Yeah... This just isn't working.

[Laboyes]

I'll cut out all the gory, boring about how sad I am. Instead I'll just say that I realized what I've been doing to try feeling happy and like myself again has stopped working.

Tonight I realized that I've probably hit rock bottom, at least insofar as my own life and tendencies are concerned. I cried on my walk home. There were no sobs or noise, but I couldn't stop the odd tear from running down my face every few seconds. This has happened before, as my ex- works down the same street on which I live, so sometimes I have to see him and can't control myself.

Tonight there was no reason. We're months out. It's been months since I told him I couldn't talk to him without hurting.

When I got home tonight I loaded a book on my phone, propped open my bathroom window and started smoking a cigarette in the shower. I realized how low I am when I found myself curled up fully clothed in my tub, knees pulled up to my chest, clutching my cigarette like some might hold a cross.

What I'm doing isn't working. It hasn't been. Months filled with distraction have failed. I haven't managed to keep my mind off the fact that I feel pretty fucked up every day and haven't truly felt like myself since I was left.

So, what do other people do to get out of this kind of dry drunk state of existence?

 

[Ambition92]

It might not be what you want to hear, but for me I just power through it. It sucks and it's painful. But if you keep busy with other activities like work, friends, leisurely habits then it helps take your mind off of it. Alternatively, it's sometimes cathartic to think back to why things didn't work. If they no longer wanted to be with you then you just have to try your best to move on. He's not worth your time or energy anymore. As cliche as it sounds, there are plenty of dudes (or ladies) out there that I'm sure would be better suited to dating you.

 

[KaraBulut]

...So, what do other people do to get out of this kind of dry drunk state of existence?

Frankly, you learn to cope.

The trick is to find ways to cope and move on in ways that aren't self-destructive. At the moment, you're leaning more toward the self-destructive side of the equation.

Some guys find healthy ways to deal with breakups- going to the gym, spending more time with friends/family, doing leisure activities that you enjoy, getting out/meeting new people, figuring out ways to not repeat the same stupid mistakes again, etc.

Other guys find unhealthy ways- partying, NSA hookups, moping and wallowing.

These things are a part of it- you can't have relationships and completely escape the mistakes and hurt. No doubt when you learned to ride a bike, you didn't get it right the first time; after a few mishaps and scraped knees you got better at it. It's the same with relationships- you keep at it, you get through the misadventures, you learn to let go of things you need to let go of and, with a little luck, you get better at it.

 

[eastofeden]

I have a few tips...not sure if they would really work for you or pretty much anyone else but for what they are worth....

One I do for alot of sticky situations that works well. I think our brain sometimes is our enemy...and we end up telling ourselves alot of lies and start believing them...

So I throw out the lies when I find them. Kinda like when a computer falters..find the faulty part and replace it...

Examples: I don't think I can go on without him...ALWAYS Rubbish...and a Lie...

He was the one....of course he wasn't "the one"...he is gone. The actual one...assuming he exists.... is out there waiting for me...so blow your nose...take a shower...and get out there....

Another one I use....

Embrace the pain. Have a good old fashioned pity party and get a dark blanket and a bottle of booze or two if you need it and let it rip....close the windows...turn out the lights...black and white movies are a plus....'til you can't stand it anymore. Don't dread it...look forward to it. If you embrace it fully...it will actually leave as long as you give your whine some quality time....

Finally...for every single bad thing you can think of...a good one also exists. I think of it as a yin/yang thing....

If you are pining still and have him on a pedestal...take him off of it. For instance: If you think he is the best thing you ever had...start by telling yourself the worst things about him. Maybe he is a sadist who enjoys watching people suffer?

If you hated the way he ate or thought or dressed...turn it around and mentally thank him for being s great example of what to rule out in the future. Good teachers are hard to find....

Life is short. I use those because they work for me.

Good Luck! You can do it.....if my tools don't work...start actively searching for tools that WILL work for you so you can move on...

 

[Alistair]

Go for a walk home on a different block, then cut back over to your home. Do things you didn't do together. If you walked on the beach as a couple walk in the park. Find a hobby to start that he wouldn't have enjoyed. Maybe you'll meet someone there. Spend time with friends but ask not to talk about him. If one genre of music reminds you of him stop listening. Broaden your taste and find something different.

It's going to take time. You can wallow in self-pity or you can build character and move on.

 

[peeonme]

I think that you have a self esteem issue here. If one person leaving does this to you it seems that your self value revolved around them.
Of course it hurts when a relationship ends, but you seem to place the reason for it ended on some inadequacy on your part.
You are a smart guy and dare I say a good looking person, you need to ask yourself who truly lost out. It is time to take a good look at yourself and get back in to life, some lucky person will be glad that you did.

 

[Seasoned]

Remember that you always have choices. I remember times I’d play the same sad songs over and over. Wallowing must serve a purpose but probably not a healthy one. I always tell people they can always come back to the sadness if they want/need to, but to live there is living only a fraction of life. It’s a self esteem issue which needs fixing. No healthy person needs people, places or things to feel whole.

To starters I’d stop walking past his home. Take the long way around to avoid it.