A Hairy Gnome Companion: Lawn Decorum And Vacuum Tales

[ShihTzuTylenol]

This thread was in the JUB newsletter. Everyone should be on their best behavior!

In other news, an update on my lesbian erotic story: the editor told me it looks like the publisher will keep it in the anthology but it won't be out until the Spring now, instead of the Fall.

Congrats eJ, but too bad we have to wait until spring.

so what was mentioned in the newsletter? How utterly mad we get in here? lol
I've always sort of thought of the Hairy Gnome Companion as the executive restroom of JUB (co-ed of course*), where we all come to relieve ourselves throughout the afternoon/early evening.

But then it morphs into a seedy cesspool of carnal decadence after hours where pimps and hoes crowd into the stalls and good men get indigestion and heartburn...

Sadly, I think I'm the only one that knows of this dark underbelly, but perhaps that will all change with this wonderful new publicity, eh?
I'm so tickled I could wet my pants!
Pardon me for a moment, please.
**steps to urinal to commence tinkle**
Yes sir, ma'am, the Hairy Gnome belongs to every JUBbing one of us to...ooops.
**frantically corrects unruly split stream**
...to come and enjoy a cyber cigarette and powder their nose.

gee-odd, I haven't been in a white leotard since my Freshmen year of college...wait, I take that back.










* btw does redfox know of the Gnome Companion yet?

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Potential School Shooter Gunned Down By Popular Jock
Prom king Trevor Wilson pumped three bullets into the quiet loner before he had a chance to think about turning on fellow students.

National Dating Standards Lowered
In order to spur coupling, the National Dating Agency has lowered standards to include gambling addicts and the morbidly obese.

Law Prohibits Nation's Shawnas From Using Tanning Beds
The Health and Human Services says that the country's Shawnas are quote, "tan enough."










From the Onion News Network

 

[EJMichaels]

...so what was mentioned in the newsletter?

Just listed as one of two Hot Threads examples in Gay Stories. I forwarded a copy to your email.

They have a few links in each newsletter. Gwailo had one listed in a previous edition. I wonder how they pick them?

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

I wonder how they pick them?

I imagine it's politics, like in Little League--the coach's rug brat gets on the All-Star team even though he picks his nose with zeal and couldn't catch a ball if it was dipped in Krazy Glue. lol

I got a joke...now don't laugh, I mean until the end when yer posta laugh lol


K, a new preacher moved into a small town, right, and after he was all moved in he heard a knock on the door, he opened it to see an old woman with a cake, she said " I just want to welcome you to our town and to tell you , whatever you do, watch out for Cooter Green". The preacher said o.k. and shut the door.

Then next morning the preacher went to the grocery store and when he was getting checked out the cashier asked if he was the new preacher--he said yes, and she also warned him to watch out for Cooter Green. Then on his way home he was confronted by another man, that welcomed him to town and after some small talk he too told him to beware of Cooter Green.

The next morning was Sunday and the preacher opened the church, all the time wondering what he should do about this Cooter Green, he didn't even know if it was a man or woman.

Later that morning during church services everyone was singing hymns as the preacher stood proudly at the pulpit with the head deacon when in walked this gorgeous woman--one hip at a time--wearing the shortest white mini skirt he had ever seen. She strutted down the center isle (with a slightly mischievous grin) toward the front of the parish--and when she reached the front row, she sat right in front of the podium. The preacher was visibly flustered, but then she spread her knees a little bit and he saw she wasn't wearing any panties. She kept giving the preacher a very seductive glance as he tried to maintain his composure through his embarrassment.

He leaned over and quietly asked the deacon, "Pssst, hey Jerry, Is that Cooter Green?,"

The head deacon looked at the woman, studying her well for a moment then leaned over to the preacher and with confidence he whispered, "Naw, it's just the way the light is shining on it."

 

[redfox70]

* btw does redfox know of the Gnome Companion yet?

Yes Tzu, I've actually known about this thread for a little while now

Great joke btw

 

[DonQuixote]

Hey, Tzu,
Glad to see you spending a little more time with your chillin' thread.

Yes, a classically funny TzuTzu Joke.

(psst. Fucking asshole copy editor alert: I'll meet you in the main aisle of the Wal-mart on the Isle of Man next Monday, around Noon, OK?)

 

[Lefty]

great, now even the fucking texican froggies

are stealing my material...and closet editors are scheduling

clandestine ninja like meetings at the China /mart...

uh Walmart

 

[DonQuixote]

Poor poor Leftykins.

