Sob.
I actually started to cry writing this. Dunno why, you'll have to guess. This is complete fiction, but is also my worst nightmare. If I ever have a boyfriend and he leaves me, I don't know what I will do. It's something I will have to deal with if I come to it.
Chapter 17: Shopping.
I awoke in the morning very early. So early in fact, it was still dark. Brad slept in his room down the hall, so I didn’t have to worry about waking him when I moved. I silently moved around my room, getting ready. “Thank heaven it’s Winter.” I said to myself quietly, praising the coldest season which I loved. I checked the clock before I pulled a piece of notepad paper from the book by my phone line.
Dear Brad,
I’m stepping out to do a little bit of shopping. If you wake and find this note, I will be back at about ten-o’clock.
XX, Ben.
“Yes, that seems ok” I muttered, before sneaking into his room and putting it on his pillow. Thanking the architect who gave me concrete floors under the carpeting, I crept back out and headed downstairs.
I entered the elevator and pushed M1. The convenient thing about living in this building was the fact that each new building built around the base, no matter what direction, had a link to this tower if you were a resident. I exited the elevator carriage and walked down through the Mall to Goulburn Street, where I knew Cartier was located. Unsurprisingly, Goulburn Street was packed to the brim, even at this time. Like Manhattan, this city never slept either.
After making my careful purchase at Cartier, with the reassurance of the manager that I would be able to exchange it in case of a “dislike”, I left the store and made my way up a now-dead Goulburn Street. Making my way to the top, I stopped at my favorite juice bar to get some breakfast. I sat at a table and finished my juice, waiting for the Mall to officially open. I wouldn’t be able to get back inside my building for another ten minutes. By the time I had finished my juice, the momentary delay in the streets emptiness was over. It was Peak-Time from now until 9AM, so I darted across the street and into the Mall, heading back to my apartment.
<Brad>
I heard the key turn in the door as I was coming downstairs. I froze. I heard the door locks disarm. I unfroze. It was Ben. “You’re up early!” I called from the stairs. “Yeah, what some people do for shopping.” He was carrying a blank, white paper cardboard bag, with no logo. “What did you end up buying at this hour?” I asked, watching his face. A perfect poker face, absolutely no hint of anything else in his expression.
“A new video game I have been anticipating.” “Really?”
“Let’s play it!”
“Not now”
“Why not?” “Too early, I need some more sleep I think.”
I let it go after that, I wasn’t going to get anything out of him. I was just hoping that he hadn’t got anything for me. He was too generous, I had absolutely nothing to reciprocate with, and it annoyed me. He went back upstairs with his package and making sure he was out of sight, I filched the newspaper I had stashed in an alcove from its hiding place, and began to read from where I left off. Tomorrow, I would approach my workplace and ask to return, they had told me to leave due to my predicament with Matt. He would come in, and abuse me in front of my colleagues who rallied for me to be put on leave with pay until I fixed the issue. I had an OK salary, about $80,000 per year, measly compared to what Ben must have. He didn’t work at an organization, yet. He had a job waiting for him somewhere that he would take once his home-brew software for iPhone and Mac stopped selling.
<Ben>
I came back downstairs only twenty minutes after I returned to bed, angry because I couldn’t go back to sleep. Ok so ‘angry’ wasn’t the right word, disgruntled would better describe my mood and expression plainly visible to anyone in the vicinity. “You can read THAT?” I asked Brad, pointing to the newspaper, which he was reading intently. “Mmm” was all I got out of him, I walked around the table and began reading an article on the front page. It was written in Japanese. I pulled the newspaper from his grip and stared into his face. He went bright red. “Yeah...I guess I can........huh” He said, grasping at thin air for the paper. “Ogenki desu ka.” He asked me and I laughed, calming down I looked straight into his eyes before replying with “Okagesama de genki ni shite orimasu. San wa ikaga osugoshi desu ka. Kiite kurete arigatou gozaimasu.” The blinding smile that lit his face when I finished my sentence made me smile too, my previous disgruntled mood had vanished.
