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Your darkest hours?

I

InkOfTruth

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What period of your life were you most down? Perhaps if it wasn't a specific time or age, can you remember when you were extremely sad?

I'm in my early 20s and I can't help shake off my blues. Ever since college, I just can't pick myself up. My friends are gone, I have no job, I'm all alone.

Is this something young people go through? Did you go through this around my age?
 
My early high school years. 1997-2001. Mostly because of the homophobia and bullies who got away with everything and lack of academic possibilities.
 
I feel the same way. I feel so restricted by my home life, but I can't breakaway just yet. I don't have finances.
 
The darkest hours are something of which I may not speak.

Not my best time, but certainly my finest work.
 
Right now. And for as long as I can remember.

I don't lead a very imaginative, respected life.

I don't do drugs, or commit crimes or things of this nature, but my life is quite boring and I lack the social skills needed to make it what I want.

It's disheartening. And to think, I'm going to be 27 in just 3 1/2 weeks.
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I'm in a similar situation to you Starbuck, and I've now reached 33. But it seems that in the last few months I've changed a bit.

My usually fanciful and impossible ideas about making friends, coming out, travelling, doing active things, well, I don't know why but I just have developed a 'get up and go' attitude, only slightly, hell I used to stay in the house for days on end doing nothing, and still do, but I just have more plans and more conviction to see them through.

The OP asked about your 'darkest hours' - how about 'darkest years'?

And that was definitely for me 2002 and 2003. Why? No idea. But I suspect depression. One that perhaps is only now beginning to lift away.

I have quiet confidence that I'm beginning to turn a corner :-)
 
I don't think being down or having your "darkest hour" is restricted to any age. I know many people right now, of all ages, who are down, depressed and going through some very dark hours. Lost jobs, lost homes, repossessed cars, bankruptcies, no options on the horizon, etc... Life can be brutal at any age. It can also be wonderful at any age. You just persevere and get through the dark times the best you can. Better days and hours WILL come.
 
darkest, last week

brightest, next week

most interesting, this week that bridges the two

;):rolleyes:;)
 
Loss of job inducing depression, extended under-employment, 1995-6 the heaviest.
I became dependent on a friend - I developed OCD tendencies of needing to be near him for reassurance. 39-40 age-wise.

We seemed so similar, his life was running on all cylinders, mine felt like it had gone to Hell in a handbasket.

I confessed to him where my mind had travelled in dark moments. He wasn't ready for it and wanted nothing to do with me - hasn't spoken to me since.

Took me 10 years to get over it, but I managed to function, turn my life around by and large.

Had a smaller, similar bout around 20. I've posted the basics in other threads, won't go there, now. Leave it at I lost another good friend then. I shudder to think if these come in 20 year cycles for me. I don't think I could survive another at 59-60.
 
DonQuixote said:
Loss of job inducing depression, extended under-employment, 1995-6 the heaviest.
I became dependent on a friend - I developed OCD tendencies of needing to be near him for reassurance. 39-40 age-wise.

We seemed so similar, his life was running on all cylinders, mine felt like it had gone to Hell in a handbasket.

I confessed to him where my mind had travelled in dark moments. He wasn't ready for it and wanted nothing to do with me - hasn't spoken to me since.

Took me 10 years to get over it, but I managed to function, turn my life around by and large.

Had a smaller, similar bout around 20. I've posted the basics in other threads, won't go there, now. Leave it at I lost another good friend then. I shudder to think if these come in 20 year cycles for me. I don't think I could survive another at 59-60.
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You will - cause you did the first two. Actually the age occurrence of the bouts is standard and you should expect that third one around that age. A person close to me had similar.
 
Actually,
An Aunt told me that once you go to the depths I'd been to, you learn to fight your way out and defend against it, so you won't ever go there again - nowhere near as deeply, anyway.
 
Yes and each successive time was better for the person...she is right!!
 
Do you guys find if thinking positively, optimistically, that you deviate from sadness?
 
No positive thinking, positive actions. Try doing some volunteer work. No matter how bad things are for you, there are people worse off. But more importantly, if you help other people, you can't help but think better of yourself, which helps you be happier. It worked for me!
 
The trouble is that you DON'T think positively or optimistically, it's all just negative thoughts, pessimism, and constant self-criticism.

