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Younger with Older relationship problems

G

getsomeoc

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OK i need advice because I am having major problems with my bf. This is my first relationship with a guy and he 12 years older then me. I'm 25 and he is 37. I thought it wasn't a problem at first, but now I am starting to see that we like totally different things, partly because of the age difference. I don't want to be alone so its hard for me to just give up, but my bf is a stressed out, angry, asshole most of the time. I never get the attention I deserve, he is always stressed out about his life and I always try to help him, but he tells me I don't know what I am talking about because I am so young. I have never been so unhappy, but want things to be like when we first met. I am highly sexual and need it quite often, but he tells me he doesn't want to all the time leaving me completely unsatisfied. Sometimes he even jerks off when I'm not around and when and he says he doesn't want to have sex because he couldn't wait and had to jerk off early. He tells me I should jerk off more often so I wouldn't want to have sex so much, but whats the point of jerking off if I have someone to have sex with? It doesn't make sense. We have been together for over a year and I still don't live with him because he is to hard to get along with and is a complete perfectionist always telling me I am doing everything the wrong way. I can't do anything right for him, and he always tells me how much he does for me, and when I ask him he always responds with something monetary like I pay for the cable and you watch the TV or I pay for the water that you use for the shower. He never comes to my house, has never stayed at my house, and I feel like I have no emotional support. My need to be wanted is definatley not being satisfied and I feel like I am wasting my time trying to fix a realtionship that is not going to work. A few more things......He is a complete caffine addict drinking a pot of coffee in the morning and probably a 12 pack of cokes each day. The caffine makes his attitude go up and down at the blink of an eye., he is always stessed and when i say someting about he flips on me like i did something wrong. He was the same with cigs, but quite less than a year ago. I have gotten to the point where i want to help him, but can't stand to even talk with him on the phone because all he does is argue with me. He blames it on me and says its because "I think I am always right," " I cause too much drama," " I need too much." I could go on forever. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for letting me vent:cry:
 
Your problem doesn't having anything to do with the difference in age, but sounds more like a problem of compatibility.

Why are you settling for this guy again?

From what you've described it sounds completely devoid of love, mutual interests, or anything even remotely sounding like a "friendship" much less than a "relationship."

At the one year stage, I would want to be talking about future living arrangements, and how are we going to deal with holidays with our family, and planning a project together.

Instead it appears that each of you are still griping about stuff that even fair weather friends would have given up on by now, forget boyfriend.

The guy sounds like a control freak. If that's the case, then be careful. He most likely won't let you make any decisions regarding what YOU want to do with you life. Have you tried telling him what you've shared here?

If he's as bad as you say, he's probably found some way to "blame" you for it. [-X

Any chance that you could just move, and start over with someone else?
 
The picture you paint is pretty bleak.

It was either Ann Landers or Dear Abby, who used to say to people with your type of complaints: "Would you be more happy with him or without him"

Decide on your answer and make your choice.

If it's "with him" then you two need a lot of good, open, two-way communication.

There's something about your post, though, that makes me want to hear his side of the story.
 
Wow you're seriously nit-picking and making up excuses as to why you should break up. I mean omg he drinks a lot of coffee and soda, what a monster! lol... If you are so unhappy, then end it.
 
As Centex says, its not the age difference, its just not working. Probably best to end it now and move on.
 
I thrid that, it has nothing to do with age difference. You said it yourself "I am wasting my time." Fear of being alone is not a reason to date someone. The time you're wasting on this guy could be spent finding a better more loving man and spending time with him, or focusing on yourself.
 
I would agree with the posts before that everyone in this world was created differently. We all have different likes, different dislikes, and things that appeal to us or don't.

It sounds like the two of you are different to the point of being incompatible. I would agree that if I have someone I love, I don't need to masturbate without him. Now, I have masturbated with a guy I've dated, but it was part of our love making and something that we both enjoyed doing (watching the other one jack off and cum--even licking it up!) It sounds like he is enjoying himself more than he is enjoying you....

He also sounds like he might be a bit of a compulsive disorder candidate or bi-polar with the mood changes and the compulsiveness to smoke, drink coffee, soda, or whatever. I've tried to date someone with mood changes and it was too much for me after two weeks; I can't imagine longer.

It also sounds like he is the type that wants to take care of someone but also wants them to know how he takes care of them--thereby controlling them. It is a form of verbal abuse that seeks to control the person through fear and intimidation.

I guess I would say that if you are unhappy, don't put up with something that is going to only bring you more unhappiness. The next step is depression on your part and that would be sadder still.
 
Thanks for all the replies. I just wanted to hear some opinions on my situation, thats why I wrote as much as I could. I would have to say the age isn't the problem, but I agree with the control problem and the fact the realtionship isn't really much more than a freindship. I am seriously confused and somehow I have fallen in love with this guy thats why it is so hard to move on. I don't mean to make this a "Dear Whoever" but I figured this would be the best forum to get some real feedback. Thanks again
 
I don't think age has anything to do with this, you are just not compatible and getting on. I can't even see one reason why you stay with him, unless you like arguments? Seriously dump him and move on.
 
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