<Brad>
The revelation that Ben could speak Japanese like me, was shocking. Exactly that, I was shocked. Never before had anyone said something like that in return. Matt could speak it, although he used it to put me down or verbally abuse me in front of his friends. Whenever I would ask how he was with “Ogenki desu ka.” I was greeted with a snide “Hai Genki, hottoite yo baka” or something of the sort. This time, I was happy. Ben had said “I am fine, and you? Thanks for asking.” I loved Ben more now, than I ever had in the six months that had now elapsed since we met. I reached up to embrace him, but all I could catch were his arms, he’d done exactly the same thing, at exactly the same time. Sometimes, I sat there and thought that he was too good to be true. Things like this in my life usually were. But I was slowly coming to realize that my luck was beginning to turn.
<Ben>
I couldn’t wait anymore, I was going to play out the whole I-was-shopping-for-a-video-game thing for a few more months, but I loved him now, more than I ever had in the duration of our relationship. I darted upstairs and reached inside the Cartier bag and retrieved the small black satin box that contained something that I knew would show my love more than anything else for the man downstairs. I kissed the box for luck, then walked slowly downstairs, composing my expression to come off as casual.
<Brad>
I saw Ben walking downstairs and belted out another Japanese thing for him to reply to. I didn’t get an answer. I heard him take a deep breath then continue down the stairs. “Have you been crying?” I asked, still nothing. He made his way, silently toward me, and sat down. “Oh, sorry babe...Watashi wa Ben desu.”
I laughed, but only briefly. Ben was sitting there, with a dead-pan stare at the opposite wall toying with something placed near his crouch. “Not at the table baby” I said, but he didn’t look up. Something was troubling him. Suddenly, he placed a small black satin box in front of me, before getting up and moving upstairs, undoubtedly to his bedroom or mine. I opened it with shaking hands, as the only times I had ever seen a box like this, were in movies and TV shows. The ring contained in the padding was utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful. I took it out, looked at it, and put it back in. I closed the lid, and turned the box over. “Cartier?” I asked nobody, amazed. He must have spent quite a bit on this. I slowly made my way upstairs, and checked in his bedroom first. Nothing. I walked down the corridor toward my bedroom, and found the door ajar.
Chapter 18 Part 1: Proposal.
I took the deepest of breaths that my lungs could accommodate before pushing the door open and walking inside. I opened my eyes, and Ben was sitting on the end of my bed, staring at the floor. “Oh, sorry, I’ll go.” He said, but I grabbed his arms to stop him.
“You think I would have said no?” I asked and he looked up, blank shock the dominant emotion on his previously smooth face.
“Well, no...but I was.......nervous. Sorry.”
“Doesn’t matter.” I said, before giving him the box back.
“No.”
“What?”
“If you do it properly.....” I said, trailing off at the end suggestively with a ‘come and get it’ look on my face. He smiled and opened the box, retrieving the ring with a flourish. He was down on one knee in the next second, was this all meant to be so fast? “Brad....”
“Yes?” I asked, pretending to look puzzled. He seemed to appreciate that.
“Will you do me the utmost honor, of becoming my husband?”
“Yes.” I finished, and with a beautiful smile, placed the ring on my finger. He put another one on his finger, and I pulled it off, replacing it for him. The both of us laughing, we headed back downstairs and turned the TV on. We were happy, no doubt about it, we were perfect matches, no doubt about that either. But there was one thing still bugging me, which was the fact that I could only reciprocate with love, I wanted something more to give.
Chapter 19: Job.
After the both of us watched the Australian TV Show -- which he streamed from Melbourne, his real home -- called Sunrise, I told him that I would be back soon, and prepared myself to leave the apartment. I was ready and gone in little over two minutes.
