Youths ......

[G-Lexington]

He's at perhaps the ultimate peer pressure age, when he'd much rather ignore you if it means he won't fall from favor with his friends. We were all there once. Try not to hold it against him.

If asked again, just ask back, "Why? Are you hitting on me?"

Lex

 

[Shepherd 2]

He's at perhaps the ultimate peer pressure age, when he'd much rather ignore you if it means he won't fall from favor with his friends. We were all there once. Try not to hold it against him.

If asked again, just ask back, "Why? Are you hitting on me?"

Lex

Everything about this advice I like except the last line.
May I suggest a substitute strategy. Is there a project to approach him on so that you can have some time alone with him doing the project. This would give you a chance to see what he is thinking.

My guess is that he was honestly wondering, probably because you are living alone, but at your age, that would not be so unusual. It sounds more like something four boys feeling a little bold might do. He may indeed regret what he said, and even want to appologize. You alone have the power to give the 14 year old that chance.

Justaguy, I think you may be reading too much into the verbals and nonverbals of this brief interaction. If you are confrontational with him, you will still be his neighbor. Be a good neighbor. Keep the doors of neighboring and friendship open.
Shep+

 

[Caeth]

say "yes" confidently.

It shows them that there's nothing wrong with being gay because you're not ashamed to say it.

 

[M4P]

Thank Dear Abby for this response:

Why do you want to know?

 

[Smitho]

Just answer "yes" in a netural matter of fact way. It shows you have nothing to hide and that being gay is just a part of life, nothing to shy away from. Being a neighbour I guess he sees you bringing guys home for the night.

As for the boy, I would just let it flow and he may drift back to talking to you. Its a weird age and things change quickly. Just play it cool and see what happens.

 

[spreadeagle]

'No, it's just the way my trousers hang'
'Why? Are you?'
'Do your parent's know you're flirting with older men?'

I'm assuming there's a good 10 years age difference between you and the boy. With pubescent and adolescent boys it's all thick-headed hormone-driven peer-pressured bravado and stupidity. I would ignore him completely. His rudeness towards you at the letterbox should not be compounded by your attempts to ingratiate yourself by acknowledging his presence.

ust because you happen to live next to each other and have interacted in a neighbourly way in the past is no guarantee that things will continue on that footing. If you want to keep the door open then maintain friendly relationships with the parent(s).

I think there's a good deal of subtext behind your fears and insecurities over the opinions of a group of giggling teenage layabouts.

 

[provenlogic]

I probably would have just ignored them as well... because i would not have thought of the "Why? Are you hitting on me?" line at the time, otherwise i would have said that.

 

[provenlogic]

Possibly ... or maybe even probably.

Or maybe you just didn't want to deal with some punk kids? That's pretty understandable...

 

[UC3543]

It really is none of their business, so I think you were correct in not telling them. If you feel the need to tell the one kid you know, then I would tell him and tell the other kids nothing.

 

[Eagle653]

Thank Dear Abby for this response:

Why do you want to know?

This was my first instinct response too. It's so dis-arming when you think about it.

Or, if I'm in a particularly snotty mood:

Why? You interested?

But, since they were 14, I probably wouldn't "go there" with that snotty remark. I'd probably keep it to Brian's/Abby's suggestion, done in the best 7th-grade-math-teacher type arrogance that I could muster.

 

[spreadeagle]

You're concerned that he sees you in a different light. It's very rare for anyone to move through the education system without being indoctrinated by homophobia. But people do come out the other side once they gain a bit of experience and perspective and can begin to think for themselves.

The most useful thing you can do is to continue behaving exactly as you have always done. In that way your young neighbour next door may eventually be able to join the dots for himself ...

... gay guys are weird .... thank god I don't know any gay guys..... hang on, that bloke next door was gay.... he showed me how to use a chainsaw..... that wasn't so weird.... maybe gay guys aren't so weird after all...

This may have no immediate effect on your life but it can impact beneficially on other gay people that your neighbour encounters in years to come.

'drops of water turn a mill'

 

[3nipples]

You shouldn't take a bunch of teenies seriously, especially when they're behaving inappropriately.

Given that you know one of them, it should have been fairly easy to deflect them simply by greeting him by name and asking him some mundane questions... are these your friends? what are you guys up to? how come you guys aren't playing football? how come you guys aren't hitting up some girls... and so on.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Is there a project to approach him on so that you can have some time alone with him doing the project.

In retrospect, my flip answer might not have been ideal, but this may be worse. I don't know if the proper response to "Are you gay?' is to create a project where you and the questioning kid can have some "alone time" together. That might not only answer his question, but make he and his friends feel like you're that creepy guy who tries to get kids down in his basement.

Lex

 

[Just_Believe18]

^ Okay. Sounds like things are going fine. Just don't read too much into it. The kid is just a kid you know. He's not a big deal.

 

[Críostóir]

Sound like he ditched the crummy friends (or they ditched him) and he went back to being an ordinary goodhearted kid.

Or is that a story I'm telling myself?