Would you date your financial opposite?

[Entity]

I've been dating this guy, and we really clicked.

We have fun, he's great, we kiss for hours, totally fun. I'm pretty sure I like him, but that's not important, he likes me...

Ok, so he's my age, and he's my polar opposite.


I JUST started school at 21 at a community college, He's graduating this year from university.
I worry about having enough money for gas to get to work. He worries about his maid being in the way sometimes.

He lives in a huge house, financial independent.
I live with mom struggling to pay bills.

How can we even relate?

He goes out and we have a good time, It really dents my bank account.

He also has an insecurity about guys using him for his money.
I have no desire to let him pay for me for things.

Basically what I'm getting at, is.

He wants a boyfriend, I told him I'd rather just date exclusively for now.

I feel as though I need to be like "Rawr, we gotta like not talk anymore."


He understands my position of course. But I mean, like, does he really? lol


I don't wanna be like 'oh man I can't afford to go out' because I feel like that's indirectly saying 'do you wanna pay for me.'



shitty situation is shitty. Should I tell him that we can't see each other before his already there feelings get stronger?



How would you go about that situation?

Am I wrong for this bothering me so much?

Hurray for pride...

 

[rareboy]

If he knows you're flat broke, but is worried about you using him for his money.......and he's so fucking stingy that he's not picking up the tab when you go out, then my opinion is that he is a shitwad and you're better off without him.

Tell him if he can't get beyond his preoccupation with money, there's no future for the two of you and then dump his ass.

 

[Elwood]

You might be a little wrong but I understand what you mean. Why don't you just try and have a talk with him and make sure he knows how you feel about this?? I know it is not easy though.

 

[Entity]

If he knows you're flat broke, but is worried about you using him for his money.......and he's so fucking stingy that he's not picking up the tab when you go out, then my opinion is that he is a shitwad and you're better off without him.

Tell him if he can't get beyond his preoccupation with money, there's no future for the two of you and then dump his ass.

He's really not stingy at all, I just don't like people paying for me. I guess I should throw that out there.

 

[boxerdudeuk]

i've dated doctors and lawyers and bartenders and waiters and have been equally happy with all of them... if you guys click and you really dig each other - the other stuff can work itself out. when i'm dating someone money means absolutely nothing to me.

 

[Spiff]

If he is really into you, your financial situation should not matter to him. He should understand that you can't afford to do all the things he wants to do. Or he should be willing to help pay your way when you go out without feeling like you are taking advantage. If he isn't capable of doing that, then you probably shouldn't be dating (if you both are in it for more than just the sex).

I used to kinda date a guy who could never afford to do anything. I always offered to pay his way for things like movies, food, etc. But he never wanted me to ("pride") so he never wanted to go out. So eventually I dumped him. I didn't care about his finances, but I did want to go out occasionally. He just wanted to stay home and have sex. It got old and boring.

 

[hylas]

money can be a source of tension and conflict, for sure, but if you truly click with each-other, it would be a shame to give it up. have some honest communication. you need to stop being too proud to be paid for, and he needs to stop worrying about you using him.

 

[Lukeee]

You obviously like him and it was be a stupid move to stop seeing him just because you can't afford to do stuff that he can.

If you don't want him to be paying for you then just do things that you can afford too. Make use of what you have. If he likes you he will still have fun.

 

[DigitalFudge]

Just simply say the next time financially you are being hurt while going out

"Hey can we not go here or there cuz I can't afford to"

That is a little blatant, any variation is fine.

If you show him you are responsible there is a higher chance he will be less prone to believe you are taking advantage of him

And this is coming from a person who has been taken advantage of countless time because of his financial situation. I am a horrible judge of character and who knows if he is too? Its hard to trust people with that kind of stuff

Bare with him.

 

[doctorsun]

If he knows that you're financially strapped but still likes you as much as he does, I think that means he realizes you have no interest in his money. I think he just really likes you. Personally, I don't see a problem. Above all else, it seems he likes you enough for you to be able to have this conversation with him without putting him off. Maybe you should give him more credit.

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

I understand about feeling guilty if some one else pays because you don't have the funding.
Some here called it pride, and that is true but its also called being independent and not feeling like you owe any one anything. Taking care of yourself and what you can do when you can afford.

Yeah your not on the same playing field and the guy has made it clear that he doesn't like to feel used for his money. Knowing that and if you start accepting invites to do more on his dime he will get resentful even if he doesn't say so. It gets old paying for someone else even if you realize they don't have the funds.
There are also a shitload of players and users out there.