<Ben>
I sat there, enjoying the homey feeling of watching Sunrise and later on, The Morning Show. I used to watch these shows every morning before I moved to the states, and I had missed them terribly. Watching the dodgy morning shows here in the US, which started at the crack of dawn, didn’t give nearly the same effect, so I started the streaming. Every morning I would do this, before flicking over to other channels like CNN and FOX to catch up on local news. By the time I looked up from my TV, it was lunch time. I ventured to my kitchen and cooked up a storm in my Wok, leaving some for Brad when he got back. I was only sitting down when Brad re-entered the apartment looking much happier. “I now have my job back!” he called. I jumped up, ran to and embraced him in congratulations. “They were over the moon that I had left ‘him’ and found someone else. They were even more shocked when they found out I was engaged.” he said, and I hugged him tighter. “My god, I love when you say that!” I exclaimed and we headed for the kitchen, where I served Brad up his lunch, before retrieving my tablet computer from the bookshelf and starting my day’s work. Brad was looking over my shoulder almost the entire time while I wrote the latest version of my signature application for iPhone. He had a continually puzzled expression on his face whilst -- I assumed -- trying to read the code. He gave up after the first build, when I had to return and make changes. Sitting there playing with something. I looked over to see his iPhone. “No Music” had popped up on the screen. I placed my tablet down on the coffee table and darted to the sideboard cupboard where I remembered I kept his last gift.
“I was going to give this to you when I got that TV for your Dad.......” I said, and I passed him the box, which he held tenderly before opening it.
<Brad>
Contained in the box was a tablet computer, exactly like his. I pulled it out and put it on charge, connecting it to one of the power outlets next to the sideboard. I connected my iPhone to charge that too, and I walked back across the room to hug my fiancée, I laughed when I embraced him, and after a quizzical look from Ben, I explained that I had thought of him as my fiancée and that I loved that word. He understood, laughing as well. We laughed a lot together, more than I ever had in my life before I had met him.
The reciprocating issue was bothering me again, and I sat there watching TV while he wrote his programs. Boy, were they complicated. He finished at about nine-o’clock in the evening, and we retired to bed not long afterwards.
<Ben>
I could tell something was bothering Brad, I just didn’t know what. I didn’t want to pressure him into telling me what it was, I just wanted to wait it out. I nodded off to sleep at about midnight, content.
Chapter 20: Leaving?
I awoke late in the morning, thanks to my late night. I got out of bed and headed down to the kitchen to make breakfast. Brad’s diary was on the table, open with a sparkling something left on a blank page. I stopped what I was doing, and walked over to it. It was the ring. Tears welling up in my eyes, I turned to read the diary entry.
-- Excerpt 2 --
Dear Diary,
I write this with tears in my eyes as I ready myself to leave my love. Ben proposed to me today, I love him more than anyone in the world. It is for this reason that I leave now, the issue where I have nothing to reciprocate with in the relationship has been bugging me for some time. Ben, if you happen to be reading this, I love you more than anything in the world, but the fact that you keep giving me things -- expensive things, that I could never afford in my wildest dreams -- just makes me unhappy. Not that I don’t appreciate them, that’s not it. It’s just that I wish I could give things like that back to you once in a while. I feel like I can’t.
I love you, I am so sorry.
Brad
-- End Excerpt 2 --
I turned away from the diary, tears falling free from my eyes. I sat there on the sofa, in floods until around lunch time. I sat there, unmoving, staring at nothing, going over our entire relationship, remembering each expression on his face.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t be feeling this way, it’s just....your bags......and this tent!”
“These, we’re a gift!”
I remembered that encounter the best, out of each time that I had given something or he had seen elements of my lifestyle. He sure looked unhappy that day. I sat there until three in the morning, then headed back up to bed. I locked his bedroom door, before heading back to my own room, and falling asleep when I hit the pillow.
I awoke after noon, and I lay there in bed thinking about where he could be.
<Brad>
I lay there in my tent, crying uncontrollably. I never thought leaving Ben would be this painful, I had left Matt without a second thought. “I’ve fucked up, he won’t want me back now, I’ve ruined it.” I thought to myself, over and over, which made me cry harder each time. I eventually sobered up, my eyes red, swollen and dry. I downed some water before I curled back up in my sleeping bag and thought about all times that Ben had told me that he loved me. Soon, this made me cry again. I cried myself to sleep that night, the storm outside, relayed my dismal mood to the world.
<Ben>
I lay there, not crying. I was beyond tears. I was in shock. I lay there until four-o’clock, then I got up and made myself a late Brunch. I ate slowly, sitting in my chair, staring at the table where Brad had so recently sat too. I moved over to the couch too, and sat there with another dead-pan stare at the opposite wall. I don’t know how long I sat there, but I know it was pitch black with darkness outside before I headed up to bed. I curled up in a ball in the middle of the mattress and I finally began to cry.
