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advice?

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hey guys! i've been a lurker around the forums for quite some time, and have just never joined out of laziness, haha. today, though, i decided i would join so i can get the advice and opinions of some of you guys. i'll start by introducing myself.

my name is jay, i'm eighteen, and i live in england. i recently came out to my mum and my closest friends, however, nobody else knows that i'm gay. my parents are divorced, and my dad is one of those 'oh my god gay ew' types - especially since i'm an only child and a boy, he'd be mortified and would likely disown me. oh well though, he's a prick anyway. haha.

so yeah, basically... i downloaded the grindr app for the iphone out of curiosity, which, now i'm thinking was a bad move, mainly because it's full of guys that are only looking for one thing, and i'm not. what i was wanting out of it was to maybe find some gay teens close to me that i could establish friendships with, and hopefully.. i don't know, make the process easier for myself? i've not had any trouble actually admitting, but the only other gay guy that i'm really close to is my best friend, and while that's awesome, i dunno, i guess i want to branch out a little and explore. so on the app there was this guy, around the same age as me, who we'll call callum. he was absolutely gorgeous, so i struck up a conversation with him. it was going well, you know, just the casual chit-chat sort of stuff. we chatted for and swapped our face pics. he told me that he was still in the closet and that nobody knew about him, which i sort of sympathised with. any way, we said goodbye and left it at that.

now, a couple days later i was out for a meal with a couple of my best friends, and we went to this local italian restaurant. callum was working as a waiter there - i didn't know this so it was pretty much a shock, and quite awkward? in a strange sort of way. i don't know. but basically, after we'd recognised each other and me and my friends ate and left, i found out that he'd blocked me on grindr. how did i find this out? because i bought the grindr xtra app (bad move, it was just as lame as the free version) and his profile was right there. i was pretty confused; i mean, everything had ben going well enough, and i hadn't done anything wrong or weird, you know? well, not yet anyway.

the reason i say that is because move a couple months down the line and i'd added him on facebook after someone sent me one of those suggestion thingies. he'd accepted, no problem so far. however, i was on facebook on my iphone and you know how there is the little phone icon next to people's names who have posted their number on their profile? i clicked it by accident. the phone rang once, he answered, and i had been trying and trying to cancel the call. eventually, i did. honestly? i've never been so embarrassed in my entire life. like, it totally looked like i was stalking him or something. haha. anyways, he texted me asking who i was, so i replied with my name and i apologised profusely, explaining what had happened and saying it wouldn't happen again. he didn't reply.

so (this was probably a real bad move, thinking about it) i sent him a message on facebook a couple days later apologising again and saying that it was a huge mistake, and that he obviously was creeped out but i wouldn't bother him again. I KNOW IT MAKES ME SEEM LIKE A STALKER. but i panicked. needless to say, he didn't reply to that message either.

so i'm asking for your advice / opinions on this. sorry for the huge post and everything, but yeah. when i start talking about something i can't help it haha. i know i probably came across really creepy to him but i wanna know if there's maybe something i can do to make it up to him or anything? i dunno. i'm just confused.
thanks guys!
jay

ps. go easy on me, this is my first post! <3
 
Welcome!!

Well, I don't see how you did much wrong. One apology is fine, multiple makes you look like a loon.

You've learned your fist gay lesson young Padawan. Closeted guys are flaky. Stay away.

What happened was he saw you in public and YOU KNEW!!!

Which in closet world meant he was immediately and magically branded in chartreuse letters "FAGGOT," across his forehead for all the world to see. Of course you had to go.

Watch, listen, learn - he's the one who should have apologized to you.
 
thank-you for your amazingly quick reply! i wasn't expecting this to be answered so quickly, lol.

yeah, i was worried about the whole 'in the closet' thing affecting it. it just seems as though he's written me off as a bad job before even really knowing me, if you know what i mean. sucks, but that's life i guess.

i'll just have to find some other way to seduce him. haha! just kidding.

thanks again <3
 
Congratulions on coming out Jay!!! ..|

And welcome to JUB!!! :wave:

Personally, I like Grindr -- but, yeah, a lot of the guys on there aren't looking to just hang out... :lol:

I can't add anything to TX-Beau's great advice -- just wanted to say hi!!!

Oh -- and inquire on your intriguing username???

:):):)
 
thank-you! my mom took it well, she was actually pretty happy about it, considering she asks me what she should wear all the time now. like i'm supposed to just automatically know! haha.

haha don't get me wrong it's a decent little app and it does exactly what it says it does, but yeah, i agree about the majority of the guys that use it. haha.

my username is actually taken from the poem 'dive for dreams' by e. e. cummings, i've loved that poem for years and i dunno, i just thought it was a sort of unique username. you should check the poem out, it's awesome.

thanks for posting and welcoming me too! (:
 
I read the poem (with difficulty) you know, with all the (parenthesis and all)... :lol:

And I liked it...

I looked up what it means in Wiki Answers...

"Dive for Dreams," by E.E. Cummings is merely about taking numerous risks or chances throughout your life. Being able to trust in yourself/ your heart and accomplish whatever it is that you may seek in your life. It is probably one of the most captivating and emotional poems of all.

And I like it EVEN MORE!!! ..|

AWESOME USERNAME!!!

:):):)
 
Hey there Jay and welcome to jub.
My advuce is if you want to start meeting guys in a non-threating way or just
to meet new friends , then why dont you give your local switchboard a call .
Many of them run befriending groups for guys in your situation .
This can be a great way to meet other gay guys without all the worry attatched
to a blind date .
Congratulations on that 1st step buddy . Adam. (*8*)
 
You did nothing wrong! You've apologized, so there's nothing else you should do. If he doesn't want to talk to you, so be it. You don't need him!
 
You've learned your first gay lesson young Padawan. Closeted guys are flaky. Stay away.

^^QFT

It would be so much easier if someone would write a book called, "101 Things Every 18 Year Old Gay Guy Should Know". It would save us all a lot of confusion and heartache.

You've learned several lessons very quickly.

There are places that gay guys hang out to socialize. There are places that gay guys hang out to meet other gay guys. There are places that gay guys hang out to get laid. Learning the difference is part of the process.


Two more lessons to learn:

Don't waste valuable time trying to figure out head cases, immature boys and the actions of relative strangers. It's seldom worth it. Focus on the people who matter in your life.

Decide what you want. Don't settle for less.
 
welcome to JUB.

I dont know much about grindr but Im guessing he thought you were there to check him out & freaked. and since you were there with others of course EVERYONE at the table knew he was a big homo. closet cases are a special group. a lot of them are extremely paranoid that any little occurrence in every day life is going to expose their secret. Ive known & dated a few myself. the things we had to do to avoid detection were ridiculous.

just move on. you apologized and explained what happened. anything further would appear creepy/stalkerish. Id delete his contact info so a mistake wouldn't happen again. that includes his facebook. he knows how to find you if hes interested.

go and find someone that is comfortable with who they are. both of you will be much happier and you will have a better relationship. it wont take you long.

Steven
 
Lolz, I'm trying that app you tried. It's kind of nice. XD Very instant....
 
Welcome. You didn't do anything wrong. He just got scared when he saw you walk in. I'd try once more in Facebook explaining the entire situation. Let him know you're in the closet and that you are looking for a friend. Then forget about it. The ball will be in his court and if he doesn't respond let it go.

I'm glad you posted.
 
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