Your Ideal Funeral

[Phlash]

I have 3. One that probably won't be possible, one that my family probably won't do for me and one that I've made a friend promise that he'll do. For all three of these I insist that most of my organs/tissue/bones/I don't give a fuck be donated.

The one that probably won't be possible is to have my eyes, brain and genitalia shot out into space. Not orbiting the earth or anything, just aim for nothing and shoot. Then maybe in the future I can be rebuilt by aliens with robot arms and legs and shit.

The one that my family probably won't do is to pack whatever they can't donate into a 1977 Camaro, pack the rest with explosives, set up a ramp and drop a rock on the gas peddle. I'd like to explode while going through a billboard.

The one that I made my friend promise to do is to pay a motorcycle gang to show up at my funeral, say nothing to anyone, but one by one go kneel at my casket, then leave. That way people will think that I had a secret life in a motorcycle gang. I'm pretty sure that he'll follow through should anything happen to me.

Or I guess just cremation after donating what they can. You?

 

[star-warrior]

Hopefully, after I'm dead, but who knows.

Rumours about my demise might be over exaggerated...

 

[BigDestiny]

I'd like to explode while going through a billboard.

I like all three of your ideas. But if I somehow end up going to your funeral, I'm bringing a rain poncho. That could get messy.

I told my brother I want everyone who was ever mean to me at my funeral. And only the people who were mean to me (yes, it's as suspicious as it sounds). And after everyone has heard from the priest (Roman Catholic, of course) how wonderful I was, and how bad they should feel for not having been kinder to me....

I want my brother to BLOW UP THE CHURCH.

This may be the reason my grandmother decided she's not ever dying.

 

[pat grimshaw]

Cremation is neat and clean but SO expensive. It costs $600 here.

I know of people who pay for the cremation. They have done their obligation to the planet but don't bother about taking the ashes. Ashes are nothing.

 

[Phlash]

I like all three of your ideas. But if I somehow end up going to your funeral, I'm bringing a rain poncho. That could get messy.

I told my brother I want everyone who was ever mean to me at my funeral. And only the people who were mean to me (yes, it's as suspicious as it sounds). And after everyone has heard from the priest (Roman Catholic, of course) how wonderful I was, and how bad they should feel for not having been kinder to me....

I want my brother to BLOW UP THE CHURCH.

This may be the reason my grandmother decided she's not ever dying.

Hahaha. I love that funeral idea!

 

[Phlash]

Cremation is neat and clean but SO expensive. It costs $600 here.

I know of people who pay for the cremation. They have done their obligation to the planet but don't bother about taking the ashes. Ashes are nothing.

Is that more or less than burying someone? I don't care for the ashes. They can do it on a pyre in the backyard. IDK if that's legal though.

 

[pat grimshaw]

^
Many of the suggestions you're talking about are in fact illegal in my country, Australia.

Burial plots can cost thousands of dollars. My city's most popular cemetery is discussing the idea of having multi-storey vaults and hundred-year LEASES on land for burial plots!

Death means a great deal of paperwork. A corpse here needs to be inspected by FOUR different doctors to issue a death certificate. And they alert a whole series of government departments including police and welfare and counselling agencies to look after the descendents, etc.

 

[Poozy1]

I want a Viking funeral barge/fire, that'd be fricking awesome!

Put my remains in a boat in the water then push it out then shoot a flaming arrow and watch it burn. Maybe some music as well

 

[bw92116]

I'm going to have my funeral while I'm still alive, so I can hear what they all say about me.

 

[Johnbarrowmansbitch]

I'd like to be buried at sea - but other than that, haven't given it much thought.

 

[freefall]

I don't want my funeral to be gloomy and grey. I state to my family and friends strongly that I want to be cremated on my friend/relative's birthday, which is close to the day I die. Then they can put the urn on a secluded shelf and have fun by celebrating the birthday party afterward. If somehow I get buried, I want them to celebrate the party on the cemetery, put out confettis and loud music and dance on my grave. The only sign of me already dead would be beautiful wreaths all over the place.
I have a feeling they won't do it though

But then, I want to donate my body to the anatomical museum and if that ever happens then the soft opening of the museum can be a great 'funeral commotion'. =P

 

[hotatlboi]

Is that more or less than burying someone? I don't care for the ashes. They can do it on a pyre in the backyard. IDK if that's legal though.

It's much less at least in the US.

 

[Drugstore Cowboy]

well i really don't want people spending on me more than what they prolly already have to. So in all honesty they can dump my body in a garbage can behind 7 Eleven and i won't care. if theres an afterlife than my soul will be in a better place metaphysically and i would most likely care less for where my body has been dumped in.

