A Little Advice?

[CopyX19]

So ive never been with anyone so I thought I might ask this particular group in the community since its what I am attracted to. Is it hard finding somebody? Like is it hard finding somebody who isnt just in it for sex? Im pretty much ready to get out there and try to start living my life soon and I just dont wanna start getting my heart broken.

 

[WestCoastWilson]

So ive never been with anyone so I thought I might ask this particular group in the community since its what I am attracted to. Is it hard finding somebody? Like is it hard finding somebody who isnt just in it for sex? Im pretty much ready to get out there and try to start living my life soon and I just dont wanna start getting my heart broken.

CopyX19, I’m not sure how old you are or what you look like (twink, cub, chub, bear, otter, etc.), yet it is always easy to find men if you live in or near a large gay community . . . BUT, your odds of finding the exact type of guy “can be” hard or harder depending on what you are looking for (friendship, sex, boyfriend, etc.).

Yet I’m confused in your case since you said: “So ive never been with anyone”, “Like is it hard finding somebody who isnt just in it for sex?”, and “I just dont wanna start getting my heart broken.” So you need to be clearer as to what you are saying and looking for. Based on what you wrote, it sounds “to me” like you are a virgin and you are looking for your very first non-twink friend or boyfriend that is looking for a serious connection (friendship, friend with benefits, or relationship) who does not put an emphasis on sex?

Wilson

 

[CopyX19]

CopyX19, I’m not sure how old you are or what you look like (twink, cub, chub, bear, otter, etc.), yet it is always easy to find men if you live in or near a large gay community . . . BUT, your odds of finding the exact type of guy “can be” hard or harder depending on what you are looking for (friendship, sex, boyfriend, etc.).

Yet I’m confused in your case since you said: “So ive never been with anyone”, “Like is it hard finding somebody who isnt just in it for sex?”, and “I just dont wanna start getting my heart broken.” So you need to be clearer as to what you are saying and looking for. Based on what you wrote, it sounds “to me” like you are a virgin and you are looking for your very first non-twink friend or boyfriend that is looking for a serious connection (friendship, friend with benefits, or relationship) who does not put an emphasis on sex?

Wilson

Sorry, maybe I didn't write this the best way. I don't know, I don't really want something serious right now, is a boyfriend serious in the gay community?? I just don't want someone who just wants sex and that's it. BTW my name has my age in it. And I'm not a twink.

 

[jimbill]

Are you looking for an older man or a chubby young man?

 

[WestCoastWilson]

Sorry, maybe I didn't write this the best way. I don't know, I don't really want something serious right now, is a boyfriend serious in the gay community?? I just don't want someone who just wants sex and that's it. BTW my name has my age in it. And I'm not a twink.

CopyX19 . . . well with you being 19 years old then, I will say that you “may” have a rougher go at it. I’m 48 years old now and I always was a serious relationship minded guy . . . yet unfortunately, most guys (that I was interested in) did not start taking me seriously until I was I was about 30. When I was in my teens to about my mid 30's, 99% of the time, I was mainly interested in hairy men that were at least 15 to 20 years older than myself . . . however those guys usually thought I was too young to date and often felt that since I was so young, “they all pretty much felt” that I wanted or needed to sow my oats and play the field and have a new guy in my bed every night, which was not the case at all . . . since I was born a nester. I did not date a lot in my younger years, since I could not easily find the type of man I was looking for. Oh sure I had an abundance of gay men around my own age that were always available for (friendship, sex, relationships), but until I was in my mid to late 30's, I never was all that sexually attracted to guys my own age . . . I think it took my peers aging over the years, to finally catch up to the looks that I found sexually attracted in men (since I was a teen), in order for me to “finally” start looking at and liking guys around my age. LOL!!! Yet I think since you have the option of niche websites today, you might can easily find the type of guy that you are looking for, who will take you seriously, and be okay with the age difference. In my case, I did not have an option like that while being a young adult in Los Angeles, since the internet had not been invented yet per se, and I never heard of any groups of younger and older men anywhere back in the late 70's - late 90's.