Was a literary example.
I wouldn't go to the Isle of Man to have a meat and greet
with Tzu.

You know the only place to be w/Tzu is
Gay "Pair-eeee". . .

 

[Lefty]

And gay pairee isn't there?

I call bullshit...

Why else would a guy go there to the Isle of Man...

except to meet with a man?

I may be stupid Ajax, but I ain't dumb.

 

[DonQuixote]

I guess we'd have to check with HRH, Prince William, Duke of Cambridge about what all goes on over yon on the Isle of Man - it being part of his Grandmum's realm and all.

 

[Lefty]

nice try with the Sin oh namic shit there blini breath

but that snow job won't last in the 95f we got to day.

try something else before that one thaws out... ...or

draws flies


.lol

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Yes Tzu, I've actually known about this thread for a little while now

Great joke btw

Hi red, i actually have a couple more jokes too...
**puts tinfoil thinking cap on**

Q: What's blue and smells like red paint?
A: blue paint

and...


A magician is strolling down the sidewalk and suddenly turns into a bar




get it? lolthat's all i got...cept, yo'momma teeth so yellow I Can't Believe It's Not Butter

 

[Lefty]

Flash point Bully - Tin

you lucky stiff and limps....

Lefty's Bio Blog 60-02

has hit the street

or the fan

or a fan in the street

You look and tell

or go to hell.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

And gay pairee isn't there?

I call bullshit...

Why else would a guy go there to the Isle of Man...

except to meet with a man?

I may be stupid Ajax, but I ain't dumb.

lollmfao @ Ajax...I love that word, Ajax___
**puts Ajax on list-o-shiht 2-B googled**

great, now even the fucking texican froggies

are stealing my material...and closet editors are scheduling

clandestine ninja like meetings at the China /mart...

uh Walmart

just calm down Comet /and/ hoe doubt yer hand--I'ma drop a cyber-xanax in it...take it with a full glass of water and don't operate a backhoe or pilot a commercial jetliner, aight?and I'm serious about the jetliner Lefty--don't!
k, now...
A) I didn't steal nuthin, I was kicking the tires and test driving it___I was gonna bring it back, eventually...
and
B) CLEAN UP ON ISLE OF MAN

nice try with the Sin oh namic shit there blini breath

but that snow job won't last in the 95f we got to day.

try something else before that one thaws out... ...or

draws flies


.lol

I taught myself to sketch by drawing flies with a shihty diaper___shoot, I musta been in about 4th grade I guess...
I had no formal potty training, quit laughing/ DON'T JUDGE ME!
I need my fuckin' binky

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Flash point Bully - Tin

you lucky stiff and limps....

Lefty's Bio Blog 60-02

has hit the street

or the fan

or a fan in the street

You look and tell

or go to hell.

I'm already in hell cuppycake...didn't you get the memo I sent out? I need a sexatary that can type with more than one finger per hand lol
I'm gonna check it out anyways though, thank you for the heads-up...

and I was gonna talk at you and another person who'll remain nameless [it's Dawn Kyotee] and have y'all put summa yer greatest hits (and you know what I mean, right?) into post form and share them here in the...
**music swells**
HAIRY GNOME COMPANION! ...lawn decorum and vacuum tales

cause you guys find the most hilarious shiht, and some of it should filter into the Gnome's beard and back hair before it dissipates into thin air like your humble narrator's mind...
**frantically puffs cigarette to calm nerves**

soooo
gimme a holler
won't cost a dollar
I needa know sumpin pre-quick

just tryna get ya smilin'
as the shiht keeps pilin'
hell, I'm tuggin' too much@ma'dick

...carry the seven & add 12 then multiply that by the speed of scent...

 

[DonQuixote]

Evening, my zany friend(s)!

 

[Lefty]

phuck saki mon

watt grate -est shits and stuph is him smokin on about?

sump buddy 'splains two lefty plece.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Guten Morgen Lefty!

 

[EJMichaels]

. . . . . . .

 

[Lefty]

Hi the both of ya.

Got some fun planned?

Joanie, may have someat for ya when ya finish the Brother Love.

Tzu, you tak about my funnies... Paddles bundled them up with an

assist by Puddles and they can be accessed....about 59 I think,

hence the new 'bio-blog starting at 60-01. Just seeing you two

made my day better.