am I seriously the only one? -_-

[birddog7]

Dude, if your orientation is curious, then I'm guessing you're young. No need to hurry falling in love.

I'll be 52 in 3 months...

 

[Kahaih]

I agree with this.

Doesn't bother me in the least. I have a monogamous relationship, and I'm fully supportive of people who have healthy, honest, non-monogamous relationships. There's a guy on here with a wife and a boyfriend; they all seem happy, they all know. Their relationship makes sense to me even if I want a different kind.

The one I don't get is how people can fuck strangers, but would never accept an open relationship. If you can fuck strangers, fuck them with someone you love. Even then, I wish them well, but I can't say it makes sense to me.

This is interesting news.

I didn't know the wife and boyfriend had JUB accounts.

What names do they go by, and which JUB forums do they frequent most?

Or, perhaps you know them personally, or have talked to them elsewhere?

 

[Kahaih]

Either commit to someone fully or have the balls to walk away.

Those in "open" relationships piss me off as well.

Not long ago, there was a couple JUBbers who claimed (one continuously demanded) to be in a happy 'open relationship', and used to be quite visible on the forum.

One, the older, was a vulgar, overbearing, loudmouth who probably had a stack of JUB infractions, and might even have been permanently banned because of his awful behavior.

The other, a well-mannered and somewhat delicate young man was seeing a therapist twice a week . . . . .

They didn't seem like a good mix, or a happy couple, to me.

 

[eastofeden]

Damn...
I'm sorry that you were cheated on.
I must however ask:

Were you not hurt? I would be hurt. Upset. I would want to be angry.
I would want to strike back too. Not by cheating but physical action more likely. Punching him or something.
And then I would be ashamed of it.

You must be really a strong person if you could put your own pain aside to help your love fix his problem, but I'm not sure I could do it.
Ho were you able to do so?
Was it the the love that you felt towards him or was it your own personality that helped you through this?

Well...I felt very secure in the knowledge that he loved me when he told me and I was actually honored that he respected me enough to tell me about it. I know what a difficult thing that was for him to do.

I was a little bit hurt I guess but once I understood where he was coming from I only felt compassion for him and wanted to help him overcome his circumstances and heal himself. The thing is...I loved him unconditionally...then and now... and when that happens it can pretty much give you the strength of character to face anything. Love is very powerful force.

Just so you know...I didn't magically turn out that way. I learned along the way. The best thing I had going for me was that I paid attention and grew from my experiences and I listened to people who I knew were alot wiser than I was.

I remember one boyfriend I had when I was 21...only for maybe 3 weeks...but I was "in love"...and I found out he went to this party and ended up with this guy who had also been chasing me...and my whole stomach and chest were on fire and it hurt so bad I could barely stand it...and I cried non stop for maybe three days...I think it took a week for my chest to stop hurting and let it all sink in. When I was ready I began to process it...what works best for me is to put myself in the other person's shoes. As soon as I did that..I told myself he just wasn't that into me...I try to be brutally honest with myself when I can...and that hurt as well...until it didn't. The realization that I wasn't into alot of people who liked me as well really helped me get outside of myself and my pain and put it in perspective...and it helped me grow.

 

[SaskGuy]

There's two sides to every story.
The fact that they married, or are in a relationship with a woman shows what kind of society they live in. They were pressured into being with a woman, but they still have needs that must be met. At least, that's the case with some gay guys who are married to women.
They're incredibly unhappy, and their lives are a complete mess. Things get even worse from there when there's children involved. All they've wanted since puberty is company with another guy, and they can't even have that because of all the rampant homophobia.

I'm sorry if this offended anyone, but I just don't think it's right to judge someone, especially if you don't know the whole story.

 

[Cafe69]

Speaking for myself...if the shoe doesn't fit you don't put it on.

Ive been cheated on pretty fucking bad and I would call myself being strong when I kicked his ass to the curb. Every cheater does not deserve forgiveness. Im sorry about you partner's abuse and I guess you felt like he was being attacked here. You chose to forgive him & that is fine. You condemn being judgemental but that is exactly what you are doing. Let people feel what they want. Everyone is not going to choose the road that you went down.

