An Unwanted Bromance (sorry, long post)

[KaraBulut]

Want some simple advice? How about you be "real" with him instead of using him and then complaining about him behind his back. Why the hell don't people talk about things to each other if something is going on. Grow up and have a real friend conversation with him, unless of course you are getting off on this(which I think is partly the case, anyone took my underwear would have heard about it immediately). Talk to him.

^^^^^

 

[rareboy]

^ What he said.

 

[Romantico]

*sigh* I just love these people who come to the conversation late, offer up advice when the post is already 2 pages into it, and THEN offer up what they would do and pass judgment. With all do respect, at this point I'm not looking for advice and I think NOW people are getting into the drama and just talking out of their ass.

I have been honest and WILL be confront him if things get to the point where I feel I need to. All this took me and my GF by surprise. This is why I posted it on the forum. I didn't know what to do. I'm sure I would react to it different if it were to happen again. If this were a total stranger it would have been easier to just cut him off but he is the boyfriend of one of my GF's best friends. It needs to be handled with a tad more care. You don't just go and tell your best friend that her boyfriend has stolen a pair of men's underwear. I got some great advice from those who actually do care. Don't insult me and pretend you have my best interest at heart. People who offer advice do it to look out for someone. Your posting advice for your own benefit and not mine. People are only now chiming in making judgments for all the wrong reasons. It so they can feel good about themselves and bitch just because they can, which I find pathetic. I admitted from early on I and my GF were partially using him because lets face it, good help is hard to find. He does great work, he is not charging us a lot, and I rally do think he wants to be friends. We both felt some guilt over it but things have dwindled down over the past couple weeks. When I posted this I had only known him for about 2 or3 weeks. A lot has happened since then and if some had bothered to read they would know, which shows your advice is not sincere. Listening is required when giving advice. (Not a very good 'therapist'!)

As for me getting off on this just shows you know nothing about me, the situation, or even the post. You have come into this when its mostly resolved making comments about things you know nothing about. What a dumb things to say! Getting off on it? My GF read that and asked why the hell is this guy even responding? What kind of advice are you giving? Your not listening or helping.

Things are going well. The problem is under control and I know if something does happen I'll figure it out on my own. Al lot of helpful advice has been offered and I thank those who responded. Then again there are those who have come into this rather late who just can not resist offering their own advice to the situation who, I guarantee is not offering it to be helpful. These types are the worst to go to in a real crisis.

 

[rareboy]

*sigh* The only reason that it has caught the attention of others is that it has been sprung from solitary confinement and is now in back in gen pop. Most people probably ignored the forum it was in before.

So welcome.

You may not want or need advice anymore. But for others who are reading the thread, anyone is entitled to offer an opinion....late to the game or not.

If you don't want any more reaction...don't post rebuttal after rebuttal....or use phrases like ' talking out of their ass.'

 

[Romantico]

Anyone who read the posts can clearly see their advice is more or less the same that has been written. Some just thrive on this sort of stuff. In my case, if they just read my post and the responses from others they would see that their advice is nothing new. Sure, they can post it. Feel free to do so but don't be surprised if I counter that post with one of my own. There was no listening or reading here. They were too busy hearing only themselves. Some just get off judging the situation without having all the facts. This make them feel superior. Its actually sad.

This situation is not black or white. I have since starting this post, really had the chance to get to know this guy. He loves to talk and is more friendly than most my friends. I've learned about his family, his childhood, and his past relationships. All of this I have not mentioned in my post because its irrelevant. So, when someone decides to come in an offer advice, great. But when they start judging and claiming I am getting off on this, it brings nothing to the conversation but hostility.

This guy is a good contractor and he knows what he doing and does great work. He is someone I am getting to know and learn more about. He's a good listener and really seems to enjoy helping out plus he and his GF need the extra cash. So, we are both getting some out of this.We also have a lot in common and if he is bisexual, there will be even more. If you bothered to read my posts you would also learn I was making an observation about how heterosexual guys seem to think knowing a bisexual or homosexual guy gives them permission to flirt and more or less come on to you. When I started this post thats what I thought was happening. Well, since then a lot has changed. I know he is not heterosexual and I know he likes me. At first I was not certain about either.

As for you claiming I don't want a reaction, thats not true. I welcome advice from those who are genuine and have sincere intentions. Don't insult me or any of the other posters and claim these comments were meant as friendly helpful advice. I just think those who have nothing to offer to this but insults had better be prepared to have those insults shoved back in their face. I get along with 99% of the posters here and think JUB is awesome. I don't come here as much as I use to, but I still enjoy the people.(most of them that is)

 

[andy12]

Yeah, underwear thieves need talking to...