 

[refujiunderground]

like i've said many times before. i don't want my funeral to be a funeral. just put me in a coffin, dressed up in my favorite clothes, my tiger hat, fitted hat or whatever hat i like, jeans or sweat pants, sneakers. let everybody come in dressed up in whatever they like and let them talk about me and shit whether they love me or hate me. i'm dead so it can be a free for all of people talking shit, thanking me or whatever. i don't want any of that religion, jesus shit at my funeral. i'm an atheist. don't even think about holding my memorial in a church. just throw it at a bingo hall or some rent a hall or something. i don't want a preacher or no gospel shit at my funeral, no choir, no "he's going back home to his maker" because i don't believe in any of that. my makers are my parents. just basically celebrate my life because i know nobody's going to give a fuck afterwards.

i also want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered in the upstate new york woods preferable somewhere off the new york thruway off 87 going up to albany in the mountains or nature since it's really beautiful up there. everytime i pass by there, i feel a connection with nature. i want my remains to be connected to nature. not a cemetary or a urn or whatever. i want my ashes to be chilling in the dirt, becoem part of the roots, have the deers all licking my shit up, become part of the streams in the woods or whatever.

i think i'm going to write a will on this computer and share my password with somebody i know so just in case something happens too me. they honor my wishes. even though i'm sort of young, 25, it's never to late to write a will. i'm ready to die for the most part. i'm dead serious about all this though. i want my memorial service to be done MY WAY.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

bes there done dat haaaaaaaa

haaaaaaaaa

DA POWER COMPELS YOUUUUU
' ARRRRRH SPPPEWWWWWWW '
OOH VANILLA! got peach?
' ARRRRRRG SPEWWWWWWW '
( fa pay per view only )

we goin ta a Fun eral skippy skippy dee doo
' Hi is ya goin too? '
ooh ans wot a you?
' script fa star wars take 2000 ans 22 '
we goin ta a Fun eral skippy skippy dee doo
@ ooh can ma country come too ? @
no say ya account tant run of with ya cow?
@ yeahhhh @

haaaaaaa

how keep dead alive
' cue commerical '

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

[PATMAN]

for me, all 3 would be exactly the same.

 

[Taz]

I want people to take turns riding my body like a toboggan down the stairs. Just because if i had a dead body thats what id do with it.

Either that or a traditional funeral, with two of my mates pulling a weekend at burnys so that im also in the audience and the coffin is empty lol.

 

[freefall]

For me, I dont wanna get cremation. It's symbolize hell..
I just wanna buried under a big giant tree, in the sexiest spot at cemetery.
Actually, I'm a little bit high maintenance for my dead.
My family know what I want..a nice funeral for a guy who's not so..sociable, ironic

Wouldn't fire represent the purifying fire? (I forgot where I read that )
And the sexiest spot at the cemetery? You're not talking about being buried next to Marilyn Monroe, are you?

 

[Phlash]

@Phlash= Your idea of funeral very disrespectful for your body
^ lol

It's not my business, if you will ^^

Yes. I mean, to each their own... But organ donation is something that I hold very dear.

With that said, I just noticed that SS just posted in one of my threads for the first time. I must go study it.

 

[Phlash]

bes there done dat haaaaaaaa

haaaaaaaaa

He's been here before. Possibly a past life. I'm not sure.

DA POWER COMPELS YOUUUUU
' ARRRRRH SPPPEWWWWWWW '
OOH VANILLA! got peach?
' ARRRRRRG SPEWWWWWWW '
( fa pay per view only )

The white man is the devil. That's what I've decoded from this. It's only a rough translation. Don't yell at me.

we goin ta a Fun eral skippy skippy dee doo
' Hi is ya goin too? '
ooh ans wot a you?
' script fa star wars take 2000 ans 22 '
we goin ta a Fun eral skippy skippy dee doo
@ ooh can ma country come too ? @
no say ya account tant run of with ya cow?
@ yeahhhh @

Star Wars: Episode 1 was released in 1999. And for a lot that was around the time that America started to lose it's grip as a world power. So no, Sloppy, the country can not come, for now. But please, have more faith in America. We will rise again!

haaaaaaa

how keep dead alive
' cue commerical '

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Yes. Americans are like zombies to their televisions. I understand. How fitting is the thought of a zombie for this thread. A undead being controlling their environment. Perhaps that's why I think so much about my funeral. I want control even after death. This is a very deep statement.