24 yo - Never had a boyfriend

[jubalon]

And this is the crux of the matter, isn't it?

Your existential despair and emptiness.

It doesn't have to be this way you know. There actually is a great big fun and scary and sad and loving and hating and exhilarating world out there and you can be part of it.

Here's the challenge. Shut the games and stories down for a month. Seriously. No matter how addicted you are.

You are more than an electronics consumer with a keyboard or joystick in your hand.

They are called books. Read some. Real books. Real authors. Not science fiction or fantasy but classic tales that deal with the human condition. Non-fiction. Learn more.

Go outside and walk. Look at things. Take photographs. Glory in and be glad for others' happiness and enthusiasm for life.

Make an appointment with your doctor. What you have is not only a metaphysical, but likely a physical condition as well. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that you have a serotonin uptake problem.

Move your computer and tv and anything like this out of your bedroom.

Stop eating junk. No msg. Go online to find all the places that msg is hiding. No high fructose corn syrup or caffeine either. Get 8 hours sleep. If you can't sleep, then ask the doc dor something to help you sleep. You'll be amazed at how much better the world looks when you are rested.

I have a very old hand painted plate from Friesland that says, 'Nimmen kreget in wurklist foar syn libben'; which roughly translates to 'No one gets a workplan for their life.'

I have a feeling that you are just intellectually and emotionally lazy as much as anything and that you have been expecting (hoping) that someone else will just do all the heavy lifting for you. Well it ain't gonna happen. If you have never been expected or required to achieve something in order to validate your consumption of air, then now is the time to start.

I think it would be good for you to spend time with your thoughts. And cry. And then maybe decide to do something, anything, with your life.

You can start pulling your head out of your ass by going to some organization and asking...(yes, asking) if you can volunteer to help them. If you don't like people, then animals. If not animals and people, just help clean someplace up.

So, sorry that the first foray into bf land didn't work out, but sometimes life just isn't all about you being handed happiness. Start working for it.

That's probably the best post I've ever read here. Straight to the point, a little harsh, but very in place.

 

[misterblueeyes]

Wow, and I thought I was the only one in the boat here too. I'm 26 (going on 27 in September) and have never had a boyfriend. And I have been out since 2004 and never had one, which is kinda sad. But I have been on a couple of dates from guys I met on myspace or someone someone knew. None of them ever amounted to anything because I am a very picky person but sometimes you have to be.

I think also it's the place where I live (South Texas) and it's very hard to find anyone who is gay that is not overly flamboyant and just out for a one-night stand.

 

[Homothug]

Don't complain about not having a boyfriend if your are not even going to put the effort into even having a friend.

Shit you need to experience life because you only have 1 of them.

You better live it

 

[Jersey Domino]

To all the people that are saying

I am (this age) and never had a boyfriend.

Why is that a bad thing?

 

[heartfly77]

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 22. Had all the same issues as you. I would never give myself or anyone a chance. Then one day, I decided to go out and have fun. I met my first love. I said ,"Hi." and the rest was history.

 

[Shadowclad86]

I'm the same way, but changing it up a bit. I did what Lex suggests, went online met a few people and started going out more, no bf but that's something that comes after you become use to going out more

 

[erobert]

I'm was the same way to some extent, I want a great guy but have no experience and it seems I have no social life. I'm changing now because:

1. Self deprecation isn't going to do anything but make you feel worse about yourself. It certainly won't attract healthy people who are boyfriend material either.

2. I'm not getting any younger

Rareboy and Lex have excellent advice. Go online and find a group that matches your interests than go outside and get together with them. Scary at first but you'll thank yourself later.

Like attracts like and if you give off negative energy you will repeal people who you should be with and attract unhealthy relationships.

You need to get your life in order first so that you can attract positive people. Get your own place if you still live with your parents, brush up your social skills, get some supportive friends, learn to respect yourself and know that you deserve to live a good life in every way. And it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight. I believe my life would be the same even if I were straight.