 

[Romantico]

Well, I feel I really can't go into every detail just because it may get boring and loose people's interest. When I say I know he is not heterosexual I am saying this with my gut feelings and instincts. If I were to go into all the things he has told me and that I and my girlfriend has seen, I think anyone here would say the same thing. He is either gay or bi, in my and my GF's opinion.

We spent the day with him today and he is very different when my GF is around but at the same time he is becoming more and more laid back and I believe sharing more with 'us' rather than just 'me' these days. He is still very forward, flirty, and attentive around me but he seems to be doing something similar around my GF now. She is a very good listener and a hard person not to like so maybe he is seeing what I see in her. I really think he is trying to bring some stuff to the surface but is afraid to do so. This is why I would rather not rush him and get to confrontational. If he is confused he needs to open up and come out on his own terms. I think he is gradually opening up and showing some trust here. We also think his GF has to know way more than she is letting on.

Anyways, thanks for your interest and your responses.

 

[Romantico]

What a sweetie! Thanks!

 

[tmb1]

Oh Romantico, poor dear Romantico. In case you haven't noticed, there are "years old" threads on here where people get caught up on reading them and then offer advice. If you don't want anymore advice and are done with it, request to close the thread. Sorry you can't handle someone finally calling you out on how you have(not) handled the situation. You judge this guy when you should be looking at yourself. The mature thing to do would be to just you and him sit down and talk about your concerns and get it all out in the open(probably even admitting to him why you have not wanted to lose his help). Now that would be "late" advice, but it is not close to something you have done (but it is exactly what you should do.( If you poopoo this as me being judgemental and late to the situation, then you didn't really want advice, you just wanted approval for the way you were handling it(and blog-girlfriends to gossip to about it). Grow up!

 

[tmb1]

He is lucky to have y'all as friends. Sounds like you both care.

Yah, real lucky to have people who make fun of him behind his back and don't REALLY talk to him like TRUE friends do.

 

[Romantico]

Puh-lease! Why would I request this thread closed? Calling me out? Oh darling, get over yourself and your "no one can be as smart as me" attitude! You come into the conversation and accuse me of getting off on the attention and then act pissy when I respond to your senseless rant. If you bothered to read my post and the other responses you and anyone reading can clearly see I've done everything to avoid the attention. Your looking for drama and just started rambling without knowing WTF you were talking about.

The situation is not as easy as your little mind see's it. If the guy was really pushing it and being unbearable then I would have handled it and would not have asked for advice. The fact that the guy is confused, the boyfriend of my girlfriend's friend, and is actually a nice guy made it more complicated. Plus, I am getting an experienced contractor who knows what he is doing helping me out and I am helping him out giving him some extra $$$. So, on top of a personal relationship we have a work relationship as well. These are the details I am sure you skimmed over while trying to think of a bitchy response to make. I mean, are you telling me with a straight face your advice to me was genuine and sincere? No, it's obvious you were in a little bitch mood and you took it out on a message board. I can and have taken critical advice before and I will be the first to admit when I am wrong. I even said I have never been in a situation like this before and am sure looking back I would have done things different, so yeah I did make some mistakes. If you read my post(s) you would have caught that. So, seems like you grabbed onto the negative and overlooked the other stuff. Some people just feel better about themselves when they knock others down.

Next time read the post and try not to judge. I find it hard to take someone seriously who refuses to read and listen (and you seem like more of a Simon Barsinsiter type than an Underdog type!)

 

[tmb1]

Puh-lease! Why would I request this thread closed? Calling me out? Oh darling, get over yourself and your "no one can be as smart as me" attitude! You come into the conversation and accuse me of getting off on the attention and then act pissy when I respond to your senseless rant. If you bothered to read my post and the other responses you and anyone reading can clearly see I've done everything to avoid the attention. Your looking for drama and just started rambling without knowing WTF you were talking about.

The situation is not as easy as your little mind see's it. If the guy was really pushing it and being unbearable then I would have handled it and would not have asked for advice. The fact that the guy is confused, the boyfriend of my girlfriend's friend, and is actually a nice guy made it more complicated. Plus, I am getting an experienced contractor who knows what he is doing helping me out and I am helping him out giving him some extra $$$. So, on top of a personal relationship we have a work relationship as well. These are the details I am sure you skimmed over while trying to think of a bitchy response to make. I mean, are you telling me with a straight face your advice to me was genuine and sincere? No, it's obvious you were in a little bitch mood and you took it out on a message board. I can and have taken critical advice before and I will be the first to admit when I am wrong. I even said I have never been in a situation like this before and am sure looking back I would have done things different, so yeah I did make some mistakes. If you read my post(s) you would have caught that. So, seems like you grabbed onto the negative and overlooked the other stuff. Some people just feel better about themselves when they knock others down.

Next time read the post and try not to judge. I find it hard to take someone seriously who refuses to read and listen (and you seem like more of a Simon Barsinsiter type than an Underdog type!)

