Your opinion on the situation

[Shookone88]

Long story short, my boyfriend has a history of trying to mess around, and I've caught him maybe 3 times trying to hook up with other people. He always says the same thing, that he has never been with anybody else since we got together.

Every time I have to leave the house and go somewhere for a couple of days, I am always worrying about what he is doing.

This week I had to visit my hometown for 4 days, and decided to place a recorder in the living room because I had a hunch something was going on when he kept asking when I was going to be back.

When I came back yesterday and checked the recording, the first thing I heard on playback was him on the phone:

"Why don't you have your girlfriend give you a blowjob?"
"Ah, well it's already midnight I need to get to sleep"
"Wednesday"
"Are you going to f**k me?"
"Mmmm, what would you like me to do?"
"Say that again"
"Say that again, slooooooooooowly, mmmm"
"Well that changes plans, because I was going out with some friends Wednesday night"
"Ok, bye"


Tired of putting up with this crap, I confronted him about it and he said that he never had sex with him and blamed the sexy talk on a sleeping pill.

I have a hard time believing him. I think this is the final straw, and I'm sure that if any of you were in my situation you would be extremely pissed off too.

 

[hylas]

for the love of god, just break up already.

 

[Ninjato]

Yea, you need to end it. If you guys stay together, you will probably always be worried about him cheating on you.

 

[palemale]

Or tell him you will stay together in an open relationship, and you will fuck whomever you wish and he is free to as well.

 

[Willie Boy]

Long story short, my boyfriend has a history of trying to mess around, and I've caught him maybe 3 times trying to hook up with other people. He always says the same thing, that he has never been with anybody else since we got together.

Every time I have to leave the house and go somewhere for a couple of days, I am always worrying about what he is doing.

This week I had to visit my hometown for 4 days, and decided to place a recorder in the living room because I had a hunch something was going on when he kept asking when I was going to be back.

When I came back yesterday and checked the recording, the first thing I heard on playback was him on the phone:

"Why don't you have your girlfriend give you a blowjob?"
"Ah, well it's already midnight I need to get to sleep"
"Wednesday"
"Are you going to f**k me?"
"Mmmm, what would you like me to do?"
"Say that again"
"Say that again, slooooooooooowly, mmmm"
"Well that changes plans, because I was going out with some friends Wednesday night"
"Ok, bye"


Tired of putting up with this crap, I confronted him about it and he said that he never had sex with him and blamed the sexy talk on a sleeping pill.

I have a hard time believing him. I think this is the final straw, and I'm sure that if any of you were in my situation you would be extremely pissed off too.

Buddy, I would never be in your situation. Mostly because I wouldn't have been so patient with him. After the 1st time I caught him trying to cheat he would have gotten the ultimatum. At the second time he would have gotten the boot.

 

[BiGkAhOoNa]

I'll give you the same advice that was given to me when I was in a similar situation. It worked out well for me

DTMFA

 

[Shookone88]

I found out who was on the phone. It's one of the same guys from before.

I sent a message and said "What the hell don't you understand about staying away from Jim?"

His response: "I was never given a warning, dont worry though. Jim is a big boy and he can take care of himself"

What a fucking asshole. I've never encountered such an asshole in my life.

 

[racer2438]

Time to move on and find someone the respects you , is honest and loyal.

This is just brewing to be big fall out. So unles you want the stress of that, I would just move on now. You arleady know the truth so why prolong it..

DUMP HIM it's always better than you being dumped.....

 

[KaraBulut]

I have a hard time believing him. I think this is the final straw, and I'm sure that if any of you were in my situation you would be extremely pissed off too.

Well, he knows that you'll keep believing him and forgiving him, so there's no incentive for him to change.

It is your opportunity to make a change- it's the only way it will happen.

 

[rareboy]

To make a long story short.

It is over.

He's going to cheat.

End it now while you have some dignity left.

 

[TX-Beau]

Why are you getting mad at the other guy? He's not the problem. Th more you run around being the crazy jealous girlfriend, the worse you look.

Honestly, you already know what to do, you can stay, or you can go, or you can choose angst, suspicion, indecision, and drama.

Decide.

Putting up with it is tacit consent.

So. Are you all bark and no bite?

 

[Shookone88]

Why are you getting mad at the other guy? He's not the problem. Th more you run around being the crazy jealous girlfriend, the worse you look.

Honestly, you already know what to do, you can stay, or you can go, or you can choose angst, suspicion, indecision, and drama.

Decide.

Putting up with it is tacit consent.

So. Are you all bark and no bite?

What the hell are you even talking about? Of course he's the damn problem. And no, I don't look bad. I'm not jealous. I'm mad at both of them because of what is going on.

 

[KaraBulut]

What the hell are you even talking about? Of course he's the damn problem. And no, I don't look bad. I'm not jealous. I'm mad at both of them because of what is going on.

There's an old saying, "Fool me once,shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".

What the saying means is that everyone has occasions where they get taken in and fooled. But after the first time, we should know better than to be fooled again.

And that's what we're trying to tell you. This guy is not going to change. And he knows that he's going to keep fooling you over and over again and you're going to fall for it every time.