 

[sixthson]

So you aren't committed to this current partner either.
Another mockery of a relationship.

Agreed. I think you call what he has as a relationship-lite.

 

[Cafe69]

We did have the most incredible sex last night. Somehow, he was more into it than usual, giving me the most intense orgasm in a while. And I mean it was really really intense. That was right after I asked him again, too LOL.

Maybe he is trying hard to please you because he is tired of you constantly asking to do other guys.

 

[kindabikindagay]

That is one reason people "cheat"....a common one actually...there are so many others.....a little bit of empathy goes a long way.

That is far from a common reason.. most cheaters are selfish pricks.. yes I get the people who have issues committing because of their past and I am not exactly saying YOU CHEAT, YOU ARE FOREVER A CRAP PERSON. I know people sometimes have gone through extreme issues in the past, that doesn't excuse it, but it explains it. and fine I get your point about every story having two sides. Thank you for your input and sorry if I sounded like I was attacking you x.X

 

[refujiunderground]

Not to accuse anyone, but you know the ex I had that cheated on me multiple times and caught std's twice and then tried to set up this elaborate plan to blame me for the std the second time he caught it? You sound exactly like him.

When we dated, he went on and on about how open relationships suck and monogamy was so great. At the time, I thought he kept telling me this because of my past. He knew all the guys I slept with.

The point is if you are secure enough about your monogamous tendencies, then there's no need to be outraged at those who don't agree with you.

Another thing is why do people like you think you have monopoly over the word "committed"? Commitment comes in many forms and colors.

If you choose to be committed by never looking at another man, then god bless you go for it. If you choose to be committed by hiding your lusts for other guys from your partner, again may the lord look upon you with blessings and riches.

I choose to be committed to my boyfriend by being honest with him and giving him the ultimate say in what I'm going to do. Took him some time to get used to it, but once he realized that he has that much power over me he's been fine with it ever since.

I ask. He says no. I don't do it.

I see an attractive guy. I ask him if I could fool around with that guy. =If(says yes, go for it, leave it at that) .... for those who knows excel.

Relationships come in all forms and sizes. The only constant is if you want to make the journey enjoyable or if you want to make it a miserable trip.

no, he's right.

if you know that you might have a problem staying committed in a relationship, why get yourself involved in one? you asking if it's okay to sleep with whoever with your boyfriend's permission only says that you don't take the relationship seriously. you even said it yourself.

one thing that i noticed from your whole bullshit statement is that NOT ONCE have you talked about your partner and if they could do the same thing that you're doing where you would allow them to fuck whoever with your permission. apparently, judging from what you said in this thread, they can't do the same thing that you're doing because it would be disrespectful and cheating yet you think you're not doing the same thing because you asked them if you could do it.

good luck to you though. no wonder why you end up in the shit that you do though and then front like you're innocent as if you don't set yourself up for it.

 

[refujiunderground]

Are you kidding? I think I've said on here a dozen times now that I always tell my partners they can do whatever they want. Just be honest with me about it.

And what exactly the shit that I'm in? I don't think I've ever had such a stable period in my life like now.

Again, not everyone adheres to the same attitude about relationship.

And so what if you guys talk a lot about commitment and all of that? As I said before, the first time I tried the whole monogamy thing that was with my ex. He talked exactly the way you guys do. And we know how that turned out.

With my current b/f, you could say I'm giving monogamy another try. So far so good. We couldn't be any happier. I've told my boyfriend before that if he sees someone he really likes he can go for it. I don't mind. It's his firm choice not to, though. And it's also his firm choice not to let me. We're pretty stable and happy right now.

I'm trying to join the engineering team that will go south in a few months to build a dam down there. If I get that job, I will have to relocate to the south. I've already talked to my boyfriend about it and he's agreed to relocate with me. That's how serious we are. He's ready to drop everything to move with me.