<Brad>
The storm continued to rage the next day. I didn’t leave the tent. I had parked my car in the trees. I had driven all night to this place, at extremely high speeds along the backroads. I knew a shortcut. I had used it so effectively only a few months ago. I didn’t have any means of contact on me. I had left everything that Ben had given me, back at the apartment. Including the computer and iPhone. I lay there, in my sleeping bag for god knows how long, crying, shaking with the force of my sobs.
<Ben>
I lay there, again attempting to think of where he could be. I wanted to go after him, and explain that I wanted him, needed him. I lay there, crying every single time my mind failed to return any answers. I had been completely thrown. I retrieved my tablet from the coffee table and tried to write another program to keep my mind off Brad. I couldn’t remember an ounce of what I used to. I turned it off, and curled up on the couch, with another dead-pan stare at the opposite wall.
<Brad>
I suppose, sub-consciously, I wanted Ben to come and find me. I hoped my leaving didn’t truly destroy him. I hoped he would understand, but it had been a long time now. I didn’t have a watch on, no phone, no clock inside my car, nothing. I wasn’t to know how much time had passed since I arrived here. Again, I lay there crying while the storm continued to rage on.
<Ben>
It was raining when I looked up, the black sky stretched for as long as I could see out of the city. Toward the mountains, toward the suburbs. In every direction. I looked at the date on my tablet, it was the 19th. My god, it had been three days. I hadn’t gone to find him. Acting on a whim, I called for Marc to swap the cars around. I drove to Brad’s parents house. I knocked on the front door, and his mother answered. She pulled me inside when she saw my expression. “Is he here?” I asked, and she looked at me, confused. “He left me, I don’t know where he is” I managed to say before I started to cry again, before collapsing on the floor, knowing no more.
I awoke with a start. I rolled to my side to check my alarm clock and fell onto the floor. Disoriented, I looked around and recognized Brad’s parents’ house. I climbed back onto the sofa, and waited for his parents to get up. They were up at 7AM, praising their timely arrival, I sat up. “Thank god. I thought you’d died!” His mother exclaimed, before running to hug me. “You haven’t seen him then?” I asked, and she shook her head. “He’s a modest boy, we’ve never had much money and if we couldn’t afford it, we didn’t get it. That’s how we raised him. I’m assuming your lifestyle bothered him?” He said to me, throwing a question in at the end. “I’ve been thinking of where he could be for three days, I came here on a whim, remembering the location. I can’t remember anything else.” I said, and she embraced me again. “He clings to places. Places such as the camping ground, where he re-cooperated from Matt and met you...” She said, before I bounded up. “He’s there!” I said, a little feverishly. I dove my hand into my jean’s pocket and gently grasped the ring. “I’m coming.” I said, and I turned to his mother who looked smug. “Go on then, you love him.”
<Brad>
I lay there in my tent again. I had a vague idea of how much time had passed, I estimated five days. The storm was still raging. Moderate to heavy rain, periodically fell in between thunder and distant lightning bolts. I stretched out, and lay there, staring at the roof of my tent, crying over memories which I loved. I wanted him to come, perhaps he had a breakdown, and was unfit to come. I hoped not, but the thought of him in that state made me sob uncontrollably, and I returned my face to my small pillow and let myself go.
<Ben>
I drove all night, three days in a row. I pulled over, and slept before refilling the gas tank and flying off down the highway, getting closer to the camping ground. I arrived at midnight. Driving down the familiar path for eighty miles until I found the spot, which I had marked as a hearted location on my GPS. The rain had subsided. I set up my tent, and lay there, listening to the rain, crying silently when I realized that Brad wasn’t here after all. I awoke at about two in the morning, to sobbing coming from the clearing next to me. I lay there, sobered up, listening intently. “Ben...” I heard, and I was out of my tent in a second. I ran through the trees toward the next camping site, where I had seen Brad for the very first time. I saw his tent. I walked over to it, and unzipped it. He looked up from his pillow, and stared at me in shock.