LOL! Funny reaction you got there buddy. Try reading what you wrote yourself. I totally stand by what I said, take it as you will(I am not surprised by your reaction just by what you said throughout the thread anyhow). To throw such a fit as you have over someone basically just telling you to be upfront and honest is quite telling. And to think you were trying to get us to think it was the other guy with the problems. Hilarious if it wasn't so sad. Ciao!

 

[Romantico]

Only thing I am throwing a fit over is your ignorance towards my situation. Your not the only one to tell me to be honest and upfront.Others have said the same and they have done it in a very compassionate and understanding manner. If you bothered to read my post you would know that. Every response you have made so far shows you haven't read anything. My whole problem was, it's not that simple. I go into why and how it is not as easy as you paint it. I know, I know. Your way is more dramatic and has more flare, which is what you seem to like.

Another fact you get wrong is this other guy who has the problem mentality. Trying to get others to think in your terms just shows your arrogance towards the situation. There are no sides to be taken in this matter.Only a drama queen like yourself would turn this into a black and white issue. A us vs. them game. The guy is very nice and we are getting to know him. I feel compassion towards anyone who is confused and trying to figure shit out. I can relate as I am sure most here can as well. Being as direct and forward really caught me by surprise. He was very aggresive but I am now realizing this guy is confused. I was in the same situation a few years back. For you to spin this and make it out as a good guy/bad guy game is really sick in my opinion. At 43 I assumed you would know better. If you bothered to read and know whats going on, things have progressed over the weeks. When I started this thread he wasn't a friend. I hardly knew him. So Underdog, you don't know what your talking about. You obviously have failed to read my posts yet you feel like you can pass judgments and make ignorant claims based on nothing more than your own clueless assumptions.

Apparently I struck a nerve with you. What is it sweetie? Not getting enough attention at home? You should not be giving advice on anything in my opinion. You have more or less shown by your remarks that you don't know what your talking about regarding my situation. I have praised this guy and am beginning to like him and you say I am trashing him because I have not handled it 'the way you would have' Dude, you have issues and your taking it out here. Next time read the post and make sure you know what the hell your talking about.

 

[tmb1]

Heeeelarious! From reading some of your posts and threads are you sure its not your character your girlfriends' parents are wary of and not your (convenient to blame) bisexuality?
Its funny how some people think that by admitting they are doing something wrong(using the guy), that it is still okay to have done and still do it. You go off on me when you are the one on here who is having the problem and not getting anywhere with your problem. But yet blame others when they aren't all nicey nice in how they talk to you. Quit crying, you haven't followed any advice that has helped you resolve the problem, but I will bet you are still getting your house fixed cheaply. Nuff said.

 

[Romantico]

Whoa, I'm impressed. You researching me. I am flattered. You seem to entertain yourself easily. Not getting anywhere with my problem? Dude, you really aren't listening. I said my situation has improved and things are working out great. This guy who I thought was a problems has actually turned out to be a nice guy. Your desperate for some drama to the point that your ignoring whats being said and just filling in your own blanks with soap opera-esque scenarios.

Yes, I am having work done at a reasonable price. I can't wait to hear your theory on this one. You'll say I am taking advantage even though you don't have the facts(this guy set the price FYI) Your now making comments about my GF's parent's? Dude, what your doing is taking the opposite side on my problem not based on facts or the situation but just because I have struck some sort of nerve with you. Maybe your use to getting the last word in or you just don't play nice with those who challenge you or throw back what you spew. This just shows your not rational at all or fair. I'll say it again, you shouldn't be giving advice to anyone.

You don't know what your talking about. Your making judgments on things you don't have all the facts on. Your ignoring things I have posted and making accusations based on nothing but your own imagination. I have listened to those who have given thoughtful advice and it's why this problem is more or less solved. I still think a talk is coming but I don;t think it's going to be as serious or to the tone it could have been, especially if I listened to you.

I'll say it again. Your advice was more of a bitch rant. Your intentions were not sincere nor was your advice meant to be helpful. You had a bad day and it seems to be "your thing". You love to argue and pick fights (your Hillary vs. Obama rants are just sad. You engage in bullying not debating.Yes, I researched you too!)

I'm posting with a smile however I don't find it hilarious. I find it just sad. If I see something and I have nothing thoughtful to bring to the post, I'll ignore it. Why post something mean spirited and cruel that is not genuine or sincere? Of course, I don't have issues and am a pretty happy guy."Nuff Said!"

 

[tmb1]

Oh, snap. Yah, blame me for your problems. I have issues and am having a bad day according to you, but you were the one having the problem and started this thread.
"My GF or I have no idea how to handle this one." this is what you stated in your first post. Well even though it was "late" my first post here seemed appropriate and not overly harsh or judgemental or ranting. To refresh here is what it said:

Want some simple advice? How about you be "real" with him instead of using him and then complaining about him behind his back. Why the hell don't people talk about things to each other if something is going on. Grow up and have a real friend conversation with him, unless of course you are getting off on this(which I think is partly the case, anyone took my underwear would have heard about it immediately). Talk to him.


