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"Your first relationship will NEVER last." --- Why?

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BiGuy8705

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I can't sleep and my mind was wandering, so I thought I'd post up this questions I was thinking about. (I had to watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days for school yesterday, so that may have something to do with it lol.)

Basically, we've all heard the statement that your first relationship will NEVER last. I'm wondering... why? Has anyone had any successful first relationships that turned long term? Or still with your first bf? What do you think makes most first relationships fail? Is it basically just n00b mistakes, becoming too clingy, etc?

I know I'm going to get hell for this, but I think I'm falling in love with my first bf; we've been dating a month. Yes, I know what "love" is, and I know I haven't known him long, and I truely do think I love this guy. Until this point I never felt that I needed anyone in life, but I truely need this guy in my life. Maybe I'm stupid and falling into the same trap most people do with their first relationships. Maybe there's more, but I guess only time will tell. I would NEVER dream of telling him those three words this early in the relationship, so I won't be making that mistake. But, I do think about him constantly. When we're together everything is perfect. We have yet to find an interest that we don't share, and agree that we are 200% compatible. We party hard and have a great time together, but are completely goal oriented and devoted to taking care of what needs to be done. (school, work, etc). The deal maker for me was we not only share the same long term goal and entreprenual personality, but we're both looking to start the exact same business that I've been dreaming of for the past 3 years once we graduate college. I can really see us becoming very successful together since we compliment eachother so well.

Before I even realized my feelings for him, before we started dating, he said "I can tell this is the start of something special", and when I asked him "what?" He blushed and said I don't know, never mind.

So... what is it that makes most relationships fail in your opinion? I know this is a no flame zone, but feel free to flame if need be, tell me I'm stupid, whatever you feel. haha.
 
BiGuy8705 said:
Basically, we've all heard the statement that your first relationship will NEVER last. I'm wondering... why? Has anyone had any successful first relationships that turned long term? Or still with your first bf? What do you think makes most first relationships fail? Is it basically just n00b mistakes, becoming too clingy, etc?
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In our 20s we're exploring, experimenting, figuring out what's right for us and what isn't. That includes what we need in a life mate. Also we're young adults, still half-baked in the oven so to speak. The 20 year old we fall in love with is a different person in some ways by 30, 40, 50 -- if they're not, there's something wrong. Sometimes we grow along basically the same path but a lot happens along that path that affects who we are.

I know I'm going to get hell for this, but I think I'm falling in love with my first bf; we've been dating a month. Yes, I know what "love" is, and I know I haven't known him long, and I truely do think I love this guy. Until this point I never felt that I needed anyone in life, but I truely need this guy in my life. Maybe I'm stupid and falling into the same trap most people do with their first relationships.
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It's not stupid and it's not a trap.

It's an opportunity. Opportunity to explore feelings and how to deal with them, to make choices and see how they play out. And no matter how it goes, it's valuable for you. Enjoy the ride. Whatever you're feeling now won't last the way it is now -- that's the nature of the beast. So enjoy it. Enjoy how it feels, enjoy the generosity you feel and the need and how energizing attraction can be. It's a good thing. Ingrain your good memories and early feelings of affection.

Maybe there's more, but I guess only time will tell. I would NEVER dream of telling him those three words this early in the relationship, so I won't be making that mistake. But, I do think about him constantly. When we're together everything is perfect. We have yet to find an interest that we don't share, and agree that we are 200% compatible. We party hard and have a great time together, but are completely goal oriented and devoted to taking care of what needs to be done. (school, work, etc). The deal maker for me was we not only share the same long term goal and entreprenual personality, but we're both looking to start the exact same business that I've been dreaming of for the past 3 years once we graduate college. I can really see us becoming very successful together since we compliment eachother so well.

Before I even realized my feelings for him, before we started dating, he said "I can tell this is the start of something special", and when I asked him "what?" He blushed and said I don't know, never mind.
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There is nothing more wonderful in life.

Nothing.

Enjoy it. Nurture it. Let it make you bigger. Don't worry about the relationship succeeding or failing in the long run; enjoy it today and try to make decisions that make it go in a good direction. The rest will take care of itself in time.

