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another boyfriend issue

vamp

vamp

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I was talking to my boyfriend, Jesse, today. We've been dating for almost 6 months and everything so far has been perfect. We're happy together, so in love. He came out to his mom about a month ago. At first, she seemed accepting until now.

Today, Jesse tells me that he and his mom talked and his mom isn't that accepting after all. She thinks that Jesse hasn't given girls enough of a chance, even though he has had two girlfriends in the past. She has threatened to kick him out of the house (he's not financially independent yet) if he doesn't try girls out. So Jesse tells me that he has to do that to appease his mother. He is going to try dating a girl as a facade while trying to remain faithful to me. As you can imagine, I'm not happy one bit about this. Is there any advice you can give either of us?I'll show this to Jesse.
 
Give him time and space to work this out. If I were you, I would go along with the arrangement he suggested and keep low until it is all worked out favorably with his mother. It may take time. And is there a PFLAG chapter in your area? (PFLAG = Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
 
I'm really pissed at his mother. She needs to do some serious self education. In the meantime he may need a beard. In case you don't know, that's a sympathetic female who pretends to be a girlfriend. I feel for both of you. I sure hope he doesn't lead a girl into thinking he's interested. I wish I could tell his mom my story-marrying because I thought I had to, and then having to leave her and two children.
 
You're not going to win this one.

He has a choice between his mother, his financial stability and you. And his mother know exactly what she's doing in forcing that choice.

To use a fishing analogy, you might have to throw him back in the water until he grows a little bit... and hope you catch him again after he does.
 
Give him space, but let him know that you dont like it. But also let him know that you will not wait forever.

His mom is acting out of pure ignorance, and has her sone wraped around her finger. He still has not maned up yet and she has him by the balls...


He needs to grow up more and make his own decisions.. Mean while tell him you will stand by, but it will be hard for you and you cant wait that long...
unless you find a beard(fake gf) and this helps his cover for a while...until mom finds out again...
 
My advice is: tell Jesse to find a good job and become financially independent. Then he can go tell his mom to **** off.
 
He did have a job but he got laid off and he was saving money to help get our own place. You see, his parents make him pay rent and he had to use what little money he saved to pay that. To his credit, he has actively looked for a job, but he hasn't had any luck. I also had a job in the past but i got laid off too and I can't find work. So, I'm not in a position to help him. Please don't judge me harshly, I as looking for a job too and I want nothing more than to help him.

It upset me greatly that his mother is acting this way. I thought that she would be on our side and that her and I would be able to get along. I love Jesse a lot and the people who have suggested that I leave him have have hurt me a little more. I know that you all mean well and I'm not mad in anyway, but still that doesn't mean it hurts any less. I want to do anything I can to stay with him. I'll ask Jesse if he has a female friend who knows about us (he has been able to come out to his friends and tell them about me and I have met some of them.) that would be sympathetic towards our situation. Thank you for your advice.
 
vamp said:
It upset me greatly that his mother is acting this way. I thought that she would be on our side and that her and I would be able to get along. I love Jesse a lot and the people who have suggested that I leave him have have hurt me a little more.
Click to expand...

Perhaps you should be saying this to the mother?
 
Vamp...

I feel horrible for you situation...

My suggestion is for Jesse to call his mothers bluff -- and HOPE that she is really bluffing -- I mean -- would she REALLY ALLOW her OWN SON to become homeless in such a HORRIBLE economy were NO ONE can find work???

I know it would take a lot of balls to do this -- but I suspect it would show her that he is NOT confused about his sexuality -- and HOPEFULLY grow their bond stronger...

Do it in a NICE way...

Best of luck to you guys...

:):):)
 
KaraBulut said:
Perhaps you should be saying this to the mother?
Click to expand...

