Your advice

[zach28]

Hey guys,
would love to have your advice on this: at the moment I think I'm bisexual but no-one knows. I'm trying to get into gaybars (of which we have three here) without getting noticed by my straight friends. Does anyone know how to get into gaybars with an excuse to hide your sexuality?

Love,

 

[Georgiadude]

why are you worried about running into straight friends at a gay bar? of course they are more than welcome to be in there but wouldn't they be worried about running into someone they know, just like you are?

how do you get into a gay bar? walk through the door. dont worry about it. go in and have fun. if you happen to see someone in there you know treat it as if you ran into them at any other bar. say you were supposed to meet a friend and they stood you up. don't be afraid to go in and have fun. if you dont like the bar your in try a different one. like most clubs, each gay bar is different and have different patrons.

I was super nervous the first time I went to a gay bar. it didn't take long and I was having a great time. go explore and have fun. it's nothing to worry about.

Steven.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome. The need to be oneself generally over rides fear. You could make up any number of lies if you got caught by one of your straight friends, but perhaps by then you'd have some accepting gay friends to take their place should they turn out to be the bigots you think they might be. I don't have much patience for homophobia and I don't think it's worth the toll it takes being in the closet to protect such "friendships," but, then again, I've lived through my fearful period and now the world gets the me that I am.

I hope, over time, you are able to be ok around friends and family. Secrets, lies and fear take a toll. Good luck to you.

 

[TheOscar]

Yeah, I don't see why you would run into straight friends at a gay bar? The chances are extremely slim.

 

[canadianguy91]

Well, even if you do, so what?
I don't go to bars, but I'm sure gay guys go to straight bars. Does that make them straight? No.
If your straight friends are there and they're straight, well, so can't you be there too if you're "straight" to them.

Life's a lot easier when you're out- no having to make excuses etc. but everyone takes their own time to do it.

 

[hylas]

if you meet straight friends at a gay bar - and thats a pretty big 'if' - then you can assume that those straight friends are either gay/bi themselves, or supportive of gay/bi people. either way, no need to worry. have fun, play safe.

 

[NCDogGuy]

I like hylas' comment. Maybe look at it this way if you are still wanting to keep things quiet: If you see friends, say your cover story. And then when the day comes you are ready to come out, you know some friends who will likely handle it fine....

Good luck. I'm finding being closeted is very stressful because of the constant "what ifs" I look forward to being secure enough in myself to not need to be in the closet. But that's isn't where I'm at, so I understand your fears. I don't do bars, but I do meet groups of gay guys at restaraunts, movies, and such, and I worry about meeting someone I know.

I'm realizing that's normal when we're still keeping the secret.

Take care.

 

[Blueboy369]

No need to come bursting out of the closet if you bump into a random friend. Just say "Hey, just decided to grab a beer, so how R U?.

 

[HunterM]

The best defense is the good offense. If you meet a straight friend at a gay bar, be the first one to walk up to him and say, "Hey, what are you doing here?" See how he would respond.