Again, I don't get this one-size-fits-all attitude that people have about relationship. If you have to keep talking loudly about how a relationship should be, especially for other people, then I question your security about your belief in your own words.

what is your definition of a relationship, man? you say that you're in a serious relationship but yet you're putting your own twists on things and your boyfriends are apparently confused by it as well. are you sure you're on the same page with your boyfriends? maybe the reason why your relationships don't work is because you're basically sending mixed messages to your boyfriends about what your relationship is. maybe you should ask your boyfriend what a relationship is and see if you and him are on the same page before you find yourself all heartbroke again.

 

[peeonme]

...I don't see why anyone would take issue if you haven't done anything. If anything, I have compassion for you because you've put your own life on hold to help others.

We're talking about the stereotypical douche who makes it a point to say he's married so that he can attract gay moths to a light. As if there is something sexy about dicking around on someone who trusts you.

I guess people using terms like scum to describe those who have not told their partners that they are gay kind of pulled my chain, read the first 2 posts of this thread, tbh, I feel like I am back in church, being judged.

 

[refujiunderground]

Um, it's not an open relationship. Neither of us have seen anyone else since we started dating. That's not how an open relationship works.

And how is asking him pushing it on him? I'm giving him an option. If he doesn't want it, then it's up to him. I don't care either way. And when I ask him, he can say yes or no. Again, I don't care either way.

He is a gorgeous young man. We went to the bar the other night, and like every time we've been to those places he was drawing attention without doing anything. Based on my experience, a guy like him could pretty much get anyone he wants. And he's shown absolutely no interest in anyone else. And I'm pretty sure I didn't win him over with my looks LOL. So I must be doing something right.

Anyway, the point is our relationship isn't going strong because I'm screaming off the top of my lungs that I don't see anyone else. Our relationship is going strong because we can trust each other fully. If he says no, I will never pursue it. And he knows it. That's trust.

And again, I'm telling you now, you sound exactly like my ex. Even before I started dating him, he was always telling people his firm belief in commitment and all that good stuff. And he always criticized people who think the way I do. So, I'm guessing you're also cheating as well. You just don't want to admit it.

either you're trolling or you're confused. what you described is an open relationship where you both can see other people while you two are together. the only difference is that you two are asking each other for permission before you go ahead with what you want to do. if you can't handle sticking with just him, why even bother? have you ever wondered how your boyfriend feels whenever you ask him if you could go fuck someone else? don't you think that if you keep on asking him the same damn question that he'll eventually think that you don't value their relationship if he keeps telling you NO? if i were you, i would stop sending mixed signals because then you're only shooting yourself in the foot. maybe you should treat your relationship more seriously. if your boyfriend doesn't agree with the whole open relationship thing, stop pushing it to him.

and you say you can fully trust each other yet you're letting him know that you aren't satisified with only him which is why you keep asking if you can sleep with other people. geez, you really want to be lonely later on in life huh?

 

[kindabikindagay]

There's two sides to every story.
The fact that they married, or are in a relationship with a woman shows what kind of society they live in. They were pressured into being with a woman, but they still have needs that must be met. At least, that's the case with some gay guys who are married to women.
They're incredibly unhappy, and their lives are a complete mess. Things get even worse from there when there's children involved. All they've wanted since puberty is company with another guy, and they can't even have that because of all the rampant homophobia.

I'm sorry if this offended anyone, but I just don't think it's right to judge someone, especially if you don't know the whole story.

First of all don't just think about it from the closet gay's perspective. think of it from his wife's too.. she might be deeply in love with him and think there's a connection but in the end he's lying to her and sure, he might love her as a person but he can't love her as a partner. It isn't fair to his wife, or even his children if he has any.

Another thing is that if you're being 'pressured' into getting married, it's not even a real marriage then.. whether straight or gay, being forced into a relationship means the entire thing was based on absolute bullshit and in most cases leaves either one or both partners extremely unhappy.