I know that everybody is different, yet back when I was 19, I mainly just wanted to make gay friends first (i.e. get my feet wet in our local gay community here in Los Angeles and see how it all worked), and then casually look for a boyfriend. I wish I could tell you how not to get your heart broke and or how to not get your heart broken so often, yet when you are young and maturing, falling in love and getting your heart broke is just part of life . . . kind of like driving, where one day if you drive long enough, you will get into an accident (sooner or later), even though it may not be your fault, yet as you get older and gain more experience, you tend to become a more alert and cautious driver . . . and “to me” falling in love and getting your heart broke is no different. Yet one final thing, years ago (at separate times), I met two men that I fell head over heals for . . . it was all surreal, unplanned, and a nice surprise. Since that is the only two times in my adult life that I have ever fell head over heals for a man . . . and that feeling was out of this world and nothing I had ever felt before . . . yet it was AWESOME while it lasted. Unfortunately, I soon learned that neither of these men were the right match for me and were far from my Mr. Right, in these two cases, I was much more into these guys than they were into me , so that was a bad match right there. Even though these guys broke my heart, the abundance of the great times I had with them, I will never forget and I will cherish all of those good memories I had with those two men for the rest of my life, because it was nice to know the depth that my feelings of pure bliss could go from falling and or being in love with a guy. I am now happily partnered, but if I were single today, if I could have those same exact feelings I experienced with those two guys AND knowing that it would not last and that I would end-up with a broken heart, I would GLADLY do it again and again. Because as I matured over the years, I learned not all broken hearts are bad . . . because I will always be grateful to the powers that be that made it possible to have such an incredible and awesome times with those two guys, even if it were not meant to last, because knowing what I know now, I would much prefer to have had those great times and get a broken heart, than to never have had such a great time and have those awesome and blissful feelings.

CopyX19 , I do wish you well, and I hope that you soon find the type of guy you are looking for. Yet what age and type of man are you looking for AND what type of man are you in looks and build?

Wilson

 

[CubbyOtterLover]

I'm a 20 year old cub interested in a relationship; I want to learn who I am in a proper relationship, and I'd ideally like to fall in love and go somewhere serious... but I'm also not in the hugest rush. So, I don't know. I've never been the one who actually wants sex (as much as my body does some times).

 

[coffeeorbeer]

What I did was register at GAYDAR | Global Gay Dating. Find Guys. Chat. Meet | Join Free and SilverDaddies - dating for mature gay men with a few *respectable* photos (you get back what you put out) and a nice down-to-earth profile message. I got plenty of fun out of it. Some one nighters, sometimes becoming regular (even socialising). Then I met someone special and we both just started seeing each other exclusively and still are now.

I can tell there's a lot on your mind so remember to approach each guy afresh. No baggage, no sob-story. Just be cool. If there are sparks, awesome!

 

[ReBeL B0Y]

kind of like driving, where one day if you drive long enough, you will get into an accident (sooner or later)

I really enjoyed this sentence...exactly what happened to me...
and that's why I'm living alone for more than 2 years...I just had a long journey for 7 years with a straight guy...

 

[CopyX19]

CopyX19 . . . well with you being 19 years old then, I will say that you “may” have a rougher go at it. I’m 48 years old now and I always was a serious relationship minded guy . . . yet unfortunately, most guys (that I was interested in) did not start taking me seriously until I was I was about 30. When I was in my teens to about my mid 30's, 99% of the time, I was mainly interested in hairy men that were at least 15 to 20 years older than myself . . . however those guys usually thought I was too young to date and often felt that since I was so young, “they all pretty much felt” that I wanted or needed to sow my oats and play the field and have a new guy in my bed every night, which was not the case at all . . . since I was born a nester. I did not date a lot in my younger years, since I could not easily find the type of man I was looking for. Oh sure I had an abundance of gay men around my own age that were always available for (friendship, sex, relationships), but until I was in my mid to late 30's, I never was all that sexually attracted to guys my own age . . . I think it took my peers aging over the years, to finally catch up to the looks that I found sexually attracted in men (since I was a teen), in order for me to “finally” start looking at and liking guys around my age. LOL!!! Yet I think since you have the option of niche websites today, you might can easily find the type of guy that you are looking for, who will take you seriously, and be okay with the age difference. In my case, I did not have an option like that while being a young adult in Los Angeles, since the internet had not been invented yet per se, and I never heard of any groups of younger and older men anywhere back in the late 70's - late 90's.

