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You no longer associate bridges with water.
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You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
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You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
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You can make instant sun tea.
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You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
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The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
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You discover that in July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
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You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
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You know the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
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Hot water comes out of both taps.
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You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
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No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
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You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
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You realize asphalt has a liquid state.
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It's so hot the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
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It's so hot that potatoes cook underground and all you have to do for lunch is to pull one out and add butter with trimmings.
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It's so hot farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
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You only know five spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ sauce and ketchup.
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You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and cowboy boots.
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The mosquitoes have landing lights.
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You have more miles on your tractor than your car.
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You have 10 favorite recipes for deer meat.
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You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside.
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You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
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You can write a check at Dairy Queen for two Hunger Busters and fries.
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You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your cowboy boots.
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People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
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The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." and five guys stand up.
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A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
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When it rains, everyone is smiling.
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The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale."
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The Pastor wears boots.
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Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.
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There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
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Baptism is referred to as "branding."
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Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
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High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.
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People wonder, when Jesus fed 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
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The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"
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It's a common misconception that everything is twice as big in Texas, really, everything is 1.965 times bigger, but we round up.
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It's a common misconception that the women have big hair. In fact this was outlawed in July 1977. There is a task force and they are doing their best to reach every last woman. Bear with us.
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It's a common misconception that JR Ewing still lives here. That was a TV show people! Come on! Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is a real, karate-choppin' Texas Ranger.
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It's a common misconception that we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and damaging hailstorms. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs and a bad hair day.
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It's a common misconception that everyone speaks with a Texas accent. Y'all just don't know what y'all are talkin' about.