If it were me, nah I wouldn't push further into this relationship but toe the line where it is. See what happens with a bit of time. If he really likes you then compromise will work and some boring walks in the park, hiking, etc or free concerts mixed with a occasional night out where he might pay or you both pay your own way isn't so bad.

 

[AverageJoe]

Just stop doing the things that burn through your cash.

Lots of people in college, living with their parents, and hard up for money manage to date and have fun. Why can't you? Show him how to have a good time without going to all the fancy places.

If he insists on doing expensive things beyond your means, let him pay for those. Chances are he'll either understand why you can't do them, or he just doesn't care. If it's the latter, maybe he's not really trying to understand you.

Just let him know that you don't really care about money and expensive things, but if he wants that, then you're okay with it.

 

[swerve]

In response to the question...

I don't see finances, occupation or "social status" in people -- I like to actually meet the person irregardless...

Nineofclubs had to PULL ME AWAY from spending an evening with a homeless guy in Portland once -- I found him VERY INTERESTING and kind of wanted to experience his "normal" routine...

 

[Nomenclature]

Relationships are always complicated. anyway. As long as we trusted each other - and he didn't think I was a nuisance, or something - then i'd be okay with it, personally.

But yeah. . .I wouldn't make him support me.





























Unless he wanted to.

 

[braex27]

Entity, it is hard enough in this world to find someone to click with - don't let financial matters get in the way. From reading your post, it appears you like him and he likes you. You clearly have plenty in common, and he wants you fr a boyfriend.

If money matters to both of you, talk about it. There are plenty of fun things that can be done without denting your bank account, or making him dip into his. Look into those activities. You can save up, and every now and again, splash out.

If you really like each other, you'll find a way to make it work. GOOD LUCK!!

 

[giftart]

If he knows that you're financially strapped but still likes you as much as he does, I think that means he realizes you have no interest in his money. I think he just really likes you. Personally, I don't see a problem. Above all else, it seems he likes you enough for you to be able to have this conversation with him without putting him off. Maybe you should give him more credit.

I agree with this.

 

[bankside]

Only if I could quickly become as poor as possible just before meeting the guy. Absolutely grindingly destitute.

LOL.

What is the financial opposite of "thankfully okay for the moment, but still stuck in the rat race for a really really long time."

Seriously, yes I would date someone different than me. (I am actually). Financial skill could be one of those differences. He can't get hung up on it and neither can you. There is a lot you can bring to the table in a relationship that doesn't have anything to do with the size of your chequing account. If he is really good with money, let him do what he does best. There are other areas where you can excel that are just as important to a relationship. It should be no big deal. It could be a very big deal, but it doesn't have to be, if you can both find a way to handle it.

By the way, unless he owns a patent or has an inheritance or something, his comfortable lifestyle probably involves a lot of debt. He's good unless mortgage rates rise.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

This is kind of where I think modernity has it all backwards. Back in the old days when you had these kinds of vertical relationships where one person had several "rungs" up on the other, the one pulled the other up.

If he wants you there with him, as he is living his preferred lifestyle, he needs to back you up and cover you. You shouldn't have to ask. It's simple practicality. I'm assuming that he's used to having money and he should know that if he wants to date guys who haven't made it yet he needs to lend a helping hand now and then.

I can't stand cheap bastards. When I was younger and struggling I associated with some genrous guys who paid my way because they wanted me there with them at the operas, the ballets, the plays, the late night dinners downtown. I was good conversationalist, a good listener, an easy on the eyes escort to be seen with, and I learned to smile and nod a lot.

We need to get back to those kinds of arrangements. It made life interesting on both sides. I benefited and my companions did as well.

People that have are too damn selfish and paranoid these days, and people who have not are too self conscious about accepting gifts and generosity.

I can pay my own way these days, but I still never look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

[phoenix99]

If he knows you're flat broke, but is worried about you using him for his money.......and he's so fucking stingy that he's not picking up the tab when you go out, then my opinion is that he is a shitwad and you're better off without him.

Tell him if he can't get beyond his preoccupation with money, there's no future for the two of you and then dump his ass.

Wow! Perfectly said, nothing more needs to be said on this subject.

 

[orryyon]

I would explain your financial situation perhaps he doesn't realize. If he is really invested in taking things further you can meet half way. Yet if he still insists on going to places you can't afford after this you know what to do. Money can be the root of all evil in some situations but not the be all end all of a budding relationship. I personally would date someone interesting regardless of their financial situation. However I don't want to be taken advantage of visa/versa. Not everyone (especially in this economy) is lucky enough to have money to splurge or even a job for that matter. As long as the person I'm dealing with has ambition and is making an honest living (or attempting to) it shouldn't matter. No one wants a lazy bum or a fat cat that throws it in your face how much money he has.