lol @ deposit/withdrawl... You're already tossing the puns out like a veteran gnome hehe, welcome Davey and Chaz, new blood for halloween
bwahahahaha! I vant to velcome our new [strike]victi[/strike]... guests.
want the good news or bad news first?
_____________________________________
Good news:
There are a frickin'
smurf load of little blue dudes.
Here's the link if you want to get a sense of the community leaders and followers. I'd estimate there are about a brazillion smurfs.
Bad news:
I'm filing a formal requisition to abort the Smurf mission due to several unforeseen logistical factors. Speaking in the Smurf language doesn't translate well into the typed word. Hell, those cartoons aren't even funny when Papa Smurf and his cohorts are going on back and forth about smurf this and smurf that.
Just imagine that Alchemist Smurf is fed up with his under appreciated role and he begins to throw a tantrum, cussing and breaking [strike]shit[/strike] smurf.
An unsuspecting Papa Smurf drops by to get some gold, and Alchemist starts going off on him -- getting all up in the old man's face using lots of
spirited
speech
specifically for
spraying
spit.
Here's a sample of that rant.
"AAAAW! Son of a SMURF! This job is total bullsmurf, Papa!
You can't make smurfin' gold from Smurfdamn pigeon poop and crusty used smurfpons!
If Smir Issac Newtsmurf couldn't make gold, then NOSMURFY else will be able to either!
This is an antiquated occupation with no real use to the community and I'm the one that gets it shoved up his smurf shute. That's prolly why I go through so many Smurferation H suppositories. It's the stress. I'm going to end up having a smurfiac arrest or worse; a massive smurf and one side of my body will be paralyzed. Then little school smurfs will make fun of my slobbery chin and cats will move in because I can't chase them off. Soon there'll be 20 or 30 of them and I'll be known as the old cat smurf.
OMS! and I hate cats!
For Smurf's sake Papa Smurf, have smercy on me!
Why can't I have a different job? I could be a mutha smurfin' Cable Repair Smurf or, or, or Count Smurfula! Nosmurafu?
YEAH! We have been needing a good vampire to help thin out a few of these blue [strike]bastards[/strike] basmurfs!"
Am I the only smurf that's concerned about the smurpulation explosion? It won't be long before the smurfy-boomers will be having smurfs of their own! Smurf help us all then! I...."
**2 hours later**
"...and another thing! I think there's asbestos in these walls, my thoat's been itchy! If I have mesosmurfaloma, smurfs are gonna roll! And somesmurdy's gonna pay dearly!
And why do y'all have me wearing a smurfin' wizard's outfit? These sleeves hang ridiculously low. I'm always knocking over my coffee mug and burning the smurf outta myself! I..."
**stabs a hypodermic needle into Alchemist Smurf's neck/effectively knocking him unconscious**
See? We'll be creating a whole other language like in A Clockwork Orange -- only these droogs are blue and the milk-plus doesn't come from moo cows.
The Smurfs I listed in the prospectus are actually The Village Smurfle and their roadies. they were a 70's pop music group that had one hit song,
Y.S.C.A.
Anyways, they actually morphed from my original choices of Moe, Larry and Shemp Smurf.
I wanted Curly Smurf too, but he was in contract negotiations and couldn't be reached for comment.
He was holding out with some pretty tough demands/I heard his lawyers were trying to get
fingers poked into eyes and
claw-hammer hooked inside nostrils -- taken off the table. Damn shame.
Slapstick has just gone straight to hell since the ACLU and
PETA started buttin' in!
But I know practically nothing about any sort of Smurfs. 
I know all sorts of things about construction and doing what my partner wants. Maybe that'll help.
ENCORE! ENCORE! *waving BIC lighter overhead* FREEBIRD! ENCORE!
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
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