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would you date a pornstar?

L

lovrboy24

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okay, so i am totally into this guy and he is super amazing in every way. the only problem is that he was a pornstar who a lot of people may know (won't name for personal reasons). He really does seem like a stand up guy but i am a bit more reserved and prude when it comes to these things. i kind of believe in only having sex with someone after a long time of knowing them and have only been with one person. he is about five years older but we fit. i just cant help but think that ive seen every square inch of his body on the computer and ive seen him with other men. it just bothers me so much and feel a little embarrassed about dating a pornstar. i hope i dont sound like a jerk or judgemental but this is someone i am totally completely falling for and see myself with him for a long time. please, input would be great. i wanna be with him but dont want my heart broken by him or what people around me may think.


thanks!
 
if it upsets you that much maybe you should let him be with someone more compatible. then you can kick yourself later for it when you are that person later on. by that person i mean more mature to handle it.
 
I wouldn't mind. If he was currently still doing porn, I'd have to give it a lot of thought, but if it was in the past, I'd be cool with it.

But it doesn't matter what I think. What matters is what you think.

Lex
 
thanks for the replies. i wouldn't say im immature in the usual sense. most find me to act well beyond my age. the problem i am really having get past is that, in a sense, i worry sex in his mind isn't the same as whats in my mind. i think of a relationship and sex as personal, deeply amazing and private. in his mind, i guess i suppose, he thinks sex is not a big deal or nothing. i dunno, i feel like im blabbering on aimlessly but i just dont know what to do. i am completely accepting of of people and their actions, its just how do i get past the whole pornstar thing? bc in all actuality i totally wanna be with this guy. i dont feel comfortable for some reason with it. if he was still one, it would be a big hell no since the idea of him having sex with other people while i have a relationship with him is an awful thought. does any get what i am trying to say???? i know im not clear but relationships are awfully gray and hard to understand.
 
thanks for the input guys. i feel like i can go out, make the right choice and just be friends for the time being. i like our friendship and was thinking of taking it to the next level, but for now with my mindset, it is best i don't jump into anything im going to regret or im going to wind up hurting someone else in the end.


thanks again.
 
I wouldn't mind. From all of the interviews I've read and seen with pornstars, they almost seem more normal than non-pornstars. A lot of them are more mature, have seen more of the world, and are more educated than the average American. I've only met one personally, and I was more attracted to his personality and how he carried himself more so than his physical appearance.

I had an argument with an employee once about the porn industry. He is against it, while I'm for it. He said that they are demeaning themselves and are slutty. My response? I said that they know what they're doing and they're making money, and a lot of them are proud of their success. Regarding the slutty part, they can separate work-sex and personal-sex - but he didn't agree.

While some may look down on their choice of profession, there are worse things they could be doing - such as prostitution, drug trafficking, criminal activities, etc.

Meh. If it were me, and the chemistry were there, why not give it a try? The only thing I would be potentially concerned about would be fidelity (since it's the stereotype that young people don't practise monogamy [I do].)

Do it up!
 
lovrboy24 said:
okay, so i am totally into this guy and he is super amazing in every way. the only problem is that he was a pornstar who a lot of people may know (won't name for personal reasons). He really does seem like a stand up guy but i am a bit more reserved and prude when it comes to these things. i kind of believe in only having sex with someone after a long time of knowing them and have only been with one person. he is about five years older but we fit. i just cant help but think that ive seen every square inch of his body on the computer and ive seen him with other men. it just bothers me so much and feel a little embarrassed about dating a pornstar. i hope i dont sound like a jerk or judgemental but this is someone i am totally completely falling for and see myself with him for a long time. please, input would be great. i wanna be with him but dont want my heart broken by him or what people around me may think.


thanks!
Click to expand...

Yes I could date a pornstar... very easily... I don't understand how being in porn makes someone unworthy of dating... I watch porn, I am grateful to the men who appear in it. He isn't making porn anymore so I don't know how someone's previous job makes you think maybe you can't be with them, its not as though he was doing something that caused anyone harm.

Its lovely and all that you believe in waiting to have sex etc but do you expect your partner to have the same beliefs as you? Meh if you are into him, go for it... and stop giving a fuck what others think.
 
I changed my mind i honestly don't know the guy is going to have some great sex with well experienced guys if we have sex would i be too boring for him?


