Yeah I just came out to my long time friend with benefits !

[Alive and Free]

Whether he actually IS Gay/Bi/Str8, whatever, isn't the real question here. What is important is how your buddy Identifies Himself. It is quite possible for him to consider himself completely Str8, and that everything he has done with you was merely "Sport". It's something he enjoys doing, quite a bit, obviously, but it is not something that He "identifies" with. "Yeah! I fool around with Guys, but I'm NOT "Gay"!" Catch my drift?

Somewhere in His mind, there is a Disconnect between the Sex and His Feelings. And when You start talking about Feelings/Identification, this is going to make Him fairly uneasy! Because, He is not "like that"! It sounds as if, as far as He is concerned, that as long as His "exploits" with You do not become generally known, then none of it really "counts"! And when You openly talk about it, even to just Him, and bring up the idea of also "doing IT", with another Guy, Your Friend is going to get "queasy"!

Trust me, this is not the first, nor will it likely be that last, time I've encountered this type of behavior/denial. It's probably even more prevelant than any of us realize!

"Play around" with Guys? Sure! It's lots of Fun! Talk about/admit it? NEVER!

There is a good possibility, here, that now You have brought IT out into the open, He is going to be more reluctant to "Play" with You, anymore! (Which I hope isn't the case.) You have crossed a line that He was comfortable about not having to defend.

Give Him time. Give Him space. Do NOT "go there" in your conversations with Him, for a while.

Yes, Your Friend has some issues, of His own, to deal with. But they are just that ... HIS Issues. And, calling Him out on IT, or even bringing it up, through your own experiences/desires, will only make him more uncomfortable.

Am I making any sense, here?

Wishing YOU All the Very Best!

And ... of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

Makes a whole lot of sense , thanks for the feedback i think you really have something here !

 

[bluedragon4]

He was grossed out when you told him what it was like to be with a man but he's had gay sex for 10 years? Does he get amnesia from cock sucking?He'll be out any time now. You don't have that much gay sex,even 4 times a day, and be completely straight. No way, no how.

 

[Alive and Free]

He was grossed out when you told him what it was like to be with a man but he's had gay sex for 10 years? Does he get amnesia from cock sucking?He'll be out any time now. You don't have that much gay sex,even 4 times a day, and be completely straight. No way, no how.

I havent seen him in over a year so I am very curious to see how he will react to me. I wonder if he is going to want me to "prove" to him that I am gay , are we going to hook up and his visit back thats a great question I will be finding out in a week !

 

[kayman23]

Your friend is weird.

 

[screwnutty]

Any of you guys ever have a relationship with a friend were certain things allways went unsaid ? well I certainly do. My best friend growing up gave me my first orgasam

Well unlike the others who have posted to your thoughts Alive and Free. I can actually say that I too had...that's HAD a best friend and experienced pretty much most of the same things you have talked about.

I meet my best friend in Grade 10, by the end of the year we where giving each other back massages and generally just staying close to each other. When we went camping with friends, we'd always share the same tent and usually ended up close to each other in our sleeping backs or just chatting away till morning at the firepit when the others had gone to sleep.

By the end of grade 13 we were jerking off in front of each other...then came college. We went to the same college and that's when we started to touch each other and stuff. By second year I was giving him BJ's and gave him is first orgasm. (we moved slow, never talked about this at all or even discussed it. ) Now in college he never returned the favour...I figured he was just scared and besides, I was having way too much fun to care. You know first time out of the house alone...no curfew. Partying etc.

By the end of college we were still fooling around. Neither one of us ever had a girlfriend! Although there was 3 or 4 girls he liked but never asked out. If the subject did come up about our activities he always link it back to...well it's just harmless fun until we get girlfriends you know...a release. Besides it's better then jerking off isn't it? He always said that. Me...being young, stupid and still confused about myself, never questioned this.

The last time we fooled around was christmas 2005. Things had changed a bit cause he was working...I was working. I lived about hour away from him at that time and we just only talked on the phone mostly and if we did hang out...It was always with other friends so we had no alone time together.

Well this all came to a crashing end by March 1st of 2006. I meet one of his new friends who he worked with (which would later turn out to be his girlfriend!) He was dating her and I guess it was getting to the serious point of the relationship. So he dragged me over and invite her over too (neither one of us knew that the other was coming over)

He told her what we did since grade 10. I just sat there...jaw on the floor. Then he explains to her that it was just a relief for him and that he had no feelings for me at all and that he never sucked me off (which was true) and when I did it to him he always thought of girls.

Well what happened next was a shocker to me. She stands up...walks to Jeremy...starts crying (just turned on the tears) and then slaps me....ME! What the fuck did I do. She tells him that they need to talk and that she wants me out of the house. So my friend told me to leave. My best friend of 15 years tells me to leave his apartment. So I did. He called me 2 days later, saying that I did a horrible thing and that he just wanted to let me know that he wasn't gay, that he had a girlfriend right now and that he never wanted to see me again.

