationship for him to be enticed by.

Clearly it works differently for different people. I am so damned tired of this "bi guys are twice as likely to cheat because they are attracted to both men and women" trope.

 

[SilverWolf]

Not exactly, Blacksyring.

My position is that I can see the bisexuals' point of view.

Living with a woman in a LTR really is easier in every way: a family, a white-picket fence, the ability to hold hands everywhere, or to live everywhere (even in places like Iran) without worries.

But where does that leave us gay men? Out in the cold. And that's why I say, "Have sex with the BIs, but fall in love with them at your own peril."

Don't people say similar things about gays and relationships? How if gays are allowed to marry it will wreck the sanctity of marriage? They can't handle them? They are naturally promiscuous and slutty by nature?

We all fight for gay marriage, but then you say and advise gay men to not have relationships with bi men?

 

[BeMused]

BeMused, you seem like a genuinely nice guy, so I am addressing this question to you.

As a bisexual, why would you even want the bullshit associated with a gay relationship? You have a choice; we don't.

From what this thread sounds like, I'm gonna get bullshit REGARDLESS of which sex I have relationships with.

I'm going to follow my heart, not plan out my life with cold logic.

 

[SilverWolf]

BeMused, you seem like a genuinely nice guy, so I am addressing this question to you.

As a bisexual, why would you even want the bullshit associated with a gay relationship? You have a choice; we don't.

I just want to voice my opinion, why would I want to be in a gay relationship when I could have an easier one with women?

For the same reason so many gays marry other gays instead of lying about their orientation to marry women and take the easier path

Because I love men, that love is real and genuine, and if you love something you fight for it, and I don't listen to what society tells me about relationships when society has has fucked up views on many things in general both in the past and now. I love who I love and since that love can include men, I want relationships with them to marry, to maybe have kids, to have house or apartment and car, which is slowly becoming possible in many places. It will be possible in more places the more I and others fight for it

I was raised to believe that two men in a relationship is just as natural as a man and woman. I'm from a very liberal family, so its just how I see things, If I love someone who is capable of loving me, its just as real and natural as any other relationship. Is it harder? Yes

But if I love it, I must be willing to fight for it.

 

[SilverWolf]

<chuckle> Fair enough.

I wanted to ask the question so I could understand bisexuality and all the complexities surrounding it.

You cannot understand something unless you ask questions about it, can you? I'll never be able to completely understand bisexuality, but at least I can learn to understand a little.

From what I'm gathering from BeMused and SilverWolf, bisexuality seems to be changing its face a little bit since the 1980s. Maybe this is because homophobia isn't as big a problem as it was then.

In any case, they both seem to be genuinely nice men, and I harbor nothing but good feelings and good wishes towards them.

(Maybe in some ways, being bisexual's harder than being gay.)

I think in some being bisexual is harder than being gay while being gay is harder than being bisexual and being straight while easier, has its own problems.

Each group has its own share problems relatively unique to it.

And I think that while homophobia is slowly dying (though still a major problem) the relationship between two men will continue to be accepted as normal and more men would be willing to stay in relationships with other men. This applies to closeted gay men as well.

Since Bemused and I are relatively young, we had the advantage of growing up in a time when two men in a relationship is considered real enough to have marriage both in America in some states and other countries. Thus we feel our love of men is just as natural as our love of women and we don't consider our relationships to men to be second class or take a back seat to women. Will we cheat? I have no intention to. Ignoring our desire to have sex with the other gender is like expecting a gay man to give up sex with other men when in a monogamous relationship or a straight guy to give up sex with women. Do they succeed? A lot of times no. Humans are sexual beings that want sex with their preferred gender and bisexuals are no different. Do we just put that individual down as unwilling to commit, but plenty of other fish in the sea? We do because we believe that many other good fish are out there.

If I settle down with man, does that make me gay? No, because the attraction to women is still there even if I choose not to act on it. Like if a straight guy marries his attraction to other women don't die overnight. Same with gay men. Will I ever intentionally hurt my man? No because my relationship with my man is real and genuine and I would be a fool to mess that up.

Will there continue to bad apples amongst bisexuals? Of course. Will some continue to hurt their dates? Of course. Are there plenty bisexuals who will continue to try to do right in a relationship amongst the hundred of thousands if not millions of bisexuals in this county ? Of course. Time has proven that gays can have successful relationships. Time will prove that bisexuals can and will choose men if they love them.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

This is just me, but I don't share the disdain that many gay men have for bisexual men. Yes there is always the chance that he'll leave you for a woman. But guess what? There's also the chance that your perfectly gay dream lover will drop you if you lose your job, social status, or muscle tone. So I refuse to rule bisexual men out.

I do understand a woman's reluctance to hook up with a bisexual man though. Things get more complicated when children (or the possibility) enters the picture.

And I do believe that consequences of a cheating bisexual boyfriend/husband may have a disparate impact on women because of the more flexible and efficient STD transmission circuit:

!!!woman<--Bisexual man<-->Gay man<-->Bisexual man-->woman!!!

Too damn much confusement for a lady trying to make it in this man's world.

 

[TX-Beau]

Are we still hating on bisexuals? I'd have thought we had enough ridiculously flying fur yesterday, and could safely move on to hating on someone else.

Is someone homophobic if they won't date a Bi person?

Who knows. Yes/No/possibly? I would say that depends on the person, the context, and the guy.

Personally, I wouldn't date a bi guy who smelled like week old cheese and had a giant beer belly from his 4 six pac a day abuse of alcohol. Does that make me a 'phobe?

More importantly, where do the bi guys hide their pitchforks and tails - that's what I want to know.

 

[LiquidSky]

Would you?

Nice 'n simple: No.

 

[BeMused]

^ Right. It's not simple or black and white. The simplifications in these threads is what gets us in trouble.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

No, I'd say the likelihood of a bi guy cheating is higher, seeing as there is an entire set of genitalia he is interested in that he is not getting in the relationship for him to be enticed by.

Then what about guys who are attracted to multiple hair colors? A blonde woman would be in danger of losing her lover to brunettes, red-heads, black-haired chicks, chestnutt, purple, etc... etc...

Lots of options exist.