younger older relationship

[jackfrosty]

Just have a few quick questions for you guys. Would like to get answers based on your similar experiences. The guy i'm dating lives 3 hours away, so it's a little longdistance, but we talk everyday.


I'm dating an older guy +30 years older then I am, am 23. He's adorable, cute, looks young, built, sexy, cuddly, awsome kisser, and I really like him. However, I dont' know if it's a problem with me or him. I have noticed, although his action are very suddle that he sometime doesn't seen like he cares about me. We'er both hugs and kisses to each other and other times it's like he's just too busy to anwer my e-mail or has an excuss ready. like had to work late, new deadline. I believe him, because I can related to the work schedual, but I can still make time for him.

Also I have noticed that he still has his profile up on the dating site were we met, and a few others. I took mine down when he asked if I still had a profile there. It's almost as if he's jealous of me talking to other guys online, but it's ok for him to talk to other guys online. For example I noticed he was logged on to a dating site while he was video chatting with on Yahoo. We both have similar high sex drives, so I don't mind him looking at porn. Hell I've even send him pictures of gay pornstars that he might be interested in. We are guy who masterbate after all.


At his age is he still looking for a relationship or just a boy who he can show off and say that he still has what it takes to get a young guy like myself.

Is he scared to commit or show more love because he doesn't want to go thrrough the possibility of a break up?

It could be him or just me looking into the matter too deeply.

Any info or advice would help

 

[brevard3730]

I cant really tell you exactly what to do, but I can let you know of my experiences. I am 23 as well. My last year of college I was dating a 41 year old. He was actually a professor at the college I attended. I thought everything about the relationship was perfect. We were together for just under a year. But slowly the relationship went down hill. It is my experience that relationships with huge age gaps just cant work out. Im not saying that it never works, but mine did not. As much as I wanted to be with him, and I thought he wanted to be with me, we were just in two very different places in our lives. There was so much in life that I still had to learn, yet he already had it figured out. He didnt mean to, but he made me feel two inches tall. He made me feel like a child towards the end there. And then he ended up hooking up with someone he met online while I was at work one night. This hook up was a year younger than myself. That sealed the deal. It was over for me after that. And although I still care for him, or what we had I guess, I can never put myself in that situation again.
So that was my experience. It sounds to me that you are seeing some red flags in this relationship. Dont ignore them.

 

[RyzeAbove]

Last year i was 20 and was dating a 38 year old and it was ok and I knew he liked me but he never took me out or wanted to touch me we would have to spend the night on separate parts of the sectional. Hes a good guy but it just doesnt work sometimes. So we broke it off he claimed our ages were a problem and I said it wasnt working. Everyone is different I guess.

 

[WYSIWYG]

Well, my BF is 25 and I am 60. After we met we both went off dating sites. We made a commitment to one another. At present he is in school, and my work schedule is messy at best. There are times when we can not connect. He is a distance from me also.

I guess if it was me, I might question your bf's commitment to you, if he seems distracted, and is also chatting with others online and has not removed his profile. It does sound like he is shying away from a commitment with you, but I can not honestly say that is what is happening or not. I do not know his past history. Maybe he has been hurt before? It is hard to say.....

Maybe you should ask him whats up? By your post you seem more committed to a relationship that he is.

Keep us posted on what happens mate! Good luck!

 

[KentuckyPython]

My advice is not to let the age difference bother you at all. However, I would say that you need to have an honest, sincere, and forthright conversation with him. Keep it non-emotional and level. It might even help to have the talk on neutral ground.

 

[pausanias_usa]

Yes, I agree with others that the main point here is not the age difference but the reluctance to commit on your older bf's part.

It could be that _he_ is afraid that the age difference is too much and you will leave him for someone younger. But from what you say, he most likely wants to "play the field" rather than invest in a committed relationship.

That you do yourself want to be committed -- clap, clap! Good for you. Find someone that is worthy of your willingness to commit and who will reciprocate.

 

[Letenant]

Hi Jack,
I'm afraid you've hit the key concept at issue. His behavior I don't consider 'age' related. Some distance and awkwardness is normal, but the way you're presenting it I am not sure he's as committed as you. If nothing else, and you can afford it, look at finding a couples counselor as a moderator to encourage discussion of your objectives, expectations, etc.

Have you told him what you want? Such as "please remove the profiles from dating sites" or at least "change the statements"?

My partner and I are together about 10 yrs, 9 of them living together. It's not perfect, heck.. 'rollercoaster' would be fair as labels. We're at different places in careers, income levels disparate, etc, so the age diffence (I'm 18 yrs older) is a challenge, but not just based on age.

