Wow, talk about depressing

[motownguy2011]

Hi all, how's it going?

So a bit of a backstory:

I'm a student at WVU, and not really out yet (yeah I know, should've done that a while back - anyway) so I've tried my hand at trying to meet people online, since I'm relatively shy in person anyway. I'm not really into the whole hookup scene and really just want to find the right person and start a relationship. Of the sites I've tried (A4A, JustGuys, and Manhunt), I've found there are very few people that actually want to have a relationship. So I get talking to a few of the people on there actually interested in more than just sex, and they seem pretty cool, until I basically link them to my Facebook.

I'm pretty paranoid, so I at least get to know these people before showing them pics of me (via FB and stuff), but tonight would make the third time someone has outright ignored me after linking my FB (pretty sure this guy blocked me). I dunno, is there like something wrong with me, or am I doing this wrong? I don't get it - I don't think I'm coming off too forward, but at the same time I try to get to know the person before at least showing them my info.

Are these people just not interested and are just being assholes about it? I know I shouldn't probably be so depressed about this, but after the third time it's really starting to wear down on me... I seriously am doubting I'll ever find anyone who's interested in me, and it hurts.

Any advice? I dunno if I have the guts to try to meet people in person (closeted, gaydar sucks, and I'm shy in general), but this sucks.

Thanks for listening to my English paper story, and I appreciate any tips you guys can offer.

 

[cardshark]

First of all, you need to understand the internet is full of bullshitters and idiots. If you are looking for more than just sex, you will probably have to wade through a lot more than 3 assholes before finding a good guy. Do you know what percentage of people on the internet lie about themselves, either age, weight, dick size, etc? Yeah, neither do I but its got to be somewhere up around 80%!

I'm guessing once they see your Facebook, it gets too "real" for them and they runaway.

Secondly, what's the big rush? You're young, in school, probably already have a lot on your plate. Why the need to meet someone right now? Why not just take things as they come? Forget chasing guys online, just stick to enjoying life, getting an education, hanging out with friends, etc. Ironically, you'll probably have more success finding quality guys this way than on manhunt!

 

[motownguy2011]

First of all, you need to understand the internet is full of bullshitters and idiots. If you are looking for more than just sex, you will probably have to wade through a lot more than 3 assholes before finding a good guy. Do you know what percentage of people on the internet lie about themselves, either age, weight, dick size, etc? Yeah, neither do I but its got to be somewhere up around 80%!

I'm guessing once they see your Facebook, it gets too "real" for them and they runaway.

Secondly, what's the big rush? You're young, in school, probably already have a lot on your plate. Why the need to meet someone right now? Why not just take things as they come? Forget chasing guys online, just stick to enjoying life, getting an education, hanging out with friends, etc. Ironically, you'll probably have more success finding quality guys this way than on manhunt!

Yeah, I guess you're right. Although I try to think with this logic, I sometimes just get in moods where I'm kinda bummed where I don't have someone to be with, you know? I know people are assholes, but wow, do some people take it really too far.

I dunno, I guess I really do want a relationship, but is it honestly this much trouble to find someone? Why must everyone be so ambiguous or just a complete ass? And the rejection thus far is really hurting my confidence - makes me feel like they dig through my pics, decide "holy shit this guy is fugly", and ignore me.

 

[Jerry]

Just get a pic and send them that. No need to link them to facebook and share all that info with anybody you don't know. Grab a pic you want to share, and send it whenever you feel comfortable. If they stop talking to you after they see it, then move on. It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you.
Besides, there's no telling who they really are either.


I agree that the internet isn't the best place to meet good relationship-type guys, but it can happen. I met my bf on craigslist so I know it's possible.

Just relax and keep your eyes and ears open for new opportunities. New guys can be met anywhere, so try to be a little more outgoing and see what happens. What's important is to not look at every guy like a potential relationship. Take them for what they are, and just see what happens.

Be careful meeting guys from online, some of them are real dirt bags and do a great job of abusing people who are at all trusting. But don't be afraid to meet people either, just keep your head. Meet in a public place and all that.


Of course JUB is always here if you need to "talk". Good luck man

 

[Lube]

You've learned the lesson that many a gay man has learned: the Internet is not where you go to find a relationship.

Oh, sure, some people have. But even they'll tell you they're in the minority.

Read my blog entry about finding a guy in real life.

 

[motownguy2011]

Wow, you guys are great... I hope you know that.

Normally things don't get to me like this, but this really bothers me for some reason, and I really haven't learned how to cope with this yet, I guess.

Thanks for the positive support... something I really appreciate. I guess I should probably come out soon, or perhaps indiscreetly flirt with some people I suspect are interested. XD

 

[Halifaxboy8]

In general, online hookups suck. The people on those sites just want no strings attached sex. They're like bars, but are textual and don't involve the mix of alcohol and music.

You said that you're shy and just coming out (or not really out), and that's cool. You have a journey ahead of you Don't get discouraged because you stuck your nose in the wrong door. There are many places to look.

Just a couple things to think about:

Bars: Fun, easy to get someone. Lots of people do it, but be aware that it is a hook-up place and alcohol can facilitate a lot of decisions that you would not normally make when sober.

Bathhouses: Kinda like bars, but more direct. You go there for sex and it doesn't necessarily involve an exchange of names or contact info.

Video Stores w/ Backrooms: Same as above, but seedier.

Public Places (Beaches, Parks, Washrooms): Risky. Attracts the closeted, married, people looking for NSA (no strings attached) play and predators.

That's a bit more info than I think you wanted, but they are options.

Honestly, just try meeting people. In real life. Its ok to be shy and nervous. That will hopefully pass with time once you get your feet wet.

Don't give up. There's a world of people out there and you haven't even tapped into .0001% of them.