I'd rather just have the body (or at least the skin, the hair, and the metabolism) of my 19-year-old self without having to actually go
back to 1987. Skinny waifish twinks weren't the fashion then as they are now.
Sometimes when I can't sleep, I think about what I would have done differently if I only knew what the consequences of my actions would be, thought about how far back I would go if I could. My usual thought is to go back to sixteen: I would have done better in high school so I could go straight to college, I would have
not started smoking or drinking, I would have bought Disney and Microsoft stock.
But I think what I would do most, which would have made my young life happier, is to appreciate myself more. I'd look in the mirror and tell myself "Hey, you're
pretty!" Looking at pictures now, I see that I was perfectly adorable, but I didn't think so the because I didn't look like the guys I wanted to look like.
On the other hand, I also think about what I'd miss if I could go back. So many wonderful things in my life came about as a result of some stupid mistake that I frequently wish I hadn't made. So many of my friends would be unknown to me if I never became an alcoholic, because I never would have gone to the AA meetings where I met them. So much of what makes me at all wise or even interesting came about because of the pain I've suffered.
So I guess it's a good thing I can't go back. I'd probably make a bigger mess trying to fix the mess I'm in.