TTYL, xx
I actually started to cry writing this. Dunno why, you'll have to guess. This is complete fiction, but is also my worst nightmare. If I ever have a boyfriend and he leaves me, I don't know what I will do. It's something I will have to deal with if I come to it.
Chapter 17: Shopping.
I awoke in the morning very early. So early in fact, it was still dark. Brad slept in his room down the hall, so I didn’t have to worry about waking him when I moved. I silently moved around my room, getting ready. “Thank heaven it’s Winter.” I said to myself quietly, praising the coldest season which I loved. I checked the clock before I pulled a piece of notepad paper from the book by my phone line.
Dear Brad,
I’m stepping out to do a little bit of shopping. If you wake and find this note, I will be back at about ten-o’clock.
XX, Ben.
“Yes, that seems ok” I muttered, before sneaking into his room and putting it on his pillow. Thanking the architect who gave me concrete floors under the carpeting, I crept back out and headed downstairs.
I entered the elevator and pushed M1. The convenient thing about living in this building was the fact that each new building built around the base, no matter what direction, had a link to this tower if you were a resident. I exited the elevator carriage and walked down through the Mall to Goulburn Street, where I knew Cartier was located. Unsurprisingly, Goulburn Street was packed to the brim, even at this time. Like Manhattan, this city never slept either.
After making my careful purchase at Cartier, with the reassurance of the manager that I would be able to exchange it in case of a “dislike”, I left the store and made my way up a now-dead Goulburn Street. Making my way to the top, I stopped at my favorite juice bar to get some breakfast. I sat at a table and finished my juice, waiting for the Mall to officially open. I wouldn’t be able to get back inside my building for another ten minutes. By the time I had finished my juice, the momentary delay in the streets emptiness was over. It was Peak-Time from now until 9AM, so I darted across the street and into the Mall, heading back to my apartment.
<Brad>
I heard the key turn in the door as I was coming downstairs. I froze. I heard the door locks disarm. I unfroze. It was Ben. “You’re up early!” I called from the stairs. “Yeah, what some people do for shopping.” He was carrying a blank, white paper cardboard bag, with no logo. “What did you end up buying at this hour?” I asked, watching his face. A perfect poker face, absolutely no hint of anything else in his expression.
“A new video game I have been anticipating.” “Really?”
“Let’s play it!”
“Not now”
“Why not?” “Too early, I need some more sleep I think.”
I let it go after that, I wasn’t going to get anything out of him. I was just hoping that he hadn’t got anything for me. He was too generous, I had absolutely nothing to reciprocate with, and it annoyed me. He went back upstairs with his package and making sure he was out of sight, I filched the newspaper I had stashed in an alcove from its hiding place, and began to read from where I left off. Tomorrow, I would approach my workplace and ask to return, they had told me to leave due to my predicament with Matt. He would come in, and abuse me in front of my colleagues who rallied for me to be put on leave with pay until I fixed the issue. I had an OK salary, about $80,000 per year, measly compared to what Ben must have. He didn’t work at an organization, yet. He had a job waiting for him somewhere that he would take once his home-brew software for iPhone and Mac stopped selling.
<Ben>
I came back downstairs only twenty minutes after I returned to bed, angry because I couldn’t go back to sleep. Ok so ‘angry’ wasn’t the right word, disgruntled would better describe my mood and expression plainly visible to anyone in the vicinity. “You can read THAT?” I asked Brad, pointing to the newspaper, which he was reading intently. “Mmm” was all I got out of him, I walked around the table and began reading an article on the front page. It was written in Japanese. I pulled the newspaper from his grip and stared into his face. He went bright red. “Yeah...I guess I can........huh” He said, grasping at thin air for the paper. “Ogenki desu ka.” He asked me and I laughed, calming down I looked straight into his eyes before replying with “Okagesama de genki ni shite orimasu. San wa ikaga osugoshi desu ka. Kiite kurete arigatou gozaimasu.” The blinding smile that lit his face when I finished my sentence made me smile too, my previous disgruntled mood had vanished.
