Okay so I have to write this, and he will never read it, mostly because I will not give it to him. If I don't put it out there I am going to go insane.
Chris,
You say that you saved me, you talk about my life as if it would be hell without you. For 27 years I lived without you. No, it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops, but I lived it, I faced it everyday. I have faced life with you head on as well. I have been here for every moment. Where have you been? You go to work for 6 hours a day then come home and hide in a baggie. You cannot handle life, you never have.
For three years I cooked your meals, did your laundry, cleaned a home that was never mine, took care of all of the bills, I ran your home like a well oiled machine. I sat beside you for a week in the hospital waiting on you to die, wondering how I would make it without you. I drove myself to the point of a mental collapse to take care of you. I stopped living my life so I could live yours. For three years every moment of everyday revolved around you. There was never a thank you, a Christmas gift, Birthday gift, Anniversary present, nothing to say that I meant anything to you.
When I decided to step back into the world and get a job outside of the house, you made it clear that it wasn't enough for me to contribute to paying the bills. You told me that, because you made more money than I did, you didn't have to help with house work. So I worked 12 hour days 5 days a week. Every morning when I got off work I came home to a dirty house and every morning I would spend hours cleaning your messes.
You can think that you know the reasons I left. You can believe that I'm a whore. I'm okay with that, because I know how hard I fought to make you happy. I changed everything I was to fit into your world. Now I have to start finding me again. I know it will not be easy, but I will continue to face my life everyday.
I love you and I always will, but I have to love me more.
Jason
Chris,
You say that you saved me, you talk about my life as if it would be hell without you. For 27 years I lived without you. No, it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops, but I lived it, I faced it everyday. I have faced life with you head on as well. I have been here for every moment. Where have you been? You go to work for 6 hours a day then come home and hide in a baggie. You cannot handle life, you never have.
For three years I cooked your meals, did your laundry, cleaned a home that was never mine, took care of all of the bills, I ran your home like a well oiled machine. I sat beside you for a week in the hospital waiting on you to die, wondering how I would make it without you. I drove myself to the point of a mental collapse to take care of you. I stopped living my life so I could live yours. For three years every moment of everyday revolved around you. There was never a thank you, a Christmas gift, Birthday gift, Anniversary present, nothing to say that I meant anything to you.
When I decided to step back into the world and get a job outside of the house, you made it clear that it wasn't enough for me to contribute to paying the bills. You told me that, because you made more money than I did, you didn't have to help with house work. So I worked 12 hour days 5 days a week. Every morning when I got off work I came home to a dirty house and every morning I would spend hours cleaning your messes.
You can think that you know the reasons I left. You can believe that I'm a whore. I'm okay with that, because I know how hard I fought to make you happy. I changed everything I was to fit into your world. Now I have to start finding me again. I know it will not be easy, but I will continue to face my life everyday.
I love you and I always will, but I have to love me more.
Jason
. Consider this a learning and growing experience. Again, beautifully written and good luck 