I don't know if you've heard the term 'padded cell' but it's quite appropriate - yes you're not getting your heart's desires, but you maintain a monotonous daily routine, which in my case is:

Television
Movies
Computer Games
DVD Box Sets
Occasional book/magazine

Nothing much else happens, and the days, months, years, pass you by :(

And it's not that you don't realise that there's more to life, but that any solution seems to be completely impossible :confused:

Meanwhile, the mind, lacking stimulation, is usually filled with strange scenarios of pretty much every subject, real of fantasy, and wanders off constantly

And I'm saying all this while still living this lifestyle :rolleyes:

However...

If my actions over the past 3 months are anything to go by, things can change:

I've talked about a lot of my problems (not all) to two close relatives
I've gone to the sports centre (last week) for the first time in over 10 years
I've tried to call a helpline for information and someone to talk to
I've been going out on a slightly more frequent level
I've planned a shopping break before Christmas to a nearby city
I've noticed that my usual deep self-criticism of myself has started to fade
I've joined up here with JUB!!!!!!!! (found the place by accident 3 weeks ago)
I've been seriously thinking and considering admitting that I'm gay

IF YOU TOLD ME IN JULY THAT I WOULD DO ONE OF THESE THINGS, I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE DAFT

IF YOU TOLD ME IN JULY THAT I WOULD DO ALL OF THESE THINGS, I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE C-R-A-Z-Y

And yet there it is - it started around mid-August. For no reason. Out of the blue.

A shame that I couldn't have activated this mood earlier in my life, but better late than never.

I hope that my words have proved to anyone in a similar situation that your life can at least begin to turn around, EVEN WITHOUT YOU PLANNING IT

All you need to do is try your best in the meantime, and have patience ..|
 
InkOfTruth said:
What period of your life were you most down? Perhaps if it wasn't a specific time or age, can you remember when you were extremely sad?

I'm in my early 20s and I can't help shake off my blues. Ever since college, I just can't pick myself up. My friends are gone, I have no job, I'm all alone.

Is this something young people go through? Did you go through this around my age?
Click to expand...

I keep my faith and those who are still around, close to me. But it is hard and I'm going through something similar so best of luck to the both of us.
 
As hard as it is to say, considering all the good memories I have of that time, probably my childhood and early teen years.

My parents divorced when I was 8, my mother remarried twice, and we moved to a different town almost every year. So I was always in a new school and never had any long term friends. I became a very shy introverted kid. Living in daydreams and burying myself in school work and books, lots of books.

It got better after I was 16 or so. I got to spend three years in the same place, made money after school, and had a few great friends to hang out with.

Life improved more after I was on my own and in control. And, never have I felt any of the life I've lived on my own terms was anything close to "dark".
 
InkOfTruth said:
I'm in my early 20s and I can't help shake off my blues. Ever since college, I just can't pick myself up. My friends are gone, I have no job, I'm all alone.
Click to expand...

I was going to post pretty much exactly that. I'm having a severe quarterlife crisis and ended up writing a long, drawn-out essay about it -- which is actually one of the best things I've ever written, so that's a plus.

I've always been a late bloomer, so by the end of college, things were finally starting to pick up. I had an active social life. I was an editor for the school news paper. I had a circle of friends. I was independent (on the parents' dime, but living independently). My grades were fantastic (summa cum laude!).

Then I graduated.

The real world sank in. All my friends splintered off in different places, doing different things, and even the ones who live near have to a large extent receded from my life. I haven't made any new, lasting friendships in the four years since, so that has left me very lonely.

I realized that college didn't prepare me to find a job, or at least I didn't properly prepare myself in college, so I really have no idea what I'm doing on the job market. (I'm a writer. That doesn't help.) I have no networking skills (just holding eye contact with a stranger takes tremendous effort for me, let alone introducing myself). I don't really know anybody.

Living back home with family. Basically, when I graduated, I went from being 22-years-old back to being 14. And thinking about how most everyone I know has left me behind (professionally and socially, if not personally) makes me more discouraged.

Now I'm a 25-year-old gay man without any actual gay friends, or boyfriends, or even dates -- in NYC no less! It's typical to go several weeks and only have interpersonal contact with my mother and brother (that is to say, not over the internet).

I've been sad during my life -- made fun of in grade school, felt pretty isolated in high school -- but so far my 20s take the cake, because at least back then I was going somewhere. Now I'm going to stop writing this because now I'm depressed.

:cry:
 
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