I know that everybody is different, yet back when I was 19, I mainly just wanted to make gay friends first (i.e. get my feet wet in our local gay community here in Los Angeles and see how it all worked), and then casually look for a boyfriend. I wish I could tell you how not to get your heart broke and or how to not get your heart broken so often, yet when you are young and maturing, falling in love and getting your heart broke is just part of life . . . kind of like driving, where one day if you drive long enough, you will get into an accident (sooner or later), even though it may not be your fault, yet as you get older and gain more experience, you tend to become a more alert and cautious driver . . . and “to me” falling in love and getting your heart broke is no different. Yet one final thing, years ago (at separate times), I met two men that I fell head over heals for . . . it was all surreal, unplanned, and a nice surprise. Since that is the only two times in my adult life that I have ever fell head over heals for a man . . . and that feeling was out of this world and nothing I had ever felt before . . . yet it was AWESOME while it lasted. Unfortunately, I soon learned that neither of these men were the right match for me and were far from my Mr. Right, in these two cases, I was much more into these guys than they were into me , so that was a bad match right there. Even though these guys broke my heart, the abundance of the great times I had with them, I will never forget and I will cherish all of those good memories I had with those two men for the rest of my life, because it was nice to know the depth that my feelings of pure bliss could go from falling and or being in love with a guy. I am now happily partnered, but if I were single today, if I could have those same exact feelings I experienced with those two guys AND knowing that it would not last and that I would end-up with a broken heart, I would GLADLY do it again and again. Because as I matured over the years, I learned not all broken hearts are bad . . . because I will always be grateful to the powers that be that made it possible to have such an incredible and awesome times with those two guys, even if it were not meant to last, because knowing what I know now, I would much prefer to have had those great times and get a broken heart, than to never have had such a great time and have those awesome and blissful feelings.

CopyX19 , I do wish you well, and I hope that you soon find the type of guy you are looking for. Yet what age and type of man are you looking for AND what type of man are you in looks and build?

Wilson

Thank you for that huge reply lol, its nice people care. Well I probably would want to get my feet wet in the community and make friends like you said before other things, but hell I dont know where I would find anyone lol. Im starting college soon so heres hopeing lol. You know I have a good friend who I met online that basically told me the same thing about having to go through bad experiences first and how its a part of life, I know thats true and Ill accept that. But as far as what kind of guy I want well....if you saw the comments ive posted on here that might give you an idea because its hard for me to say exactly what I want. I really think im interested in bearish men as of now, the whole age thing does kinda bother me but then hell you only live once and does age really matter all in all? Im not a cub sadly but im planning on getting in good shape and I normally dont ever say anything about how I look, but I think I look decent. Ive been told that bears mainly go after cubs and it sounds like I really dont have a chance lol.

 

[CopyX19]

Are you looking for an older man or a chubby young man?

I like chubby guys. But like I said in my reply to WestCoastWilson, I also like bearish men.

 

[WestCoastWilson]

I'm a 20 year old cub interested in a relationship; I want to learn who I am in a proper relationship, and I'd ideally like to fall in love and go somewhere serious... but I'm also not in the hugest rush. So, I don't know. I've never been the one who actually wants sex (as much as my body does some times).

CubbyOtterLover, LOL!!! That is how I pretty much felt when I was 20, but I was very interested in having sex, but I was ONLY interested in having sex with a guy that I was dating. I did one time (just for fun), have a one night stand, which was GREAT, but I did not like it enough to do it again. Since I was about 30 at that time and had never had a one night stand, I had always wanted to try it, to see what it was like, but I never once went out looking for a one night stand, yet one night I was in the right place at the right time and the right guy came along and tossed the offer into my lap. Yet in my case, since a major source of enjoyment of sex comes from being emotionally involved with a guy beforehand, I did not have the emotional attachment to the one night stand guy, so it was not as much fun . . . yet I had a GREAT time with the guy, but it just was not the same as having the emotional attachment with a sex partner. Yet mainly when I was your age, I was more interested in making gay friends vs. finding a boyfriend, as I wanted to take my time to ease into the boyfriend thing, since I never dated before . . . not even dating girls in high school. So I had to get acclimated to the dating thing, since this was my first time in my life dating anyone, since I could not learn how to do it, like straights do in junior high and high school, where many of them are all experienced with dating by the time they turn 18.