Kinda "tough love", but nothing mean spirited intended. If you found that harsh and "wrong" advice" please don't have kids, cuz this is what you should tell them in any life situation where honesty and conversation are needed. And don't take that as bitchy, it is heartfelt. Do you think you are perfect?(I don't think I am either). Do you think you have acted totally right in your situation. If no, then quit blaming me and focus on yourself. Just because advice comes off as rough doesn't make it wrong. And going off on me to make yourself feel better does nothing but make me feel bad(and I doubt, really, that it makes you feel good.)


I must have really struck a nerve for you to have "researched" me so extensively(I have only read some of yours in passing, no "researching" here) I am proud of my support of Obama. Because this election means so much, I have been watching very carefully what is going on. To have watched Hillary turn into a lying, do anything to win candidate both saddened and disturbed me. Thank God Obama is there so we won't have her or McCain in the White House.

No hard feelings man. We should just all try to be good people to each other.
Peace-Todd

 

[Romantico]

Well Todd, get over yourself. I'm not blaming you for my problems and I don't see where I said that or even hinted at such a thing.If I don't take your advice than I shouldn't have kids? WTF? Who said anything about kids?

You Wrote:

"If you found that harsh and "wrong" advice" please don't have kids, cuz this is what you should tell them in any life situation where honesty and conversation are needed."

Um, I disagree Todd. As I said (if you bothered to read) if I took your "heartfelt" advice the situation would be a mess by now. I am all for honesty and my GF and I have a strong relationship because of it. However, I refuse to subscribe to your thinking that if I find your advice wrong or harsh that I should not have children. I stated this post because it was not as simple as you like to paint it. There were many factors to be considered however, as I have stated before if things got dicey and he misbehaved to the point where I could not ignore it, I would have not hesitated for a minute.

You Wrote:

"And don't take that as bitchy, it is heartfelt. Do you think you are perfect? Do you think you have acted totally right in your situation. If no, then quit blaming me and focus on yourself."

I have said twice today already that in hindsight I would have done it a little different. Again, PLEASE try and pay attention. Your too busy hearing yourself only and your missing out on the details and your coming across as just an arrogant angry poster who has nothing to bring to the conversation but her bitchy diva commentary. Your saying I blamed you for something. Not true. Must be the voices in your head because I'm not blaming anyone for anything.

Heartfelt? PUH-LEASE! Um, girlfriend you know as well as I it wasn't heartfelt. You said I was getting off on all the attention. Anyone who has read the post and are aware of my concerns knows that is not true. Heartfelt? LOL! Yeah, right!

Well Todd, I'm not going to talk politics with you because your the type who doesn't talk politics. If anyone is against Obama we know what you think of them. God forbid anyone like Hillary or McCaine. What would you say? What tall tales would you manufacture? You'll bully us all into falling for your candidate or else. Go play that game in the politics forum. I won't take the bait.

Right, so are we done for now? How do we wrap this up? After all that I say something like " No hard feelings man. We should just all try to be good people to each other."

Is that it? Did I get it right? Is that how it's played? I'm trying by your rules so if I am rusty, you'll have to forgive me.

Peace -Romantico-

 

[Providence]

Wow... I'm not a moderator so I shouldn't really get involved but relax guys!

Romantico, when people usually post here, they're looking for advice. Even if it's an old thread and people respond to it pretty late and the advice isn't as helpful as it could've been earlier, there's no need to bicker amongst people who are trying to help you. Though I admit, tmb1's tough love was a little too tough.

tmb1, I can understand your frustration at not getting the best response from someone you're trying to offer advice to but to be fair, your advice honestly doesnt look as heartfelt and sincere as you claim it to be in a third person perspective. Dont get too worked up over it. You tried to help, if the person you're offering help to no longer wants it just move on. There's no reason to get worked up over things.

Anyways, I do agree with tmb1 though that you should have a talk with this fellow.

 

[Romantico]

So much has progressed since my first post I think it's clear tmb1 skimmed over the initial post and didn't bother to follow up and see what has happened over the weeks leading to the present. Like I have said, a talk is obvious but the way it looks it will be initiated by him. If tmb1 was sincere with his 'advice' my attitude would have been appreciative. He was looking for drama and he got it. I think we both are 'very relaxed' and I believe you mean well.

 

[ejbonk]

Romantico just does not handle in your face stuff very well. But in his defence I admire the fact he does not ingnore it or back down from it.

As for Todd,He meant WellHe just was not very Diplomatic about it ,and took it way to personally.

Pease and love Boys. But,I did suggest a good Talking to awhile back.