I know that it sounds difficult to change your situation or it seems that your current situation will last forever, but baby steps in the right direction will get you out of it. You've got to break some bad habits and get things together like rareboy said.

When you start living life it's amazing what happens.

 

[theplayerking]

I have a friend who just turned 40. In our conversations he would say things like "the guy I was seeing at the time ..." or even "the guy I was living with said ...," etc. I always assumed he's been in multiple relationships. (And was a little jealous of his success.) I never really pressed him for details because it didn't seem important or necessary at the time.

A few months ago we were having dinner and he said "I've started seeing someone. I'm a little scared as I've never had a boyfriend." I said, "Well, what about the guy you were living with for 5 years?" He said, "I never really considered him a real boyfriend."

The point of the story is that "boyfriend" is a very flexible term. Some people date and even live with people monogamously without it ever being the "real deal." I'm 35 and have never had a boyfriend, but I've been holding out for what I consider to be the "real deal." Is the a good idea? I don't know.

Finding a true boyfriend/life partner/husband is very hard. Especially if your interests and tastes are not in the mainstream of popular culture.

I have no advice in finding a boyfriend. What I can say is that it's unproductive to compare your relationship status/history with other people's. You may end up coveting something you don't actually want.

 

[MaxMouse]

Don't ever be anything but yourself or you will be miserable. Nobody ever likes fake people. Get out there and whether you love yourself or not, say your true feelings in conversations, it can get you so far with people! Corny as it sounds, believe in yourself.

And if it makes you feel any better, age and boyfriends don't mean much. I am almost 24 and have also NEVER had a boyfriend. Who gives a fuck? If you REALLY want one, you can have one. Someone worth being with is worth the wait...

And if you're not getting out, think about it. Do you REALLY want a boyfriend?

What is REALLY preventing you from trying to meet people...It can be many things, so get to the core of the problem and address THAT first.

 

[CTorontoC]

I didn't meet my current fiance until I went out to find him. I wasn't a shut in, and I had a small, close knit circle of friends but until I was 22 I wasn't out, I wasn't going out with friends as much as I should have been and other than sex I'd never been intimate with a man. I got depressed, and thought my life would be an endless string of disappointments. I think it's a problem that affects a lot of gay youths. Anyways, at 22 I realized the prospect of being 35+ and still scouring the net for porn and one night stands was scarier than the prospect of putting myself out there and starting anew.

I started slow, first I got myself on anti-anxiety pills which helped me sleep better and feel more confident in general and then I got myself into shape since being even a little overweight can seem as bad as having the plague to a gay man. My new outside imagine instantly gave me the fresh injection of confidence I needed to move forward. I started noticing that the guys I was hooking up with were getting hotter and hotter and after a year of my new initiative I felt stable, mature and experienced enough with myself to enter a relationship.

The first step was coming out, since no relationship can be truly effective if one is in the closet. My parents were the first to know. I dated a few guys I found online who seemed worthwhile from chatting. I lowered my standards for appearances quite a bit compared to the hotties I'd been hooking up with because I knew that I'd only be limiting myself by dismissing someone solely on the basis of their appearance but none of the guys were hideous.

About 7 months after telling my parents I finally met my current fiance through craigslist. We met up for dinner and not only was he smoking hot he and I ended up spending 6.5 hours talking without any pause or awkwardness. Now, over a year later, I cannot imagine life without him and Im happier than I've been in a long time and Im frickin engaged! I used to think a boyfriend was unlikely, I had never even conceived of marriage.

Point is, I was somewhere close to where you are now and I managed to make a life for myself that I'm happy with. You may think you're content with life as is as some of the guys have professed but your posting here is proof to the contrary. It takes some effort and it can be a lengthy process but it is so worth it. Not only do I have the love of my life, but he and I are starting to meet other gay couples and expanding our circle of gay friends. You'd be surprised how much things can change.