Wilson

 

[WestCoastWilson]

What I did was register at GAYDAR | Global Gay Dating. Find Guys. Chat. Meet | Join Free and SilverDaddies - dating for mature gay men with a few *respectable* photos (you get back what you put out) and a nice down-to-earth profile message. I got plenty of fun out of it. Some one nighters, sometimes becoming regular (even socialising). Then I met someone special and we both just started seeing each other exclusively and still are now.

I can tell there's a lot on your mind so remember to approach each guy afresh. No baggage, no sob-story. Just be cool. If there are sparks, awesome!

Well said, Coffeeorbear. For sure, maybe this might help CopyX19.

Wilson

 

[WestCoastWilson]

I really enjoyed this sentence...exactly what happened to me...
and that's why I'm living alone for more than 2 years...I just had a long journey for 7 years with a straight guy...

Well ReBeL B0Y, your situation sounds more complicated, since you were involved with a straight guy. Yet I'm not sure why you are living alone either by choice or you are still recovering from the straight guy. But in my case, when I was single, I often took 6 to 12 month breaks between boyfriend/relationships. I often found it a nice and welcome break from dating or being in a relationship with someone to have some well needed "alone time" from time-to-time.

Wilson

 

[CopyX19]

Well said, Coffeeorbear. For sure, maybe this might help CopyX19.

Wilson

I may try those sites in the future, probably a great way to find someone. Hey WestCoastWilson did you see my reply to your second post here?

 

[WestCoastWilson]

Thank you for that huge reply lol, its nice people care. Well I probably would want to get my feet wet in the community and make friends like you said before other things, but hell I dont know where I would find anyone lol. Im starting college soon so heres hopeing lol. You know I have a good friend who I met online that basically told me the same thing about having to go through bad experiences first and how its a part of life, I know thats true and Ill accept that. But as far as what kind of guy I want well....if you saw the comments ive posted on here that might give you an idea because its hard for me to say exactly what I want. I really think im interested in bearish men as of now, the whole age thing does kinda bother me but then hell you only live once and does age really matter all in all? Im not a cub sadly but im planning on getting in good shape and I normally dont ever say anything about how I look, but I think I look decent. Ive been told that bears mainly go after cubs and it sounds like I really dont have a chance lol.

You are welcome, CopyX19. I’m glad that I can “try” to help you. Again, I’m not sure where you live, so I don’t know if you have a gay community and or a bear and cub community where you are or not, but since you like chubby and bearish guys, you might want to try your luck at Biggercity.Com, as they have a large membership of chubs, bears, and chasers. So maybe you might can find some nice and suitable chubs and bears near you. A chub friend of mine that has a membership and profile on that site, it seems that this site does not have enough chasers, so it really is a "chasers" market on this site! More often than not, it seems that the “chubs” are looking for chasers. So if you live close to some of the bears and chubs that are looking, there is a very good and easy chance that you will meet some of these guys who are looking for someone just like you, plus many of the profiles posted on that site have photos of the guys . . . so that way you can get a better idea of if the guy is your type or not. So that might be another option for you to find some new chub and bear friends. Most of all, if you are not a chub or bear/cub, then you can easily list yourself as a “chaser” on the “Biggercity” website, but you will have better luck meeting other guys if you post your face photo in your profile. Another website you might want to try is Bearciti.Com, and Bear 411.Com. Also, if you have a bear and cub community near you, you might want to go to some of their social events, and try your luck there. Yet if you go the profile and personal ad route, always make sure that you state in your profile or ad that you are an admirer or chaser, that way guys will know up front that you do not consider yourself a "bear" or "cub" or "chub", etc. etc. etc., so that way neither of you will waste time, if the reader is looking for a "bear" or "cub" or "chub".

