7 days post breakup

[slowshow]

Well, that simple text apparently kept me up all night thinking about what happened and I got all depressed again. I eventually fell asleep but had nightmares. I am not going to deny that there is still a long and windy road ahead of me, but indeed it felt good that I was able to delete his text the second I got it, and I had no desire of returning his text either.

Progress is progress, no matter how little. Never compromise all this hard work over something like a text or phone calls or anything!

But you should probably realise that texts and calls will always make someone feel shitty, and it's impossible to control your emotions so I wouldn't worry about working towards having no feelings about his attempts at contacting you. They'll fade eventually. Just focus on yourself, your own happiness, dreams, life goals and keep yourself occupied with work and friends and you'll think less and less about him and his attempts.

 

[bankside]

You're fighting the realisation that he is an asshole. When you accept that he is an asshole, his actions or texts will no longer have power over you. In your mind you are still hoping he will turn out to be the person you wanted him to be, the potential you saw in him rightly or wrongly.

But when you believe that he is the asshole you don't want him to be, you will stop crying, and your post will say "My ex texted me again. I don't know what it said because I just deleted it. I'm going out for coffee now, and maybe later I'll head to the art gallery with a friend."

 

[rareboy]

You seem determined to let him have all this power over you.

You could have refused to let him in.

At this stage, you and only you are allowing him to hurt you by having this constant contact.

 

[rareboy]

Well, I went to a local bar last night after my ex left. I ended up in someone apartment and I fucked the heck out of this guy (safely of course) and spent the night there. I left before he woke up. Not the smartest move, but that was my first NSA sex in a long time. I am not proud of it FYI ...

Hey. Why not be proud?

As long as the sex was fun and the bed was comfy....

I prescribe more of this.

 

[rareboy]

I think that if he'd wanted to cum, he would have pitched in.

He most likely got what he needed.

You got what you needed.

Win/win.

Gonna see him again?

 

[rareboy]

Y'see.

all your friends...including those you may not recognize yet....know the guy is a defective douche nozzle.......

Hopefully at some point you will become angry enough to realize it and then make plans to piss on his grave when he is dead.

 

[rareboy]

Well. Firstly. The Anxiety attack.

4 by 4 breathing exercises.

Relax first. Slowly count to 4.

Breathe in and slowly count to 4.

Breathe out and slowly count to 4.

Slowly count to 4.

Do this 4 times.

Next. Choose your favourite comfort food to order in.

Invite a friend in.

Talk about what a turd your ex was.

 

[justanothershyguy]

indudela

There are people out there who care for you. Your ex is not one of those.

No one said this would be easy, but fortunately, you are strong.

 

[justanothershyguy]

Thanks. I can only try to be strong, but the pain is just way too much to bear. Honestly, I haven't felt like this depressed since my grandparents died within months to each other when I was in college.

You might not see it yet, but you are so strong. None of what has happened is any bit of your fault, yet you've had to deal with the bulk of the punishment. That's not fair.

You have to remember that none of this is your fault.

Then, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and say, "I am strong and I will get through this."

 

[palbert]

I hesitate to say this -- but I will. You are now 5 weeks out from this breakup. Stop whining and get on with your life. You have invested too much emotional baggage in this creep.

That is unless wallowing in "woe is me" serves some emotional need. In which event you need better therapy than you're getting.

IMHO you are verging on trolldom.

 

[K-DubTee]

indudela: I feel for you. I've been there. In some ways, I still am. Things do get better with time, and you'll figure out how to move on in your own time, and in your own way. Eventually, you'll look back on this situation and realize that you were a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I, too, used to dread mornings and evenings because being alone with my thoughts created more turmoil in my head than anything. That is something that will subside with time.

When I found out my ex cheated on me, I reacted in a very similar manner (although I don't cry. Never have been the crying type). It took me a full six months before the pain really subsided to the point I started feeling normal again. The one thing I didn't do that I should have was to find a way to vent. It's good that you've found a way to vent and to cope with your situation. There's always going to be a insensitive clod telling you to get over it. Fact of the matter is, we all deal with these types of situations differently and there's no one-size-fits-all solution for dealing with a broken heart. I've been there enough times to know that.

I hope you are able to move on soon. The place you're in emotionally really sucks. Good luck.

 

[rareboy]

For all the broken hearted, I will say once more:

You are the ones who are allowing the hurt to happen once the break-up has occurred.

Stop giving the other person power over you and refuse to be a victim.

That is where you start.

 

[palbert]

.... There's always going to be a insensitive clod telling you to get over it. ....

I assume that is I.

Oh well.

 

[looseliam]

This is not your personal blog - it's an open thread. If you want a place to just log your thoughts, use the blog feature. In the meantime, anyone is welcome to add his tuppence to the discussion, palbert included. You, however, are welcome to keep disregarding such tuppence.

 

[-Kane-]

My heart goes out to you for the pain you've been dealt. I've been cheated on as well, and I discovered the cheating in a similar way to yours.

It was during that time that I found out exactly who I was as a person. I discovered my strengths as well as my weaknesses. I also discovered that I had a co-dependent personality which made it much harder for me to get over him. (he was my first).

Now that you know alot more about your ex than you expected, it is now the time to learn more about yourself. Now is the time to honor yourself and your body with the Love only YOU can give! You will cry many more nights, but after each tear, there will be fewer ahead. You will wake up some mornings with a heavy heart full of pain and pressure. Embrace that pain and sojourn through it, for it means fewer days of pain ahead.

1. Don't Call, Text or Email him. End all contact. No exceptions!

2. You may miss him sexually. Don't think you can win back his affections through sex. You will regret it after the act is over, and you will go back to reminding him of his cheating and demanding contrition from him all over again. If you must; allow yourself to masturbate/fantasize about your ex rather than call him up late one night because your body misses him. BUT you must slowly ween yourself off of thinking of him in a sexual manner. He cheated on you! Keep that in mind!

3. Don't jump into another quick relationship right away. Make new friends. Even date a little. Doing these things will boost your self esteem while allowing your thoughts to occupy another space.

I truly wish you well in the days ahead, and I hope you're making progress since the breakup.

 

[-Kane-]

I spoke to my doctor a couple weeks after my breakup about treating my severe depression at the time. He suggested that we waited for 4-6 weeks to re-access the situation before he prescribed anti-depressant. Well, my appointment is on the 15th. Maybe, I should move it up. I am tired of feeling like this.

I agree with your doctor's use of caution concerning medication, however if you insist that you need these drugs, then I support your decision. I would recommend Wellbutrin 150mg. I took this antidepressant during my college years and it worked wonderfully for me without the typical sexual side effects. I felt the immediate affects of the medicine just a couple weeks after starting it. While it won't make everything in your life rosey and colorful, it will take away the feelings of hopelessness and despair.

All the best to you.

 

[sixthson]

You don't need anti-depressants. You need to go through the process of a broken relationship. Much like a death, you need to grieve the loss. Do it now or do it later, after the meds, but either way, you will have to do it.

 

[rareboy]

^ I would tend to agree.

The p[i;;s just numb the hurt. Better to get really sad and then really angry and then move on.

 

[sixthson]

Be careful. the Xanax can be addictive. If anything, you need someone to talk to so you can close the door to the past. If you loved him and have good memories, it is supposed to hurt your heart. This is not abnormal.

 

[palbert]

Indudela - Be very careful with Xanax. It is one of the most addictive drugs out there. My doctor prescribed it for me and I had to go into drug rehab to beat it. The heroin addicts in rehab said they thought heroin detox was bad until they saw Xanax detox. There are other less addictive ways of treating anxiety. Good luck.