His cheating was the problem the first time. Your putting up with his cheating is the problem now. And if you want to get out of this with your dignity and self-esteem intact, you will have to be the one to end it.

 

[hylas]

What the hell are you even talking about? Of course he's the damn problem. And no, I don't look bad. I'm not jealous. I'm mad at both of them because of what is going on.

honey, the other guy is not your problem. he didnt betray you (unless he was a friend of yours). your soon-to-be-ex is your problem, he lies and he cheats, and he wont change. put the blame where it belongs, and leave the other guy out of this.

 

[bankside]

You might want to also check out this thread:

Is Phone Sex Cheating?
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299248

In that thread I argued it could be okay if everybody is up front about it and finds it hot. If I believed your guy that it is just a fantasy, then it might possibly be okay. But he didn't say that, he blamed a sleeping pill, which sounds like a pretty dumb excuse.

Even if it was just a fantasy, it's up to him to ensure you're okay with it and that you find it hot. This guy has failed to make his so-called fantasy okay with you, and that is his failure, not yours.

By the way, if I took a sleeping pill and then did something that shook the trust that my man has for me, I would flush the pills down the toilet the next morning. Even if I stared at the ceiling every night until 4 am, his trust means something to me.

Based on what you've said so far I don't think he is being respectful or honest, and to me it would be enough to leave the relationship.

 

[Yuki Sohma]

Sorry to hear of your distressing situation Skookone88.......seems that your boyfriend's habitual inclination for carrying on sexual affairs continues besides your best efforts to express your frustrations and make it known to your boyfriend that his behavior is unacceptable to you.......

.......I know that for many ending a relationship with someone we don't just love but are "In Love With" & want to share our most personal of personal "stuff" with is never easy.......

.......unless your boyfriend is willing to respect your "love" & "relationship" it is time to move on.......or & I say this heasitantly because it is a fine line to walk to "accept your boyfriend for who he is".......at this point based on your thread your boyfriend is unwilling to put forth the commitment to your relationship that you need & desire.......

.......search your heart & mind to decide what level of your boyfriend's "extra" sexual activity (if any) you are willing to cope with & then make your decision from there.......

.......from the tone of your "thread" you are uncomfortable with your boyfriend having any sexual activity outside of your relationship.......& that is a very healthy outlook when choosing a partner.......

.......because you will have to live with the results of your decision it is your call & your call alone.......

.......either “accept” your boyfriend’s decisions or “move on”.......& of course there are professional relationship counselors--besides us 'em glib JUBers--who are out there willing to chat.......good-luck

 

[yourally]

Shoonkone88, This post really makes me sad. You're asking for advice, but getting mad. I think you want someone to say what a jerk he is, and give you advice on how to work it out. You want someone to sympthasize. Yes, he is. But you're hurting yourself staying with such a scumbag.You're also in denial.

If you want to stay miserable worrying, then you do that. I'm guessing just breaking up with him is too big of a deal for you. Maybe you're in love and can't imagine even finding someone else, but you need to leave him.

There ARE other people out there, and blaming the "other guy" isn't going to help anything. He sees you as a low self-esteem pushover, so he'll want your guy because he's taken.

Even worse, your guy sees you as a joke, and knows you won't leave him, so he still does it. He's not ready for a relationship.

You have yourself to blame for making yourself so miserable. I know you think your bf is going to change, but he won't anytime soon. Stop hurting yourself and let him go. Go out with friends to get your mind off him.

I think what the main problem is, is that it sounds like you live together. In that case, you need to set aside money each month, until you've saved up enough to pay for at least 5 months for an apartment. Stay with him for now, put up with the BS a while longer, or even better try and find someone who needs a roomate. Move out. You need to do this for yourself, and if nobody has told you, you deserve better. Don't settle for someone who obviously doesn't care about your feelings and if you didn't know, he doesn't love you. Stop settling for less than what you deserve.

 

[G-Lexington]

I have never ever understood the "stay away from my man" thing. "Your man" is not an inanimate object. "Your man" is a living creature with free will. If "your man" told guys who were interested "Sorry, I'm in a monogamous relationship", that would put an end to everything.

He doesn't. Thus the blame falls squarely onto HIS shoulders.

Let me add my voice to the choir. It's over. As a monogamous relationship, anyway. Either open it up, so you can stop the pretending, or just end it. I get the feeling that you probably won't do either one, but that doesn't mean that it isn't the right move to make.

Lex

 

[looseliam]

WHen there is doubt, there is no doubt.

 

[hylas]

Or tell him you will stay together in an open relationship, and you will fuck whomever you wish and he is free to as well.

It's over. As a monogamous relationship, anyway

the non-monogamous thing has been mentioned several times now, but im afraid thats not going to work here either. and i say that being a non-monogamous guy myself. a relationship, any relationship, monogamous or not, needs to build on trust. and i cant see how any trust can grow on soil this toxic. hiding recorders? blaming dirty-talk on sleeping pills? come on, its over, monogamous or not, no matter what. no healthy relationship can grow here.