In the 6 months that Jesse and I have been dating, both of us have tried to get his mother to talk to me. Each time, she would say something like "I'm too tired" or "I don't have the time". So it isn't that simple.
 
vamp said:
In the 6 months that Jesse and I have been dating, both of us have tried to get his mother to talk to me. Each time, she would say something like "I'm too tired" or "I don't have the time". So it isn't that simple.
Click to expand...

Then you're going to have to find a way to cut through her passive-aggressive games, even if that means a confrontation. At this point, you don't have anything to lose and it may just hasten the ending that probably going to happen anyway.

Unless your boyfriend decides, as another member suggested, to cut that umbilical cord.
 
vamp said:
She has threatened to kick him out of the house (he's not financially independent yet) if he doesn't try girls out.
Click to expand...

his parents make him pay rent
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O'rly? So he's not financially independent, yet he's paying rent? Fuck that noise. If he's going to pay rent, he should pay it to someone else and not her.
 
MindBlast said:
O'rly? So he's not financially independent, yet he's paying rent? Fuck that noise. If he's going to pay rent, he should pay it to someone else and not her.
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He's out of a job, so it's hard for him even to pay rent to his parents. Let alone move out.
 
vamp said:
... She has threatened to kick him out of the house (he's not financially independent yet) if he doesn't try girls out. So Jesse tells me that he has to do that to appease his mother. He is going to try dating a girl as a facade while trying to remain faithful to me. As you can imagine, I'm not happy one bit about this. Is there any advice you can give either of us?I'll show this to Jesse.
Click to expand...

He's going to TRY to remain faithful to you? Did he actually say that!?! :eek:

The mother has succeeded in manipulating him...will continue to do so as long as he continues to give in to her. I suspect this has been a pattern and will repeat itself in other forms in the future. In this case, his complying (caving) to her ridiculous conditions makes her think he is unsure of his sexuality (maybe he really is)...this will only perpetuate her attempts to "straighten" him out.

Either that's the case or he's just spineless (how attractive :rolleyes:.) No self-respecting gay man would agree to break-up with his boyfriend and date a woman just to satisfy his mother. I cannot believe there are no other options.

He now has a free pass to date women and see you on the down-low....string you along for 6 months. Your life is put on hold...do you really want to put yourself though this?

I think the break is actually a good thing...good for you in that you'll be able to gain some perspective on this guy's character...or lack thereof.
 
>>>In the 6 months that Jesse and I have been dating, both of us have tried to get his mother to talk to me. Each time, she would say something like "I'm too tired" or "I don't have the time". So it isn't that simple.

It is that simple. She has made it clear that she makes the ground rules here - not just about her home, but about her son. And any attempt to dissuade her or talk to her about the situation are shut down with "I'm too tired" or "I don't have the time". (Funny how she was both awake enough and free enough to have time to tell your guy that he was now going to be dating girls.) What she's saying is "This matter is not under discussion". And frankly, neither he nor you have to accept that. You can say "I'm sorry you're tired but this is important." If she continues to shut you off, just keep dating anyway. If she objects, you can say "Hey, tried to talk to you about it, but you weren't having any of it."

The upshot of the matter is that she's manipulating him. And he's going along with it. And it's up to you whether to put up with it or not.

How much room is there at your place?

Lex
 
That's just odd that someone parents is forcing their son to date a women. The things parents do to try to make their kids straight. i know occasionally my mother would mention some pretty girl at her job she would love to hook me up with.


Do yall have a female friend that can pretend to be Jesse Girlfriend? Whats his mom going to do watch them have sex? I would just ask a friend hey can you pretend to be my boyfriend's girlfriend im sure they wouldn't mind doing it. Maybe a co worker you always talk too could help also.

You ever thought about renting an efficiently apartment?

Tell your boyfriend to check out hospitals and nursing homes for jobs also he could do food service and housekeeping.
 
What you do really depends on your ages and education and whatnot.

Kids today stay at home far too long. They need to grow up.

But if he's in high school that's a different issue. (Although, can she throw him out if he's not 18?)

This will make a man out of him. Or not.
 
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