I’ve been a long-time lurker, but I would like to see what advice you guys would have here. Please bear with me, this is probably going to be a long post, but thanks in advance for reading it.
To cut the big stuff out, I had feelings that I was gay when I was 14. I just graduated from a New England Boarding school (I’m 19 now, repeated a year there to get the entire curriculum), and midway through my senior year there, I couldn’t hold back the truth anymore (especially after seeing out winter play, The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told). I started to come out to most of my close friends. They were very supportive and I was very appreciative. I had one very close friend who would help me through all of the feelings that were going through my head, especially when I heard that a leak had gotten through to the 330+ student body. He was really helpful and reaped all the benefits he could from having a gay best friend. I was prepared for the possible backlash, but nothing came even though people told me the entire school knew. When I saw the opportunity, I spoke at two schools through an organization named Boston PFLAG, one of them my own, about my experience coming out, but more importantly, about what happened between me and my mom. When I spoke at my own school about coming out, I thought it was already known because of what some people told me. But actually I was coming out to the entire school for the first time there (that fact, I found out the day after). Nevertheless, I did it, and I’m glad I did because people did tell me that it would leave a lasting impression on the school that would make it a bit safer, even after I left.
Onto the task at hand, thank goodness I was away at school when I felt I had to tell my mom. It was the Monday after Easter, 10:30 at night. I called her and told her due to a pressure I still can't explain to this day, two months later. She was in complete disbelief, said things like “you’re just testing my reactions, and you’ll probably call me in a few weeks and tell me the real truth.” Or that she was in a dream. I kept telling her it was the reality, and she said that she still loved me, “BUT.” That “BUT” was a bit too huge for me. After I hung up, she tried calling me back, but I was texting my friends who I previously told to let them know of the step I took. It did look like I shut my phone off, but that was not the case. In any measure, I picked up the phone and she said she saw this in a dream. Whatever was what I thought, I knew there was a part of her love that died then anyway. I tried to go to classes the next day and failed miserably. I left the school for two days (I stayed in our health center), and I got myself back together. But I didn’t talk to her for a week. Our main health counselor talked to her to ease the pain. I didn’t call her until I had a reason to.
3 weeks later, she comes up to the school because I was receiving a diversity award. I was dreading the day. She came up, was happy to see me, acted like nothing happened. After the ceremony, we had a conversation that lasted a good hour and 15 minutes. She told me very candidly all of the things she was going through those two days that I was out of school. She was upset, blaming everything, trying to find some explanation. Even mentioned a passing thought if my deceased father was a closeted homosexual (that scared me). We came to the conclusion that she still doesn’t accept it as a reality, but at the very least she was able to say “I love you.” With no but after it. I didn’t feel any better after the conversation. I relied on my friends and my teachers who supported me through my diminishing time there. A month later, I graduated, and now I’m home with her. I’m trying to live like I always have, but it’s quite obvious that things have changed between me and her. My cousin was staying with us for a week, and she talked to him about it (he’s the first person I told). He told me to stop shutting my mom out. Except I haven’t talked about it to her because she hasn’t asked. We're talking like we always have, except with an underlying sense that something is still wrong between us. I have to stay another 4 weeks here before I have to go up to college for a summer program, and that without all of my friends who were supporting me. I want this month to be as smooth as possible. I don’t really know how to approach talking about this with her especially because when we had that conversation, she tried to ask me how I knew I was gay and failed in understanding what I told her. I finally have unrestricted access to this site as well, so now I can keep up with you guys if you have any advice on the situation. Currently, I’m single, and I like it that way, but I don’t know what to do about my mom to be honest.
Just a bit more info for you guys: I had a relationship that lasted two months of the summer before I went to the boarding school, so I have just a bit of experience there but it probably wasn't enough. I’ve been lambasted under every derogatory gay term you can think of while staying silent by others just being ignorant, but was able to actually call someone out on it after I came out at my school. I tried my best to hide the fact I was gay around the dorms at my school so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable, before and after coming out. I will try and ease my way into another relationship if it comes about, but I’m not going out to find one just for the sake of having one. I honestly don’t plan on coming back home and living with my mom unless I absolutely have to from now on. I am glad to be going into a completely new environment, college, so I can start over being openly gay. But before that, it's the relationship between me and my mom that I'm worried about.