<Brad>
The revelation that Ben could speak Japanese like me, was shocking. Exactly that, I was shocked. Never before had anyone said something like that in return. Matt could speak it, although he used it to put me down or verbally abuse me in front of his friends. Whenever I would ask how he was with “Ogenki desu ka.” I was greeted with a snide “Hai Genki, hottoite yo baka” or something of the sort. This time, I was happy. Ben had said “I am fine, and you? Thanks for asking.” I loved Ben more now, than I ever had in the six months that had now elapsed since we met. I reached up to embrace him, but all I could catch were his arms, he’d done exactly the same thing, at exactly the same time. Sometimes, I sat there and thought that he was too good to be true. Things like this in my life usually were. But I was slowly coming to realize that my luck was beginning to turn.
<Ben>
I couldn’t wait anymore, I was going to play out the whole I-was-shopping-for-a-video-game thing for a few more months, but I loved him now, more than I ever had in the duration of our relationship. I darted upstairs and reached inside the Cartier bag and retrieved the small black satin box that contained something that I knew would show my love more than anything else for the man downstairs. I kissed the box for luck, then walked slowly downstairs, composing my expression to come off as casual.
<Brad>
I saw Ben walking downstairs and belted out another Japanese thing for him to reply to. I didn’t get an answer. I heard him take a deep breath then continue down the stairs. “Have you been crying?” I asked, still nothing. He made his way, silently toward me, and sat down. “Oh, sorry babe...Watashi wa Ben desu.”
I laughed, but only briefly. Ben was sitting there, with a dead-pan stare at the opposite wall toying with something placed near his crouch. “Not at the table baby” I said, but he didn’t look up. Something was troubling him. Suddenly, he placed a small black satin box in front of me, before getting up and moving upstairs, undoubtedly to his bedroom or mine. I opened it with shaking hands, as the only times I had ever seen a box like this, were in movies and TV shows. The ring contained in the padding was utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful. I took it out, looked at it, and put it back in. I closed the lid, and turned the box over. “Cartier?” I asked nobody, amazed. He must have spent quite a bit on this. I slowly made my way upstairs, and checked in his bedroom first. Nothing. I walked down the corridor toward my bedroom, and found the door ajar.
Chapter 18 Part 1: Proposal.
I took the deepest of breaths that my lungs could accommodate before pushing the door open and walking inside. I opened my eyes, and Ben was sitting on the end of my bed, staring at the floor. “Oh, sorry, I’ll go.” He said, but I grabbed his arms to stop him.
“You think I would have said no?” I asked and he looked up, blank shock the dominant emotion on his previously smooth face.
“Well, no...but I was.......nervous. Sorry.”
“Doesn’t matter.” I said, before giving him the box back.
“No.”
“What?”
“If you do it properly.....” I said, trailing off at the end suggestively with a ‘come and get it’ look on my face. He smiled and opened the box, retrieving the ring with a flourish. He was down on one knee in the next second, was this all meant to be so fast? “Brad....”
“Yes?” I asked, pretending to look puzzled. He seemed to appreciate that.
“Will you do me the utmost honor, of becoming my husband?”
“Yes.” I finished, and with a beautiful smile, placed the ring on my finger. He put another one on his finger, and I pulled it off, replacing it for him. The both of us laughing, we headed back downstairs and turned the TV on. We were happy, no doubt about it, we were perfect matches, no doubt about that either. But there was one thing still bugging me, which was the fact that I could only reciprocate with love, I wanted something more to give.
Chapter 19: Job.
After the both of us watched the Australian TV Show -- which he streamed from Melbourne, his real home -- called Sunrise, I told him that I would be back soon, and prepared myself to leave the apartment. I was ready and gone in little over two minutes.