Honesty goes a long way to help people, it might hurt them a lot but the truth DOES set you free.. Assuming the person has a conscience, telling a lie after another after another is a huge burden to carry around.. But telling the people you love the truth will show you who really loves you and who doesn't.. Like for example, I've told my best friend that I was bisexual and I knew for a fact that he was a little bit of a homophobe.. he still supported me and told me that nothing would change.. and we're even better friends now than ever before..

 

[kindabikindagay]

Again, I don't get this one-size-fits-all attitude that people have about relationship. If you have to keep talking loudly about how a relationship should be, especially for other people, then I question your security about your belief in your own words.

I think I said this earlier but I'm gonna repeat. Look, I don't judge people's relationships. If a person is in a relationship where they sleep around and the partner KNOWS and is fine with it, then sure, have fun, good luck and stay safe. but I'm talking about cheating.. meaning betraying the trust your partner has for you.. like you 2 agreed to a monogamous relationship and then you break the trust by sleeping with another. That's what I'm talking about not what the preset agreements were because that's not my problem

 

[kindabikindagay]

I'm telling you now, you sound exactly like my ex. Even before I started dating him, he was always telling people his firm belief in commitment and all that good stuff. And he always criticized people who think the way I do. So, I'm guessing you're also cheating as well. You just don't want to admit it.

stop comparing us to your ex, he was clearly playing you when he told you he's committed. when we say we hate cheaters here on a public forum where pretty much nobody knows each other, we're being honest. it's not like everyone here is trying to get each others' digits and hook up so we have no reason to lie.. you keep telling us we're like your ex it's really starting to piss me off.. I'm never going to cheat on a person I love, ever, and I'm definitely gonna fight against cheating. and I'm pretty sure the other people here feel the same way.

 

[kindabikindagay]

I guess people using terms like scum to describe those who have not told their partners that they are gay kind of pulled my chain, read the first 2 posts of this thread, tbh, I feel like I am back in church, being judged.

woaaah there buddy, you're not scum for not coming out to your parents. I completely get where you're coming from and the first few posts were about cheating mate. sorry if I made you feel like crap



edit: omg I'm so sorry guys I take up too much space D: 4 post!! I'll definitely try to make them all in one next time! so sorry!

 

[peeonme]

woaaah there buddy, you're not scum for not coming out to your parents. I completely get where you're coming from and the first few posts were about cheating mate. sorry if I made you feel like crap



edit: omg I'm so sorry guys I take up too much space D: 4 post!! I'll definitely try to make them all in one next time! so sorry!

Sorry I have been in a down mood lately, everything seems to set me off. I do read a lot of posts on jub and elsewhere that put down guys like me, I don't like cheaters, I kind of hate myself for even thinking of it, again, didn't mean to have a melt down.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Doesn't bother me in the least. I have a monogamous relationship, and I'm fully supportive of people who have healthy, honest, non-monogamous relationships.

I don't get them, to be honest.

Having had the odd falling out with JUBbers who do practice the open relationship, it always struck me as odd how many of them insisted a relationship was open right from the start of that relationship. It seemed to me that they never ever gave their own relationship the benefit of the doubt, and certainly not a fair chance of monogamous success. Also, in a couple of the cases, it seemed like one of the pair went along with the idea simply to please the other; that just reeked of exploitation from the one side and lack of self-esteem to the point of desperation from the other.

Just my take on the subject, mind. Having said all that, the guy with the wife and boyfriend on here does seem like his situation is win-win-win and everyone is happy, so... not sure I could pull it off, though.

-d-

 

[kindabikindagay]

Sorry I have been in a down mood lately, everything seems to set me off. I do read a lot of posts on jub and elsewhere that put down guys like me, I don't like cheaters, I kind of hate myself for even thinking of it, again, didn't mean to have a melt down.

ignore the ya big lug part

Um, I wasn't talking to you. Why is that important? Because I agree with you 100%. But again, I wasn't talking to you, so there's really no disagreement between the two of us.

When I said "you guys", I was talking to the two white happy face with big red smiley lips that I've been conversing with, whom opinion I deeply respect.

sorry mate