I'll wish you luck at figuring out where to go. It's likely to hurt whichever way you choose to go.

*bearhug*
Rob

I'm dating an older guy +30 years older then I am, am 23. He's adorable, cute, looks young, built, sexy, cuddly, awsome kisser, and I really like him. However, I dont' know if it's a problem with me or him. I have noticed, although his action are very suddle that he sometime doesn't seen like he cares about me. We'er both hugs and kisses to each other and other times it's like he's just too busy to anwer my e-mail or has an excuss ready. like had to work late, new deadline. I believe him, because I can related to the work schedual, but I can still make time for him.

 

[LukitaS]

Any websites, galleries to illustrate this interesting forum?

 

[f0zzie05]

younger older is always difficult. i am 26 and my bf of 4 years is 48. things are still hot, but the fact that we both still look always gets us paranoid about one another. the family issue of age and comming out has put a strain on the relationship, but i am still optimistic and fortunate to have such a wonderful man in my life.

the age gap poses generational interest issues but you have to compromise, and if that doesn't work then, well i am not gonna type it.

 

[4older]

I'm a 35 yr old guy and have always been attracted to older guys. But really had a hard time making it work beyond in the bed or short term. This is a generalization but a lot of older guys have decided that they have things all figured out and are very rigid their interests. A lot of 20somethings think they're reached adulthood and have it all figured out which can create quite a clash.

I did finally find a great partner and we've been together 3 years, living together for 2. He's 57 and we have a ton of interests in common with sports, music, movies, food and genuinely really enjoy each others company. There's the occasional compromise on things but that comes with any relationship. It's only 3 years in but has been a really smooth ride with the occasional minor bump in the road - so far so good. So I do think it's possible but it's really important to be on the same page on things besides the bedroom because you actually have to be able to hang out to make it work. Compromise is expected but met too many guys that would try to "fix" me or crap like that..

Regarding your specific situation you also have the difficult issue of long distance. That can always be really hard to make it work but again have to make sure you're on the same page. Also if you're not able to trust that he's being honest with you, you'll always be second guessing his excuses or not being around. The issues you mention sound more like long distance and trust rather than the age thing.

 

[Pacster]

Sounds like for him the relationship isn't serious. There are many older guys that are just about having one young guy after the other(odd thing is that those are usually exactly those older guys that complain the most about young guys cheating on them...guess it's a part of their strategy). I had guys dating me and telling me that they want a serious relationship...and a few weeks later I found guestbook entries on other profiles where they said how much they loved that other person and so on at the same time they told me that they want a serious relationship. 5 years later they are still playing the exact same game and I don't even want to know how many innocent young guys they managed to hurt by now.

On the other hand there are many, many young guys that use older dudes for money or a place to stay...or to just have a boyfriend untill they find someone better. In some cases they are just too young and don't really know what they want(which is an excuse that won't work for the old guys ;-)).

So on both sides you have a lot of guys that are just abusing the feelings of others...and on both sides there are people that have been abused that often that they say "I gonna play the game by your rules as well now. I got enough of being hurt. Honesty? What's that?".

Too many compliments are exactly as much of a bad sign as being busy all the time(if they are serious about someone then they gonna find the time somehow...unless they are terribly broke or want to become the next Bill Gates). Never forget that they are not only 20 years older...they have as well 20 years more experience(and that does not only count for the bed but as well for cheating!).

 

[BigBoss]

It is not just the age difference, relationship between two males is quite not natural, it has no social norms nor any social obligation to stick together.

I broke up with my bf last month, we were together for three years,,with all the norms created by us, like no friends, no dating site's profiles,,,nothing loud..

The love factor was there till the last moment and is still here in my heart for him and i know that he loves me too, but as i am 23 now and he is 35 ,,he was more mature when he committed with me, on the other hand i was mentally mature but there were desires like experiencing everything before i settle down,
That desire lead me to finally ask him to leave,,

I feel guilty over this and i have broken his heart,,but hey ia m calling him on regular basis, and trying helping him get over it,,,

 

[Telstra]

Also I have noticed that he still has his profile up on the dating site were we met, and a few others. I took mine down when he asked if I still had a profile there. It's almost as if he's jealous of me talking to other guys online, but it's ok for him to talk to other guys online. For example I noticed he was logged on to a dating site while he was video chatting with on Yahoo. We both have similar high sex drives, so I don't mind him looking at porn. Hell I've even send him pictures of gay pornstars that he might be interested in. We are guy who masterbate after all.

he is still looking to experiment with other guys !!! .

i didn't realise that post was 2006.