<Ben>
I sat there, enjoying the homey feeling of watching Sunrise and later on, The Morning Show. I used to watch these shows every morning before I moved to the states, and I had missed them terribly. Watching the dodgy morning shows here in the US, which started at the crack of dawn, didn’t give nearly the same effect, so I started the streaming. Every morning I would do this, before flicking over to other channels like CNN and FOX to catch up on local news. By the time I looked up from my TV, it was lunch time. I ventured to my kitchen and cooked up a storm in my Wok, leaving some for Brad when he got back. I was only sitting down when Brad re-entered the apartment looking much happier. “I now have my job back!” he called. I jumped up, ran to and embraced him in congratulations. “They were over the moon that I had left ‘him’ and found someone else. They were even more shocked when they found out I was engaged.” he said, and I hugged him tighter. “My god, I love when you say that!” I exclaimed and we headed for the kitchen, where I served Brad up his lunch, before retrieving my tablet computer from the bookshelf and starting my day’s work. Brad was looking over my shoulder almost the entire time while I wrote the latest version of my signature application for iPhone. He had a continually puzzled expression on his face whilst -- I assumed -- trying to read the code. He gave up after the first build, when I had to return and make changes. Sitting there playing with something. I looked over to see his iPhone. “No Music” had popped up on the screen. I placed my tablet down on the coffee table and darted to the sideboard cupboard where I remembered I kept his last gift.
“I was going to give this to you when I got that TV for your Dad.......” I said, and I passed him the box, which he held tenderly before opening it.
<Brad>
Contained in the box was a tablet computer, exactly like his. I pulled it out and put it on charge, connecting it to one of the power outlets next to the sideboard. I connected my iPhone to charge that too, and I walked back across the room to hug my fiancée, I laughed when I embraced him, and after a quizzical look from Ben, I explained that I had thought of him as my fiancée and that I loved that word. He understood, laughing as well. We laughed a lot together, more than I ever had in my life before I had met him.
The reciprocating issue was bothering me again, and I sat there watching TV while he wrote his programs. Boy, were they complicated. He finished at about nine-o’clock in the evening, and we retired to bed not long afterwards.
<Ben>
I could tell something was bothering Brad, I just didn’t know what. I didn’t want to pressure him into telling me what it was, I just wanted to wait it out. I nodded off to sleep at about midnight, content.
Chapter 20: Leaving?
I awoke late in the morning, thanks to my late night. I got out of bed and headed down to the kitchen to make breakfast. Brad’s diary was on the table, open with a sparkling something left on a blank page. I stopped what I was doing, and walked over to it. It was the ring. Tears welling up in my eyes, I turned to read the diary entry.
-- Excerpt 2 --
Dear Diary,
I write this with tears in my eyes as I ready myself to leave my love. Ben proposed to me today, I love him more than anyone in the world. It is for this reason that I leave now, the issue where I have nothing to reciprocate with in the relationship has been bugging me for some time. Ben, if you happen to be reading this, I love you more than anything in the world, but the fact that you keep giving me things -- expensive things, that I could never afford in my wildest dreams -- just makes me unhappy. Not that I don’t appreciate them, that’s not it. It’s just that I wish I could give things like that back to you once in a while. I feel like I can’t.
I love you, I am so sorry.
Brad
-- End Excerpt 2 --
I turned away from the diary, tears falling free from my eyes. I sat there on the sofa, in floods until around lunch time. I sat there, unmoving, staring at nothing, going over our entire relationship, remembering each expression on his face.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t be feeling this way, it’s just....your bags......and this tent!”
“These, we’re a gift!”
I remembered that encounter the best, out of each time that I had given something or he had seen elements of my lifestyle. He sure looked unhappy that day. I sat there until three in the morning, then headed back up to bed. I locked his bedroom door, before heading back to my own room, and falling asleep when I hit the pillow.
I awoke after noon, and I lay there in bed thinking about where he could be.
<Brad>
I lay there in my tent, crying uncontrollably. I never thought leaving Ben would be this painful, I had left Matt without a second thought. “I’ve fucked up, he won’t want me back now, I’ve ruined it.” I thought to myself, over and over, which made me cry harder each time. I eventually sobered up, my eyes red, swollen and dry. I downed some water before I curled back up in my sleeping bag and thought about all times that Ben had told me that he loved me. Soon, this made me cry again. I cried myself to sleep that night, the storm outside, relayed my dismal mood to the world.
<Ben>
I lay there, not crying. I was beyond tears. I was in shock. I lay there until four-o’clock, then I got up and made myself a late Brunch. I ate slowly, sitting in my chair, staring at the table where Brad had so recently sat too. I moved over to the couch too, and sat there with another dead-pan stare at the opposite wall. I don’t know how long I sat there, but I know it was pitch black with darkness outside before I headed up to bed. I curled up in a ball in the middle of the mattress and I finally began to cry.