And i don't know if i like the thought of sharing my guy with other guys. And the whole world seeing him fuck
 
lovrboy24 said:
thanks for the replies. i wouldn't say im immature in the usual sense. most find me to act well beyond my age. the problem i am really having get past is that, in a sense, i worry sex in his mind isn't the same as whats in my mind. i think of a relationship and sex as personal, deeply amazing and private. in his mind, i guess i suppose, he thinks sex is not a big deal or nothing. i dunno, i feel like im blabbering on aimlessly but i just dont know what to do. i am completely accepting of of people and their actions, its just how do i get past the whole pornstar thing? bc in all actuality i totally wanna be with this guy. i dont feel comfortable for some reason with it. if he was still one, it would be a big hell no since the idea of him having sex with other people while i have a relationship with him is an awful thought. does any get what i am trying to say???? i know im not clear but relationships are awfully gray and hard to understand.
Click to expand...
I, too, once thought the same way as you.

But in time, my ideals relaxed.

At this stage of the game, I can separate sex from the act of making love.

He was having sex on film. Who knows - he may be reserved with you as there are feeling involved.

But, please, keep your reservations to yourself. I don't think it'd be fair to him to hear this. No matter how you may say it, or how you may mean it, it will come out as condescending.

But in the end, if you're not comfortable, move along.
 
I've known a few porn actors along the way both male and female. To do porn you have to really crave inordinate amounts of attention.

Just speaking personally, they are energy vampires and can suck the oxygen out of a room faster than a 5 alarm fire.

Run like hell.
 
I think you should talk to him about the sex when it gets there if you decide to date him. Pornstars are people too and some of them separate their work from their private lives. So some view sex as a profession as being meaningless, but sex with someone they care about to be a deep and emotional connection. And there's no guarantee that the sex he's having is great. It's business, so it might just be acting on film. Besides, I think a lot of people feel that sex that means something feels better than sex that doesn't.

But really, it all depends on him. And the only way to know is to talk to him about it.
 
luminum said:
I think you should talk to him about the sex when it gets there if you decide to date him. Pornstars are people too and some of them separate their work from their private lives. So some view sex as a profession as being meaningless, but sex with someone they care about to be a deep and emotional connection. And there's no guarantee that the sex he's having is great. It's business, so it might just be acting on film. Besides, I think a lot of people feel that sex that means something feels better than sex that doesn't.

But really, it all depends on him. And the only way to know is to talk to him about it.
Click to expand...

thanks again to everyone for the input. the main problem i realized i have with dating him is not necessarily that he is a pornstar but that sex in his mind isnt a big thing. to me it is. i want an exclusive, loving relationship. i guess i have a generalization about pornstars that they are all sexually promiscuous and may cheat. i guess thats my generalization about everyone i have a relationship with but more so with a pornstar. i guess when you see a potential boyfriend having sex on screen with more than one person at a time, people rejoicing at his first barebacking session and him having multiple guys suck him off in one scene, you start to worry about these things. if he was just a porn model, i probably wouldnt care as much. just my personal views though.

and btw, jory is pretty sexy. you're a good 20 years older than me but you are still a hottie!
 
volcom1206 said:
Would I date a pornstar?

A former pornstar: possibly.
A current pornstar: Absolutely not. I want a monogamous relationship with someone. Sex to me is something very special. And my man belongs to me and only me (insert finger snap here).
Click to expand...

This.

Although for me the reason is more of an STI reason. I have heard, though, that the porn industry is getting safer. I guess some of those guys are safer than the general populace. At least they KNOW about safer sex. I'd hope they practice it. The worry would probably be too much for me though.
 
I'm really surprised no one has suggested you actually talk to the man about your feelings. If he's a former porn actor, then I'm sure you're not the first person he's run across who has these questions. And remember, the sex was his job; at home, it would be different because it would be with someone he cared about.

It all boils down to the fact that relationships are built on trust and communication. If you can't communicate about this, you'll never be able to trust him...and then all your own doubt demons will rise up to destroy what could otherwise have been a perfectly good relationship.

But before you do the talking, have it straight in your head what you want to talk about. Practice it on yourself aloud so you can hear what your words actually sound like. You definitely don't want to come off as judgmental or condescending.

Good luck!
 
MindBlast said:
This.

Although for me the reason is more of an STI reason. I have heard, though, that the porn industry is getting safer. I guess some of those guys are safer than the general populace. At least they KNOW about safer sex. I'd hope they practice it. The worry would probably be too much for me though.
Click to expand...
I think the barebacking part would be the deal breaker for me. Unless the people producing the porn are okay with waiting 3 months after casting before they start filming anything, then there's no way it can be safe. But I agree that the rest of the porn industry seems to be upping it int he safety department.
 
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