A Nervous breakdown and feeling suicidal

[Telstra]

In Buddhism, they say that the root of misery is desire. When you want things that can't be fulfilled, you become frustrated and that leads to misery.

To get out of your state of misery, you have to identify those things which you desire and cannot attain, and move on to things you can.

nice post for madonna.

i got nothing to add. There are alot of good advice in this thread.
Just well wishes, look after yourself.

 

[KrisHawkXXX]

thanks everyone for your advice.. im fine... I am seeing a doctor this Wednesday. I am just trying to avoid stress related triggers until I can see her. Ps thanks for those who gave out the Trevor line.. I've been calling them for years.

 

[Joshua_me]

^ I'm glad to hear that you are OK, Darlin'.....

My advice to you, (and I'm sure your Dr. will agree with me) is to NOT turn to a gay message board to seek advice and council.

JUB is a great place, but it's not 'reality'. Not in the sense that you need right now, anyway....

You went through a lot of shit growing up, and it's only 'human' that you need some help dealing with it....

I wish you the happiness that you deserve.

 

[metta]

Thank you for the update Madonna.....seriously.....Thank you!

Glad to hear that you are getting the help that you need.

Be kind to yourself and take care!

 

[sexygaydude]

If your feeling suicidal the best thing to do is to Pray to God. It has always worked for me and makes me feel happy. God loves you and listens. He is very real and will comfort you!!
Just ask him to come into your heart and life and accept him into your heart. It will make you feel very happy.

 

[JustMe891]

Oh dear, I agree with most of the guys here, you MUST seek help, sooner rather than later!

 

[Telstra]

I'm not trying to invalidate you, Sexygaydude, but the fact is that this approach won't work for most gays.

Having beat up by religion for so many millennia, most gays perceive religion as the enemy. With groups like the GOD HATES FAGS group, is this any wonder?

i think Sexygaydude is not talking about religion.
He is talking about spirituality which has nothing to do with religion.
Non religious people also spiritual.

 

[rareboy]

^ You are one fucked up puppy.

You need professional help if you are thinking of murdering someone every day.

Really.

Get help.

 

[KrisHawkXXX]

So i saw a doctor and she said to write down things that trigger depression of anger.. she said politics are one of them but then again some people make remarks and my blood pressure starts rising when i hear racial remarks or things like Obama is lazy and not doing anything

 

[Inwood]

So i saw a doctor and she said to write down things that trigger depression of anger.. she said politics are one of them but then again some people make remarks and my blood pressure starts rising when i hear racial remarks or things like Obama is lazy and not doing anything

Here's a suggestion, and take it for what it's worth.

Stay away from the CE&P forum and any thread that deals with politics. A little self-control goes a long way.

 

[Phoenix3]

Why on Earth do you let Politics get to you? So what if people say Obama is lazy.. Just know that if McCain got in things would be a lot worse. lol

 

[KrisHawkXXX]

Why on Earth do you let Politics get to you? So what if people say Obama is lazy.. Just know that if McCain got in things would be a lot worse. lol

I know but Obama is my man and I am gonna defend him... I guess some things I shouldn't let get to my head.

 

[Telstra]

Meh.

Ive already gone through the whole trying to 'kill myself because I am useless' phase.

Fortunately for me I have a brain and my years at university saved me. I dont take any shit from anyone now, and wouldnt ever let anyone treat me how you are letting them.

You need to take controll of your own self and stop doing things just for the pleasure of others.

Believe me, I feel very lucky now to never have tried having a BF before as I would have just had to deal with more emotional problems from both him and my family.

Being single and in controll of your life is being happy, and if you do let anyone else into your life it should be because they add extra happiness.

I dont actually need profesional help, I can help myself. But you sound stuck and far more further into the 'I was abused and then messed up my own life' scenario then I ever were.

But I think about killing my family everyday, but have been doing so for a very long time and nothing happens, and I have managed to gain a bit of command over them now.

Humans are animals, most of them are wild, instinctive and ignorant, very few are tame, cuddly and nice.

The opposite is the case for dogs, buy a snorgly puppy and save your happiness.

you are wrong sorry.
stop blaming your family. I think you need them more than they need you.
Get help.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

So i saw a doctor and she said to write down things that trigger depression of anger.. she said politics are one of them but then again some people make remarks and my blood pressure starts rising when i hear racial remarks or things like Obama is lazy and not doing anything

I think the headline here is that you saw a doctor. That's great. Depression is definitely treatable.

As for the Obama-haters, just tell them, tough shit -- your guy (Bush) fucked up and you lost the election. Now it's our turn.

 

[DeafFoxDemon]

I hope u feel better, well, ur post make me laugh sometime. and i agree with Jasun, I been there before..