<Brad>
The storm continued to rage the next day. I didn’t leave the tent. I had parked my car in the trees. I had driven all night to this place, at extremely high speeds along the backroads. I knew a shortcut. I had used it so effectively only a few months ago. I didn’t have any means of contact on me. I had left everything that Ben had given me, back at the apartment. Including the computer and iPhone. I lay there, in my sleeping bag for god knows how long, crying, shaking with the force of my sobs.
<Ben>
I lay there, again attempting to think of where he could be. I wanted to go after him, and explain that I wanted him, needed him. I lay there, crying every single time my mind failed to return any answers. I had been completely thrown. I retrieved my tablet from the coffee table and tried to write another program to keep my mind off Brad. I couldn’t remember an ounce of what I used to. I turned it off, and curled up on the couch, with another dead-pan stare at the opposite wall.
<Brad>
I suppose, sub-consciously, I wanted Ben to come and find me. I hoped my leaving didn’t truly destroy him. I hoped he would understand, but it had been a long time now. I didn’t have a watch on, no phone, no clock inside my car, nothing. I wasn’t to know how much time had passed since I arrived here. Again, I lay there crying while the storm continued to rage on.
<Ben>
It was raining when I looked up, the black sky stretched for as long as I could see out of the city. Toward the mountains, toward the suburbs. In every direction. I looked at the date on my tablet, it was the 19th. My god, it had been three days. I hadn’t gone to find him. Acting on a whim, I called for Marc to swap the cars around. I drove to Brad’s parents house. I knocked on the front door, and his mother answered. She pulled me inside when she saw my expression. “Is he here?” I asked, and she looked at me, confused. “He left me, I don’t know where he is” I managed to say before I started to cry again, before collapsing on the floor, knowing no more.
I awoke with a start. I rolled to my side to check my alarm clock and fell onto the floor. Disoriented, I looked around and recognized Brad’s parents’ house. I climbed back onto the sofa, and waited for his parents to get up. They were up at 7AM, praising their timely arrival, I sat up. “Thank god. I thought you’d died!” His mother exclaimed, before running to hug me. “You haven’t seen him then?” I asked, and she shook her head. “He’s a modest boy, we’ve never had much money and if we couldn’t afford it, we didn’t get it. That’s how we raised him. I’m assuming your lifestyle bothered him?” He said to me, throwing a question in at the end. “I’ve been thinking of where he could be for three days, I came here on a whim, remembering the location. I can’t remember anything else.” I said, and she embraced me again. “He clings to places. Places such as the camping ground, where he re-cooperated from Matt and met you...” She said, before I bounded up. “He’s there!” I said, a little feverishly. I dove my hand into my jean’s pocket and gently grasped the ring. “I’m coming.” I said, and I turned to his mother who looked smug. “Go on then, you love him.”
<Brad>
I lay there in my tent again. I had a vague idea of how much time had passed, I estimated five days. The storm was still raging. Moderate to heavy rain, periodically fell in between thunder and distant lightning bolts. I stretched out, and lay there, staring at the roof of my tent, crying over memories which I loved. I wanted him to come, perhaps he had a breakdown, and was unfit to come. I hoped not, but the thought of him in that state made me sob uncontrollably, and I returned my face to my small pillow and let myself go.
<Ben>
I drove all night, three days in a row. I pulled over, and slept before refilling the gas tank and flying off down the highway, getting closer to the camping ground. I arrived at midnight. Driving down the familiar path for eighty miles until I found the spot, which I had marked as a hearted location on my GPS. The rain had subsided. I set up my tent, and lay there, listening to the rain, crying silently when I realized that Brad wasn’t here after all. I awoke at about two in the morning, to sobbing coming from the clearing next to me. I lay there, sobered up, listening intently. “Ben...” I heard, and I was out of my tent in a second. I ran through the trees toward the next camping site, where I had seen Brad for the very first time. I saw his tent. I walked over to it, and unzipped it. He looked up from his pillow, and stared at me in shock.
TTYL, xx
haha