As of today it's been 1 year and 3 months since that night. I heard that there getting married and both of them are moving to Kitchener here in Ontario. I'm a big believer in Karma so I wish them the best of luck...yet I secretly hope that after he's had 2 or 3 kids he finally admits to himself that he is gay. Still pissed that she slapped me! What did I do? I didn't know he was dating her at the time

Oh well, thanks to this crazy fucking relationship...I just can't get close to anybody anymore...I never know when they turn on me....kindof pathatic I know but your story really hit me Alive and Free. Cause for awhile there...I thought I was the only one this kindof thing has happened to!

Thanks for sharing your story! Gives me some hope.

 

[TallDude]

She stands up...walks to Jeremy...starts crying (just turned on the tears) and then slaps me....ME!

Wow that's crazy; i'm really sorry you had to go through that. I have nothing constructive to add, I just wanted to say what a bitch! If one of my friends told me that story that would likely be one of the first comments i'd make.

 

[bluedragon4]

^^^^that is awful!!! Why would she slap you? she sounds like one of those girls that if her husband cheating she would blame the other woman and still think her husband was tricked into it! I can't stand people who don't blame their spouse but blame the other person they bedded.Your friend is clueless and the girlfriend probably didn't give head but after that I bet she started. Though if the tables were turned and it was two girls who ate each other out for ten years than you know the boyfriend would want a slap and tickle and not slap the girl!

 

[Roland00]

^^^^that is awful!!! Why would she slap you? she sounds like one of those girls that if her husband cheating she would blame the other woman and still think her husband was tricked into it! I can't stand people who don't blame their spouse but blame the other person they bedded.Your friend is clueless and the girlfriend probably didn't give head but after that I bet she started. Though if the tables were turned and it was two girls who ate each other out for ten years than you know the boyfriend would want a slap and tickle and not slap the girl!

People are stupid, when they feel out of control, when they realize everything may be a lie, or they may lose a person they fallen in love with, they often do stupid things. Such as slapping a person who doesn't deserve it, after all everybody knows if you slap a gay guy, her boyfriend becomes straight again. It just make sense

Oh I second the, what a bitch comment, then again your friend may have found the perfect women. If he really is gay (and not bi), then she is the right type of person for him, for she will willfully disbelieve all the signs, evidence, her fears hoping it is not true, maybe praying it is not true.

 

[screwnutty]

well not to steal alive and free's thunder but yeah she's a total bitch! She is also the one who outed me to my close friends (5 of them) of the five only 2 still talk to me....the others think what I did was just horrible and that I'm going to hell for it. But like i said it's in the past right. No sense crying over spilled milk....just clean it up and move on.

The other thing is he says he's 100% straight and only allowed it to happen because it was a release. He linked it to like guys in prison. But what do I know. All I do know is why did I spend 15 years making a friendship with a guy who basically stopped talking to me and hanging out with me as soon as he got a girlfriend...that's what really hurts.

 

[Roland00]

*hugs* *hugs*

 

[screwnutty]

*hugs* *hugs*

Thanks Roland00! right back at you I feel better now that it's off my chest! I hope your feeling better too Alive and free!!

 

[j0rdan]

Well unlike the others who have posted to your thoughts Alive and Free. I can actually say that I too had...that's HAD a best friend and experienced pretty much most of the same things you have talked about.

I meet my best friend in Grade 10, by the end of the year we where giving each other back massages and generally just staying close to each other. When we went camping with friends, we'd always share the same tent and usually ended up close to each other in our sleeping backs or just chatting away till morning at the firepit when the others had gone to sleep.

By the end of grade 13 we were jerking off in front of each other...then came college. We went to the same college and that's when we started to touch each other and stuff. By second year I was giving him BJ's and gave him is first orgasm. (we moved slow, never talked about this at all or even discussed it. ) Now in college he never returned the favour...I figured he was just scared and besides, I was having way too much fun to care. You know first time out of the house alone...no curfew. Partying etc.

By the end of college we were still fooling around. Neither one of us ever had a girlfriend! Although there was 3 or 4 girls he liked but never asked out. If the subject did come up about our activities he always link it back to...well it's just harmless fun until we get girlfriends you know...a release. Besides it's better then jerking off isn't it? He always said that. Me...being young, stupid and still confused about myself, never questioned this.

The last time we fooled around was christmas 2005. Things had changed a bit cause he was working...I was working. I lived about hour away from him at that time and we just only talked on the phone mostly and if we did hang out...It was always with other friends so we had no alone time together.

Well this all came to a crashing end by March 1st of 2006. I meet one of his new friends who he worked with (which would later turn out to be his girlfriend!) He was dating her and I guess it was getting to the serious point of the relationship. So he dragged me over and invite her over too (neither one of us knew that the other was coming over)

He told her what we did since grade 10. I just sat there...jaw on the floor. Then he explains to her that it was just a relief for him and that he had no feelings for me at all and that he never sucked me off (which was true) and when I did it to him he always thought of girls.

Well what happened next was a shocker to me. She stands up...walks to Jeremy...starts crying (just turned on the tears) and then slaps me....ME! What the fuck did I do. She tells him that they need to talk and that she wants me out of the house. So my friend told me to leave. My best friend of 15 years tells me to leave his apartment. So I did. He called me 2 days later, saying that I did a horrible thing and that he just wanted to let me know that he wasn't gay, that he had a girlfriend right now and that he never wanted to see me again.