 

[dj415]

I know some people might give me shit for saying this I don't care I have nobody to run to. I'm fucked up outta my mind right now i took mood uppers that i kept from years ago to keep me stable.

I can't please anyone.. nothing I do is good enough.. nobody really likes me and the people that do pay attention to me is my family and they do that because they feel an obligation. I have nothing to offer to the world and i feel so shitty about myself.

My mom and I have so much tension and it all goes back to the abuse from being a child. I was so scared to say what my neighbor did to me but a staff member at school said to say something and to this day I should have let it keep continuing. Before then me and my mom were close and now she is so possessive and makes everything all about her... all the drama in our family is because I opened my mouth thinking stopping the abuse and getting help would've been the answer. EVERY fight in my family all roots back to me. (By the way the fear of uncut dicks comes from the rape trauma. I see an uncut dick and I see HIM.. not the guy in front of me. He was dirty.. forced me as a kid.. and I see uncut dick online I feel emotions of horror.. anger... rage... and nausea)

Nobody in school ever liked me i was the faggot and put down by all these white trash snooty republican students whose redneck parents taught them all fags are sinners and are lower then garbage. I was the kid at recess all by myself sitting in the grass and smelling flowers. By age 12 I hated republicans and rednecks so bad I knew i was gonna start a minority gang that went around hanging them since they think its ok to do it to blacks mexicans and gays for so many generations. At 14 I drove through trailer parks bombing their mailboxes with kids from highschool if they had Bush Posters in their lawns and leave gay pride flags in their lawns.

To me outside of highschool when it came to guys I was just a piece of ass nobody bothered to see me as a decent human being. If I ever came CLOSE to getting in touch with a guy emotionally and would bond with him.. my mom would start to blame herself again for me being raped and would lock me in my room then put a bolt on it. She would get the guy's number and harass him. I convinced myself that I was so fucked up and disturbed i began to REALLY hate myself.

My bf can't be sexually turned on by me... because hes already used to me and knows me... just like all men.. you have it once.. you don't want it anymore.. its just a pizza.. you have a few slices and ur done.. you dont care what happens to the pizza.. when you are hungry you LOVE the pizza and will do anything for it.. once your needs are met.... you dont care if its thrown in the garbage.. u might nibble on it during the night but by morning u want it outta ur house.. or u hand it to someone else that wants the rest.

I look at myself in the mirror everyday thinking im fat or ugly. Just to improve myself esteem two weeks ago i sent in an application to do porn and got rejected 2 days ago because i dont have a perfect figure.. because im fat.. and because im ugly..

I dont wanna live anymore and ive tried to kill myself so many times and when I do have enough courage I usually pass out and someone drags me to the ER against my will or i end up puking the pills and/or poison i end up taking. I've thought of slicing my throat but i'm afraid of the pain or if i survive and I spend the rest of my life not being able to talk or I can't breath without a machine. I have gathered some 5 year old expired bottle of blood pressure medications but Im afraid to use them... like If I go into a coma and I come out years later and Ill feel worse when nobody cares and ill wanna die even more then. I dont know what I want outta posting this maybe someone who feels something similar. I know many people post this as trolls looking for attention and with my track record here I know people will think this is no different. I can't tell anyone my bf is asleep next to me and a doctor will throw me in a hospital against my will. I feel like im in a circular room with no doors or windows and Im running around screaming.

I keep these feelings inside for the reasons that people will think I want attention when really I want help or advice.. or to know the people in my actual life care about me. But If I tell them how I feel they won't care.. so i keep it inside. These feelings keep coming back more and more

Yep, life sucks!

I bet, and I bet it's a safe be, you are a hottie. Go forth and claim yourself.

There is help if you seek it.

 

[KrisHawkXXX]

Yep, life sucks!

I bet, and I bet it's a safe be, you are a hottie. Go forth and claim yourself.

There is help if you seek it.

it doesn't help when i have people telling me how fat i am. It makes me feel worse.

 

[Joshua_me]

it doesn't help when i have people telling me how fat i am. It makes me feel worse.

WHO in the HELL is telling you that ???

The BF ???

It's NOT true. It's SO not true it's almost laughable. If anything, you could put ON a few pounds.

*Sheesh*

 

[Phoenix3]

it doesn't help when i have people telling me how fat i am. It makes me feel worse.

First of all... What are ya, 19.. 20 years old? Certainly you can think for yourself. Look in a mirror.. or at a picture - Clearly you're not fat. And it's stupid to even let it cross your mind. I mean, that's like someone walking up to you and saying "You're such a fucking Salmon. God.. Just look at you!"

Makes absolutely no sense. See? So stop feeling bad about yourself and get tough.