So... what is it that makes most relationships fail in your opinion? I know this is a no flame zone, but feel free to flame if need be, tell me I'm stupid, whatever you feel. haha.
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There is no magic formula. Relationships that last are relationships where the people don't leave. There are good times and bad times in long term relationships and the ones that survive are the ones between compatible people who commit and stick with it. And "compatible" has to be defined by you and your partner -- there's no rule book and what works for one couple could be a total disaster for another.

Most of the people I know in successful LTRs today got into them when they were older than you. But among our closest friends is a couple who've been together since they met in college and now they're nearly 40. If you look for it you can always find a success story that'll help boost your confidence in a situation, but ultimately we each make our own story. Whatever yours will be, this will be one of the good times to build on and remember. Enjoy it.
 
Do not be afraid to fall in love. It may last forever, a few years or only a few months.

Do not rush to betray or find an exit by horrible behaviour. You can remain life long friends with the guys you fall in love with, even if, as you mature, you find that you aren't meant to be together 24/7/365.
 
My first relationship lasted 24 years. And I don't accept that the first relationship wont or can't last. However back in 1965 there were not the pressures there are today.

I often wander if young people of today rush in a relationship because of peer pressure, society expectation, laziness or ulterior motives. I also think that if you go into a relationship without any expectations and an opened mind you have a better chance of succeeding. Preconceived ideals are a killer especially if you have no idea about what is involved or required in a relationship.

It is about working together and making a better live for yourselves not slutting around with as many men as you can behind each others backs. It is not just a gay thing that relationships don't last tho people may be getting married later in life they still end up alone this is why I think there are ulterior motives or laziness.

We are socially conditioned that we should have a partner and if we don't their is something wrong with us. So perhaps we look more at the goal much rather than what we are doing. As for a relationship I would still recommend it to anyone tho you should both have a clear idea of what you want and tell each other.
 
Hmmmm! Well, it CAN work. My partner and I are proff of that. While we both "dated" some before we met, we were both the first actually relationship that either of us had. That's now going on 22 years this month, so it can happen. I think you are making some broad generalizations. True, most probably don't work out. Just take it as it comes. You may find you go different directions or you may find that you are willing to make things work out to stay together. It's not something you can really plan, though. Everyday changes things in everyone's lives. That's all the fun of life!
 
First relationships can last. But it's very hard. What people want and who they are changes in the teens and twenties. Many of the same goals and dreams change. Most first relationships can't last this change... but some can and have. Don't worry and just have fun.
 
My first real relationship lasted almost three years. I would not take anything in this world or the next for the time Mark and I shared together. He was the most passionate man I have ever known. In and out of the bedroom. I think of him everyday, everytime I hear a song or see a car like he had, or sometimes i feel like he is watching me. Maybe he is, he died 3 years ago from diabetes. The point is, live for now, you never know what may happen tomorrow just do it.
 
BiGuy8705 said:
I can't sleep and my mind was wandering, so I thought I'd post up this questions I was thinking about. (I had to watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days for school yesterday, so that may have something to do with it lol.)

Basically, we've all heard the statement that your first relationship will NEVER last. I'm wondering... why? Has anyone had any successful first relationships that turned long term? Or still with your first bf? What do you think makes most first relationships fail? Is it basically just n00b mistakes, becoming too clingy, etc?

I know I'm going to get hell for this, but I think I'm falling in love with my first bf; we've been dating a month. Yes, I know what "love" is, and I know I haven't known him long, and I truely do think I love this guy. Until this point I never felt that I needed anyone in life, but I truely need this guy in my life. Maybe I'm stupid and falling into the same trap most people do with their first relationships. Maybe there's more, but I guess only time will tell. I would NEVER dream of telling him those three words this early in the relationship, so I won't be making that mistake. But, I do think about him constantly. When we're together everything is perfect. We have yet to find an interest that we don't share, and agree that we are 200% compatible. We party hard and have a great time together, but are completely goal oriented and devoted to taking care of what needs to be done. (school, work, etc). The deal maker for me was we not only share the same long term goal and entreprenual personality, but we're both looking to start the exact same business that I've been dreaming of for the past 3 years once we graduate college. I can really see us becoming very successful together since we compliment eachother so well.

Before I even realized my feelings for him, before we started dating, he said "I can tell this is the start of something special", and when I asked him "what?" He blushed and said I don't know, never mind.

So... what is it that makes most relationships fail in your opinion? I know this is a no flame zone, but feel free to flame if need be, tell me I'm stupid, whatever you feel. haha.
Click to expand...

