You Gussed it In love w/ a Straight (not too long)

[attallaborn]

When they said karma is a bitch, they werent lying. After years of ruthless flirting & head games; I have finally fallen hard for a “supposedly” straight buddy & I dont know what to do because I dont know if hes gay. Guys, I love this guy so much that Im ready to come out to him (big move). I mentioned in my first post that I resented “closet” jocks flirting with me & that I exploited it because I could & liked head games—well this time it has backfired & Im pretty depressed. The only thing keeping me from going after him is the fact that I dont know if hes gay & I dont want to ruin our friendship because Id rather keep him as a friend then lose him over aggressive advances.

He & I are sports buddies who go to the same school. We spend every sec. we can together & text a lot. Hes masculine (and gorgeous) but there is something about him that I know he is gay. When he looks at me its like hes saying “I love u”. We stare all the time at each other & will lock eyes but neither looks away. Whenever it comes to us like almost having a “gay” moment; he starts talkin about his damn ex-girlfriend or about this girl we go to school w/ that he says he’s confused about. That throws me for a loop. He has asked me about my fancies but I speak in very vague terms (pre-law major) & never really specify what or who I’m into. I’m not stupid for I think he has made it clear that hes straight but why the I love you talk: he mentions how it upsets him when I don’t talk or speak to him. Im an ass to him, sometimes, because it pisses me off that I fell in love & hes playin games. Should I just break off the friendship or what because Im nuts over this guy. Seriously, Ive found myself behaving like a girl over him: crying erratically, jealous, moody, not eating, drinking, etc. Its ridiculous & something’s got to give, what should I do.

 

[Lube]

Re: You Gussed it In love w/ a Straight (not too l

I mentioned in my first post that I resented “closet” jocks flirting with me & that I exploited it because I could & liked head games—well this time it has backfired & Im pretty depressed.

it pisses me off that I fell in love & hes playin games.

Wait, you're gay but not out; he's ostensibly straight and talks about girls.

Who's playing games? You.

The first step is to come out to him. Don't make advances or tell him you love him; just come out to him. See if he accepts you or not.

If he accepts you and is OK with it, then you can start telling him the kinds of guys that turn you (guys like him, but don't tell him it's him yet). See if he gets on the clue train.

Maybe, just maybe, he'll confide some of his desires in you if he feels he can trust you because you're out. But this will take weeks or months; it will not happen overnight.

Basically, unless you're incredibly lucky, you've got a long haul in front of you.

The first thing you have to do is come out to him, though.

 

[Spensed]

Re: You Gussed it In love w/ a Straight (not too l

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161266&highlight=Spensed

 

[hanshansen]

Re: You Gussed it In love w/ a Straight (not too l

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[KaraBulut]

Re: You Gussed it In love w/ a Straight (not too l

The statistics say that about 5-7% of men are gay. That translates to about an 18 to 1 chance that a guy is straight.

No matter if you think he is saying "I love u" when he looks at you, the odds are that he's straight. If he's talking about his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend, then the odds are even more against you.

Guys friends have feelings for each other. But that does not mean they are gay. It does not mean they want to bugger each other.

Read Spensed's thread. Here's a few more lessons:

1. If a guy says he's straight, take his word for it.
2. Don't kid yourself. You're the one with the crush, not him.
3. If he's straight and he's your friend then he's not into you in that way. He won't ever be into you in that way.
4. Nothing good can come from telling your straight friends that you have a crush on them. It's just too weird for most of them.
5. You need to find a boyfriend. One who is gay. One who will be into you.

 

[EvilForce]

Re: You Gussed it In love w/ a Straight (not too l

Atta, think of all the other guys that may have been interested in you, thought you were gorgeous, thought about asking you out, but thought you were str8 so didn't bother.

Why spend any more time in the closet? It's nearly impossible to have a "normal", healthy relationship if you are completely closeted and not out to anyone.

 

[texan_slant]

Re: You Gussed it In love w/ a Straight (not too l

Assume he's straight unless he tells you otherwise.

Coming out might help, but set your expectations low with regards to how he handles it.

Unfortunately, a lot of times, when us gay guys make an emotional *connection* with straight guys - on any level - including platonic friendship, it's always difficult because what would otherwise make two guys great friends (if we were straight) ends up being the catalyst for falling in love (because we're gay).

 

[rareboy]

Re: You Gussed it In love w/ a Straight (not too l

The problem with playing head games is that eventually everything looks and feels like a head game.

Either be honest with the guy and tell him you wish he were gay or, as Kara says,

Read Spensed's thread. Here's a few more lessons:

1. If a guy says he's straight, take his word for it.
2. Don't kid yourself. You're the one with the crush, not him.
3. If he's straight and he's your friend then he's not into you in that way. He won't ever be into you in that way.
4. Nothing good can come from telling your straight friends that you have a crush on them. It's just too weird for most of them.
5. You need to find a boyfriend. One who is gay. One who will be into you.

Believe it.

...and stop playing headgames before you no longer have any concept of what a healthy relationship should be.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Re: You Gussed it In love w/ a Straight (not too l

Yup, I agree with the above advice here.