From what I have heard, it seems that bears often go after other bears and cubs, BUT there is also plenty of bears and cubs out there that are not into bears and cubs and are looking for a non-bear/non-cub, so I do not see you having a problem meeting some suitable men, but the only thing that I would worry about is your age "if" you are seeking a much older man than yourself vs. you seeking guys around your own age.

Good luck to you, and please check back in and let us know how it goes.

Wilson

 

[WestCoastWilson]

I may try those sites in the future, probably a great way to find someone. Hey WestCoastWilson did you see my reply to your second post here?

CopyX19, yes. But I had to take a phone call right after I had posted to ReBeL B0Y's post, so I just got off the phone and was able to reply to your post a few minutes ago.

Wilson

 

[CopyX19]

CopyX19, yes. But I had to take a phone call right after I had posted to ReBeL B0Y's post, so I just got off the phone and was able to reply to your post a few minutes ago.

Wilson

Its OK, I'm just happy you replied

 

[CopyX19]

You are welcome, CopyX19. I’m glad that I can “try” to help you. Again, I’m not sure where you live, so I don’t know if you have a gay community and or a bear and cub community where you are or not, but since you like chubby and bearish guys, you might want to try your luck at Biggercity.Com, as they have a large membership of chubs, bears, and chasers. So maybe you might can find some nice and suitable chubs and bears near you. A chub friend of mine that has a membership and profile on that site, it seems that this site does not have enough chasers, so it really is a "chasers" market on this site! More often than not, it seems that the “chubs” are looking for chasers. So if you live close to some of the bears and chubs that are looking, there is a very good and easy chance that you will meet some of these guys who are looking for someone just like you, plus many of the profiles posted on that site have photos of the guys . . . so that way you can get a better idea of if the guy is your type or not. So that might be another option for you to find some new chub and bear friends. Most of all, if you are not a chub or bear/cub, then you can easily list yourself as a “chaser” on the “Biggercity” website, but you will have better luck meeting other guys if you post your face photo in your profile. Another website you might want to try is Bearciti.Com, and Bear 411.Com. Also, if you have a bear and cub community near you, you might want to go to some of their social events, and try your luck there. Yet if you go the profile and personal ad route, always make sure that you state in your profile or ad that you are an admirer or chaser, that way guys will know up front that you do not consider yourself a "bear" or "cub" or "chub", etc. etc. etc., so that way neither of you will waste time, if the reader is looking for a "bear" or "cub" or "chub".

From what I have heard, it seems that bears often go after other bears and cubs, BUT there is also plenty of bears and cubs out there that are not into bears and cubs and are looking for a non-bear/non-cub, so I do not see you having a problem meeting some suitable men, but the only thing that I would worry about is your age "if" you are seeking a much older man than yourself vs. you seeking guys around your own age.

Good luck to you, and please check back in and let us know how it goes.

Wilson

I live in Maryland btw so I hope there's gay bear communities here lol.

 

[WestCoastWilson]

I live in Maryland btw so I hope there's gay bear communities here lol.

CopyX19, I’m not sure what part of Maryland that you live, but there is a bear community that represents Baltimore and DC areas. Here are some links that may help you find a bear community near you.

Bear Clubs
Worldwide bear organizations/groups

Beltway Bears
Covers the Baltimore and DC bear communities

HOME PAGE
Covers the Philadelphia bear community, if you live closer to Philadelphia vs. Baltimore or DC

If you have a FaceBook (FB) page, most of these groups have a FB page you can join as well.

Also, I just took a quick look at the Biggercity.Com website, and there are at least 24 “chaser” men between 18 - 25 years old that live within 150 miles of Baltimore.

I hope that this information helps.

Wilson

 

[CopyX19]

Thank you WestCoastWilson, appreciate the help alot . I would probably want to leave my parents house and have my own place before I start dating though. My parents probably wouldn't have a great reaction to finding out what I like lol. You think I should post a picture of myself on here? Opinions on if I would have a chance out there would help I guess lol.