I do not know for sure that first relationships are "doomed" to fail. A great many do, that is true. This is why they are called "first" relationships. It implies that others will follow (hopefully...)

Everyone has heard of or met the high school sweethearts who married fresh after graduation and later went on to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary.

I think that if you are in love, or feel that you are, that you should simply enjoy what you have and not over-analyze it. Some relationships will fail. It is inevitable. But yours does not have to. Just do the best you can and see what happens. If you focus on what will make it fail, rather than what will make it work, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Any relationship, be it your first or one hundred and first, will require patience, time, understanding and love. The rest will take care of itself as long as the feelings remain on both sides. Just enjoy it and do the best you can.

But GO WITH IT! You seem pretty cerebral and that can't be good at the start of a relationship. At least it never was with mine and I was really cerebral when I was younger. Now I am more relaxed and tend to take things as they come. Do not over think! That is the quickest way to kill the joy in any relationship - for yourself more than anyone else. Do what you FEEL.
 
Hey biguy,

Well... first congrats on falling in love...its a beautiful thing!!!

Yes, you are learning, yes things can and will evolve. Your tastes and passions may change... but theres absolutely no reason why they wont change and evolve along with your relationship. Nothing is ever set in stone and like freindships they can change with time.

So ask yourself these 2 questions -

1. Why CANT my first relationship last?

and more importantly

2. How can I make my first relationship last?

Answer them honestly, put the effort into the relationship the way you put it into anything you do and you'll be back here in 20 years telling us how happy you are.

We'll be waiting!!
 
Well, I guess the feelings aren't mutual at this point. Lately we have (well, he has..) been very distant because of work, school, etc. He hadn't answered or returned my calls for a couple of days this week, and I don't think he's ready for a long distance relationship at this point. (1.5 hours) I planned to move there for school in the fall, in August, and we both agree that everything will get better once we're not so far.... and that the summer will be very difficult with his hectic schedule... but I'm still having a hard time dealing with the fact that he doesn't have a few minutes to call me. He basically said that he really likes spending time with me and getting to know me, but there's no more to it yet.
 
Lol, I too am in my "first" [gay] relationship. The difference being about 30 years between us. While I have some advantages time brings one, I still have the same anx about making this a LTR.

Unlike you, my bf & I have less in common, less to bind us than you two have.
Im using my first time [gay] experience to learn from, guide me on what I have to give & what I need from another man to make a LTR successful. Funny, what I assumed going into this relationship would be priority [sex/activity] turns out to be secondary to what I need [companionship/emotional bond].

Like others have stated, perhaps our first relationship can last [doubtful], but failing that, learn from it & move on as life is short & time does fly........;)
 
Yeah, everything and anything can fail and so it does.

We all know that and it has hardly ever stopped anyone from trying over and over again. I guess, this is a part of what makes us men. We fail ever so often, we bite the dust, we swear, we cry, we grief and then, we stand up again tall and we try something else...

My first gay relationship lasted for 4 years.

It did fail because my Ex changed the team and wanted to top. I was not willing to change the team...and I do not regret it.

It failed because, soon after our break up, I moved away and established my business in a different country. He was completely uninterested in staying in touch. I tried and I failed. I certainly, do not regret that either.

You live your day and you do your thing with your BF to the best of your abilities. The rest is beyond your control anyway and should not be giving you a headache.

SC
 
Well, I don't know. I'm sure some last. But think of it this way, does it make sense to not have that first relationship out of fear of it failing? I mean, you have to have at least one to have a successful one. So if the first fails, then that's out of your hair and you can never worry about your first one again. That's how I look at it.
 
I can't imagine still being with my 1st bf! I was 19(34 now) and I really THOUGHT I loved him. Emotions are so different in your early 20's and late teens. Everything is drama and like the movie Love Story. I have had a relationship last 3 and a half years after my 1st bf and than one for 5 years and little 3-6 months in between those and now I have been in a 4 year relationship. I have learned so much through my men travels. It would have stiffled my growth as a person if I was still with my 1st bf. The early relationships prepare you for the future and helps you understand communication and compromise. Enjoy this guy you are with now. Don't look at it like it won't last. But will you be with him at 30? probably not and would you really want to be? you would miss out on a lot.but life is a journey.
 
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