As of today it's been 1 year and 3 months since that night. I heard that there getting married and both of them are moving to Kitchener here in Ontario. I'm a big believer in Karma so I wish them the best of luck...yet I secretly hope that after he's had 2 or 3 kids he finally admits to himself that he is gay. Still pissed that she slapped me! What did I do? I didn't know he was dating her at the time

Oh well, thanks to this crazy fucking relationship...I just can't get close to anybody anymore...I never know when they turn on me....kindof pathatic I know but your story really hit me Alive and Free. Cause for awhile there...I thought I was the only one this kindof thing has happened to!

Thanks for sharing your story! Gives me some hope.

After reading your story screwnutty, I can only say one thing:

"What an ASSHOLE!" (your ex-best friend), and a screwed-up asshole to add to that.
His wife sounds like a messed up bitch btw. They most likely deserve each other; the only ones that I could feel sorry for is the kids that possibly come out of that relationship and the 'things' they'll have as 'parents' - God only knows how wonderful they will be to them.

Also, because of my life experiences of being victimized by a parent over and over - any bitch (whether it be man or woman) that slap me would receive a swollen eye among other things - too bad that wasn't the case with you, as she'd quickly find her place (i.e. don't dish it if you can't fish it - lol)

 

[TriBi]

I can relate to what is being said by the original poster - I also (when I was much younger) had an "FWB". We were good buddies. We "experimented" together over quite a long period of time (but never as far as anal, only jacking off and "sort of" oral).

He went on to get married, and (as far as I am aware - and I am perfectly prepared to accept this) is straight. I fully accept that what we did was an "outlet" and a form of sexual experimentation (nothing more) for him.

I regard myself as bisexual - tho' I will freely admit that my preference these days is more for guys than for girls - but that is largely motivated by the fact that I enjoy my independence, have no real wish for a "full on" relationship with anyone any more, and "casual" sex with guys is easier and less complicated.

I think the best post, by far, in this thread is the one by Chas, aka Kyanimal, and (to me, at least) what he says makes a great deal of sense. Most of the others are made by gay guys with - well - less "open" minds and are fairly condemnatory and less understanding of the particular circumstances outlined (as I see it, anyway).

Just my 2c.

 

[Alive and Free]

Thanks Roland00! right back at you I feel better now that it's off my chest! I hope your feeling better too Alive and free!!

Just came back from my first gay pride day so I am doign well thanks !

 

[Roland00]

Had fun? Or should I say how much fun did you have

My local Pride Parade isn't for another 2 more weeks, the 23rd of June

 

[screwnutty]

Just came back from my first gay pride day so I am doign well thanks !

That's good to hear! Congrats! I have yet to experience my first pride parade. See time heals all wounds! *8*

 

[Alive and Free]

Had fun? Or should I say how much fun did you have

My local Pride Parade isn't for another 2 more weeks, the 23rd of June

It was very educational for me, I had never been around that many openly gay people and actually some of them seemed pretty normal ! I should be seeing my friend this up comming weekend.

 

[Soilwork]

yeah.. straight guys carry on ten-year sexual relationships with men, suck cock with passion and get fucked in the ass.

Pigs fly, Santa Clause is real, and you can get pregnant from kissing a boy while wearing a bathing suit.

Good on you for coming out. At least one of you has guts.

 

[nitish]

I can relate to what is being said by the original poster - I also (when I was much younger) had an "FWB". We were good buddies. We "experimented" together over quite a long period of time (but never as far as anal, only jacking off and "sort of" oral).

He went on to get married, and (as far as I am aware - and I am perfectly prepared to accept this) is straight. I fully accept that what we did was an "outlet" and a form of sexual experimentation (nothing more) for him.

I regard myself as bisexual - tho' I will freely admit that my preference these days is more for guys than for girls - but that is largely motivated by the fact that I enjoy my independence, have no real wish for a "full on" relationship with anyone any more, and "casual" sex with guys is easier and less complicated.

I think the best post, by far, in this thread is the one by Chas, aka Kyanimal, and (to me, at least) what he says makes a great deal of sense. Most of the others are made by gay guys with - well - less "open" minds and are fairly condemnatory and less understanding of the particular circumstances outlined (as I see it, anyway).

Just my 2c.

I hate to be that labeling guy but humans create labels for a reason; they make life easier. I am not going to do things with an animal, a woman even because i just want an outlet to relive myself. That sounds ridiculous doesn't it? However, i will give you that life is more complicated than rigid labels. So don't fall in the same mistake and call him straight.

 

[screwnutty]

yeah.. straight guys carry on ten-year sexual relationships with men, suck cock with passion and get fucked in the ass.

Pigs fly, Santa Clause is real, and you can get pregnant from kissing a boy while wearing a bathing suit.

Good on you for coming out. At least one of you has guts.

Soilwork! you crack me up! LOL I'm always happy to see you post your thoughts! Soilwork tells it like it is folks without the sugar coating!!

*raise glass* To soilwork!!