To cut the big stuff out, I had feelings that I was gay when I was 14. I just graduated from a New England Boarding school (I’m 19 now, repeated a year there to get the entire curriculum), and midway through my senior year there, I couldn’t hold back the truth anymore (especially after seeing out winter play, The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told). I started to come out to most of my close friends. They were very supportive and I was very appreciative. I had one very close friend who would help me through all of the feelings that were going through my head, especially when I heard that a leak had gotten through to the 330+ student body. He was really helpful and reaped all the benefits he could from having a gay best friend. I was prepared for the possible backlash, but nothing came even though people told me the entire school knew. When I saw the opportunity, I spoke at two schools through an organization named Boston PFLAG, one of them my own, about my experience coming out, but more importantly, about what happened between me and my mom. When I spoke at my own school about coming out, I thought it was already known because of what some people told me. But actually I was coming out to the entire school for the first time there (that fact, I found out the day after). Nevertheless, I did it, and I’m glad I did because people did tell me that it would leave a lasting impression on the school that would make it a bit safer, even after I left.
Onto the task at hand, thank goodness I was away at school when I felt I had to tell my mom. It was the Monday after Easter, 10:30 at night. I called her and told her due to a pressure I still can't explain to this day, two months later. She was in complete disbelief, said things like “you’re just testing my reactions, and you’ll probably call me in a few weeks and tell me the real truth.” Or that she was in a dream. I kept telling her it was the reality, and she said that she still loved me, “BUT.” That “BUT” was a bit too huge for me. After I hung up, she tried calling me back, but I was texting my friends who I previously told to let them know of the step I took. It did look like I shut my phone off, but that was not the case. In any measure, I picked up the phone and she said she saw this in a dream. Whatever was what I thought, I knew there was a part of her love that died then anyway. I tried to go to classes the next day and failed miserably. I left the school for two days (I stayed in our health center), and I got myself back together. But I didn’t talk to her for a week. Our main health counselor talked to her to ease the pain. I didn’t call her until I had a reason to.
3 weeks later, she comes up to the school because I was receiving a diversity award. I was dreading the day. She came up, was happy to see me, acted like nothing happened. After the ceremony, we had a conversation that lasted a good hour and 15 minutes. She told me very candidly all of the things she was going through those two days that I was out of school. She was upset, blaming everything, trying to find some explanation. Even mentioned a passing thought if my deceased father was a closeted homosexual (that scared me). We came to the conclusion that she still doesn’t accept it as a reality, but at the very least she was able to say “I love you.” With no but after it. I didn’t feel any better after the conversation. I relied on my friends and my teachers who supported me through my diminishing time there. A month later, I graduated, and now I’m home with her. I’m trying to live like I always have, but it’s quite obvious that things have changed between me and her. My cousin was staying with us for a week, and she talked to him about it (he’s the first person I told). He told me to stop shutting my mom out. Except I haven’t talked about it to her because she hasn’t asked. We're talking like we always have, except with an underlying sense that something is still wrong between us. I have to stay another 4 weeks here before I have to go up to college for a summer program, and that without all of my friends who were supporting me. I want this month to be as smooth as possible. I don’t really know how to approach talking about this with her especially because when we had that conversation, she tried to ask me how I knew I was gay and failed in understanding what I told her. I finally have unrestricted access to this site as well, so now I can keep up with you guys if you have any advice on the situation. Currently, I’m single, and I like it that way, but I don’t know what to do about my mom to be honest.
Just a bit more info for you guys: I had a relationship that lasted two months of the summer before I went to the boarding school, so I have just a bit of experience there but it probably wasn't enough. I’ve been lambasted under every derogatory gay term you can think of while staying silent by others just being ignorant, but was able to actually call someone out on it after I came out at my school. I tried my best to hide the fact I was gay around the dorms at my school so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable, before and after coming out. I will try and ease my way into another relationship if it comes about, but I’m not going out to find one just for the sake of having one. I honestly don’t plan on coming back home and living with my mom unless I absolutely have to from now on. I am glad to be going into a completely new environment, college, so I can start over being openly gay. But before that, it's the relationship between me and my mom that I'm worried about.
